A/N: Thank you to all my patient readers and I'm sorry it has taken me so long to update. I do have several chapters in various stages of completion but life has a way of getting in the way of me finishing them sooner. The inspiration for this chapter came from the beautiful song Kiss Me by Dermot Kennedy. This Chapter is dedicated to two beautiful women, my friends Windbound and Zygon24. Thank you ladies for always being so encouraging and cheering me on :)
Love is not something you go out and look for. Love finds you and when it does, ready or not, it'll be the best thing to ever happen to you. - Anonymous
Sara Sidle was exhausted: physically, mentally and most of all emotionally. Her hand trembled as it brushed past her jugular, recalling how close her brush with death had actually been. She grabbed her purse, shut her locker and headed out of the lab, for once happy that she had the next shift off of work. She'd earned it.
As Sara stepped out into the parking lot, she was surprised to see the sun well past its high noon point in the sky, closer to sunset than sunrise. She'd work so many shifts in a row, only stopping to change clothes that she didn't realize how long she'd been working without a proper break. Putting her car in drive, she headed home, desperately trying to wipe the last 72 hours from her mind.
Once she reached her apartment she stripped and jumped into a scalding shower, trying to scrub away the voices, the screams, the smells, the memories, and most importantly, the lies. She wasn't sure why they called it a mental hospital. Hospitals were places where people went to get better. No one got better in a place like that. Not her mother, and certainly not Adam Trent.
Sara exited the shower and threw her hair up in a ponytail before grabbing sweatpants and a sweatshirt. For the next hour she tried everything to settle herself and nothing was working. She was too exhausted for a run and too keyed up for sleep. She only wished that Vegas was on the coast. Growing up in California had given Sara the opportunity to escape to the ocean when she needed a moment to cleanse her thoughts and gather her composure. Staring out at the endless ocean always seemed to give Sara perspective. In a flash Sara was up and grabbing her sneakers by the door. While she didn't have access to the ocean, she did have access to Lake Mead. It was another large body of water and she hoped it gave her the peace she sought.
An hour later Sara was sitting on the edge of a small dock, her feet aimlessly swinging off the side. She closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh.
They say when you have a brush with death your life often flashes before your eyes.
How apt then, that she had been face to face with Grissom at that moment. Seeing the desperation on his face she could pretend, if only for a moment, that he really did love her and that her death would be as tragic of a loss to him as his would be to her.
Sara let her thoughts wander down memory lane adding in a few fantasies along the way. Of all things Sara was sorry she'd never done, foremost was kissing Grissom. Seeing how passionate he could be about his work. How meticulous he was, she always wondered if he applied that same passion and attention to detail to less work related pursuits?
Sara let her thoughts carry her and at some point she felt a presence settle beside her. Surely she must be dreaming, she thought to herself as a rare evening breeze caressed her face. The dock had been deserted when she arrived. In any case, she kept her eyes closed so as not to ruin the bit of peace she'd found.
Suddenly a hand slipped into hers and she fought the inclination to jump in surprise. She knew that hand, and the warmth it provided spread throughout her body. When her hand was lifted and a gentle kiss placed upon it, she nearly gasped. When her name was whispered on a choked sob she swore she'd never heard a more beautiful sound.
Sara kept her eyes tightly shut, wanting to immortalize this moment, knowing it wouldn't last forever and all too soon she'd wake and the loneliness of reality would set back in.
If we could take a photo
Eternalise this moment
For the days when I don't believe
When our love gets stolen
Cause there's no exception
And I know time will take you far from me
Gil Grissom closed the last file on his desk with a deep sigh. This last case left him raw and extremely vulnerable.
He had always been a master of hiding his emotions but tonight he felt like a failure in that regard. He'd felt particularly impotent as he watched Sara near death, unable to help.
Grissom felt his resolve had finally snapped, much like a rubber band stretched beyond its limits. Denying Sara and himself all these years did nothing to diminish the love he felt for her. If anything it had grown stronger over years, especially after he'd learned about her childhood.
Sara's brush with death had been a stark reminder that years of denial didn't change the fact that he was hopelessly in love with Sara Sidle. It merely highlighted the fact that his avoidance only denied both of them the chance to be loved.
He grabbed his jacket and keys before rushing out of the office. His need to see Sara and assure himself that she was indeed ok, an overpowering one. Grissom sped to her apartment and was just pulling into her parking lot when he noticed her exit the building. She never noticed him as she entered her car and pulled away. With his curiosity piqued, he decided to follow her.
The drive was longer than he expected and took them far from the city lights of Vegas. He noticed her take the exit to Lake Mead and wondered what she would be doing out there.
He watched as she parked her car next to a small dock. She exited her vehicle and walked down to the end before sitting, her legs dangling off the edge.
He watched her for a few minutes before slowly making his way down the dock. When she didn't turn he quietly sat beside her. He noticed her eyes were closed and saw the peaceful look on her face. The desire to prove to himself that she was indeed really here and very much alive took hold. He couldn't help grasping her hand in his, while placing a gentle kiss on her palm. The emotions of the moment overtook him and he let out a quiet sob as he whispered her name.
Let this night invade my lungs
You're all I want to breathe
Right beside the lake I burn
For you, you burn for me
They both sat for what seemed like an eternity before Grissom began to speak.
"When I was about 6 years old I came home from school and promptly told my father that girls were gross, had cooties and I was definitely never going to fall in love with one. I can still remember his laugh when I told him. It was a deep, full belly laugh as he told me that it didn't matter that I swore to never fall in love. He told me he'd done the same thing and then one day before he knew it love had snuck up on him. My father told me that love would find me no matter how hard I hid from it. I tried so hard for so long and by the time I'd turned 40 I was certain that I'd proven my dad wrong.
I wasn't afraid of love as much as what it represented. The chance to lose everything. When my father passed my mother lost everything and in turn I lost everything. I lost both my parents in an instant. While my mother has always been a strong and beautiful woman there was a large part of her that died that day.
My father was right of course. As he was about most things. I unsuccessfully hid from love. It snuck up on me at a forensics conference in San Francisco and my life has never been the same. Love has left me absolutely terrified, terrified that if I finally exposed my heart I'd only run the risk of having it shattered. So I kept my distance but it didn't matter, today my heart was shattered anyway. The real truth is that Adam Trent nearly took away the love of my life before I've ever had the chance to love her and that terrifies me more than anything else."
Sara felt Grissom shake beside her and she opened her eyes and gazed upon the broken man beside her. His features were drawn and pale and there were silent tears streaming down his face.
Sara squeezed his hand before bringing it to her lips returning his earlier gesture.
She wanted him to know how touched she was by his honesty but understood his likely embarrassment at breaking down in front of her, so she remained silent. Sara scooted closer and gently placed her head on his shoulder, their hands still clasped, as she once again closed her eyes. Sara gently sighed as she felt Grissom's arm go around her shoulder pulling her in even closer.
So kiss me the way that you would
If we died tonight
Hold me the way that you would
For the final time
Whatever may come, somewhere deep inside
There's always this version of you and I
So just kiss me the way that you would
If we died tonight, if we died tonight
All our deepest secrets
All the darkest moments
Oh I promise they'll be safe with me
We've all been broken
And there's no exception
But you carry it so gracefully
Sara melted into his embrace. A feeling of rightness settled in the air around them. This was where they were always meant to be, with one another. For so long Sara pined after this man, in some ways desperately hoping he even returned half of the feelings she felt for him. Now she knew it was never about whether or not he actually loved her. Grissom had been afraid, terrified using his words.
There were times in Sara's life that she too had been terrified. She understood that everyone had a different response to fear. The old fight or flight mechanism. Sara also understood that for Grissom to be here at this moment meant that his days of flight were over. The day she'd dreamed of a thousand times over was finally here. This realization made Sara Sidle braver than she'd felt in nearly 7 years. Since the day she'd gotten the courage to ask him to dinner.
Sara lifted her head from his shoulder before gently placing her hand on his cheek. She lovingly rubbed her thumb across in slow circles before he turned to look at her. Brown met blue as she finally saw his eyes for the first time that night. The depth of the affection she saw staring back at her, left her breathless. She decided to live in the moment as she closed her eyes and leaned in half way. The rest was up to him.
Let this night invade my lungs
You're all I want to breathe
Right beside the lake I burn
For you, you burn for me
So kiss me the way that you would
If we died tonight
Hold me the way that you would
For the final time
Whatever may come, somewhere deep inside
There's always this version of you and I
So just kiss me the way that you would
If we died tonight, if we died tonight
Grissom knew that this was it. There was no turning back. Not that he wanted to. For the first time in his life he was feeling brave and if he dared say it a bit selfish. He didn't care about the lab, about policies or procedures. He cared about Sara and the love he was finally ready to reciprocate. So he closed his eyes and kissed her.
At first the kiss was tentative and shy, yet achingly beautiful. Soon the kiss took on a life of its own as years of pent up emotions were poured into it. If this was the only kiss Gil Grissom ever got with Sara Sidle, he would make damn sure she knew how much it meant to him, how much she meant to him.
So I let this night in my lungs
You're all that I want to breathe
Right beside you down at the lake
I'll burn for you, burn for me
So kiss me the way that you would
If we died tonight
And hold me the way that you would
For the final time
Whatever may come, somewhere deep inside
There's always this version of you and I
So just kiss me the way that you would
If we died tonight, if we died tonight
When the need for air broke them apart, their faces both held shy smiles. On this night Gil Grissom and Sara Sidle let go of years of fear, confusion, hurt and mixed emotions. They were reborn, transformed by the deep love they shared. A life of loneliness had come to an end as a life of true happiness was just beginning.
Died tonight, yeah
We died tonight, yeah