Chapter five:
Raph enters into Donnies lab to find the other. He notices that Donnie seems to be focusing on some blueprints. He sneaks closer and curiously glances over his brothers shoulder. He sees drawings of Leo on the blueprints mixed with machine bits, including wires, which confuses him. "Donnie? What is this?" He inquires causing Donnie to jump. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."
"Well it was going to be a surprise project. But I was thinking of making an android Leo. I'll upload all his memories and personality traits. It'll be just like having him back." Donnie explains with a slight sigh not looking at Raph.
Raphs eyes widen and his body tenses. His hands clench into fists as he feels upset and enraged at the very idea. "No!" He growls causing Donnie to glance to him. "You're not building that thing." He gives authority in his tone to make the other understand that he isn't going to back down. "I know you miss him, we all do, but a robot can never replace him! You know it just as well as I do. Even if you're trying to deny it right now."
"No!" Donnie gets up and glares up at Raph. "Everything was better when we were complete! When we had Leo here! Why can't you let me make us complete again! Don't you want him back!? I can make that happen!"
"I do want him back! The real him! Not something trying to pretend to be him! You're not doing this!" Raph reaches for the blueprints while Donnie tries to stop him.
"Stop! Raph! I'm doing us a favour!" Donnie is picked up and moved away by the much larger, and stronger, Raph.
Raph collects the blueprints then turns to Donnie seeing the other trying to hold back tears. "I'm sorry Donnie. But this is for the best." He tucks the blueprints under one arm then hugs his brother with the other. "You'll see. This idea is just a mistake as your judgement is clouded by grief."
"Leave me alone!" Donnie pulls away from Raph before running off elsewhere in his lab.
Raph sighs softly before turning away. He leaves the lab and heads to a spot in the sewers. He makes sure to grab a lighter on his way. "I'm sorry Donnie. But I have to do this." He apologizes quietly before setting the blueprints on fire. He tosses it down to the ground watching it burn, the smoke escaping out the entrance he made sure he was by. He waits until he's sure that it's all burnt. He knocks the remains into some sewer water before heading back to the lair. He spots Mikey sitting by Splinter in the living room.
Splinter is watching his show while Mikey seems to be sitting to think.
Mikey probably not wanting to be alone right now.
Raph thinks about asking Mikey to go talk to Donnie. He decides against it not wanting to sour the twos relationship. After all he knows Mikey would agree with him about not building the robot, which would upset Donnie further. He lets out a heavy breath and instead just goes to his room. He sits on his bed letting himself think about Leo. He can understand where Donnie is coming from as he badly wants Leo to come back. He just thinks that the other is going too far with what he planned to do. He clenches his teeth feeling his heart hurt as his thoughts drift to focus on Leo. He should have had that talk with Leo he wanted to have for years. Now he can't and he never thought Leo would be taken from them so early. He closes his eyes tightly and brings his hands up crying into them. "Leo..." He sobs. "If only I was able to have that talk with you." He pauses to let out some more sobs before continuing. "Now I'll never have that chance."
Leo should have never had to make that sacrifice. Sure he made a mistake that caused things to go badly, but that doesn't make it right.
Raph manages to calm down his crying after a bit. He rubs his face with a sniffle before dropping his hands into his lap. He lets out a heavy sigh. He wishes he knew how to help his family. He raises a hand to itch his eye only to pause slightly lowering his hand after a slight itch. His mind flashes back to himself being under Krangs control. He trembles at the memory and his breathing starts to increase. His hands clenching tightly as he can't stop it all racing through his mind. He jumps punching a wall when he hears a knock. He cracks the wall. He turns shoving away what touched him as his mind assumes part of Krang. He manages to knock it away only to spin to face it. His breathing increased and his body tense.
"Raph?!" A concerned voice manages to snap Raph back enough to recognize Mikey. He is leaning back on the floor with a hand on the ground as his torso is up. He's looking at Raph with wide eyes. His eyes shining with slight fear but mostly with concern and worry.
Raph takes a moment to take a few breaths to help calm himself down; especially as he realizes what he knocked away was Mikey not Krang. "Sorry if I scared you. You okay?"
Mikey nods as he gets up to his feet. His eyes search Raphs face in worry. "Is it okay if I hug you yet?" He requests giving Raph pause. "It's alright if not. We can just talk or do something else if you're not ready to talk."
Raph nods softly. "You can hug me." He blinks as Mikey gives him the biggest hug that he can. He wraps his arms around his brother happy to hold him close. He is glad to have Mikey here and feels really bad about having knocked him away.
"What happened? Do you want to talk about it?" Mikey inquires to which Raph decides he owes Mikey an explanation.
"My eye got a little itchy and I ended up seeing Krang trying to take me over. When you grabbed me my mind took it as Krang doing so. I'm so sorry about shoving you away." Raph explains only to get a tearful smile from his brother.
"It's okay." Mikey assures Raph. "You doing okay now? We can get Donnie or Sensei to look at your eye if it's still bugging you."
"No it's okay. Im okay now." Raph assures Mikey giving him a smile as well. "Thank you."
Mikey nods softly clearly glad to hear that he's doing better. He stays close to Raph clearly wanting to make sure that he is feeling better. "It's okay. These things happen after what had happened. We're here to help if you need it. Just let us know."
"Thank you Mikey." Raph lets the other stay nearby and he tries to forget about the whole thing with Donnie... At least for now.
In the 2012 world...
Leon is working again on his standing with Donatello. He has been doing this every day for awhile now. He's been getting better, and as he slowly lets his weight go onto his feet he feels more stable. He still has to hold onto the bars though at least he doesn't just collapse.
"That's looking good." Donatello nods looking happy to see the progress. "It doesn't hurt?" He gets a shake of the head in response. "Okay." He crouches to watch Leon's legs. "Try to see if you can take a step forward. I want to check on how much of your legs you can move."
Leon nods softly and he tries to move his right leg forward only to have it only shift. He can't push it forward. He lets out a slightly frustrated growl at this.
"Hey it's okay." Donatello gets back up and looks to Leon's face. "It's all a work in progress. We'll still do your standing practice. But we may need to do some extra work to try to help you move your legs. The fact that you got it to shift is promising."
Leon nods at least glad that this should mean that he should be able to walk again. He had started to wonder if he was going to be able to. He lets Donatello help him to his wheelchair. He finds the other crouches in front of him out of the way of his legs.
"Lets try while you're sitting. Working on it while sitting is a good practice. It will be harder to take a step since you're putting weight on your legs. Unlike when you're sitting." Donatello tells him to which Leon nods.
Leon tries to focus on moving one leg, this time his left, and he manages to shift it though it won't lift up at all. He tries to push it harder only making it shift forward a little before stopping.
"It'll be a work in progress." Donatello assures Leon noticing the frustration building. "Try to not hurt yourself in the practice. We can call it an end for today. Well try again tomorrow."
Leon nods softly. "Okay." He lets Donatello make sure his foot is where it needs to be. He turns to wheel out. He sees Splinter in the doorway as if having watched them. He has been going to talking sessions with Splinter in the elders room. He hasn't brought up the whole katana moment as he isn't sure how to talk about it.
"It seems that things are going well." Splinter mentions as Donatello heads over.
"Yup. He's doing great." Donatello confirms smiling to Splinter.
"That is wonderful." Splinter nods. "You may go."
Donatello nods and leaves to let them talk.
Splinter heads over to Leon who stays where he is. "Do you want to head to my room?" He offers to the other.
Leon shakes his head. "It's okay here." He assures him to which Splinter nods before sitting on his knees.
"Is there anything you'd like to bring up? As you know you don't have to hide in these sessions. I am here to help you."
Leon takes a breath before deciding that all he has to bring up is the katanas. "I went into the dojo." He admits. "I didn't do anything but I saw the katanas you guys keep there." He looks down. "I'm supposed to be able to wield katanas. However as I looked at it I just remembered what had happened. What I had to do. I couldn't stand looking at them." He closes his eyes feeling like a failure.
"Well I am proud of you to admit it." Splinters words cause Leon's eyes to snap open then look to him in surprise. "We can start some work on getting you back to be able to handle them again. Even if it's just being able to be around them. Before you head back to your world. I will help you. If that's what you want to do."
Leon nods softly. "Yeah." He agrees to this. "I don't really have anything else to add. We could start." He feels nervous about doing this. He however doesn't want his brothers to have to deal with this; him not being able to look at his weapons.
"Alright." Splinter gets up before turning. "Meet me in my room. We don't have to let the others watch this if you don't want to."
"Okay." Leon agrees so Splinter leaves the room. He closes his eyes softer this time and takes a breath. He opens his eyes after giving out an exhale. He wheels him out and to Splinters room, where he nervously plays his hands as he waits.
Splinter comes in holding one hand behind his back. He pushes the door closed with his cane before approaching Leon.
Leon glances away feeling his stomach flip in his nervousness to do this.
"It is alright." Splinter assures him before Leon can hear him putting something on the floor.
Leon tries to not suck in a breath as he knows what it is.
"Okay. I want you to look at me." Splinter instructs so Leon turns to look at his face.
Leon is trying to not look down as his nerves start to make his head slightly spin.
"Look down." Splinter tells him only for Leon to hesitate.
Leon tries to shove the nervousness down before he lowers his gaze to the katanas. He sees a flash of it all, and just when it gets to his sacrifice he shuts his eyes tightly. His whole body tensing as he tries to drive away the memories. He slightly flinches when a hand comes to rest upon his shoulder.
"It is alright Leon." Splinters gentle voice tells him. "You can do this. I believe in your abilities to get through this."
Leon feels some happiness come to him from what Splinter said, event though this isn't his Splinter. He takes a breath trying to calm himself down. He slightly cracks one eye open to take a peek. He sees that the swords haven't moved. He tries to keep his gaze on the blades pushing the memories back as hard as he can. He cracks open his other eye and he just stares trying to not think about the events.
"You are doing wonderful." Splinter encourages to Leon. "We'll focus on being able to look at them for now. Once you're more comfortable there you can try picking them up." Him telling Leon that does make the turtle feel a little relaxed.
Leon doesn't think he'll be able to hold them without a flashback just yet. So he's glad Splinter won't ask him to touch them. He tries to keep his gaze on the swords, before finally having to turn away shutting his eyes tightly. He feels like a failure for letting it get to him.
"That's okay. It was a good first attempt." Splinter assures him moving away and can be heard putting the swords elsewhere. "Trauma can cause a lot to happen inside of us. You don't need to feel bad about not being able to handle each part full yet."
"This shouldn't be getting to me the way they do. They're just weapons. Weapons I'm supposed to use to strike fear into bad guys... And yet..." Leon sighs heavily letting his shoulders sag.
"And yet you've gone through a horrible experience. Survived your injuries and are doing everything you can to work to get back to your family." Splinter mentions causing Leon to look to him. He hasn't turned to face the other as he stands there. "You're strong. One small thing because of trauma doesn't make you weak. Look how far you've come. Big events like what you've been through doesn't go away so easily. You are simply associating these weapons with what had happened. And that is normal. It reminds you of what had happened. What you had to go through. I would be scared if I were you."
"Ha. You? Scared? I doubt it. You're just joking with me." Leon chuckles softly.
"Even I get scared." Splinters words make Leon stop. "I get scared that my sons may not return when they go out on missions. I get scared just like anyone. It is a part of life. A part of being alive. It is alright to be afraid. Be proud of what you're doing. You're being strong and I know you were afraid when you sacrificed yourself. You faced it instead and did so anyways. To save those you care about. To save the world and do the right thing. I know you were afraid to die there. You didn't let that stop you. Even now you're working to be able to face your fear. Despite that it means in a sense facing what had happened to you. You're no failure. You work so hard for those you care for." He turns back giving a soft smile to Leon. "You don't need to hide it. I know a part of the reason you're doing this is because you don't want to make them fight without you. You feel as though you'd be useless if you can't use the weapon you were trained to fight with. You're doing this for them more than for yourself."
Leon blinks wondering how Splinter knows this. He had been thinking about his brothers and being able to help them. He hadn't really thought about doing it for himself. He wants to be able to help to fight for his home and help protect those he cares about. He is willing to even face his flashbacks if it means that he'll be able to help fight. He internally realizes the only part of this that's really for himself is that katanas are his weapons, the weapons he is the master of and meant to be using, so he doesn't want to change that by using a different weapon. He'd feel wrong doing so. He just still doesn't understand how Splinter knew all of this.
Splinter softly chuckles. "Parents can pick up a lot of things about their own children. If they truly get to know them. I have pretty good practice at reading things from the looks in one's eyes. This worlds Leonardo tries to hide as well. However if you know how to read his eyes you can see what he is hiding." He fully turns and approaches Leon who watches him do so. "I do believe in you and that you can get through this. It won't be easy so you'll have to work hard in many days over it. It is a good step towards recovery as well. Believe in yourself. You are a strong and very capable young turtle."
Leon supposes it makes sense if he compares it to how him and his brothers tend to see through each other's fake smiles. He closes his eyes taking in a breath through his nose exhaling through his mouth. He opens his eyes with a renewed determined look. He feels like Splinters words have boosted him in such a good way. "Let's try again." He suggests and meets Splinters gaze as the other is about to suggest a break. "I want to do this. Let me have another attempt. I should put trust in myself to do this. Stairs on the other hand, you can't trust them because they're always up to something." He really hopes that Splinter will agree to this.
Splinter smiles a little before moving away. "I had a feeling you'd want to try again." He moves his tail which sweeps the swords to be before Leon again.
Leon stares at the swords trying to block out the memories about what had happened. He can't let himself think of that when he sees these. He tries to think about the happier times he had with katanas to try to not focus on the bad. He can remember how he had picked the weapons when he and his siblings were shown them. He slightly tenses as he finds himself facing Krang with the weapons.
"Breathe." Splinter reminds him making Leon realize that he had started holding his breath. He continues as Leon lets out the breath he was holding. "It is alright."
Leon lets himself take a few moments to focus on his breathing. He lets it calm him down a little. He looks back to the swords attempting to keep good memories in place of the bad. He flinches as a memory of Krang charging at him with an angry cry breaks through. His hands trembling before balling into tight fists to try to stop the shaking. His heart pounding in his chest as he feels like something is trying to pull him into his memories, he can't fight it as if his body forgot how. He blinks as the swords move away, the movement helping to bring him back. He isn't sure he can even look anywhere else other than where the swords just were.
"That is enough for now." Splinter insists getting a small nod from Leon.
Leon needs a break. He can feel the emotions of all that happened, the fear, the guilt, the sadness, and everything else is overwhelming him. He blinks in surprise when an arm wraps around him. He manages to move to see that it is indeed Splinter.
"Do you want to talk? Or just go do something else for a bit?" Splinter moves away after a moment.
"I'll be fine." Leon tries to assure him. He gives him a smile hoping that he won't be seen through this time.
"Do not forget you can talk to any of us if that's what you need." Splinter advises to which Leon nods his head.
"Thank you." Leon heads away to go see what he can do to distract himself for a bit.
Splinter watches him go.
Leon notices Donatello carrying some parts towards his lab so he heads over to help. "Here. I can help."
"Thanks." Donatello gives Leon some of the stuff which makes it no longer seem like he'll drop it at any moment.
The two take the items into the lab where Leon puts the stuff where Donatello tells him.
"Do you want to help me out in here for a bit?" Donatello inquires to which Leon glances to him meeting his eyes.
"Sure." Leon agrees figuring that it's a good distraction. "What are you working on?"
"Just a part to add to the machine that can open the portal. I'm making sure it'll be accurate, so once we get you walking at the least then we can get the right place."
"I see. Thanks." Leon nods his head.
"Here. Can you pull these pieces out of the pile?" Donatello inquires to which Leon begins to do so setting them on the table.
Leon finds that the table is the perfect height that he can still reach far enough.
"Can I ask you something? Just to know more about your world than what you've told us." Donatello inquires to which Leon nods his head. "Well do you guys do anything special? I mean around the lair when there's not much to do for awhile?"
"Well something that we do take part in is a thing called the lair games. At least that's what we call it. We try to do it on a schedule so we know when the next one is. The one who wins can even get some privileges. Like being allowed to sleep in while the rest have to be up. It can get quite competitive. Also gives us an extra excuse to keep our skills up, as well as to try to become better. The other reason is to be ready to take on the enemies we have to face. Can also show us if there's something that we need to improve on. Just in a safe environment compared to an actual fight." Leon tells Donatello who glances to him pausing in his work.
"The lair games?" Donatello inquires so Leon tells him all about it.
Leon is feeling better from what had happened. He hopes that he'll be able to handle his swords before he gets back home.