Coming back to McKinley was always supposed to mean starting fresh. Newly broken up with, a new tattoo, that meant something right? No, it didn't. It missed something, that little wow factor that would make everyone notice Tina, that would make Mr. Schue finally give her a competition solo. She couldn't afford having a boob job like Santana - where did she even get that money? Doesn't she live in Lima Height? - so it was completely out of the question. Contacts were too - being called a self-loathing Asian wasn't fun.
A new haircut. Vibrant, popping, Rachel. That was what she was missing, the Rachel factor. And she knew exactly what she needed. Bangs! That was so Rachel. That was perfect!
—
The day before September 1st was pretty weird. Her parents asked over their new neighbors, the Kazatories. She wasn't thrilled, she just wanted to prepare her clothes for the first day, something that said that she was a real diva. But Tina quickly got why when hey first arrived. They were Asian. Obviously, that wasn't a problem, it's just that her white parents felt bad they could never totally understand her struggles as an Asian-American, so they would always encourage her to hang around others like her - hence Asian Camp. They were ecstatic when she brought Mike home.
The daughter, Dottie, was nice, but she stuck to Tina like glue. "Be kind to her," he mother commanded. "She's starting as a freshman at McKinley and doesn't know anyone yet." So Tina stayed nice. That was Tina, kind and agreeable, because when she was not, people were c-quick to call her out on it. When Tina got her first solo, Rachel freaked out but she was welcomed back with open arms and Tina had to give her solo up, but when she dared to complain about all that Rachel was getting, she was a bitch. Obviously, she didn't say that to anyone, since apparently, complaining was only allowed when you're Rachel Berry.
Tina invited Dottie in her room and explained she was picking out an outfit for the first day of school. "Have you got anything lined up?" she asked, folding a summer dress. It was pretty, but she was definitely getting dress coded for that - which was ironic since the Cheerio uniforms were definitely shorter than that. She wondered if Sue had any blackmail on Principal Figgins, because she seemed to get away with everything.
"I haven't prepared anything. I don't have cute clothes like yours," Dottie admitted.
"I'm sure we can find something for you here. What size are you?"
Dottie was petite, so she could either give her some of her punk clothes from freshman year, or some preppy pieces of clothing she still owned that she wore back in middle school. Dottie chose the latter. "Is Dottie short for anything? It's an unusual name," Tina commented.
"Dorothy."
"Oh, that's cute. You like the wizard of Oz?" They chatted a bit, before Dottie abruptly stopped the conversation and stopped talking. "Dottie? Are you all right?"
"Can I be your assistant?" Dottie asked out of the blue.
"What?" Tina was confused. Her assistant? In what?
"Oh, no. Did I mess up? I was thinking about how to say it, but then you asked me to talk so I blurted it out and- oh god," Dottie was holding her hands over her ears, as if she was scared Tina would scold her.
"Dottie, breathe," Tina said firmly. The other girl listened and steadied her breathing.
"It's just, I was homeschooled until now and I'm scared I won't know how to act in front of people. So I thought they'd at least respect me if I hung around a cool senior. I can carry your books and get your lunch for you-"
"It won't be necessary, Dottie. Hanging out with you doesn't have to be a transaction."
"Oh, but I insist. A favor for a favor!"
"Maybe you can join the glee club with me? It's pretty cool now!" Tina beamed.
"Oh, I shouldn't. I sing like a dying cow. I was thinking of joining the Mathletes, actually?"
"Oh, no, that's social suicide! It's the lowest of the food chain," Tina explained, not adding that it only moved down there because the glee club got popular. Tina knew how it felt to get slushied everyday and didn't wish it on anyone. "Maybe you can join academic decathlon instead?"
—
Coming back to McKinley also meant a JBI interview. Tina was honestly shocked he still did after his lifelong crush Rachel left, but she was prepared regardless. "I never thought I'd get a freshman assistant," she answered when he asked her about Dottie. That assistant thing was still weird, but if Dottie wanted it…
Then JBI asked her about Mike. She knew she would have to answer questions about it in glee club, but she didn't know she would get confronted with it as soon as that. She tried to keep her cool and answered as normally as possible, not showing the conflicting emotions she felt for her ex - god, that felt weird to say.
Jacob came back when she went to glee club to contemplate their Nationals trophy with her friends. He asked them a very important question: who was the new Rachel? She'd been thinking about it all day and decided that the only way to know that was to ask it to Rachel herself.
"Hey, Rachel!" she greeted as soon as the NYADA student picked up the FaceTime call. "Had a good day at NYADA?" she asked, letting Rachel talk a bit before getting into the whole 'new Rachel' subject.
"Well, I had Dance 101 today and the teacher is a monster. She said my dancing was poor and called me 'Little Miss David Schwimmer'. Can you believe that?" Rachel shared. Ouch. That last part made - and Santana's insults - Tina relieved no one knew she was Jewish. Rachel and Puck were the only exceptions, since she'd asked them if she could celebrate Hanukkah with them the one time her parents were out of town during the holiday. It became some sort of tradition. One she didn't know would still exist now that both Rachel and Puck had moved away from Lima.
Then again, while Rachel's dancing was great [1, Tina understood that NYADA was a competitive art school. That dance class must be full of Mike's and Brittany's. "Well, that just means you'll have to put even more effort in than before. But it's NYADA. You were made for it and we all believe in you," she encouraged. "Show them the new and improved Rachel!"
"You're right, Tina. Speaking of 'New Rachel', what was that JBI interview about?"
"He just thinks that now that the Glee club star left, someone else has to take over. Who do you think could be the New Rachel?" she asked, relieved she did not have to bring this subject up herself.
"Do you want my honest and transparent opinion?" Rachel asked. Tina nodded. "Well, Brittany has the stage presence, but she doesn't have the voice to back it up. Sam, Sugar and Joe are just out of the question and having a cripple at the front of a glee club just seems like we're desperate for pity points. The only legitimate choices Schue has are either you or Blaine." That felt… weirdly validating. Senior year would maybe finally be her year.
—
"Blaine, do you want the solo?" Mr. Schue asked after closing up this week's theme. The New Directions, along with the newest batch of singers - Marley, Unique and Jake - were all sitting in the choir room. Blaine stood up, while Tina crossed her arms.
"Uh, so the other seniors don't even get a chance at a solo?" Tina remarked.
"Tina, I chose Blaine for this one," Mr. Schue explained.
"You gave Blaine basically all the solos we've had over the past month. I've only had a duet with Artie, while Marley and Brittany got a solo each and the rest had to fight for scraps. I figured it was in preparation for the musical, but Blaine is playing the Teen Angel. I thought this was supposed to be the heat for all of us seniors, not just your favorite," she commented.
"I'm not playing favorites. You're being unfair."
"What's unfair is being shoved into the background after being promised the spotlight for senior year. I don't have anything against Blaine, but I'm sure we've all had enough already."
"Unique agrees. She didn't quit Vocal Adrenaline just to sing back-up and sway in the back-ground."
"I had prepared ten other solos for Britney week," Brittany interjected.
"Look, let Blaine have this solo and we'll organize auditions for the next one, okay?" Schue relented. Tina agreed to those conditions, knowing that if the teacher was the sole judge, those solos would be going to Blaine anyway.
—
"Hey, Tina," Artie said, rolling up to her right after glee club ended. She had basically stormed out of the club the minute it was done.
"Thanks for backing me up just now," Tina spat out, increasing her speed.
"Look, you can't be too mad at Schuester. Blaine is just the more traditional choice for a lead."
"And what do you mean by that? I know gay guys are more common in all that surrounds performing arts but here he's outnumbered so I don't see your point."
"Well, that was not my point to begin with."
"Well what was it then, Artie?"
—
Tina shoved all of her school books off the table and instead pulled out a notebook. Her mom was a therapist and had always advised her to keep a journal and put her thoughts into words. Lately, those thoughts seemed to be forming songs instead of paragraphs of prose.
Tina thought it was the perfect moment to put her emotions on paper. Not traditional enough. I'll show you traditional!
The ink flowed as words formed on her paper. A perfect sentence to start on. 'I'm a perfect all-American.'
She continued to write, adding rhymes and figures of style everywhere her words went, her cleverness and wittiness growing as fast as the amount of words in her song.
When she was satisfied, she took her lyrics, sat down in front of her piano and began coupling a melody to her innermost thoughts. A song was born.
—
She's given the sheet music, she'd prepared her moment. Mr. Schuester's assignment was simple: take a break from glee clubs and rehearse for Grease.
"Mr. Schue," Tina said, raising her hand. "Since we won't be working on glee, can I already audition for the next solo?"
"Sure," Mr. Schue said, letting Tina take place right in front of the piano. She put her notebook on the piano, just in case she needed the lyrics.
"Hit it!"
"I am light as a feather, I'm as stiff as a board. I pay attention to things that most people ignore," she begins.
"And I'm alright with the movies
That make jokes 'bout senseless cruelty, that's for sure.
And I am built like a mother and a total machine.
I feel for your every little issue, I know just what you mean.
And I make light of the darkness;
I've got sun in my motherfuckin' pocket, best believe.
Yeah, you know me, I-"
The band drummer plays a few notes and the bass drops.
"Forgive, and I forget.
I know my age, and I act like it.
Got what you can't resist;
I'm a perfect all-American."
"I am light as a feather, I'm as fresh as the air
Coca-Cola bottles that I only use to curl my hair," she sings, back with a more breathy and raspy voice.
"I got class and integrity,
Just like a goddamn Kennedy, I swear
With love to spare, I-"
"Forgive, and I forget.
I know my age, and I act like it.
Got what you can't resist;
I'm a perfect all-American bitch,
With perfect all-American lips,
And perfect all-American hips.
I know my place.
I know my place, and this is it!
I don't get angry when I'm pissed.
I'm the eternal optimist.
I scream inside to deal with it, like, 'Ah'
Like, 'Ah'"
Her scream grew in intensity as the electric guitar did a solo.
"All the time.
I'm grateful all the time.
I'm sexy, and I'm kind.
I'm pretty when I cry.
Oh, all the time.
I'm grateful all the time.
I'm sexy, and I'm kind.
I'm pretty when I cry," she sang the last note, before picking up her notebook and going back to her seat.
"That was amazing," Marley whispered to her. "It's gonna be a tough audition to beat."
—
"Tina!" Marley called out, running after her. "You write original songs? I kind of do too… so I was wondering if you could check out my lyrics and tell me if you like it," she proposed.
"Of course. I'd be happy to help!" Tina agreed. "Do we do it at your house?"
"Uh, sure. There's just a lot of boxes everywhere, we didn't unpack everything yet."
—
"I'm sorry if my room is messy," Marley explained once Tina set foot in the room. It was really tidy, tidier than Tina's own room anyway. Tina sat down on the bed, legs crossed, while Marley was busy getting something.
"It's fine. Have you gotten your songs written down?"
"Yep," Marley said, taking out a composition book. "My first song. It's called 'Outcast'," Marley added, handing the notebook to Tina and then sitting down.
She read over it and thought for a little bit. "Can I just be really honest?" she asked. Marley nodded. "This is really good. To make it better, I'd just suggest sticking to one voice. In the first part, you use 3rd person plural, then 1st singular, then 1st plural. I'd advise choosing one and sticking to it. Since this is more of a 'We stand together' and 'You're not the only one' song, I'd say 1st person plural with the occasional 2nd person is the way to go. I'd also recommend you to think a bit less about rhyming and more about the message you want to put across and maybe saving the word outcast for the actual chorus, not the pre-chorus. [2] So it'd be like this: Who gets to to say,
Who's not okay?
Don't run away;
We'll outlast, we'll outlast.
Sticks and stones,
Won't break our bones.
We all act like clones,
To get past, to get past
Feeling downcast?
Rainy forecast?
Underdogs, it's time to bite back!
We are, we are, we are
Stronger from every scar,
Brighter than any star!
We're the outcast! Outcast!
There's nothing you can say
To take our dreams away!
Harmony among the stray!
We're the outcast! Outcast!"
"Okay, I get it. Can you help me for the last few lines?" Marley smiled sheepishly.
"Sure. I'll just tell you what I think. You don't have to agree with what I'm saying."
—
Tina's phone buzzed. She was slacking off instead of studying, so she sincerely hoped that Sam wasn't asking for homework. But that number didn't belong to Sam. Her heart skipped a beat. It was Mike.
She opened the message in one swipe.
Mike: "Sam sent me a video of u singing an original song. It's really good! Do u have more?" it read. She was kind of disappointed, but relieved at the same time. If that message was anything more she'd have to spend 15 minutes just to think about what to reply.
Tina:"I don't have anything lined up yet. I'm kind of a one hit wonder in a way"
Mike:"Well, I've hit it multiple times and I can confidently say each time is better than the last"
Mike: "Shit I didn't mean to press send"
Tina laughed. She knew he was embarrassed if he didn't use the Oxford comma. That had just made the conversation less awkward somehow.
Tina: "You're def not a one hit wonder either ;)"
She thought a bit before sending in: "I miss you."
Mike: "I miss you."
The messages arrived at the same time at each side. Tina grinned. She'd always love Mike and he'd always love her too.
—
Tina and Mike's texting became more frequent and soon enough they were talking about everything. Tina knew gossip about people she'd never even met and Mike was still getting updates on everyone from McKinley, including the glee club newbies. They both even got some news about Matt Rutherford and Dave Karofsky.
She didn't mention it around the others. Blaine and Sam were still hung-up over their exes, despite the latter's attempt at consoling himself with Brittany. Brittany herself would probably spill it on Fondue for Two. And she was still kind of mad at Artie.
It was kind of nice to keep it a secret. Only Dottie knew about it, but it was different since she didn't actually know Mike. He was just hers for a while and that felt nice. She just occasionally got jealous thinking about him partying with other girls, but she - quietly - hoped he wasn't over her enough to sleep with someone else.
—
"So, after some reflection, I've decided to give the solo to Blaine. Sorry to all the others, maybe next time," Mr. Schue explained. Blaine looked at her apologetically, but she smiled and her eyes told him she was alright. But to say Tina was fuming was an understatement. She wasn't entitled or anything, there was no denying Blaine was good, but this time, Tina was better. Marley, Unique and even Kitty had affirmed it after hearing Blaine's audition. This wasn't even just about her. Armed with the right song, anyone in the club could sing circles around Blaine. What if Mr. Schue just never acknowledged it? This was her song. If she didn't succeed now, would she ever get her damn solo?
Once out of the glee club, she aired her frustrations with Mike. He'd always lend a listening ear. He understood where she wa a coming from and didn't judge her like he did when she had blown up at Rachel last year. It felt good.
Mike talked about how scared he was for his showcase, which was the next week. His parents were going and he didn't want to disappoint them and make his father regret his decision.
"Well, maybe I could come with? Your parents love me," she joked. She knew Mike's dad still referred to her as the girl who opened his eyes to the performing arts. That was a title she wore with pride.
"What's not to love?" he said. "You know, that doesn't sound like that bad of an idea," he added.
"That'd be driving 8 hours a day. I'd fall asleep in my car and die. Or I'd land in a wheelchair like Quinn. Can you even believe that happened?"
"You can just drive out Friday and stay for the weekend. I could show you around."
Tina wanted to agree. There was this big, sinister, overwhelming and selfish part of her that wanted Mike all to herself for a full weekend and that part was screaming to say yes. So she agreed. How bad could it be?
~~~
[1: This is a lie BTW. Rachel was set up as an amazing dancer but most of it was hairography and plain 'everyone around me is dancing so I'm kind of dancing too, right?'. I may sound like a hater but I'm right. Just watch 'Oops I did it again' or 'All That Jazz'. Go girl, give us nothing! I think she did put a bit of effort into '…Baby One More Time', but this an isolated incident - I have no more examples. Genuinely NONE.
[2: I'm no songwriter so don't take it to heart if you don't agree with me haha. I'm aware it was kind of meant to be cringy, teenage, 'loser-like-me'-ish writing and that it was meant to be amateur.