"I don't want to!" Temari shouted into her silk pillow. Her breath hiched. The large room seemed smaller than ever like it was the one choking her insides and not the reality of it all. She couldn't believe he did this to her, how could he? She knew he didn't like her all that much, but this?
"Temari, dear, look at it positively," Lilia said, trying to ease the older girl's mood swings just a little bit, just enough for her to stop shouting.
"I can't!"
"But you can't do anything about it either and it was expected for this to happen someday."
"How?"
"Well, because that's normal, it's how alliances are secured, you know that so why are you surprised, you're the only girl in this family after all," Lilia said gently, her voice being one of reason, trying to soothe her friend, calm her down as always.
"No, it's not!" Temari shouted again, her eyes shooting Lilia with a dreadful glare, she never wanted to worry people but she was terrified. "My father never did such things, alliances are not something he is interested in, he kills or takes, nothing in between." She kept the face of pure anger fixated on her features, never admitting she was scared, not even to her most trusted friend.
Temari knew her father, as well as all those stupid royal protocols, she obviously expected the arranged marriage, it was normal in her position, but not like this, she is totally uninformed of who is her future husband and what comes with it.
Her father is practically throwing her to the wolves.
"So what do you think are his real intentions then." Lilia's voice never left its peaceful tone.
"I don't know. I just know he is going to marry me off to some bastard and that leaves me to suffer my whole life, I'm going to lose everything, you, my brothers, life in general, I do know life in this place wasn't the best but still, it was somehow enough for me. I'm just thirteen Lilia." It was the truth, she hated this place but somehow with this life came the small happy moments.
Will there be a delight in the wolf's cage?
Lilia caressed Temari's hair "I know."
"I don't want to go."
"I know." She looked at Temari with pity, knowing that someone like her would not shed a tear. But Temari cried inside, and Lilia knew. "I'm sorry dear."
She was sad there was no choice but to uselessly comfort. She hugged the older girl even with all the protests that came with the action, Temari needed the tight embrace even if she would never admit it. So she held her so tight like there was no tomorrow like they would die at that right moment. She felt Temari's heartbeat tiredly ponder like it couldn't take any more of all those locked emotions.
They sat like that for hours, the smells of early spring filling the room, they didn't talk, Lilia just let Temari calm down, for her breath to sit still, she could wait forever honestly, Lilia always waited for people, she was a loyal creature, some servants in the castle called her Princess's little puppy, it wasn't far from the truth, Lilia thought, she followed Temari, jumped to the help if needed, kept an eye on her at all times, a guard dog, a friend.
How could she not? Temari was her savior.
Lilia was brought to the castle when she was three, with no knowledge of the outside world, not knowing how cruel it was all along. She knew that Temari's father murdered her parents now, it was already obvious enough, but then the concept of death was never explained to her, adults lied over the truth, sugar-coated it, making it feel safe without knowing that it left the scars of their death behind. It hurt her quite a lot, but Lilia never held that against anyone, she couldn't. She never did such things, forgive and forget was far kinder in her opinion.
Temari showed her what death is, and how blood leaking from her wounds was dangerous in its own right. How it could change into bitter tears.
Temari was the one to teach her how societies like these worked, how unforgiving they could be, and how to appear as fragile as you could to trick grown-ups into innocence.
Temari was the first one to remind her how warm hugs felt after her mother's death.
Temari was her savior, her sister, and even her mother at this point so Lilia will follow her to the grave.
When she finally finished with the messy breakdown Lilia was relived, still holding onto her with a little hand from the panic of the previous mess happening again but Temari brushed her away as gently as she could, she couldn't hold onto girl support any longer she was the older one, this moment of weakness should be unforgivable.
She was told about the news of the engagement this morning. After the realization that everything would be ruined soon, she stayed in the room with Lilia until midnight, totally mad and ruined.
But with time Lilia fell asleep and left her to mourn alone. Temari knew the little girl didn't mean to, she was just a child. She got sleepy easily. But isn't Temari a kid too? Isn't she also supposed to be vulnerable? No, probably not.
When she opened the door to leave the safety of her room she noticed something she didn't expect to see.
"What are you doing here?"
"Taking a walk." He replied simply with no reflection of emotion on his face.
"In the middle of the night?
"Yes."
"Okay." She didn't question him, she wouldn't accomplish anything with it even though she knew he wasn't on the simple walk, waiting in front of her room patiently wasn't the same as walking. "Can I accompany you then?"
"I have no problem with such a thing." His acting skills were amazing, Temari noted for already multiple times. It didn't fail to surprise her.
They walked quite slowly, their every step echoing in empty corridors and the darkness of the night quite obvious. His features were hidden in such an atmosphere that she would have a conversation with a blank face. If he would even talk that is. Was he the one for the simple talks? Was he the one to even care?
With that, it struck her that the kid beside her was a stranger, she had met him just a few times, not a dozen. He shouldn't be the one she would pour out her problems to. But why did she want that?
"Hey, weirdo!"
He seemed to flinch, a reflection of an old nickname maybe. "What?" He said, his head never turning in her direction.
"If your marriage was arranged would you do it, would you follow the orders?"
"I would obediently follow them, I wouldn't put as much effort to avoid it."
"Really?" Well, that was not of help to the anxiety she felt about it all. Now with both, his and Lilia's confirmation that yes, if they were in her place they would do what is needed. Suddenly the fire in her throat reappeared, choking her.
"But that doesn't mean I wouldn't be mad." He said, his statement surprising her a little. "I would be quite furious and my feelings wouldn't be invalid either, I would cry and yell and it wouldn't be wrong." He smiled slightly in the dark, or it seemed like it. Maybe she just wanted to believe he did.
"You know what." She whispered, her step jumping a little. "You're kind when you want to be." The mood of it all mind of lightened the hold of the invisible hand on her throat. "Will you be hiding that pretty little personality of yours for the whole stay here?" She teased honestly.
He stopped in track, his expression kind of saddening, just slightly. Temari locked her eyes on his curiously. "Well, I would if my stay was much longer, but I'm going again, this time for maybe a little longer."
"Oh. I wanted to get to know you a little better, I thought that maybe I would acquire your friendship then." She performed smugly, deep down feeling some kind of weird sadness.
"Are you still so stubborn about that, we will never be friends, I don't like you, remember?"
He liked to remind her of such an insignificant detail, she noted. "You when you look at it that way you are also as stubborn to reject me for so long."
"We're both stubborn idiots arguing then?"
"Yes, most certainly." Laugh escaped her for the first time today, echoing into the night. After many hours of useless wandering, asking each other questions children their age would, not playing games made for adults they stopped. They were back at the start.
"You should get some sleep, you're meeting your betrothed tomorrow, right?
"And how did you know that?"
"That is not important." He stated with an unsaid goodbye.
"Wait!" Her hand caught his automatically, she didn't think, it was instinct, almost everything she had done today had been a product of pure instinct. She also didn't think when her lips touched his cheek gently for a brief second. His skin was rough, she thought, what was exactly the boy doing all this time for his skin to be so rugged?
The dark room brightened from the sheer illusion of her brain, everything felt kind of rosy and innocent. A soft kiss, worthy of the children they really are. "Goodbye," Temari whispered as she sprinted to her room. The fire in her throat grew again, her heartbeat quickened again and the whole place seemed smaller yet again. But this time, for unknown reasons, it was a nice feeling. And she gripped onto it until falling asleep.
She never kissed anyone after all. It was technically her first kiss. And to a child Temari allowed herself to be at that right moment it meant something.
Astonishingly, the scheduled meeting with her fiance wasn't in the crowd of advisors and politicians but in a quiet place with no one but who she assumed was his sister. She was a beautiful woman. Her dress indicated nothing less than royalty, deep blue with all those intricate patterns of flowers, it suited her well, like made for her perfect frame. And it probably was.
"Your Highness, It is a pleasure to meet you." She bowed her head graciously. "I'm really glad about this engagement, I hope you and my son will get along well." Wait, son. She was not a sister or cousin? She was his mother. This woman couldn't be older than twenty, Temari thought, was it possible that she had a child older than Temari?
Girls her age were usually married off to boys who were quite older so this realization came to Temari with inventable relief. Could she make this work?
The gorgeous white doors opened as a figure sat in front of the simple table. He was just a boy, actually younger than she expected. He was probably Lilia's age, she decided as everything around her spun from utter shock.
What she thought would be the big, scary wolf was just a little cub, scared of her, of the world, like she once was.
She was not thrown into the cage of hungry animals but to play with cute puppies. What exactly was happening?