Chapter 20

Stone Overturned

Jason was in the guest suite at Sonny's house getting ready to head to General Hospital when a knock sounded on the door.

"Hey Man, you decent?" Sonny's voice could be heard from behind.

"Yeah, come on in." Jason fiddled with the buttons on his trademark black leather jacket. The door swung wide open as Sonny wheeled himself in, having pushed the automatic door buttons he installed soon after he came home from physical therapy the first time.

"Just wanted to check on you, I know today is your first appointment with Griffin. How are you holding up?

"Fine, I guess."

He wasn't OK and they both knew it.

Sonny chose wisely not to comment on that particular lie and decided to change tactics.

"I've heard nice things about Griffin from Ephiphany, what's he like?"

Jason grunted and growled. "A younger version of Patrick."

Sonny laughed out loud, "I'm guessing he flirts with Elizabeth then?" He wanted to keep the small talk going. He knew eventually it would help his young friend.

Jason turned to the mobster who was smirking and rolled his eyes; "only when he thinks I am not looking.

"You're not worried about him putting the moves on her though right?"

"No" Jason shakes his head, " it just seems like it is second nature to him,"

"You're Jealous though".: It wasn't a question, it was a fact.

"A little."

"Do you think you have competition?"

Jason laughed out loud a little, "No, not at all. I know Elizabeth still loves me, Whether or not she can trust me, is our issue."

"Don't forget, whether or not you can trust her too," Sonny said knowingly.

Jason sighed as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "I want to."

Sonny wheeled close to Jason and put a comforting hand on his back. "Hopefully Dr. Monroe can help you with that," was all he said before showing himself out and leaving Jason with his thoughts.

Jason hopped on his bike after leaving Sonny's and drove to GH in silence. If he was being honest, he was very nervous. It had been a long time since he had tried individual therapy. He wasn't good at talking about himself, especially if there were things he didn't want to talk about. That's what this session was all about he thought as he pulled into GH and made his way up to Dr. Monroe's office. Sitting patiently was not one of his strong suits either, but he could do this for Elizabeth.

Dr. Monroe stepped out of the office and took in the look on his next patient's face, which he was able to do because their eyes were closed. Not sleeping, more like thinking about something good, as his face was surprisingly calm and peaceful.

"Jason, you made it. Come on in" Grifin beckoned and once Jason followed him in, he shut his door behind him "Please have a seat," and once Jason sat down, he picked up his notebook and waited for Jason to say something first.

"Will you be writing down everything I say?"

"No, this is mainly for my benefit so I can write down key points or things I want to ask you down the road."

"How does this work?"

"We can start wherever you want to"

"I'm not sure where to begin."

"Jason, typically I would ask you about your childhood, your family, your first relationships, but I know after talking to Elizabeth and what I have read from the file and heard around town; is that this is an untypical situation. I know about the facts, why don't we start with the feelings? When you were last in here, you and Elizabeth talked about how you both bonded at Jake's because you both knew what nothing felt like. Why don't you tell me why you felt that?"

"You go right for the jugular. Don't you? Jason winced. "It's a long story…."

"We've got nothing but time."

"Well, I guess it started when the accident happened, My brother was driving drunk and because of him, I had brain damage, lost my memory, and the people around here lost who I was."

"You mean they lost Jason Quartermaine?" Griffin had read up on the accident, but more importantly, had read Jason's file including the old notes from Dr. Tony Jone's. He read that the brain damage was significant and that the old doctor didn't think Jason was ever going to function in society, have normal relationships, or feel anything ever again. In Dr. Jone's words, Jason didn't have the capacity anymore. Griffin thought that was bull shit. Sounded to him, that the people at the time didn't know how to deal with Jason so they just put a label on him to make it easier to dismiss him and his understandable rage at the time."

"Yeah," Jason said bitterly. "They just wanted him back and I wasn't him, so they kept pressuring me to try and remember and I just couldn't. They took me back to their house and kept telling me how much I just needed to remember and once I did, everything would be okay again. They kept telling me about how Jason Quartermaine wanted to be a doctor like I was going to magically wake up one day and remember them or him and his life.

"What did you want?"

"To smash and break things until they left me a lone or until I got out of there. It was clear that they were never going to accept that the Jason they knew had died, they were never going to accept…." Jason trailed off as he started remembering.

"Accept what?" Griffin was quiet as he gently pushed Jason to open up.

"Accept me. They were never going to accept me." Jason looked down at his hands.

"Were they all like that?"

"No, my sister and grandmother weren't. They accepted me for who I was and who I became. I even took my grandmother's maiden name to thank her for that… Morgan." He said smiling sadly.

"Jason, it sounds to me like you still have a lot of bitterness and resentment towards your parents."

"I've made peace with it. I can't change the past and I can't change what was said and done. It is what it is." Jason was trying to stay in control, talking about this was always tough.

"It must have hurt, though. To wake up, not knowing who you were and having the people around you do nothing but tear you down for not being that person.

"They were hurting too. They lost their son."

"Do you think maybe you were hurting more?

"What do you want me to say that I am Angry? Fine. then Yes I AM ANGRY! Jason stood up and started pacing as Griffin sat back and watched him explode.

"OF COURSE I AM ANGRY, I WOKE UP IN A COLD HOSPITAL ROOM SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE, AND I HAD NO IDEA WHO I WAS OR HOW I HAD GOTTEN THERE! I COULDN'T BE THEIR SON BECAUSE I HAD NO IDEA WHO THAT WAS! THEY WERE SUPPOSEDLY MY PARENTS AND THEY HATED ME! THEY HATED THAT I WASN'T WHO THEY WANTED! THEY COULDN'T MAKE ME INTO WHO THEY WANTED BY CONTROLLING ME! I WAS NOTHING TO THEM! I HAD NO IDEA HOW TO FUNCTION, LET ALONE HOW TO LIVE! THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME FIGURE ALL THIS OUT AND THEY DIDN'T BECAUSE I WASN'T HIM!"

Jason was shaking by the time he was done. His shoulders were heaving and he couldn't catch his breath. This wasn't the first time this had happened in the last few years, but it was the first time someone else was seeing it.

Griffin immediately jumped up and pushed him down into his chair which was no easy feat. "Jason, listen to me, I think you're having an anxiety attack" He grabbed Jason's hand. "Jason, I need you to squeeze my hand every time you draw a breath, okay, can you do that? Squeeze my hand if you can understand me."

Jason squeezed his hand and kept on squeezing his hand until his breathing evened out after 10 minutes. Griffin let go of his hand once Jason was better in control and grabbed him a glass of water. "Here, drink."

"What was that?" Jason was still trying to regulate his breathing. He was bewildered. He NEVER lost control like that.

"I'm guessing…. that was 20 years of pent-up anger due to your feelings of abandonment by your parents. Parents are supposed to protect us, guide us, and nurture us. Sounds to me like your parents didn't know what to do so they what they thought was best and you suffered greatly for it.

"I didn't realize…"

"That you were still this angry about the beginning of your life? Yeah, I bet that was surprising."

Normally Jason would have taken that comment and said something sarcastic back, but he was genuinely surprised at how well Griffin had managed the situation. Maybe this doctor is more than he looks.

"I just didn't realize that it was all still there."

"My guess, is you never really dealt with it at the time and you've been bottling it up for years." Griffin surmised. "But that's what this session was about, getting down to the root of your trust issues- your parents. Both of you have trust issues and until you start dealing with yours, we can't deal with the trust issues between you and Elizabeth. I didn't mean to bring on an anxiety attack. Is this the first time that has happened?"

"No, I started having them a few years ago, but"

"You were always alone before?"

"Yeah."

"Does Elizabeth know about them?"

"No" Jason started shaking his head vigorously, "and I don't want her to know. Not until I am in control of them."

"Why's that?"

"Because that's not who I am. I don't fall apart. I stay calm and collected. I assess every situation and analyze everything. I don't lose control. I am always in control."

"Well, I just want you to think about something if you ever change your mind, sometimes the path of healing can be a little less lonely if you have someone to share it with. At the very least, maybe you should go see Elizabeth after this session, and hang out with her and the kids. That will help you stay focused on why you are living through this pain and anger."

"Maybe you're right." Jason had a new respect for this doctor.

"It doesn't matter if I am or not, what matters is what is going to make you feel better right now?"

"Seeing Elizabeth."

"Then go see her, same time in two weeks?"

"Thank you, Dr. Monroe." Jason held out his hand.

"Griffin please"

The two men shook hands as Jason left his office and pulled out his cell phone.

"Hey, where are you right now?"

"Carly's, I'm with the boys. Why, what's up?

"Just wanted to see you guys."

"Come on over then."

So Jason started making his way to Carly's. Just seeing Elizabeth and the boys would give him peace of mind.