14: My Mind, a Fortress

Even though in her long life she had spent much time outside, exposed to elements which could be a bit temperamental even in the depths of the Greenwood, the fact that something as simple as feeling the wind rifle through her hair could fill her with enough pleasure that she feared her heart might burst, caught Tauriel by surprise. And yet, as she stood on the deck of the strange vessel which had been her prison for several weeks, with a surprisingly warm breeze tugging playfully at the braid which hung down her back, that was exactly what she experienced.

Despite the advanced hour of the afternoon, the sun was still high in the sky, its rays heating her skin where they touched it. The air below deck had been stale at the best of times and stifling at the worst, so she had not experienced even the slightest of chills since she had been captured. Still it felt as if a part of her thawed and unfurled now that she was out here, watching as the unmistakable silhouette of a town grew larger and larger on the horizon.

The relief and the excitement flooding her from the inside were almost enough to forget the unease which had been dominating every moment since she and Kíli had left their makeshift prison earlier that same afternoon. Almost, but not quite.

She resisted yet another glance over her shoulder at the people in her immediate vicinity, knowing exactly what she would find. Gansukh, next to them, exuding an air of perfect calm and a certain amount of smugness as he stood with his hands resting on top of the railing, watching stoically as they drew nearer and nearer to the city of Riavod. Two handfuls of guards, which appeared to be exclusively loyal to him, grouped around them in a loose half circle, their expressions unreadable.

And Kíli, of course, stood beside her with a deep frown etched onto his forehead and his knuckles white from the force with which his fingers clutched the edge of the wooden railing. He was not happy about this, hadn't been from the moment their decision to go along with Gansukh's plans had been made.

Still, he was here with her now because he trusted her judgment and her heart swelled with affection for this young Dwarf, who had come so far since his initial distrust of her simply because she was a Mirkwood Elf. He believed in her in a way no one else had before, not even those who'd had hundreds of years to form an adequate judgment of her character and her abilities. Tauriel wondered, sometimes, if that was a testament to Kíli's particular qualities as a friend or her own kindred's inadequacy in that area, but that was a matter best left to rest, at least for now.

She inched a little closer to Kíli, lifting her little finger so that it hooked over his. Despite her earlier resolution, she now cast a wary glance over her shoulder. No one paid them much heed, though, all eyes fixed on the structures which were beginning to take shape on the horizon. Walls, towers, houses. Not much further, now.

With that realization, her thoughts returned to the matter they had dwelt on most since Gansukh himself had appeared in the small storage room below deck, his eyes gleaming darkly with satisfaction at finding them dressed in the garments he had selected for them. Few words had been exchanged as he led them outside with a couple of guards walking close behind, but not touching them. Was this the sort of freedom he had advertised, Tauriel had wondered? If so, then it was a farce. Just because she was not taken up to deck in chains that did not mean that she was any less of a prisoner.

When they had emerged from the depths of the moving fortress onto the open deck, the sky had been of a deep blue with not a cloud in sight. A fresh breeze had made the heat of the sun quite bearable and once Tauriel's eyes had adjusted to a level of brightness she had not known for weeks, she had found herself unable to hold back a smile. It wasn't freedom, no, but it was something.

The area of the deck onto which they had emerged had been located at the rear of the vessel, raised above a larger area in the middle of which Tauriel had quickly discerned the opening under which the arena was located. No crowd had been gathered around it just then, all occupants of the large, rectangular area around it busy with other tasks. Still, her stomach had clenched unpleasantly at the sight, making the food which had been spread across the length of the long table toward which they had been directed much less appealing than it should have been after weeks of tepid water, hard bread, and flavorless porridge.

Kíli's gaze had been full of concern as they took the seats Gansukh pointed out to them. Gansukh himself had taken the chair at the head of the table, with Tauriel to his immediate right and Kíli one seat further down. The remaining spots had quickly been filled by the guards as if everyone knew exactly where they were supposed to sit.

"I am fine," Tauriel had muttered in response to Kíli's worried frown while chairs were being scraped across wooden planks. Kíli was even more uneasy about the progression of events than she was and it would not do much good to alarm him without due cause. She risked a small, tense smile to underscore her claim.

For once, Kíli had not returned her smile, but had frowned at his plate instead. "You're not. None of us are."

He had reached out beneath the table to briefly squeeze her hand, pulling back again immediately with a rueful grin. It was no secret, Tauriel assumed, that each of them presented a weak spot of the other, a crack in their armor should anyone choose to try and take them down. Still, there was no need to give those who watched them any more insight into the workings of their hearts than they already had. At the very least until they had determined what their new role was to be.

During their meal—which had been exactly as underwhelming as one might expect it to be after journeying across mostly barren lands for weeks—nothing new had been revealed about Kíli's and Tauriel's new purpose. Some of the guards had conversed quietly among themselves, but no one had spoken to the Elf and Dwarf in their midst, the occasional suspicious glance thrown in their direction the only acknowledgment of their presence. Tauriel had found the whole thing to be a terribly tense affair, but when she had looked at Gansukh to see if he was bothered by the discomfort among his followers, she had found him surveying the scene with a complacent smile.

He has us exactly where he wants us to be, she had realized. Two rare and dangerous objects he can add to his collection and parade around to make sure no one threatens his authority.

Hence it had come as no surprise when, after dinner had been finished and the excited proclamation of signs of civilization on the horizon had sounded over the deck, Gansukh had signaled for Kíli and Tauriel to come to his side once again. And there they had remained until now, watching uneasily, waiting.

Riavod was bigger than Tauriel had expected, low buildings sprawling in a long line across the horizon, the setting sun glinting off the sea just beyond. They were approaching the city from the north and, looking east, Tauriel could now discern a few scattered villages with forests and a number of smaller mountains beyond. It should not have surprised her, given that she had spent weeks living in the captivity of inhabitants of these lands, but still the realization that life blossomed even here in such a remote place, a place that had so far remained more or less of an blank spot on the map of the world she had drawn in her mind, made her gape in wonder.

Tearing her gaze away from their surroundings, she turned her head and found Kíli watching her with a smile so fond that it made the tight knot which had lodged itself somewhere in her middle loosen, even if just a little.

"The Great Sea, remember? We will go there together. This, here, is merely a prelude to the adventures which will come after," he said.

For a moment Tauriel abandoned all pretense and laced her fingers through Kíli's, holding on tightly. She hoped with all her heart that he was right. That this was just the first of their shared adventures and not their last.

As they drew closer and closer to the city, Tauriel began to wonder how a vessel as big as the one they were trapped on (not even to mention the giant beasts pulling it) was supposed to navigate the maze of buildings ahead of them. Her question was answered when they swerved southwest and kept going until the buildings thinned out. There, where the land met the sea in the form of a wide, yellow beach, what looked to be half the city was waiting for them.

Loud cheers reached her ears over the creaking and grinding of the giant contraption coming to a stop a few hundred paces short of the water. She cast a concerned glance in the direction of the beasts, worried that they might not take kindly to the amount of noise and the general commotion. However, they had already been untethered from the vessel and, as Tauriel looked on, were being driven in the opposite direction from the city, several dozen of black-clad individuals with long spears showing them exactly where to go.

She wondered what would happen to the giant animals now that their task had been completed. Would they be allowed some respite after dragging a gigantic pile of wood across half of Middle-earth? Or would they be put to some other nefarious purpose immediately? Whichever of the two, she hoped that underneath that horrendous facade, they were either able to find some sort of peace or were too numbed to fully realize what was happening to them.

Once the beasts had put some distance between themselves and the crowd gathered on the shore, a loud rattling sounded from below. Tauriel leaned over the railing to gaze down and saw that gates had been opened in the sides of the moving fortress that had been her prison for many days. Long, wooden planks were being lowered towards the ground and soon enough, the vessel's inhabitants were spilling down the ramps and onto the beach. The crowd's loud cheers accompanied them on this journey.

Tauriel squinted in the bright sunlight, focusing all her attention on detecting familiar faces in the groups of prisoners that were being herded down the ramps amidst the chaos of Easterlings trying to leave that place of horrors behind as swiftly as possible. Her breath hitched at the precise moment that Kíli tensed up beside her and she knew that he, too, had seen the familiar red mop of hair stumbling onto the yellow sand far below, escorted by two guards who apparently had a great time shoving the much shorter Dwarf until he had no choice but to fall to his knees if he did not want to end up face first in the sand.

Ruari. Even from afar, dark purple bruises that covered the right half of his face were visible and Tauriel winced as she wondered, not for the first time, what had happened down in the cells after she and Kíli had been taken to the arena. Nothing good, it would seem. And if Ruari continued to stare as provokingly at the guards surrounding him as he currently did, things were likely to continue in a similar manner.

Another figure broke through the crowd then, hoisting Ruari to his feet with two strong arms looped through his armpits, all the while completely ignoring the taunting mockery of the guards. Ingolf, too, looked like he'd had an even rougher time than usual these past few days, his usually so proud posture somewhat rigid, as if he were in quite some pain from injuries hidden underneath his tattered clothing.

Her knuckles whitening where she gripped the railing, Tauriel fought against the urge to react to the dismal way in which her friends were treated, or, even better, to launch herself over the side of the vessel and stop what was happening to them with her own bit of violence. Her fingers itched for the feeling of an arrow between them. Oh, how easily she would clear a path through the crowd for her friends down below if only she had her bow.

But—no. This was for them, too, she reminded herself. To find out if the semblance of liberty Gansukh had promised might not enable her to get them all out of Riavod and back to their families much faster than if she and Kíli, too, continued to get kicked around and beaten like dogs.

Still, when Ruari suddenly tilted his head back to squint up in their direction and met Tauriel's gaze as if he'd sensed her eyes on him, she felt neither brave nor loyal. Instead, shame burned hot on the back of her neck. Even with her keen Elven eyesight, it was difficult to read the look in his eyes, but from the way he narrowed them, she gathered that he was putting two and two together, a shadow seeming to pass over his face as he took in their new clothes and the company they currently kept.

She wanted to send him some sort of signal, to acknowledge the bond between them even in those altered circumstances, but couldn't think of any way that would make this better, any way that would ease the sense of betrayal the Dwarf had to be experiencing right now. Beside her, Kíli's fingers twitched where they rested on the railing, but he, too, did not outwardly acknowledge their friends down below except for a haunted look which had taken over his features.

He met her gaze, his lips pressed into a thin line, and gave a minute shake of his head. He was right—they could not let this get to them, not when they had not even had a chance to find out what awaited them in Riavod. In the end, Tauriel supposed it did not matter whether their friends believed that they had forsaken them in the pursuit of more comfort and safety. She and Kíli would continue to fight for them from their side of the invisible line the decision to go with Gansukh had drawn between them.

Letting go of a breath that was beginning to ache inside her chest, Tauriel turned back to the scene below. With a shameful amount of relief she saw that the procession of those leaving the vessel had continued in the meantime, the stream of individuals carrying Ruari and Ingolf (and Suri, hopefully, for Tauriel was not prepared to even consider the possibility that the young woman wasn't somewhere down there as well) with them towards Riavod. The crowd parted to let them pass, many craning their necks to get a better look at the captives their people had brought with them from their raids across the lands in the West.

Once the stream of people walking down the planks thinned, Gansukh pushed away from the railing. "Come," he said to no one in particular and yet everyone still gathered around them began moving immediately.

Tauriel caught Kíli's gaze, his eyebrows shooting up towards his hairline. "I suppose that includes us as well," he said.

Casting a final glance at the place where Ingolf and Ruari had been swallowed by the crowd, Tauriel drew her shoulders up to her ears, a shiver running through her despite the hot glare of the sun. "Did we make a mistake?"

Her voice sounded forlorn to her own ears and she despised herself for it. Hadn't she been the one to push them both into this direction in the first place? And now here she was, doubting their decision before they had even had the chance to experience the full consequences of it. Pathetic.

And yet Kíli's face when he reached out and grabbed her hand showed no scorn for her skittishness, only understanding. "I think the next few hours will bring us some clarity in that respect. And always remember," he winked at her, "no one says we cannot still change our minds and stage an uprising. We'd probably get our arses beaten up if we did, but, well. I'd be willing to risk that."

Tauriel attempted a laugh and was surprised when it felt genuine. "To be fair, knowing your luck, it would most likely just be your arse that receives a beating."

Kíli huffed, then sighed dramatically. "That is probably precisely what would happen, yes."

Quietly laughing to themselves, they made their way back to the ladder they had used to ascend to the deck earlier. With a final glance towards the horizon, Tauriel climbed back into the depths of what, after today, would be their prison no longer. What challenges would come in its place, remained to be seen.

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The streets of Riavod were a tangled web of thin threads, woven together with no recognizable pattern. Low buildings consisting of mostly one, sometimes two levels offered little shade and Tauriel was grateful for the occasional large piece of canvas some of the inhabitants had strung up between neighboring buildings, thereby providing at least a little bit of protection from the merciless sun.

It was not just the heat, though, that was causing her collar to feel too tight and the space inside her chest too close to draw a proper breath. People crowded the streets from all sides, some even hanging out of higher windows or peeking over the edges of flat rooftops. In some spots, two people walking side by side would already have brushed against the walls with their shoulders without a throng of people congesting the small alleys. As it was, traveling through Riavod on foot with an unknown destination felt a bit like trying to squeeze a thick rope through the eye of a needle.

For a moment, Tauriel wondered if she and Kíli might not simply disappear in this sea of human bodies. It would be so easy to just slip away. . . But no. For one thing, her red hair and Kíli's distinctive stature would stand out no matter where they went. Also, if they ran away now, they would be leaving Ingolf, Suri, and Ruari behind, which, despite what their friends might currently believe, was not an option. And so she allowed herself to be carried along by the tide, Kíli's hand—which had found hers right after they had passed through the city gates and had not released her since—her anchor in the turmoil.

Instead of focusing on the leering faces surrounding them, Tauriel tried to concentrate on what lay ahead and craned her head to see where it was they were going. As soon as they reached Gansukh's house, she would look for any weak points in its security, gaps through which she and Kíli might slip once they had formulated a plan for their escape. However, none of the buildings which they passed looked even remotely like the home of someone who aspired to be called King. Hadn't he spoken of his household as if it were a grand thing, an estate rather than just a dwelling?

Tauriel's confusion about the location of Gansukh's house was cleared up in the same instant in which her heart sank. For suddenly the buildings lining the streets thinned out and they found themselves at a small port, where several boats were waiting to be boarded. And there, at a few hundred yards distance to the shore, was a small island. So small it was that almost the entirety of it appeared to be covered by a cluster of buildings that had been built on top of it. This, admittedly, deserved to be called an estate indeed.

"Ah, bollocks," Kíli muttered under his breath when he stepped around her and beheld the same sight. "That's not a house, that's a fortress."

Tauriel merely managed a faint hum of agreement while she mentally calculated the distance between the island and the mainland. It certainly wasn't too far to swim, not for her at least. Still, this unforeseen circumstance would drastically complicate any escape attempt.

Gansukh's party swiftly split up, leaving the crowd behind on the docks as they climbed into the boats. Tauriel and Kíli were beckoned by Gansukh himself to join him on the largest vessel, its hull painted a fiery red. On their journey across to the island, Gansukh pointed out several landmarks, his voice proud as if he had built them himself. Tauriel, however, was not paying him an awful lot of attention. She was busy analyzing the current, estimating how dangerous the journey back would be if one were to find oneself lacking a boat.

So focused was she on her task that they were already more than halfway across to the island when it hit her that she was on a boat in an actual sea. An inland sea, to be fair, but a sea nonetheless. Soft undulations rocked the small boat from side to side and the scent of salty water was everywhere, leaving behind its taste on her lips. If her circumstances had been any different, she would have stretched out on her back, watched the occasional cloud drift by in the pale blue sky above and just. . . existed right there, in that very moment.

As things stood, she was far from giving into such temptations. She did, however, close her eyes for the briefest of moments to relish the combined sensation of the sun on her face and the scent of seawater in her nose. When she opened her eyes again, she found Kíli looking at her with a glint in his eyes and a slight tilt to his lips. She felt her cheeks grow warm, faintly embarrassed by being caught while having a moment when they were currently being transported to what could only be yet another prison.

Her helpless shrug caused the dimples in Kíli's cheek to deepen before the glint in his eyes turned into something decidedly more heated. Tauriel felt a warmth creep up the back of her neck which didn't have anything to do with the glare of the late afternoon sun. Had it really been only this very morning that they had exchanged heated caresses in a dark storeroom? It somehow felt much longer than that, judging, at least, by the intensity with which the desire to repeat their encounter ripped through her.

The bottom of their little boat scraped across gravel before she could embarrass herself further with useless blushes and longing looks. With a knowing smirk thrown over his shoulder Kíli jumped out of the boat and into the water, helping the few soldiers that had ridden across with them to push it onto the beach. Tauriel made to follow Kíli, the thought of sinking her feet into the cool, shallow waters tempting. Before she could fully rise from the wooden bench inside the boat, however, Gansukh's fingers closed around her wrist.

"Wait," he said, and his tone clearly distinguished the utterance as a demand rather than a polite request.

With her gaze fixed on the place where Gansukh's meaty fingers dug into her skin, Tauriel slowly resumed her seat. Once she had done so, he released her. Her frown went without his notice, for his face was turned away from her and towards the walls looming above them. A narrow strip of beach separated the water from a stretch of rocky cliffs upon which the fortress they had observed from the mainland had been built, its dark gray walls blending almost seamlessly with the terrain which provided their foundation.

"My humble abode."

Gansukh's subsequent pause indicated that this was the moment where his visitors normally expressed their awe, but Tauriel refused to give him this satisfaction and kept her lips pressed firmly together. When she flicked her eyes from the imposing structure ahead to her captor, she found him studying her with cold, calculating eyes.

"There is comfort to be found on the island of Nurtha," he went on, "some might even call it luxury. I believe I have mentioned this before. Should you, however, find yourself dissatisfied with what it can offer you, know that the waters here are rather dangerous and populated with predators. The only way off the island is by boat and those are well guarded at all times of day and night."

Tauriel blinked up into the harsh light of the late afternoon sun. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because it would be a shame to see potential such as you possess it end up as fish bait. Or that of your. . . companion, for that matter. Wouldn't you agree?"

The moment of deliberate hesitation before calling Kíli her companion had sent Tauriel's heart into enough of a flutter that she found herself unable to come up with an adequate response. Which was just as well, seeing that none appeared to be expected from her. With the front half of the boat now resting on dry land, Gansukh climbed onto the beach without a backward glance, striding up the beach towards where a cluster of people were nervously waiting for him.

Tauriel remained in the boat for a moment longer, her knees uncommonly weak, and told herself to stop acting silly. She had already known that the secret of how close Kíli and she had grown was not really a secret, hadn't she? Or, if it was indeed a secret, it wasn't a particularly well kept one. Still, to hear Gansukh's voice turn deceptively silken with his implicit threat against not just her but also Kíli's life should either of them attempt an escape had more of an effect on her than she cared to admit.

This was why soldiers in Thranduil's guard were strongly encouraged not to form attachments that went beyond the scope of casual friendships, she supposed. Not just because it made it easier for their enemies to attack them, but also because they would see a potential threat to their happiness wherever they looked. It was bound to drive one insane, wasn't it? Tauriel had never given much thought to those regulations, because, aside from some fleeting thoughts about a certain prince in her younger years, she'd had no reason to do so. Now, though, she understood the reasons behind them with gut-wrenching clarity.

Yes, her tender feelings towards Kíli were a substantial part of her motivation to break free of this whole affair and return Kíli to the life in which he belonged. At the same time, however, those same feelings were the driving force being her doubts about this plan, paralyzing her in the face of a threat to the safety of the one she had come to care about so deeply. Clouding her judgment.

Now, she shook her head to clear her mind of the fog which was threatening to make her lose sight of her objective and accepted the hand which Kíli, now finished with the task of dragging the boat ashore, offered her. Not because she needed it, but because it offered a relatively inconspicuous opportunity to be close to him for a moment.

"You were right," she muttered just loud enough to be heard by him over the sound of waves crashing onto the beach. "This really is a fortress. One Gansukh believes we won't be able to escape from."

Holding onto her hand for a moment longer than was strictly necessary, Kíli tipped his head back to look at the walls rising up before them. "And what do you think we should do about that?"

Tauriel grit her teeth against her doubts, her fears, the horrid images of the sea tinted with red blood, and forced a grim smile.

"I say we prove him wrong."