You Gave Me More

by Vir90 pIxI3

The Good Stuff Coffee Joint became Sasuke's paradise, his true oasis. When he took his first sip, hot damn, it was like crack... or voodoo or some shit. His always tense (to his mother fucking ears) shoulders would relax, would melt like butter in a hot pan. It was perfect...until a moron decided to break that peace. 50's MAFIA VIBES, YAOI, NARUSASU (DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ!)

2. You Gave Me More

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM THE NARUTO UNIVERSE. I ALSO DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE IMAGES USED IN THIS FANFIC. THE ONLY THING I OWN IS A CUTE DOG, MY LAPTOP, AND THIS PLOT. ENJOY! XOXO CI MAI

---

All his life, Sasuke wanted to be a gangster.

That's a lie.

He never wanted this life, but this was the hand that fate dealt him, so what else could he do but play the crappy cards.

Today, those crappy cards called for an old fashion sit down between two rival families. It was bound to turn into a blood bath.

The young Uchiha wasn't nervous in the slightest though, he was cool, calm, and collected. He had chosen to continue on the path, this path that only hosts blood and violence.

Just like my brother, my father, and his father before. All they were good for was this, there was never room for anything more.

"Remember to be on your guard. These cats shouldn't be taken lightly." Itachi said sternly, his eyes forward with his jaw strained and clenching. Sasuke gave a hum of acknowledgment, he wasn't worried. He was prepared.

He had on his most expensive suit, tailored to perfection, his shoes shinny and his gun perched in his gun holster on his hip. His senses were heightened, ready to aim or slice with his knife he had hidden in the lining of his suit jacket.

Sasuke was ready to show the family that he meant business. No yokes was going to have him cowering in fear. He and his brother trailed behind their father, The Father, the head mafioso in charge, his lips already in its usual grimace as he took a draw from his cigar.

The large double doors opened before them, they weren't even close, the enemy's foot soldiers welcoming them with bowed heads as they got closer and closer to the vicinity.

"Hn. Respectful. I'll give them that." The Father sneered with a chuckle, before grabbing his cigar from his lips to take a greedy puff. The smoke plummeted, rolling in like a cloud covering the foot soldiers causing them to hack loudly.

So disrespectful.

Sasuke thought as he cut his eyes to his Father with concealed distaste and a soft click of his tongue. They were stepping foot in enemy territory and Father was already stirring up trouble.

Old bastard's going to get us all killed one day.

But even with that thought, Sasuke didn't waver, after all he wasn't afraid of death. You can't be in this life of blood and violence.

Smoke filled the room from dangling cigar and cigarette lips, eerie quiet filled with tension, making the room feel even more heady with only the sounds of ice and perfectly aged scotch sloshing in an expensive crystal clear glass. This was an old fashion sit down, the first Sasuke had ever participated in.

Sasuke was ready... until blue eyes stopped him dead in his tracks from across a wide mahogany table.

Fuck.

Sasuke wasn't afraid to die, wasn't afraid to bleed, wasn't even afraid of the constant violence that he sees in his line of vision every single fucking day.

But...

For the first time in several years, the young Uchiha felt fear creep along the base of his spine.

---

~S~

Blood was everything in the family, either men had it or they don't.

If you came to the family with the claim that you had Uchiha blood and it was found that, that claim was negative... Well the poor sorry bastard would have to say adios, nightie night- yeah, that dumb mook would be swimming with the fishes.

Everyone was tested, medically and psychologically, right away.

After all, The Father didn't trust word of mouth. No, he only trusted actual facts in typewriter font with their private and discreet doctor's letterhead at the top.

Sasuke always thought it was funny that his father only really trusted a few men, one being his doctor, instead of his wife or his own flesh and blood.

Fugaku Uchiha was the man that inherited the Uchiha family, passed down from generations to generations. As he put it, he wasn't going to let no fuckin' leeches take what the family, what he, had worked and slaved so hard for.

It was a riot that his mother was accused as a fuckin' leech each time she was pregnant and was only praised when it was confirm that it was 100% Fugaku's seed.

He never really understood that dynamic. All his mother did was love him, and all he did was look at her as if she was a goal, an unfortunate necessity.

Sasuke didn't understand love, his parents and ever mafia men being his only example, but he did understand blood.

Yes, blood made this family run, and if you had even a smidge of Uchiha blood in your veins, you were seen as family, trustworthy, but also ours. You were merely owned by the Uchiha legacy, no longer your own individual. No one was able to run or fight the calling from the family, no one.

After all they could always use a doctor, lawyer, or officer of the law at their disposal, at their side.

Your blood, that thick rich substance, was the only ticket in, to become a made man, a family man. And if you didn't have enough of the Uchiha DNA in that coppery precious nectar, you were deemed a liability.

And to the family, all liabilities were just fish food. Capeesh?

Sasuke knew, as soon as he was able to comprehend, that he didn't have much of a choice. He received his crappy cards from fate, and all he could do was shuffle them around and hope for the best.

"100% your child Mr. Uchiha, sir. The child shows tremendous health for such a new born. A fine child indeed."

He was reminded over and over that he was indeed an Uchiha through and through.

Which means that when Sasuke showed interest in toy trains, he was knocked around and handed a gun. When Sasuke showed interest in maybe becoming a writer, enjoying the aspects of story telling, the results of his claim was a punch to the face that knocked him out cold. When he came through he was simply told he would be nothing but what his fatherinformed him he would be.

Nothing more. Nothing less.

"You will be Itachi's second in command, and the next heir after Itachi."

Blood and violence was all he knew, and after the last "parental session" when he was 13, beat brutally within an inch of his life, before a gun was place at his head by his father who stated cold words to a limp barely breathing teen.

"Either you fall in line or I take care of you now. Your choice."

Sasuke found himself balking in disbelief. Surely he wouldn't kill his own son, surely someone will stop him, but when Sasuke took a look around all he saw was Itachi standing in the corner holding their weeping mother with his head bowed. The click of the safety being removed from the gun so close to his temple made the young boy wince, his body trembling, shaking, Sasuke hated that he was showing the bastard his fear.

"You know how I don't like loose ends, Sasuke."

His voice was cold like ice down your back, and Sasuke quaking hands began to sweat. Something snapped in him that day. His trembling stopped suddenly, he swallowed down his sobs and he looked his father right in the eyes.

Never again. He can take my life, but I refuse to show him anymore fear.

The choice was obvious. Even though the fear drained from his body, Sasuke knew that he didn't want to die like this. He didn't want to die from his father's gun, didn't want the last thing that the bastard saw was fear, snot, and tears. He had only one last resolve before he abandoned his hopes, and buried his dreams.

When I die. I die on my own terms.

His brother came to him afterwards, cleaning his wounds and wrapping him in bandages with great care. The silence was heavy between them, their eyes, both so dark and familiar, conversing without their lips speaking a word.

Sasuke drifted after the care, his mind foggy from the heavy pain killers but he could still feel fingers caressing his hair before the dip in his bed lifted.

"I'm sorry."

Sasuke wasn't sure if he really heard those words or not, he wasn't sure if his mind was making things up. But part of him believed that those words were true, that they were real.

Sometimes when he was alone in his room, he could swear he could still hear the waver in his brother's tone, the anger, the bitterness, but what rang over all of it was the agony laced and woven into each syllable.

I'm sorry.

Just two words.

I'm sorry.

So much pain and regret.

I'm sorry.

Sasuke stopped fighting it. Stopped lifting his head.

I'm sorry.

He never wanted to hear his brother sound so despondent again.

I'm sorry.

Never.

---

~S~

Sasuke was officially a mafioso, a made man, at the age of 18.

He had continued the very detailed and structured path that his father had laid out, without so much as a scoff or huff. His father praised him for his "change of heart" and encouraged him to learn everything he could about the "trade" and "the family".

Sasuke's life continued to revolve around more blood, now spilling more frequently, and now extremely detailed violence, until one day he discovered a new vice.

That's right, Sasuke had found something that he actually enjoyed and wasn't programed for him to like. Something more than the sticky blood and senseless violence, and it was a welcomed change, like coming home from a long day at work.

Nothing beat strong bitter coffee, several cigarettes and a daily newspaper.

He found himself frequenting one particular joint.

It was on the edge of their territory, he even had to pass 2 other shitty coffee shops to get to the place, but each time he entered with the bell over the door chiming and his paper and piping hot coffee at his favorite booth, he was glad he made the trek over.

Silence always rang out when he entered, they all knew who he was and what he was capable of. The sign on the cafe said "No smoking" but no one ever made a fuss or bothered him about the cigarette that always seemed to be dangling from his chapped lips since the tender age of 14.

It wasn't anything special on the inside.

It even had a painfully generic and honestly, too goddamn long name.

"The Good Stuff Coffee Joint"

Sasuke scoffed when he first read it, passing it as some basic, low class shit hole but the day he entered, getting out of the rain to call for a car. He had some of the best coffee he had ever had in his miserable life. And after just one sip of that dark roasted bitter elixir, he was sold.

The Good Stuff Coffee Joint became Sasuke's paradise, his true oasis.

He had a good thing going and he never wanted to give it up.

It was his sanctuary every morning, sometimes twice on really grueling shitty days. Each time he would enter hearing the little ring ring, it was like music to his ears, and when he took his first sip, hot damn, it was like crack... or voodoo or some shit. His always tense (to his mother fucking ears) shoulders would relax, would melt like butter in a hot pan.

I'm home.

No one bothered him, and no one was too loud.

Perfect.

It was the perfect quiet place for Sasuke's restless body and chaotic mind, until a moron decided to break that peace, by smashing it into a million pieces.

It started with a clearing of the throat, an obnoxiously loud clearing of the throat. Sasuke didn't give him a glance, and he didn't bother lowering his paper.

I'll give the poor soul a chance to back away slowly.

After all Sasuke was in a merciful mood. He had his coffee, he had his paper, and he was currently on his third cigarette.

His blissful mood continued, until he heard it again, louder and more obnoxious than before.

I guess good thing don't last.

He sighed with a rub against his tired eyes, taking a deep hit from his dangling cigarette before lowering his paper, but only slightly. The only thing he could see was the unruly sight of blond hair peeking out at the top.

"I hate to bother you, but can I borrow some sugar?"

Sugar? SUGAR? The idiot is bothering me over sugar.

Sasuke scoffed lifting back up his paper with a grunt, not bothering to answer or acknowledge the brain damaged fellow in the next booth.

"I would ask the waitress, but she seems super busy, and I noticed that you have a full tray of sugar that you're not even-"

"No."

There, it was done, or so Sasuke thought.

"Awwwww come one! Really?! You're not even using them! I only need two-"

"I said no." The words released through his clenched teeth with a growl, spitting out a "fucking moron" as he sucked on the last of his cigarette with a scowl. Sasuke didn't bother staying, his precious silence ruined by stupid blond hair and a loud obnoxious voice.

As he exited, and the bell dinged as it always did, he heard a yell that met his ears. It was loud, it was too cheerful, and it was the same annoying voice that ruined everything.

"Thanks for the sugar!"

Gritting his teeth harshly, he continued on. Sasuke didn't feel like putting holes in that moron today.

---

~S~

It's funny how the brain can white out events that take place. Moments from life, childhood trauma, all blanked out, gone, poof from one's subconscious. They say it's a way for the brain to protect itself.

Sasuke unfortunately didn't have that feature, he was actually pretty sure he was defective in some way. Instead of whiting out, glossing over shitty situations, his mind seemed to bombard him with memories at random times.

It's also why he would seek solace inside of the coffee shop. It was why he only came alone and left alone. The space, though technically not he's, allowed his mind to rest.

He wouldn't have to fight off thoughts that plagued him daily, he didn't have to see his father's disgusting sneer that was always painted on the goddamn dick like a clown.

He was... free.

It was a nice feeling, being free, even if it was only for a few hours here and there. So instead of giving the idiot a second thought when he got up the following morning, he seemly moved through his day on his usual autopilot.

Black suit (Check)

Expensive Italian leather shoes (Check)

Black tie (Check)

Gun locked in loaded (Check)

Extra bullets (Check)

Pocket Knife (Check)

Pack of smokes (Check)

My good lighter (Check)

He was good to go.

He made his way back to his oasis, and for a while everything turned back to normal. He didn't have to see blond hair, or hear the loud voice that still haunted his usual blank dreams. Sasuke started to think that maybe the whole ordeal was just a nightmare or a mid day hallucination.

Sasuke gave his coffee a stir and a sip, his lips humming and perching in satisfaction, his eyes closing as he gave the quiet air around him a soft and satisfying sigh.

"I know right! Such great coffee here!"

Dark eyes snapped open seeing, blond hair, whiskered cheeks, and such blue eyes that they looked as if they could be fake. There was no way eyes got that blue.

"Don't worry. I have my own sugar today!" The man said with a wide grin, his mouth releasing a cheerful chuckle that made Sasuke's stomach hurt from the sound. Sasuke found himself staring too long, his mouth hadn't moved to speak at all, quickly he lifted his paper to create a barrier. He hoped that the moron would take the hint.

Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off.

He didn't. And apparently Sasuke's internal chants weren't working either.

Goddamn it.

Another confirmation that the Uchiha must be malfunctioning some how.

The man babbled on and on about nonsense, words that Sasuke didn't give a damn about or cared to hear. He could feel his anger boiling, his fist clenching white as his moment of peace, his home was once again torn into shreds.

The last straw was when the moron dared to touch his paper.

"Hey Jerk! Don't pretend like you can't hear me. I'm talk-" The tan hand yanked at his paper tearing it down the middle with a force, and before Sasuke could even register it, he had his gun drawn on the man... in broad daylight, in a practically dead coffee shop.

"You're dead." He grunted the sound of his safety being removed from his gun, caused several heads to snap in their direction. The few people that were in the shop were frozen with big deer eyes, and Sasuke couldn't help the soft cocky chuckle that escaped him.

He's making me lose my goddamn head.

The moron didn't flinch and he didn't even look nervous in the slightest. The craziest thing happened, the idiot SMILED, like really smiled. The kind of smile that was too wide, showed too much teeth, and made Sasuke feel like his heart was going to pound right out of his chest and drowning in his half filled coffee cup.

Thump. Thump.

Thump. Thump.

Sasuke's heart felt like it was breaking out of his chest, and for the first time, Sasuke felt a flutter in his low belly.

What the fuck?

Sasuke felt terror creep up in his body. All the hairs on his body, were standing at attention. Raised. Aware.

What was this feeling that was clouding his brain? He never quite experienced something like this before. His eyes were watching his face, studying the man's stupid lips, that ugly grin, that horrible laugh. His onyx eyes watched as bright white teeth lowered to a bottom lip, giving it a suck, a tug.

oh (what is this? This... stirring...)
OH! (Shocked and surprised)
Oh... (Dread)

For someone who had been cold for so long, Sasuke found himself piping hot and swirling with... yuck, something he couldn't really name? He wasn't quite sure what to make of the situation or his bodily reactions to it.

"That's better. Now I can see your face."

Sasuke hated that he could feel his face warm under the statement, growing hotter and hotter at an alarming rate.

"Hn." Sasuke put his gun away quickly, his head lowered with his dark hair shielding his warm face to give him a time to recover. Deep breathes. Yes, deep breathes Sasuke.

When he felt brave enough to lift his head again, he gave everyone who's eyes were on him a glare, the infamous Uchiha glare, and all five people (but one) quivered and lowered their eyes.

The stare simply said one thing, "You didn't see anything, capeesh?"

He even got a few nods back, before he quickly stood from his seat, his nibble fingers slightly shaking as he buttoned his coat and adjusted his hat.

As he exited the bell dinged as it always did, lighting a fresh cigarette, he heard a yell that met his ears from the nuisance that made his fingers shaking and his body betray him.

"By the way, the sign says no smoking asshole!"

Gritting his teeth, he continued on once again. Sasuke almost, almost, put holes into the moron, but for some reason... he didn't, and he hated it. In that moment he decided.

I hate him. Dumb fuckin' blond.

He told himself that the reason why his face got so warm, was because he was so angry and spilling over in hate. That the reason why he didn't kill the poor fucker was because he didn't want his oasis, his home, to be shut down from all the blood shed.

Where else would he go?

Yeah. That's right.

That was the fool's only saving grace, otherwise it was bang! right between the ribs.

And Sasuke never missed.

---

~S~

Sasuke stayed away from The Good Stuff Coffee Joint for a few weeks.

Half of the reason for his avoidance was because he was wrestling with himself but mostly it was because he was recovering from a recent job.

Sasuke got banged up pretty bad, but the other guy was way worst. He was dead after all.

It didn't take long for Sasuke to recovering, just a week of bed rest and meds, but the extra week was a week of mental turmoil, until he came to his final conclusion.

No idiotic dead beat is going run him off from his own territory.

So he went back, sat in his usual booth, enveloped in quiet until once again it was ruined, but this time he wanted it- expected it.

"You're always here alone. Don't you want some company?"

"No."

The man sat down anyways bring his overly sweet smelling coffee with him. Sasuke knew he would, the man seemed to lack self awareness and was too dumb to realize that he was walking a fine line between life and death, with Sasuke being his grim reaper.

The man chattered away, but this time Sasuke found himself quietly listening.

He heard as the man rambled on about his family and close friends, how they were all so close. Which Sasuke found himself being silently jealous of. He heard how the man, literally (I kid you not, Sasuke timed it on his expensive Rolex watch), talked about ramen for about 15 mins. Sasuke didn't really see the appeal, after all that was the food of poor or low class people, but he didn't speak against it and he didn't make a sound.

He listened to how the man spoke, the cadence and fluctuation of his speech patterns. The sounds, the rhythm, the little airy laugh he gave when he talked about something he truly enjoyed or the loud cackle his gut produced when the moron thought he was being funny. Sasuke would never admit it, but he found himself internally chuckling and smiling along with him, but on the surface, he made sure he was as cold and detached as ever.

The blond man's voice was loud and playful, but rich and grainy, making Sasuke wondering if the idiot smoked or not, but he didn't bother voicing it or asking.

Sasuke hated that his body seemed to lean in as the man spoke, or how he found himself wanting his hand that was placed casually on the table to inch a bit closer.

He hated how his eyes stayed firmly on the paper, but how he could still see the way the man's eyes would light up or shift as he spoke. He absolutely loathed how his whole being seemed to shift under the man's attention.

Am I looking at him or is my mind somehow creating the image?

Sasuke wasn't even aware that through the rambling from the fool, he caught himself looking, just to shift back down at his paper.

"Oh! I never did properly introduce myself, did I? I forget my manners sometimes. My grannie Tsuande would have a fit. I'm Naruto, by the way. What's your name?"

Naruto

Na-ru-to

Sasuke's mind played with the name, the roll of the R, the shortness of the last syllable, making it come out of his lips like a smooth slip of fine jazz music to his ears.

"Naruto."

"That's right." Wide grins and a sheepish scratch to the back of blond hair greeted him.

Sasuke liked the way it tasted on his tongue, more than the rich bitter coffee or the burn of his cigarettes. He found his lips lifting in a smile, unconsciously, as he found himself saying the name softly to himself, his tongue rolling and his lips perching and his body shifting like a sway.

"You must like my name."

The statement from the man before him washed over him like a bucket of ice cold water.

The thoughts that flooded his mind, the way his body was stiffening and tensing with something forbidden, the Uchiha found himself realizing that he was in danger. He was stepping into something he knew for certain that would get the man before him and himself killed.

"You still haven't told me yours?" The man- No, Naruto's voice was light and teasing (bordering on flirty, but there was no fucking way), with a touch of innocence and naivety making Sasuke involuntarily shiver.

No. No. No.

"Fuck off." He spat at the man bitterly, grabbing his jacket as soon as he stood, having it casually draped across his forearm to shield his shame, to cover his uncommon and forbidden inclinations.

As he exited the bell dinged as it always did, he heard the familiar voice yell greet his ears. The hypnotic voice of the man, made his body react for the first time. A reaction that was suppose to be only be reserved for the fairer sex, but no mere woman has ever made his body sing the way his blue eyes and rich voice had, and never that quickly.

What is wrong with me?

"Nice to meet you, fuck off!"

Gritting his teeth, he continued on once again. Sasuke had given up on the desire to put holes in the man. Now he was fighting off something way worst. Something that would have him killed for sure.

No way.

Sasuke continued to walk, measured steps as his mind swirled with the thoughts and he fought off his body's instincts. His body wanted to turn back, but he kept going, not even noticing the rain that was starting to turn into sleet. Sasuke didn't even notice that he had his hand over his pounding heart, like some broad in one of those trashy romance novels.

This is not normal.

But his body still felt like it was buzzing with live hornets and his jacket still draped casually shielding all from the pulsing view that hadn't quite gone away. And even though Sasuke continued to deny, continued to fight off what was dancing right in front of him, like a goddamn siren he might add, he knew one thing and one thing only.

He'd come back to The Good Stuff Coffee Joint, even after he told himself again and again that he wouldn't.

A strange heat twisted in his gut.. Sasuke didn't realize what it was until he was blasted with a heavy wind to the face once he left the shop. That was the one thing about clarity. It was amazing, until she pistol whips someone right in the face, making them their bitch. Sasuke was (sigh) aroused (grits teeth), and for the very first time in his life from just being near a person.

Sasuke looked up to the weeping heavens and then down to his still annoyingly hot pulsing member with a glare.

"What the fuck am I suppose to do?"

---

~S~

Sasuke tried.

He really did.

He gave other coffee joints a try, but the coffee was either lacking, the atmosphere was too noisy, or he ran into someone he knew. Frequently (Loud exhausted sigh).

His morning outings were just for him, and he was growing more and more annoyed that his oasis, his fucking home was trampled over by a stupid bonehead with awful blond hair. Sasuke found himself in his room pacing, puffing out cigarette smoke as he ranted in ire. Sasuke was fucking livid.

Going somewhere else wasn't working so Sasuke tried a different tactic.

"Are you sure about this, Otouto?" His brother asked with his voice covered in concern, but his father shushed him with a wave of a hand, his grin wide and a bit cynical.

"Nonsense, Itachi. If your brother wants to be more useful to the family. We will honor his request. Capeesh?"

"Of course, Father." Itachi said with a low bow, his lips kissing The Father's ring in respect.

And with that came job, after job.

Some with Itachi, which didn't require much from Sasuke, and some that were only solo, since they required a level of stealth, which Itachi usually did, as it was his area of expertise.

Sasuke did everything he could to blockout the man. To block out his grainy voice, his whiskered cheeks, and his addicting scent that somehow smelled like a sea breeze and the musk of a spiced cologne. The scent was dominate but somehow gentle to the nose and surrounded Sasuke's senses completely.

Block it out, Sasuke.

Right.

From morning to night, if it was a job, it was Sasuke's duty to fill it.

Need this boozo wacked:

Sasuke got his hands dirty.

Need someone to hit up a shop that owes the family money for protection, and they haven't been paying:

Sasuke knocked some fools around.

Need someone to simply pick up the dry cleaning:

Hell, Sasuke did that too.

Through the day, his father's wide pleased grins and Itachi's, now ever present, worried glances followed him, but at night...

"Goddamn mook."

Naruto followed him.

It became a habit. A bad habit. A down right filthy habit.

The habit was so fucking dangerous that it would wake Sasuke from his deep slumber, each night like clock work, his body screaming and begging its head off for... release.

His member would be pulsing heavy and wet between his legs as he would wake, half asleep from a dream that involved tan hands and grinning lips.

Sasuke liked to pretend he didn't know what happened in the dream. Liked to pretend that those features were of a women.. Yes, a women he would be into...

But the fact still remained, that every night he would curse his libido for needing the release. Curse the idiot for invading his mind making him leaky and lustful. And curse his filthy mind for even conjuring up the delicious disgusting images in the first place.

"Fuck"

He would always find himself panting as he would wrap his fingers around his dick every night, firm grasp as he pump himself with sometimes slow lazy drags and other nights fast fumbling grips.

The sounds he would hear himself make would haunt him, ringing in his ear, and seemed to follow him the next day.

What finished him off, was different each night, but the sound of his desperate gasp and chokes from the shockingly intense orgasm- Yeah that shit, always remained the same.

"Ah"

Sometimes he would hear the grainy voice in his head, imagining what he would sound like saying his name.

"Mmm"

Sometimes he would imagine large rough hands just gliding along his body, playing him like a flute, touching him were Sasuke hadn't be brave enough to go.

"So- fuck, so goddamn good."

Sometimes... it was the smell of him heavy in his head, and right when he was on the edge he would see a flash of blue and then he was falling, slipping, stumbling, and gone into the deep bottomless chasm of unsavory desires.

"Na-ru-to."

Every morning he would pretend it didn't happen.

Every morning he would drink his crappy coffee, which was usually made by one of their maids (which he was pretty sure his father was fucking) with a grimace and try to concentrate on his paper as he smoked, but it wasn't the same. Nothing was ever the same.

"Goddamn Mook."

Sasuke found himself muttering it, frequently under his breath, chain smoking cigarette after cigarette as he made his way back to the stupid coffee shop, his coffee shop. He found it first, so he should be able to stake the claim.

I sound like a goddamn brat on the play grounds.

Like always he entered, his paper and a piping hot coffee sitting at his table, but instead of the booth being empty, there was a head of wild unruly blond hair sitting across from his usual spot.

He almost turned back.

He almost said 'fuck it'!

He almost left as soon as he saw the golden strands that he dreamed about pulling, tugging, but he continued forward with his shoulders held back and his nose in the air showing his superiority, his complete indifference.

He's not going to run me off.

He's not going to change me.

I'm am stronger than this, damn it!

He got to the table and he could immediately feel when blue eyes popped up to greet him, but Sasuke didn't meet those eyes. He continued to take a deep hit from his cigarette, his eyes firmly on his coffee as he took a sip after dumping the ash falling from the end of his addiction.

"Hey asshole! I told you before that you can't smoke in here."

Really?! That's the first thing said to Sasuke after a month of separation. Sasuke couldn't stop the small snicker that left his smirking lips even if he wanted to.

"Hn" Sasuke knew he sounded smug, his lips in a smirk as he finished off the cigarette, jamming the the finished bud before blowing a cloud of smoke into Naruto's face.

Sasuke expected back lash, a grit of the teeth or a slam from the palms he's dreamed about to the table, but instead he got something else. A loud hearty laugh that made Sasuke find himself following without realizing it. He didn't realize until a grainy voice spoke and ocean blue eyes met his own.

"I like it when you laugh. It's better than that usual mean mug." Naruto said with a smirk, onyx eyes shifting away from the quirk of those lips.

Sasuke didn't laugh often, hadn't smiled in years. He honestly forgot how good it feels to just be, happy?

Sasuke scowled at the statement but the fact that his cheeks grew red made the scowl lack conviction. The raven haired man was hoping his hair was covering most of the embarrassing and new reaction. He's never felt his face turn so hot, so much, in all of his life.

"You sound like you don't laugh often."

The statement made him pause, several retorts on the tip of his tongue.

"Who do you think you're talking to?"

"Do you know who I am?"

"I'd give a real good laugh once I've riddled your body with holes."

But instead, his lips said, something else entirely.

"I don't."

Naruto hummed in acknowledgment at the statement, the two falling into comfortable silence.

"Are you ready to tell me your name now?"

"It's... Sasuke."

"Sasuke."

He said it... He said my name. Heart beats loudly in his chest, creating a bit of a fast pace rhythm. Sasuke could practically feel the organ jumping around, caged between his ribs.

Wow Whatever.

"Well, Sasuke, It's good to meet you! And just so you know, you are always safe to laugh with me." No sarcasm. No hidden agenda. His words were soft and earnest and his eyes were open and firm, saying what you see, is what you get.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Sasuke knew it right then and there.

He was falling, fast and hard at break neck speed, with no fucking breaks or floaties in sight to stop the fall, the drowning or to even cushion the impact.

The Uchiha was falling from grace and it was all thanks the man that had and continued to plague his mind, vanquish his thoughts, and invaded his dreams. The Uchiha was falling, falling, falling, all because the man smiled at him and said his name.

"Naruto."

"Sasuke."

---

~S~

"Sasuke."

The way Naruto said his name became something that was included in Sasuke's nightly (ahem) personal activities.

Actually that particular activity, started to become something he not only did at night, sometimes he would actively participate as soon as he got home from the coffee shop. Sasuke would greet everyone respectfully, deep bows and ring kisses, until he was dismissed to his own devices.

As soon as he saw the dismissive wave of his father's calloused hand, he was walking, trying not to run, back to his and Itachi's spacious guest house on the land, running to his room. As soon as door shut and his lock clicked, Sasuke had his hands on his belt, fumbling around, yanking annoying fabric from hot agitated skin.

With his pants around his ankles, his member springing free from its confines, caused Sasuke to hiss as the air hit him before plopping on the bed desperately, a groan stuck in the back of his throat. His hands pumping his member almost frantically, chasing his release with soft sighs and moans spilled out between sore and bitten down lips. And every time after he had pumped his desperate weeping dick to completion, he found himself feeling guilty and disgusting.

Some times, after the initial round, he would reach for his small and discreet bottle of lubricant with fumbling hands. Turning over on his knees, he would try the new method of pleasure he had recently tried. Sasuke hadn't found it fully pleasurable yet, the finger inside him felt intrusive, and the wiggling and stretch made him clench his teeth in discomfort.

The first time he gave it a try, he gave up on it immediately, not seeing the appeal. But Sasuke wasn't a quitter, so he kept trying, until one random mid day wank he felt something deep inside him that gave him pleasure. All he did was give the little area, a bundle of nerves, a rub and he just like that he was tensing, biting his knuckle on his other hand to silence his abrupt and loud moans, seeing stars and spilling quickly (all over his freshly clean bed sheets).

He'd take a shower, standing under the warm spray for a long time, so long that the bathroom would be filled with fog and his mirror would be covered in condensation.

Sasuke has had sex before, a few times, with a few women, but none of them had ever invaded his thoughts in this way, or made a lasting impression. Sasuke always assumed that he would end up just like his father. Married and popping out babies for the sake of the family, because that was expected of him.

He would clean himself, which sometimes would lead to another embarrassingly quick round, and after he was clean he would rinse, hoping that once he emerged from the foggy bathroom that he would want what all men wanted at this time. You know, a wife, white picket fence, 2.5 snotty kids, and a dog. Maybe, just maybe, this time he would emerge as a completely straight, none curious man, who didn't have the desire to be filled by another.

Sigh.

Sadly, there was no such luck.

Sasuke continued to go to his oasis, and almost every day he found himself with his booth company waiting for him with a wide smile and squinting blue eyes. Sasuke didn't realize that he found himself smiling each time, his lips curling and lifting at the corners each time he saw him, each time his saw Naruto.

On rare days, the two would spent their time in silence, Naruto reading his own paper now, "I like reading the funnies. Marmaduke is my favorite!" He chimed when Sasuke had questioned it giving the Uchiha a wink, but other times it would be filled with Naruto's soft chatter, while Sasuke hummed or agreed, and even rarer times Sasuke found himself talking back, sharing parts of himself. Like an onion, exposing himself layer by layer.

Sasuke knew all about Naruto being alone and being taken under his godfather's wing. He knew about the fact that Naruto skinned his knee up really bad when he was a rambunctious 6 year old while learning to ride a bike.

"The scar never did heal properly."

He even knows that Naruto hates but also secretly loves sad movies.

"I always end up blubbering like a big baby. I hate that they make me sad but, I also love them because they make me feel. You know?"

"You're a moron." Naruto snorted loudly before tossing his head back letting out a rich guffaw, the corners of Sasuke lips lifting up softly at the sound.

Even though Sasuke said he didn't understand the concept, he did.

Knowing that you feel something... that something can pick you up and shake you around. Sasuke knew exactly what he meant. Feeling... not growing cold from the way the world operated... that's essential, and for the longest time Sasuke had been cold. Iceberg cold. Until blue eyes started to warm him up, thaw him off.

Sasuke was turning into goddamn soup.

On One particular day, one of the waitress got a bit too chummy with Sasuke, was waiting for him in his booth with a grin and sitting... Yes, SITTING! In Naruto's spot, as if this was something she did often.

"Hey Sasuke!" She said as he filled his coffee mug with a big smile, flipping her ridiculously pink hair.

Before he could tell the women off, Naruto entered as well with a grin that fell as soon as he saw the women. Sasuke had never seen Naruto's face turn so thunderous. He didn't even think the loser knew anything else but happy and hunger.

"Shouldn't you be taking orders?" Naruto spat as he made his way over to his spot, Sasuke was still frozen in place.

"Yes- of c-course, I didn't mean-"

"That will be all." Naruto said with a wave of the hand. A dismissal.

Sasuke saw another side of Naruto that day.

Fuck.

He was embarrassed that he found the behavior hot- um sexy- no- no attractive. He even found himself having to take several deep breathes and use his new method to will the erection away. Thinking about his father at all usually did the trick.

After that one incident, it never happened again, and for that Sasuke was grateful. Sasuke questioned Naruto on why he treated the woman that way, sure it was normal for Sasuke to be a bit asshol-ish but Naruto wasn't the type.

The reaction again was something Sasuke didn't expect. The man stutter out a response, his face growing hot and red as he mumbled about "helping you", tossing in a "I knew you wouldn't be interested" and ending his moronic babbling with a "trust me".

Sasuke didn't question the response, he actually found it endearing making his own face grow hot as his lips formed a smile on its own.

Time passed for them, but inside the coffee shop, it felt like time slowed down in those moments. They were precious to him, the glances, the way they spoke without fear or reserve. Sasuke wasn't sure but as the days passed he could feel his hand slowly inching forward, to one point their pinkies were less than a centimeters apart.

I have to stop this.

But Sasuke never did hit the breaks.

Not only did their glances gain more interest, they conversations got more deeper, Sasuke felt himself growing more vulnerable, more comfortable with the annoying blond. He told him about his father, not exactly what they did of course. No, Sasuke instead talked about the expectations that felt like they would bury him alive.

He talked about how anxious he felt anytime he went out on a job, and it wasn't to the "families standards". He even found himself talking about the beatings as a child, the harsh reality that he wakes to each day.

Sasuke could feel the anger boiling from the other side of the table, he could hear the intact of angry breathes. He could also feel Naruto's foot bouncing, in turn, making the booth shake from his fiery intensity.

Sasuke could feel his heart skip a beat at the thought, someone actually gives a shit about me.

Sasuke wasn't the only one that grew vulnerable inside their bubble at their booth. He found himself leaning in closer, enraptured with Naruto and his tales.

Naruto talked about the fact that he was branded different because of his birthmarks (which were a family trait from his mother's side, apparently it sometimes skips generations.)

Naruto talked about being listed as a pariah, unwanted and unloved in not only his school but also in the community where he grew up, until his godfather "got his shit together".

Sasuke could feel the desire to reach forward, to comfort the man before him that was hurt and ostracized, but he refrained. Sasuke was too afraid to take that step. He could never have that, so why entertain it. Naruto saw that Sasuke was struggling throughout his tale, a soft frown on his lips with upset creases around his eyes, causing Naruto to chuckle with a simple,

"Don't worry S'uke. I ain't a push over, and I never let any of that shit bring me down. Believe it." Naruto's teeth looked sharper than ever, his grin wide and mischievous and his eyes shinning like the sun reflecting off the ocean, the idiot even flexed his bicep for good measure.

Breath taking.

That grin, a little too wide and crooked, said it all. Naruto had been in fights, plenty of fights, which means that the man before him could handle himself, take care of himself.

Sasuke could feel his own lips forming a smile, his own eyes shinning, his body growing warm as his skin felt like it was alive. The hornets inside of his gut were buzzing loudly, so damn loudly that Sasuke could hear it in his ears.

Knowing that you can take care of yourself. That you're more than just a loud friendly guy, but also a fighter...

Sasuke would deny it if anyone every asked or found out, but that night when he found his hand gripping his pulsing member, twitching and slick with precum inside of his grasp, he thought about Naruto.

Those hands probably calloused and rough from the years of dealing with assholes, those muscles that probably bulge underneath his atrociously orange shirt, and lastly (which was the most embarrassing for the young Uchiha) he thought about those lips, that wide grin looking down on him as his body was shifted and moved for his pleasure.

He came hard when he rammed three fingers in deep, his vision whited out, and promptly after he passed out, barely having the strength to wipe himself clean and put his soft and spent dick away. If anyone asked... He would say that he must have been drugged or his blood sugar must be low.

The harsh reality came fast and for some reason Sasuke was completely taken off guard when it happened. When the day their hands brushed softly.

Just as he thought, the pads of those fingers were warm but slightly rough from years of labor and fighting, just like his own. Sasuke didn't realize that he let out an audible sigh, his lips being pulled in by his own teeth.

Sasuke felt the fingers began to glide, moving along his own digit slowly, hesitantly. Sasuke shifted in his seat, his body growing warm with arousal, with an undeniable need that he had been shoving his head in the sand about, at least in public.

Sasuke felt elated for the first time in his existence, until it all came crashing down, right on his lovestruck head. Naruto didn't know who he truly was, how there was no way they could be together, or how they would be killed for this unspoken desire.

There is no way out Sasuke. Remember?

Sasuke had never ran so fast out of the coffee shop, and for the first time since they met, no retort followed him out the door. The only thing that followed him was the way blue eyes went from happy to sorrow in a matter of seconds. How he saw the man's throat bob as he swallowed down something that looked like pain...

Later that night when Sasuke's body continued to sing and ache, he found clarity on exactly what those eyes were saying.

It wasn't pain.

No, no, no, it was deeper than that.

It was the look of utter defeat and pure rejection.

Sasuke found himself crying into his pillow silently that night. He hadn't done that in years. He honestly thought he forgot how to mourn, but blue eyes that once filled with more, meeting he's and looking as dead and as empty as someone he put holes in...

Yeah, that shit stung.

Sasuke put holes into him alright, but it wasn't made with measly bullets. No, these holes were made with something far more deadly, and did way more damage on both ends.

---

~S~

Sasuke had given up on life more than blood and violence. Why should he give a fuck about anything else?

He had given up on good coffee and silence. Spending his days drinking tea that didn't quite reach his tired weary soul and dealing with the constant chatter of foot soldiers in and out and the pestering of his overwhelming and tyrant of afather.

Sure, his days were long drawn and lacked spice, but his nights...

Well his nights were a living hell.

Sasuke had gotten to a point were he was tempted to talk to their discreet doctor to see if he could prescribe him something, anything that would help knock him out, but he resisted.

Maybe Sasuke was a bit of a masochist but he wanted the sleepless nights, the haunted blue eyes to stab him and rattle around angrily in his chest. Because for him, he would rather feel the pain, the uncertainty, and the sweet calling, instead of numbing himself like so many others did in this life. He didn't get a lot of choices in his life, but this choice, he at least wanted to be in control of, to keep it.

It's better to have loved than to not have loved at all. As they say.

But Sasuke wasn't ready to admit that word, not out loud, and not even to himself.

Love... The word was short, only 4 little measly letters but for some reason, the raven haired man was terrified of the word.

Could it be his crippling daddy issues, his lack of confidence in himself for anything other than blood and violence, or could it be that "love" was only seen between a man and women, his eyes only seeing shitty relationships left and right.

Ah, that's right. Love was all about producing an heir and making a name for yourself. That's all he saw, and that's all he knew.

Sasuke welcomed the pain with open arms... and the life of loneliness apparently, because everything he ever wanted but didn't know he needed... yeah... he left that back at the stupid coffee shop with the long ass name.

"Remember to be on your guard. These cats shouldn't be taken lightly." Itachi said sternly, his eyes forward with his jaw strained and clenching. Sasuke gave a hum of acknowledgment, he wasn't worried in the slightest. He was prepared, even though he hadn't properly slept in weeks.

He had on his most expensive suit, tailored to perfection, his shoes shinny and his gun perched in his gun holster on his hip. His senses were heightened, ready to aim or slice with his knife he had hidden in the lining of his suit jacket. To top the look off, he even had the signature eye bags that all made men of the mafia seemed to have.

He was ready and not only did his fingers itch to pull his trigger, he looked the part of a cold heartless bastard, just like his father.

He was completely perfect down to the slight strut in his walk.

Sasuke was ready to show the family that he meant business. No yokes was going to have him cowering in fear. He and his brother trailed behind their father, the Father, the head mafioso in charge, his lips already in its usual grimace as he took a draw from his cigar.

The door opened in a flourish, before they were even close, the enemy's foot soldiers welcoming them with bowed heads.

"Hn. Respectful. I'll give them that." The Father sneered with a chuckle, before grabbing his cigar from his lips to take a greedy puff. The smoke plummeted, rolling in like a cloud covering the foot soldiers causes them to hack loudly.

So disrespectful.

Sasuke thought as he cut his eyes to his Father with concealed distaste and a soft click of his tongue. They were stepping foot in enemy territory and Father was already stirring up trouble.

Old bastard's going to get us all killed one day.

But even with that thought, Sasuke didn't waver, after all he wasn't afraid of death. You can't be in this life of blood and violence.

Sasuke was ready... until blue eyes stopped him dead cold in his tracks from across a wide mahogany table. Blue eyes watching, waiting from the other side of the table. On the enemies side of the table.

Fuck.

His resolve crumbled as soon as he saw them through the cloud of musky smoke, because the last time he saw those blue eyes, they were filled with rejection and defeat.

Smoke filled the room from dangling cigar and cigarette lips, eerie quiet of tensions making the room feel even more heady with only the sounds of ice and perfectly aged scotch sloshing in an expensive crystal clear glass. This was an old fashion sit down and as soon as the three sat in their stiff wooden perfectly made chairs, it officially started.

... But Sasuke... Yeah, he was on autopilot.

The rest of the meeting was a blur after that. He was completely useless, giving grunts and the occasional nod when needed. The only thing that was keeping Sasuke anchored was the cigarettes he found himself chain-smoking right at the table, his shoulders tense and his eyes on the ashtray and not at the man that sat before him.

That was until he heard him speak.

"I've heard so much about your family, the Uchiha's. So nice of you to come to our territory for a sit down. We could easily do this diamond heist ourselves but-"

"You don't have the man power, do you?" Sasuke spoke before he realized it. His words not bitter, not angry, simply matter of fact.

Sasuke could hear the sucking in of air that left lips that he was very familiar with. He studied them after all, watched them move, perch, shift, and he had watched it all up close and personal. Sasuke couldn't help but take the man before him in, like he always did. He was an ignorant moth to a flame.

Sasuke didn't notice the man with the dark hair that looks like a pineapple or the man in the middle that had the odd shade of white hair. He was pretty sure they both were introduced but Sasuke didn't give them a glance or the time of day.

He was too busy looking at Naruto, his Naruto, in a typical and expected dark charcoal suit and white button down. He didn't have a tie on like all the other men, and he even had the top few buttons undone. Sasuke didn't realize he was staring brazenly at the man's tanned collarbone until he felt a foot kick him in the ankle.

Ow

Sasuke took a deep pull from his cigarette, the air in the room growing tenser with Sasuke's bold and factual claim. Naruto cleared his throat, his blue eyes watching Sasuke's, speaking to him like they always did.

"Where have you been?"

"I've missed you.

"Why are you here?"

"I've missed you."

"Why did you run away from me?"

"Did I mention that I missed you?"

"That is correct. That's an observant one you got there, Fugaku." The deep timber of the pineapple shaped headed man stated with a flick of his wrist, before pulling his cigarette back to his lips. Dark brown eyes were watching Sasuke closely.

"Yes. Sasuke has a very keen eye, but back to the matter at hand. I do need to know..." The Father's voice trailed off with a cocky sneer, his eyes growing intense.

"What's in it for me?" The smirk he gave was dark and meticulous as his cigar burning and clenching between his jaws, looking more predator than man.

"Well, of course, we don't plan on leaving you empty handed. How does..."

It was all a blur. The voice all sounded like "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah" like from a Charlie Brown special.

Occasionally Sasuke would tune in, snippets reaching his red tipped ears, and those moments of clarity were usually only when he would be brave to take a glance at tan lips pulling from a cigarette with a soft curve of the lips.

When Naruto took a sip from his scotch, his lips kissing and pursing against the expensive glass, Sasuke found that he couldn't look away, his hands shaking as he took a deep drag from his cigarette. He felt insane, like a mad man. He couldn't stop the staring even when he gave his own thigh a harsh pinch.

Ow, that definitely left a mark. Sasuke bit his bottom lip, his palm rubbing against the bruise he knows is forming.

When he saw Naruto lick the moist rim, making Sasuke's hungry gaze follow the movement of his tongue, the visual caused Sasuke's brain to scramble. He was pretty sure his brain actually short circuited right then and there.

"Sasuke and I are the best in the field. Trust me, you won't need more than what we can provide." Itachi's voice reaching him, and shaking him from his depths. Sasuke gave a nod with a confident't smirk, as he leaned back stretching out his legs.

"Is that so?" Naruto's grainy voice said with his own smirk, his blue eyes pinning down onyx as he gave a chuckle, his lips still at the rim of the glass. Sasuke could feel something rub against his ankle making his body still, something raw twisting deep and low in his gut.

Is that. Is that his foot?

"Tell me Sasuke. What is your average?" The question was said light and teasingly, but the feeling of soft leather and the blunt pressure rubbing from his ankle up to his calf made Sasuke face grow warm. He was pretty sure his mind just gave up on trying to unscramble itself at this point.

His pale rough hands are shaking and grasping tightly, his goddamn cigarette was keeping him anchored in his seat. Actual the flimsy cigarette broken from his grasp, causing Sasuke to grunt in annoyance grinding down the damaged bud into his ash tray.

"Depends. Grouping?"

"Head shots. Hearts shots. Those are the only ones that really count."

Sasuke completely agreed. If you wanted a fucker dead. Well, you had to do it right.

"Hn."

"I can do 5 rounds with my revolver, dead on target, without having to change my magazine. I bet you can't beat that."

"6" Sasuke simply said with a wide grin, looking like the cat that ate the cream.

"No fuckin' way." Naruto said with wide impressed eyes.

Sasuke couldn't help but shift underneath the scrutiny. Those blue eyes taking him in, roaming along his frame, landing on his hands. Sasuke saw bright white teeth clench against a tan bottom lip, sucking playfully, and looking far too seductive for his brain to handle at this time.

"What do you carry?" Naruto's voice seemed to purr, the R's rolling loose and playfully as he took out his gun, showing off his revolver with a confident twirl.

Sasuke gulped, his shaking hands pausing on a fresh stick, as his eyes went from teeth sucking and biting on bottom lip, to tan skin, whiskered cheeks, up to mischievous blue eyes. Sasuke cleared his throat, pulling out his own weapon, which was a newer and more expensive model than Naruto's, but Sasuke always believed that it wasn't the cost of the gun but how you handled the deadly weapon that mattered.

Naruto leaned in, expecting the weapon with a loud whistle and a grin. Naruto removed his foot slowly, but the slight brush of ankle on ankle, skin on skin made Sasuke reach for his own scotch with his gun free hand. He was suddenly very parched and in need of a distraction. Any distraction would do.

"I bet my reload time is faster than yours." The taunt left Naruto's lips, but Sasuke was not able to respond. He was experiencing his first ever sensory overload, while trying to keep his Uchiha indifference mask in place. It was extremely difficult to balance the two.

It took him far too long to realize that he could have moved his foot away at anytime, and even longer for him to come to the conclusion that he very much wanted to feel it again, and again, and again. Delicious tan skin on his (paler than he liked) skin, rubbing against his own, caressing, maybe even tasting it.

"It seems Naruto has found a rival in your son, Fugaku." The man with white hair said with a grin. Well Sasuke assumed it was a grin, but he couldn't quite make it out with the scarf covering the lower half of his face.

Weird.

The sound of someone else's voice other than Naruto and his own caused him to shake from his clouded mind. Sasuke's head was swimming and sharks were circling. He was completely, utterly fucked. He just hope no one else saw the heated glances or how tight his pants had become.

"Sasuke is more than ready to take on that challenge. We Uchiha's are created to be perfect killing machines. My sons are the perfect weapons."

Sasuke was in the mist of feeling a bit panic, a bit nervous when blue eyes snapped him from the prison of his mind. He saw sadness in them, swirling with concern. The droning of the the two leaders talking continued as Sasuke watched Naruto's sharp jaw clench and unclench, his fist balling as he tried to pick up a fresh cigarette with unstable hands.

He looks... upset.

Blue eyes met his, and that's when he saw the slight irritation mixed in with the various shades of blue. That's also when he noticed the bags under his eyes, and how tired he looked. Sasuke swallowed the brewing guilt as he red blue eyes that seemed to say, 'Sasuke is more than that. How come they don't see it?'

Sasuke placed his knuckle at his lips giving them a harsh bite. He never wanted Naruto to be sad on his account. Sasuke was used to being referred to as a byproduct and nothing else. But Naruto... Naruto hadn't ever had to witness it before today. Didn't have to see the way Sasuke was looked at as property and thoroughly dismissed as anything other than that.

It all came down to blood after all.

Sasuke found himself wanting to bring back the light in Naruto's eyes. Wanting to make amends with him in some way.

He took a risk.

A chance.

He found himself rubbing his foot back against Naruto's while the blond inhaled the smoke from his cigarette causing his eyes to widen as he choke on his first inhale in shock. A playful glare and a pouted bottom lip greeted Sasuke causing him to mask his own chuckle and grin while pulled out his own cigarette. He could see the light coming back, growing brighter the longer blue eyes watched him, spoke to him.

The goddamn hornets in his belly were acting up again.

"Excuse me, gentlemen." Naruto says with a mumble, clearing of his throat. His face grows hot underneath his whiskered cheeks making Sasuke's face grow wide with his own grin.

"It is fine. We are done here." The white haired man said with a simple nod to Fugaku.

"Sounds like business is in order then. We, as well as a quarter of our men, will meet you at the location in one week from today."

It all happened so fast, one minute he was acting like a goddamn teenage girl playing footsie under the table, and the next he was receiving a pat on his shoulder by Itachi as he stood from his chair. If Itachi hadn't signaled him that they were leaving, would he have noticed? Or would he have stayed in the chair looking like a fucking moron?

Sasuke didn't have time to debate because as he stood he had a new issue entirely. He was hoping that his thick billowing coat and his long black scarf he had threw on today covered his tent in his embarrassingly tight slacks.

Sasuke quickly lite the cigarette that was resting between his fingers, giving it a few quick inhales before blowing out smoke. He stood quickly, caressing his suit jacket, put on his coat to do the same, "making sure it didn't winkle", before leaning back down, removing his cigarette with one hand as the other tossed the rest of his scotch back in one gulp.

"5 am sharp. What a drag." The pineapple head man said with a grunt before taking a deep pull from his cigarette.

"Uchiha's are never late."

As he placed the glass back down, he was met with dark blue eyes that were scorching and a wide cocky grin that left him forgetting to leave with a polite greeting. Itachi saved him once again, biding the group farewell as Sasuke gave a quiet nod before turning quickly, hoping he hadn't embarrassed himself.

Naruto gave him a smirk and a wink as he turned, and Sasuke was so glad he was the last to exit and that he was already showing the mooks his back, because his face grew even hotter as he left out of the double doors.

It took everything in the young Uchiha to not look back and search for blue eyes. He knew that once he did, he would do something crazy, fucking insane. Hell, he may have even ended up crawling across that stupid wooden table to simple touch the man's hair or rub along the bags under his eyes.

"What do you think, Itachi?"

"Smells like a backstabbing yellow belly to me."

"I smell the same rat."

"Hn." Sasuke chimed in distracted and lost in thought.

He may have even thought about turning back around, kicking down that stupid door and begging for a kiss.

---

~S~

The job went exactly like they planned it. Several bodies piled across the warehouse, all with holes like swiss cheese.

And when the last body fell, the leader of the rival mafia boss turned his gun towards the Uchiha's right when his own father turn his own gun towards them. Additional men from both sides entering from opposite sides, as if they were created from the fog. Ahh Mafia life, how predictable.

No one stuck to their word. No one was safe. Loyalty was a term that was thrown around but wasn't always given. Especially with an enemy. Why share the spoils when you can just wack the boozos and claim it all for yourself, for the family.

It was all just easy peasy lemon squeeze... well it was until the bullets started to rain down, several men dropping like flies on both sides. The smell of gunpowder was now a permanent fixture in the fragrance that surrounded them. Well gunpowder and the bitter metallic stench of fresh blood being spilled. Speaking of fresh blood-

"Shit" Fugaku hissed as one of their very own foot soldiers next to him got hit right in the head, splattering blood all over the poor mook that happened to be in the vicinity. His father happened to be that mook.

Ha.

"God damn- all over my shoes-" The curses were muttered and low, followed with a "goddamn dirty rat" before the arm extended shooting with vigor toward the opposite direction of the warehouse. It was chaos, and in the middle of it all, all Sasuke could think about was Naruto.

Is he okay?

What if he was hit, and bleeding out somewhere?

Or worst, what if he was dead?

Sasuke could feel his left eye twitching, his right hand shaking as he shot hot lead after hot lead in all direction, while subconsciously trying his best to not hit any blond hair or bronze skinned targets.

"Sasuke, run to the vault. Maybe we can get a jump on this. Go!"

"Yes Father."

The order was made as Sasuke was roughly pushed in the direction of the vault, deeper into the warehouse away from the open wide double doors, farther away from the early morning sunlight starting to peek through. It seemed to say, 'hurry the fuck up before your cover is blown.'

Sasuke was running, it was a race against time, and as his feet carried him forward, his steps pounding against cement floors, he took out anyone that stood in his way. He was just about to round the corner leading to the last corridor. So close to all those bloody diamonds, he could practically smell them.

Ahhhh nothing like the smell of smoke, blood, and even bloodier diamonds.

Sasuke thought sarcastically. He was so far in his head, eyes moving forward on the path, that when a hand shot out and grabbed him by the wrist dragging him into a side room, he found himself making a surprise noise. An embarrassingly high surprised noise.

Gun drawn, his teeth clenching, he found blue eyes warm and wide staring back at him at the bottom of the barrel.

"Are you fuckin- crazy?! I almost killed you-"

"Shh!" Naruto hissed as he placed his hand on Sasuke's mouth quickly, his pointed finger to his lips as his fingers pointed to the door, his eyes wide speaking as they always did, 'someone's coming' those blues said.

The hand on his mouth was released, Sasuke could still feel the tingling sensation from just the touch of his hands brushing against his lips. Listening closely, they could hear men, his father's men, coming, running by the storage door heading in the complete opposite direction of the vault. Sasuke couldn't resist the urge to place his hands on his head while giving it a shake, his eyes downcast in annoyance.

Does anyone actually pay attention at the goddamn briefings?

Sasuke could vaguely hear the sound of soft snickers from Naruto, his shoulders shaking as the men continued on their path, the wrong path, leaving them back in silence. Sasuke felt his body hum at the close proximity of his body and Naruto's, their air mixing in the closed tight space.

Onyx eyes traveled along the space for a distraction, his gaze seeing boxes lined and stacked against the wall had labels like, "Very Dangerous", "T-N-T", and "Highly explosive". Sasuke gave Naruto a glare, out of all the places to pull him in to hide, he would pick the most deadliest and irresponsible of location.

"What is -"

"Sasuke, what do you want?" His blue eyes were searching his own, seemed to be asking- no, begging Sasuke to listen. To be open.

Large calloused hands captured his own, causing Sasuke to gasp loudly, and if he had the time to take notice, he would have been embarrassed by his blushing red cheeks. But they didn't have time. Time was not on their side. It never were.

"Naruto... We can't-"

Sounds of gun shoots rang out... Bang Bang, along with shouts of screams from a distance, causing both of their eyes to widen, their shoulders tense and shaking.

"Goddamn it, Sasuke! Stop talking yourself out of- what do you want?"

Naruto's voice was strained in a hiss, the close space making their breath mingle as the two spoke in the tightly enclosed room. Sasuke took a moment, his eyes taking in blue, it was all he thought about, dreamed about. Sasuke was so tired of lying, of dodging, of failing at his own brand of happiness. He was tired of saying no to more than blood and violence.

"Y-you. I only want you-" The words tumbled out of him, if he was more self aware he may would have winced at his voice growing shaky, or that his tone went up an octave when he said the word "You."

"I'm going to kiss you- I hope that's okay- , fuck Sasuke- I need tah-"

"Yeah." One breathy syllable was all they needed, before the two lips collided.

It was soft but urgent, Sasuke could feel ever hair on his neck stand up, at the feeling of one hand gliding into his hair, holding him close. The soft sigh he released, gave Naruto the opening to glide his tongue teasingly along Sasuke's bottom lip. He could feel his body lean into the kiss, his eyes fluttering as heated lips took his breath away.

The kiss wasn't long, it was short and sweet, with a hint of teasing and desperation sprinkled on for good measure. Sasuke could finally feel the crack in his heart, that he had gotten used to, start to heal, to mend. His lips, the way Naruto's lips were gliding along his own, the way they seemed to turn and shift perfectly against Sasuke's told him everything he needed to know.

It feels like coming home.

Sasuke felt light headed from the thought, and as his shaking hands trailed up slowly, gently touching whiskered cheeks, he felt his mind go numb. He was in a bubble, no one else can get in. No one else mattered. Lips pulling back to breathe just to draw him back in, hands clutching at hair, at each other's blood stained button down shirts and annoyingly thick suit jackets. Sasuke could feel his hands began to shake violently.

This feeling- overwhelming.

He refuses to let go now. Now that he's had a taste of more. Now that he knows that he can't live without the taste of Naruto on his tongue daily. He didn't hear the guns shots, the shouts of men, the screams of the dying. He only heard soft sighs of "Sasuke" and mumbled curses against his lips "taste so fuckin' good."

"You- you just kissed me."

I can't let this go.

"Any regrets?"

"None."

I can't.

He wants everything he could get from blond hair and blue eyes. he wants it like his father wanted all his enemies tortured brutally and killed, screaming and begging for mercy.

He didn't want this shit on paper. Neatly worded documents that say things like "I hear by state" or "let the record show".

Nah.

Nope.

Sasuke... he wanted this shit in blood.

And as their labored breathes mingled, hungry lips still trying to taste, gripping to caress, Sasuke had another thought that shook him.

We could run.

His lips stilled, Sasuke's body tensing at the thought. He was terrified, but he didn't know if he could put Naruto through that. A life on the run. Never comfortable. Always looking over their shoulders.

Selfish, selfish, selfish.

Sasuke can't only think about himself anymore. His life was meaningless, a means to an end, but Naruto-

No.

His blood felt cold, like it was frozen inside of him. He didn't open his eyes but he could feel worried blues on him. Big hands rubbed up and down his shoulders, his arms, his back, all such simple sweet gestures.

The feeling of this man, once labeled as a nuisance, now labeled as something more. He could feel the frozen blood began to warm and slosh loudly around in his body. His veins felt as if they were energized and pumping again.

"Look at me." Rough hands landed on face, calloused finger tips squeezing cheeks roughly, lifting Sasuke's lowered eyes to blues that encouraged, that understood.

"You said, no regrets. Did you mean it?"

Sasuke hesitated before he answered, it was never about if he wanted Naruto, because that was a no brainer. No, it was if he could keep Naruto, that was were the lines got blurry and complicated.

"Yes. Of course I did- but"

The sound of gun shoots coming closer and closer started to fill the space. The only thing keeping them from getting to their door or passing it is the gun war that seemed to have travelled and wasn't letting up anytime soon.

"Goddamn gun shoots- Sasuke- Sasuke don't talk yourself out of this. You're allowed to be selfish. Take what you want." Naruto's voice was deeper and grainer than usual, anger leaking all over each word as he spat them out in frustration. Sasuke knew that the anger was not targeted at him, he knew that Naruto despised his Father, knew that if he could, he would murder the man in cold blood.

"We could never be together here-"

"Sasuke-"

"B-but this is wrong?... isn't it?! A man shouldn't want-"

"Sasuke, there is nothing wrong with the way you feel in my arms. This- it feels right."

It does.

Sasuke found himself smiling, a soft smile, a peaceful smile as his eyes took it all in, his body leaning into the embrace with a sigh. Sasuke for the brief moment decided to allow himself to be selfish, but his thoughts continued to plague him.

"You'll never be happy with me. They won't allow-"

One minute Sasuke was dealing with his anxiety, his nerves sizzling back along his skin, and the next he was getting pushed and pressed against the wall of the room, pinned down by an equally strong body. Sasuke's voiced concerns and contradictions melted from his brain and out of his ears, his arms grabbing at strong shoulders to keep him afloat.

"Mmf" Soft lips were smacked into his own, silencing his rambling and his anxiety. Sasuke could feel his eyes roll back as a thick leg landed between his own, the knee pressing into the wall, giving Sasuke's lust somewhere to rut, to grind, to gain friction.

He began to feel something raw and desperate flutter in his lower stomach. He could feel the tightness of his slacks brush and shift against his now twitching member. He was growing hard fast, too fast for how dangerous the situation had turned.

I'm currently in a tiny room filled with explosives, sucking tongue with a man, while gun shoots continued to ring loudly outside the thick door. What is life?

Sasuke was buried deep in bliss at the mercy of so much teeth and tongue, as his panted and moaned softly between each shift of their lips. Naruto's tongue feasted, licking along the roof of his mouth before sucking hungrily on his tongue causing Sasuke's body to shift against the leg sharply.

Naruto's mouth silenced the groan that threatened to break through, a strong arm wrapped around Sasuke's waist while the other arm was covering them over head against the wall, fingers gliding along strands. Sasuke was surrounded, his body humming like a symphony. Lips left his, allowing himself to gasp, to fill his throbbing lungs back up once more.

"Why do you keep running away from me? Instead of running away from me- Sasuke, run away with me."

Silence filled the space before parted wet lips spoke.

"No-"

Naruto looked taken aback, his eyes growing wide and shinny with unshed tears, his throat bobbing and swallowing thickly. Sasuke immediately knew what he did wrong as soon as he saw the pain once again in blue eyes.

"Not yet I mean. I just need time." Sasuke tried to make sure he spoke with more care. He never needed to before, but for the first time, he found himself caring, wanting to be better, to do better.

Naruto grinned, his eyes showing relief in them as he wrapped both of his arms around Sasuke's waist pulling him extremely close, their noses brushing sweetly.

It all felt like everything was happening so fast, but Sasuke never once felt uncomfortable or unwanted. He wanted him. Naruto really wanted him, and he wanted Naruto too.

Yes, this Sasuke, the one that wants more than blood and violence. This Sasuke that wants to experience love and an actual life. This Sasuke that wants, and wants, and wants. He was selfish, he was warm and not cold like his programing. This Sasuke wants Naruto like nothing he had ever wanted before.

It feels so weird to want, to allow myself to truly want.

"I can wait for you." Soft words against swollen lips.

"You won't have to wait long. I promise-"

"I'd wait forever for you." The words were heavy, weighted, but the smile and chuckle that Sasuke received showed truth and earnestness.

Kami, I want to kiss him again.

"Can you wait 2 weeks for me." Sasuke's tone was light and teasing, but internally he was hesitant and nervous. So much could go wrong in the next two weeks. Hell, so much could go wrong in the next 2 minutes.

"Coffee shop?"

"Coffee shop.

Foreheads touching in their close embrace, before gunshots rang out loudly. They were out of goddamn time. Sasuke's fingers clenched, his bottom lip between teeth. He really didn't want to let go.

"Listen Sasuke, shoot me in the shoulder-

"No-

"As soon as I exit. I'll leave, running in a different direction-

"I'm not shooting-"

"We need to make it look like we got into a shoot out-"

"No-

"Sasuke it won't hurt me. I'll be fine because it's you. You understand?"

They didn't have time for them to rationalize the plan. Sasuke didn't have to time voice his concerns:

I can't do it.

Please don't make me do this.

I don't want to hurt you.

Why are you making me do this?

"Fuck." Sasuke could hear the pain in his mumbled curse, his lips quivering at the thought of hurting his home. Seeing the pain that he will inflict on him in his eyes. Sasuke was trying to swallow down the lump, the sob that threatened to break free, the tears that were slamming against the dam.

"I know. I know. It's okay. We're almost there. I promise. We'll make it out." Naruto's words were cooed and rushed, stumbling out through the loud bangs of gunshots that were very close to their location, kisses marking Sasuke's face between every few words. Sasuke's shaking form stilled from the warm words, the sound of the voice he had recognized as safe. He could feel his body begin to lean and sway slightly from the little comforting pecks that were vibrating along his skin.

Naruto turns to leave and Sasuke stops him in his tracks with a sweet kiss, full of emotion, his eyes glassy and swirling as his lips kissed Naruto slowly, savoring him. This was the first first kiss that Sasuke has every truly initiated.

"This isn't good bye. You hear me you idiot." Gritted out and pained, Sasuke searched blue eyes desperately as they gazed into each other's eyes.

He has to know.

"I know. It's see you soon."

"And soon we won't have to say goodbye anymore."

He has to know how I feel.

"Until then, Sasuke." Even though Sasuke heard the words from soft smiling lips, tender blue eyes said something different, "Stay alive, Sasuke."

"You too, Naruto."

"Stay alive, Naruto."

Sasuke forces himself to let go. Forced himself to watch as his home twisted and turned the knob. Lifting shaking arms, his gun aimed right at Naruto's shoulder, onyx eyes met comforting blues.

"It's okay. It's okay Sasuke."

Sasuke could practically hear the words in his head, sounding just like Naruto, whispering in his ear. Sasuke swallowed down the bile that wanted to come up, gave himself a nod, and released the trigger with clenching teeth. Naruto lips moved to form words, smiling softly like a whisper, "I love you."

Bang!

The shot was clean, it was precise, grazing only along the strong shoulder that his hands were just anchored with. Sasuke's eyes widened as he took in the words that were said to him without sound, mouthed for only Sasuke's eyes to read. Sasuke gave a sharp inhale, his hands now shaking for a new reason entirely.

Grunting softly at the impact, Naruto gave Sasuke a soft grin through his wince before turning to run away, a trail of blood leaking from his tightly clenched hands over his gaping wound. Sasuke did what he was suppose to do, honored the request from the man that came in loud and obnoxious.

But this...

He loves me.

This wasn't scripted, wasn't planned. Sasuke shaking hands stilled, he gained clarity in the mist of lifting his gun.

Bang!

Sasuke bit his bottom lip, swallowing down the groan before looking down to see a fresh hole in the middle of his right foot, pooling and spilling over with the substance that was always deemed as the most important.

His precious Uchiha blood was dripping, and swirling creating a puddle under his soles. In that moment, with his limp foot trailing out of the tiny little explosive oasis, Sasuke found solace. He freed it with a whispered sigh toward the direction were a trail of blood petered off.

"I love you too."

---

~S~

Piles of bodies were laid cross the terrain, the few men that were alive carried the chest filled to the brim with diamonds. His father was in a sour mood, only being able to capture a little under half of the contents in the vault.

"Why did so many of my men have to die? We could have carried more if we had more bodies."

Sasuke wasn't shocked from the callous remark. His men didn't even flinch at the mention of their friends, cousins, and brothers who had fallen by the bloody hands of another family.

As they passed body after body quickly, trying to make it to their van to carry away their loot, Sasuke found himself walking in a slower pace. His eyes casually scanning the bodies.

Brown hair? Good.

Pale skin? Great.

Tanned skin but not blond hair? Even better.

He wanted to make sure he didn't see Naruto in the number of the dead, wanted to make sure that their plan to leave, to escape was still on the table until something his father said made his blood run cold.

"Hey! Would you look at this Sasuke? It's that loser with the blond hair." His father yelled in his direction, sounding down right gleeful.

Sasuke's neck turned so quick, he was worried that he would have snapped it from the quick whip. Picking up the pace, Sasuke stumbled a bit courtesy from his fucked up foot. He could see his father's expensive leather brown shoes sitting on top of blond head and kicking the body around.

No.

Sasuke was met with wide blue eyes, a bloody gapping wound that sat right between shocked eyes.

NO.

Sasuke was like a volcano, his heart boiling over, gut twisting, hands clenching as he took in the site. He had never wanted to kill his father so much in his 18 years.

It's not fair.

"Guess he ain't competing with you no more, huh Sasuke?" He father said with a loud guffaw, his hand clenching his cigar with a wide sneer. Sasuke could feel bile coming forward at the back of his throat, his stomach clenching violently.

How?

Sasuke didn't realize that he fell to his knees, his hands cradling blond hair that just hours ago he had the privilege to touch, to tug. Sasuke's hands brushed over blue tinged lips, they were tense and cold, no longer warm and soft. Not at all like how he remembered.

It's not fair.

Sasuke's mind went blank, and his vision went white as a sob tore through him. It was deep, gut wrenching, and his gagging and gasping between each sob broke free. His body was draped along Naruto's unmoving form as he shook, showering the cold body beneath him with his grief.

How am I suppose to live without you?

He didn't realize that his lips were moving, chanting his name over and over as he gasped to fill shriveled up lungs. His hands clenching around suit labels and bloody fabric. His hands running along the seams in anguish, his mind remembering the caress from mere minutes ago. Where he anchored on, were he refused to let go.

Not fair. This shits not fair!

The scream he unleashed sounded like a mourning soul, a possessed entity with no name, no face, nothing but turmoil. Sasuke lost his only chance at more. Naruto was his one chance at more. And now it was all gone.

Sasuke woke up in his bed with a start, tears streaming down his eyes and his throat felt sore, which means he was definitely screaming or sobbing loudly in his sleep. It was the dead of night, and the only sounds that he could hear was his loud panting as he tried to calm his racing heart. He could vaguely hear the sounds of his brother's footsteps approaching along with a ringing, that was loudly chiming in his ears.

"I'm fine, Itachi." He spoke hoarsely to the closed door. Grateful that once Sasuke became 16 years old, he was invited to live with Itachi instead of his parents.

He could hear the hesitation of feet right outside the door. They lingered before they slowly retreated back down the hall, away from Sasuke's door, away from Sasuke's tears that continued to stream down freely.

Sasuke turned, his face buried deep in the pillow as he sobbed his heart out hoping the pillow would be able to muffle it all. He needed to release the tension that had invaded his body, his heart, and his goddamn soul. Once he was calm, his tears drying and his eyes sore and red, he took deep breathes trying to ease his anxiety.

Naruto is not dead.

Deep breath.

You didn't see his body.

Deep breath.

Sasuke winced loudly as he shifted on his back. The hole in his foot throbbed, from his idiotic shifting around with his injury still healing. Sasuke knew he should be more careful but at the time all he could feel was Naruto. It was all he could think about as he rested, recuperated.

We will make it out of this alive.

Deep breath.

Naruto. Naruto. Naruto.

Deep breath.

Sasuke was scared. There was no way for him to get a confirmation that Naruto was okay, and that he survived. There was no way for him to contact him either. The only thing he could do was hope and pray that in 7 days Naruto will show up, that he will keep his promise.

Sasuke place his hand on his heart, feeling it slow to a measured pace. He found himself smiling in the dark, everything was so uncertain, but Sasuke was grateful. Grateful to have experienced Naruto. Experienced his laugh, his easy excitement, experience those lips.

Sigh.

No matter the out come, Sasuke was truly grateful. He didn't regret finding something that was way more better than blood and violence. He was enamored that he got the chance to have danced with lust and flirted with his wants, his desires.

Sasuke was honored that he had been able to experience real love, even if it was only just a brush of the shoulders.

---

~S~

Sasuke was ready. His bags were packed in secret with clothes and plenty of money for a decent start. He had everything ready, and it was still days out before he said sayonara to the crime life. Sasuke hid his bag in a bush close to the shop, buried deep in the briar.

Sasuke made a habit of occasionally checking on it in the dead of night when the city was quiet and the streets empty. Everything was going just peachy. Sasuke was keeping up the facade, the hole in his foot had healed well, but he still had a small limp.

Sasuke continued to rest, elevate his foot as much as possible. He wanted to make sure he was in tip top shape when Naruto showed up at the coffee shop.

His brain knew that Naruto was serious about going rogue, was serious about them finding and exploring their... us, but Sasuke's heart was a different matter. It rattled around in his chest, reeking all sorts of chaos, exposing all of Sasuke's tender areas.

Sasuke was afraid- hesitant. He knew he wanted Naruto, knew that this was his chance to discover who he really was underneath all the self taught deprivation crap that the Uchiha family spoon feed him. Sasuke's heart was weary about so much, the list as long as a stretch limo.

What if's creating tornadoes in his heart, crawling up to his brain. The what if's had even started clouding Sasuke's usually practical mind.

What if Naruto was killed that day at the-

What if Naruto got caught before making it to the-

What if Naruto had ran his big fat mouth and blabbed to the-

What if. What if. What if.

Kami, it was so loud as it wreaked havoc on the young man's psyche. And for each new ' what If ', Sasuke would never have the strength to fully finish the horrid scenario.

It was draining and exhausting dealing with his anxiety so when the day came and Sasuke walked into the shop, he felt himself breathe for the first time since he last saw Naruto. His tenses shoulders dropping from his ears as he tilted and stretched his neck to ease the muscles there.

Except Naruto wasn't there.

One hour.

Two hours.

Three hours.

Four goddamn hours later, Sasuke was still in his usual spot at his favorite booth.

Sasuke tried his best not to panic, reminding himself to be patient, after all not everyone shows up to the shop as soon as it opens.

Maybe he slept in.

But the day passed by him, as slow as a snail trail as he tried his best to not glance at his watch for the five thousandth time in the last 5 hours. Sasuke refused to leave, even when it got late, even when it was past closing time. The shop owner was nervous, he was afraid to shoo Sasuke away, but once it got past over an hour after closing, Sasuke had no choice. He had to call it quits.

His days passed in a blur. He wasn't getting much sleep, his body hadn't even stirred for anything besides drinking water or coffee. He would occasional have a whiskey, his family watching him with close eyes when he refused the first time. Sasuke didn't make that mistake again.

I have to maintain the facade.

Even though his body was slowly shutting down, crying out, begging for something, anything to come their way regarding Naruto, Sasuke continued to hold firm on his indifferent mask. The eyes eventually strayed, no longer hovering on him, well all except one pair of dark familiar eyes. But those eyes, always did seem to read him deeper than others.

Not only was Sasuke keeping up the charade, by drinking, murdering targets in cold blood, he also gained the habit of dodging Itachi. When he wasn't hiding behind locked doors or giving his older brother the slip, he was chain smoking.

Constantly bringing the lit stick to his lips like it was his day job, even more than what his body was probably used to with its lack of sleep. Cigarette after cigarette, drink after drink, If Sasuke didn't die pathetically with a broken heart soon, the booze and the unhealthy smoking habit would surely do the job for him.

Awesome, death by self destruction.

Another habit that seemed to emerge after not seeing his home, was not being able to sleep. He would lay in bed, wide away, his hand rubbing along his chest. Sometimes he would give the area right above the rhythmic beating a caress, a hold, a promise that things would get better. All of his promises and apparently Naruto's were as empty as ever.

At night he had his sadness, during the day, he had his masked indifference and bitter anger that would randomly tear through him. He found himself snapping at foot soldiers more, losing his patience for targets that were only supposed to be roughed up, he even lashed out at his sweet tempered mother.

Sasuke's act was becoming harder and harder to control, to keep afloat. He felt like he was failing, and on top of all that, he still found himself everyday, right at opening at the goddamn coffee shop. Little bits of hope, strung together, covering the deep gashes of his worn out heart.

'Here, it will get better' the hope seemed to say as it patched him up, rubbing along the sore and swollen areas. It was sick, the cycle of coming each day, his heart ripping more and more just to come crawling back each morning with shaking hands, dark circles, and a soft hopeful smile, and he would leave with hurt eyes, slumped shoulders, and clenching fist.

He couldn't keep anything down, breakfast, lunch, and dinner felt like a chore anytime he would open his mouth to put substance in, knowing that it would just be tossed out hours later. He could feel the one pair of eyes on him grow heavier and heavier, but Sasuke was starting to shut down, his drive starting to falter, and his indifference started to wane.

He knew that his brother was watching him, tried several times to visit him, just for him to twist the locked knob on Sasuke's door. Sasuke completely shut him out, preferring the dark drafty room over anything else.

Sasuke grew colder on the inside, his eyes and face looked unrecognizable to him now. He looked more mafia man than he ever had before, but still, each morning as he turned over groaning at the new day, he would get up with all the little energy he could muster, and the sick process would start all over again.

Time to start crawling.

---

~S~

Soft sheets wrapped against bare skin, playful nips and kisses permeated the room, the bed creaking and shifting, soft pants and moans, it was sensory overload at it's finest.

"You scared me." Sasuke's voice was breathless, his lips going back in for another taste, his tongue tracing along hot lips.

"Moron."

"I'm sorry Sasuke." His voice, usually light and playful was deep and even more grainy than usual. The pads of calloused fingers trailed along Sasuke's sides from under his arm to his waist to his hips. Sasuke could feel his cheeks grow red from arousal and embarrassment as he let out a breathy sigh, shifting his hips. He knows he was leaking all over the sheets, desperate for something more than hands and lips on lips.

Knock knock

"What's-"

"I'll get it!"

"Wait, Naruto-"

"It's fine, Sasuke. I ordered room service-" His loud and cheerful voice was cut off with a loud choke as soon as the door was opened a centimeter. Hands and feet bursting in, Fugaku's large hands around Naruto's throat.

"Surprise." The tone was deep and guttural and lacked any emotion of any kind. Naruto choked, his body twisting and squirming, as both of his hands tugged pulling at the tight grip around his throat.

Fugaku watched the man shift in his palm, giving Naruto an amused chuckle before slamming his body against the wall. The back of Naruto's head slammed against the solid force with a sickening thud, causing Sasuke to inhale sharply, scrambling for his gun that rested in his night stand by his side of the bed.

"Did you really think you could run from me Sasuke?" His father's voice sounded loud, too loud, Sasuke could also hear a ringing in his head, as if it was spoken from inside of him. Sasuke felt as if he was moving in slow motion, his limbs heavy as he watched Itachi stepped inside with his gun pointed and heavy in his palm.

Click

The safety was off and the gun was point right at Naruto, a clean shot to the heart. Sasuke sobbed, his gun forgotten as he lifted his hands in surrender.

"Please- Don't, please-" His words were tumbling and spilling out of him, begging for understanding, begging for something, anything.

Please don't kill Naruto.

"Let him go- please- anything- I'll come back and-I'll do anything- just"

Anything you want, just not Naruto.

"Oh Sasuke you have to know that, that ship has sailed. This was your final chance."

His father's voice was dark like the night sky, and cold like a dead body sinking deep into the bottom of a fridge unforgiving sea.

"You lose." His Father said with an amused chuckle, his hand tightened even further around Naruto's neck, causing the man to release little gasps as his face turned purple from lack of oxygen. Sasuke was begging pleading to deaf ears, to cynical smiles, and unrelenting hearts.

"Kill me instead- Please- don't-"

"No thanks." The words were said with a chuckle, as his eyes watched Sasuke throw away all his pride for him, for Naruto.

Please.

He continued to beg and plead until he couldn't breathe, and even then he crawled and gasped his hands clasped together in mercy. The order was given, Sasuke's begging was for nothing. Itachi looked to Sasuke, his face was as cold and indifferent as always but his eyes...

Sasuke felt himself choke at the emotion that were swirling in his brother's onyx depths. His own dark eyes begging his brother, his flesh and blood to not kill his reason for living.

"Please. Niisan, don't do this."

Don't do this to me.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke."

Bang! Bang!

Sasuke woke with a loud ringing in his ear, his mind a chaotic mess, and his head felt swollen and heavy like a giant blimp. Sasuke's feet hit the cold wooden floor, stumbling desperately to the toilet before heaving all of the food that his brother had coxed him into eating earlier that day.

Sasuke couldn't hear anything from the sound of his own garbled gags, so when he felt a warm hand at the center of his back, he flinched violently, his hands pushing away the warmth.

Itachi's usual bags looked more prompted in the bathroom light, his eyes swirling in concern. Sasuke felt his chest heave, and his gut twist from the sight of his brother's eyes, from his dark circles.

Guilt twisted him like a pretzel before he was once again shifting and flopping to the toilet to relieve himself from the pain that he couldn't escape in his dreams or his reality. From his peripheral, he could see the warm hand reach again.

"Don't."

Placed right on the center of his back once again before slow comforting rubs hesitantly started.

"Don't Itachi." Sasuke spat the words with bitter and unjustified anger, it was boiling and bubbling up inside of him like a volcano. He almost said, "You killed him!" But he was able to curb the desire, biting him bottom lip harshly until he tasted blood on his tongue. The words never did escape him.

Itachi continued to rub, as if he didn't hear Sasuke, as if he didn't care that Sasuke didn't want a witness for his disgusting breakdown.

After a while, Sasuke stop telling him to go. After a while, Sasuke found himself drifting back to sleep with bits of vomit still on his face, hugging the toilet like it was a life line.

---

~S~

Sasuke is not an idiot.

He's not.

Sure he's had times in his life were he took a risk, took a chance, and it came back to bite him hard on the ass, but he always thought every step through.

Usually.

So when Itachi told Sasuke that they had a job to do right in front of their father, The Father, Sasuke was skeptical.

This has to be a ploy.

The refusal was on the tip of his tongue before his father chimed in that it was mandatory.

Changing tactics Sasuke tried to come up with logical excuses:

"I have that other job to do, remember Father?"

"I was hoping to check on the inventory today, you know how those fuckers never get it right."

"I have a doctor apt in an hour. You know how important that is."

Sure, that last one was a bit of a stretch, his father actually lowered his paper in thought before Itachi dashed his only possible excuse.

"I talked to your doctor yesterday. Stated you had a clean bill of health, Otuto."

Fuck. Maybe I should have exaggerated more on the limp.

Sasuke sighed, resigning himself to his fate. That's right. Sasuke Uchiha was scheduled to have a heart to fucking heart with his older brother.

The drive over was quiet, neither brothers speaking in the space. Sasuke simply watched the scenery fly by as he rested his head in his hands, reminding himself to take several deep breathes.

They found themselves at a bench, Sasuke's mind heavy and bloated from what he knew was coming. The two sat in silence, and for a while Sasuke thought that maybe, just maybe, they didn't really need to talk.

Pulling out his cigarettes, lighting one quickly, Sasuke had a moment were he realized that sitting here, in the fresh air, away from the coffee shop, the family, the facade... It was giving him some form of relief.

"Sasuke. What's wrong?"

I guess that was short lived.

"What do you mean-"

"Cut the crap, Sasuke. Don't waste your time lying to me." The words were sharp and stern. Sasuke didn't even need to look at Itachi to know that he was tired, that he was worried, and that he was impatient.

Sasuke gave a hum, taking a deep pull from his cigarette, he had never seen his brother impatient before. He was always a pillar of silent strength, of strong calm resilience.

"I-"

The sound hung in the air. Sasuke would swallow just to try again, but the words wouldn't come. His hands started shaking violently, his breath coming out in pants as he tried to ground himself. He didn't even realize that he started crying, that he was pathetically choking on his cigarette, his other hand gripping the edge of the wooden bench desperately. As if he was trying to hold himself together. His bottom lip hurt from how hard he was biting his lip to silence his sobs. But they still bursted forward not wanting to be silenced.

Sasuke's ears were ringing and soon his silent stream of tears turned to choked sobbing, which then turned to retching. His body heaving all of the breakfast and coffee he had that morning. He didn't feel the shift of the bench, didn't hear the voiced concerns from his older brother's usual monotone. He only realized how close he was when he felt a single large warm palm land on the center of his back, giving him little soothing circular rubs.

Sasuke tried to shift away, push the comfort with the heel of his palms before he was dragged back into the task of emptying his gut. The hand didn't let up, continuing to rub making Sasuke's tears fall for a different reason entirely.

I'm not alone.

It was nice to not feel the weight of the world on his shoulders any longer. Sasuke wiped his mouth with his hand, his brother giving him a Kleenex that he so happen to have on him, along with a small squeezable tube of hand sanitizer with a grimace.

Sasuke cleaned his hand as best as he could, wiping his mouth as well before holding out his palm to accept the hand sanitizer. When a large amount was dolloped into his palm, Sasuke couldn't help the smile his lips formed, his mouth releasing laughter. His small bouts of laughter turned into a gut clenching guffaw as he cleaned his hands shaking off the excess amount of substance.

"Better?"

Sasuke took a moment, tilting his head to the side as he accessed himself. His head felt lighter, his body more calm, the only ache that was left was inside his heart, but that was something that only a blond moron could heal. Sasuke gave a nod, his lips forming a small smile.

"Yeah."

For a while, the two sat, watching the ducks travel along the pond that sat in front of them in silence.

"I like him."

"Like who?" Sasuke responded, his eyes pinched and brows raised in confusion. Itachi turned to him, his face as impassive as ever, but his eyes squinted in amusement.

"I didn't really see it at first. I never thought you would have a thing for blonds, Otuto."

The words were light and teasing. Sasuke could feel his heart stop, his body tensing like a deer caught in the head lights. His mind was a chaotic mess, one part of him coming up with excuses screaming in his head, while the other was simply frozen in shock.

Sasuke was working at half capacity, so what he did next probably seemed completely insane. It shocked even him. He laughed, loud, once again as he gave his brother an eye roll, bumping the strong shoulder with a huff.

"My little brother, in love."

"Yes."

"How does it feel?"

"Like flying." The words soft like a whisper floating over the breeze. Sasuke could feel Itachi's smile, he could also hear the reverence in his tone making his cheeks grow warm under the overcast sky.

Sasuke had come to terms that Itachi figured him out, figured them out, but he had one more thing that was nagging at him.

"When did you figure it out?"

"At the sit-down, I had a hunch but I wasn't quite certain. It was subtle but throughout the meeting you seemed a bit flustered- and twitchy."

"I was not twitchy!" Sasuke's out burst made several squirrels scatter and caused Itachi to chuckle, his smile wide.

"But the warehouse job is what finalized it for me. I saw you come out of that closet. It wouldn't have been suspicious if I didn't already see a trail of blood leading in the opposite direction. I ended up holding some of the men back to buy you more time. Also went a different route to be safe."

"Thank you."

"Sasuke, you're my little brother. I would do anything for you." The words were tender but stern, there wasn't even any room for even a smidge of doubt in his tone.

"I know I failed you once. It haunted me for a while. I promised myself never again."

Sasuke felt his lungs take a full breath, his sides ached, making the younger Uchiha wonder if he had not been breathing properly. The two sat for a while just breathing, existing, giving each other time and comfort.

At one point Itachi pulled out a loaf of bread, and together, the two brothers found themselves feeding the ducks. A pastime that they did a lot when Sasuke was younger in secret.

Sasuke told his brother of their first meeting at the coffee shop, about how comfortable he felt around the blond. How he found himself smiling and leaning close without realizing it or meaning too. Sasuke told him everything, it felt so good to purge himself of everything that had him twisted in knots.

Love was always seen as a man and woman stereotype. Love was always seen as an obligation or in films lovey dovey and strange. Love was none of those things though. Naruto taught Sasuke real love.

Love was invasive at times, close to your face and not giving you room to breathe. Love was yelling across tables, yanking newspapers, and spilling coffee. Love was pinkie brushes, hushed conversations surrounded by explosives, and shooting yourself in the foot. Love was a sick demanding bastard, that made Sasuke want to crawl toward it and show his belly in submission.

Love was everything Uchiha's weren't.

And yet, Sasuke Uchiha found love.

"It will all work out Otuto-"

"But Nii-san, Naruto hasn't come in the coffee shop in the last few weeks. I'm starting- starting to believe that he might be- that he's given up... on me."

"Do you love him?"

"Yes."

"Do you trust him?"

"Yes."

"Then you have to have faith. Don't give up? Don't become like us."

Don't become like father, like me.

"But- it hurts Nii-san- so bad. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe."

"I know." Soft, understanding, the words gave Sasuke comfort, even if it was a small comfort. A rough hand landed on the top of his head, causing Sasuke to meet eyes, so familiar than his own, but so wise for the age.

"You said yourself that Naruto loves you. He'll come." There was not a single doubt in Itachi's voice as he spoke.

Sasuke could hear a voice inside his own head, sounding strangely like Naruto, all warm like the sun and grainy like the sea.

Believe it.

---

~S~

Sasuke once again came crawling back like always. It had been several days after the conversation with his brother at the park bench. He had a cigarette dangling from his chapped lips as he hummed taking in the news before moving to the funnies.

He was just about to read the newest edition of Marmaduke when he heard a clearing of the throat.

"Is this seat taken?"

That voice. Kami how he missed that voice.

Sasuke didn't realize that he slammed the newspaper down on the table making his coffee spill. Didn't realize that he made a sharp gasp, a choked sob stuck in the back of his throat. He didn't realize that he was staring for way too long, and gripping the wooden edges way too tightly.

"Not at all." Sasuke felt like he was floating, his own voice sounding different to his own ears. The blue eyes he had dreamed about for weeks, all that tan skin looking rich and healthy. Naruto was in a loose orange and white linen shirt, Sasuke could see a large bandage sticking out at the collar near his deep clavicle.

"I'm sorry I took so long. I caught a bad infection." The words were said sheepishly, fingers scratching at his neck with a wide grin and squinted eyes.

"It's okay. I would wait forever for you." Sasuke said back softly, his eyes smiling at warm blues, shiny and wet with relief. Sasuke could have yelled, could have gotten upset that Naruto made him wait, but he didn't. An infection, especially a bad one, isn't something to fuck around about. Sasuke could have have done so many things, but the only thing that was at the forefront of his mind was relief.

Thank Kami, you're safe.

Their eyes seemed to say, as they both took each other in. The early morning sun, made their eyes glow. Sasuke wanted to reach across the table, to hold on tightly. He wanted to grab his home by unruly hair and tug him close, lips on lips, sealing their love and their journey with a kiss.

When Sasuke saw the big genuine smile etch across Naruto's lips, Sasuke found himself letting out a small sound, the sound was mixed with hand shaking relief, bone crushing love, and a gasped sob of contentment. Sasuke had never heard himself sound so open and vulnerable. He had never heard himself sound so in love.

Love

"Are you ready?" The words were said softly, blue eyes never wavering as the large hand he's dreamed about pushed two small pieces of paper to the center of the table.

Train tickets.

"Ready."

It was one simple word, but he meant it.

Sasuke was leaving with a man to start a new life, saying adios to the life of only blood and violence. He never once thought he would end up here, but as the two stood, taking a deep breath as their legs carried them forward, Sasuke couldn't help but feel a warmth spread through his chest.

He felt proud. So proud to have made it out, so proud to have not stayed cold, so fucking proud to say that he knows love personally. It's no longer a foreign concept, or something that he could never grasp.

Before he could stop himself, a pale hand reached out to Naruto, causing the two men to halt right at the door. Blue eyes turning, speaking in concern as it took Sasuke's in.

"Is everything okay?"

Sasuke could feel it in his throat, bursting forward. He couldn't wait any longer. He gave a quick nod, his eyes holding blues, captivating the man the was willing to run away with him, to be with him.

"I love you."

The words were soft, barely a whisper, but Sasuke saw the exact moment when Naruto heard them. His eyes grew wide then shiny, his hand squeezed Sasuke's shoulder, and his throat produced a small wet chuckle.

"I couldn't wait any longer. I had to let you know."

"I understand."

Their eyes grew smoldering in the terrible coffee shop lighting, both hands trying to remain causal, both set of lips quivering with happy smiles, trying their best to refrain from actually kissing in public. They didn't want to gain attention on their departure.

Ring. Ring.

The bell chimes.

Sasuke had always felt sad at the sound.

Like an ending to a perfect dream, were you have to wake up to piss poor reality. His time with Naruto cut short each time it musically tolled.

"Sasuke. I love you too." Naruto said wetly, his eyes roaming along Sasuke's face with a smile of deep content.

This time a loud obnoxious yell wasn't chasing him out the door. This time he wasn't wondering what the next encounter would bring him. This time he was met with a soft promise like the wind, and a firm hand squeeze that made the palms of Sasuke's hands vibrate, tingles crawling down to his finger tips. He's not letting go, he'll never let go again.

You gave me more, Naruto.

But this time, Sasuke felt like this ring signified the start of something new. He could feel that something inside of him has shifted.

Thank you for giving me more.

---

A/N:

Thank you for reading! Please comment/vote/show me love! It makes my heart sing and it continues to encourage me to keep writing.

I appreciate you. :)

She's late, but she's here! See you next week.

xoxo

Ci Mai