So this story isnt at all based on the show. Its of my own imagination. Created characters are Derek and Brayden. I am currently having ideas for this one and will keep with this for a bit. It is intense. Please if you read and review, be constructive. This goes out to my loyal reader that I have been going back and forth with. Cherie. Thanks for all the help.
Second grade detective Amanda Rollins was good at keeping secrets. Hell she hid her gambling addiction well hidden until a bookie who was a suspect found her, beat her up, she told her then partner Fin about her gambling addiction, he helped bail her out with one stipulation. She come clean to their then captain, Captain Cragen. Oh it was hard, and she was at fear for losing her job. Captain Cragen hadn't taken the job away from Amanda but instead he helped her.
The secret she was holding was unlike any other. Yes now her squad knew she had a thirteen year old son, as he attended the same dance class her new captain's thirteen year old son Noah did. Not only that but they were good friends as they also attended the same school. What was unknown to them was the past that Amanda had. Yes they knew about Patton and all of the hell he put her through, they knew about the assault. They supported her and were there for her. They knew that as the reason she fled her hometown and why her trust circle was so small. They had no clue about the other reason.
Her other reason was hard to talk about. Also pretty damn embarrassing especially if you asked her family. You see Amanda left her hometown due to her abusive ex-husband, well who she presumed to be her ex-husband. She had no clue that when she and her child fled Georgia that there was a loophole and her divorce wasn't final, leaving her still legally married. Of course she hadn't been notified so she didn't know. Now here she was currently dating someone. Now the person she is dating is someone the whole squad knows but they didn't know it was their captain and boss Olivia Benson. Hell it was so secret that Noah and Brayden weren't sure and they spent alot of time together just cause their moms spent alot of time together.
Amanda Rollins was just finishing typing up her DD5's on the current case. She was due to take Brayden to his dance class. Just as she was getting to her car her phone began to right with that ominous tone, which meant one person. Her thirteen year old. Sometimes she wondered why she ever got him a phone in the first place. She answered the phone her voice rushed,
"Hello Brayden, I'm on my way. Just literally sat my ass down in the drivers seat"
"Mama, where the hell are you? I'mma be late." Ohh her sons smart ass mouth lit her right up.
"Brayden Thomas Rollins watch your damn mouth. Boy just cause you're thirteen don't mean I can't tan your hide. And before you get smart again, in a language that you can comprehend it means beat your ass. Now I'm on my friggen way. You sass me again and you'll lose that damn phone. You hear me?"
He told her 'whatever' and hung up. She got to the school to pick him up and boy was he in a 'right' mood as she called it. She really didn't want to deal with it. Damn teenage hormones and he just turned into a teenager hitting thirteen not too long ago. She tried to as she called 'shoot the shit' with him but he was too busy on his phone and tuned her out like he typically did. He looked up at her, well in the rearview mirror he did.
He decided to look at her to ask a question, "Hey Mama, can Noah and Olivia come over to hang out? You know he's my best friend and we work on dances together and play videogames. Plus you and Olivia like to kick back away from work and relax on the couch. Ohhh and I just thought of another question."
She glanced back at her son, he was the spitting image of her. Only major difference besides the fact he was the opposite sex was the fact he had green eyes instead of her blue eyes. The only significant trait he got from his father. She however was very grateful and thankful that was the only trait. Thankful he wasn't abusive like his father. She shuddered when she flashed back to those turbulent times. She answered her son, her accent strong.
"Dear lord child, I can only imagine.. What is it Brayden?"
The way he looked at her, she could feel the smartass coming off of him. She braced herself for his answer.
"When are you and Olivia going to come clean and tell everyone? I mean if it's obvious as all hell to Noah and I, then it's obvious to others. Hell mama, no moms really attend sleepovers with their kids and everytime I go to Noah's you come and everytime Noah comes here Olivia comes."
Amanda was at a loss for words so she put her foot on the gas and hauled ass to Brayden's class. Unable to answer him. Not cause she was afraid, but she nor Olivia hadn't gotten to that point of disclosure. She did give him some sort of an answer though, her accent coming through strong once again. "Boy you better hush your mouth. I'm really tired of the sass back shit. But yes if Noah wants to come over, I'm good with it. Oh and if Olivia decides to come over and keep me company than even better." Brayden smiled, she loved when he smiled, his eyes sparkled "Thanks mama. See you after class." She shook her head once more as her son got out of the car and was making kissing noises to just be the antagonistic shit he was. He once again had rendered her speechless. How in the hell was she going to handle the rest of the teenage years as he was this bad already and he just turned thirteen.
She sent Olivia a text.
"Hey Liv, seems our kids are on to us. My smartass child asked me when we were going to come clean about our relationship since it's obvious to him and Noah. Oh it's especially evident when we tag along for sleep overs."
Olivia had just pulled up to dance class. Just as Noah was getting out of the car Olivia heard her phone ping. When she saw Amanda's text she shook her head. These kids were too much. Not to mention Brayden was Amanda's twin, not only in looks but in personality too. She herself had been on the receiving end of Noah's teasing as well so she knew how Amanda felt. Olivia chuckled to herself as she typed a response.
"Definitly your child Amanda. He's got your smartass tongue, mouth and sarcasm down pact. It's okay Noah has busted my chops too."
Amanda's phone chimed with Olivia's response. She had just dropped Brayden off. She looked at her phone and laughed. Typing a quick response.
"Hey... Hey, Now if you weren't my girlfriend I'd take that as an insult. Oh and Bray wants to know if you and Noah want to have a sleepover weekend?"
Olivia chuckled again when she got Amanda's reply. She couldn't remember a time when a relationship in her past had been as easy as this. They had such a lightheartedness, tenderness, playfulness and understanding. They were very honest with each other. Especially when they got into a talk. She did find herself curious to Amanda's past, especially Brayden's father. He was never spoken of, kind of like Amanda's past in Atlanta. She knew about Patton, and her assault. She knew about "Hurricane Kim" and all the trouble and drama that she brought to her life. Oh was that ever a fun ride, not. She had suspected some sort of abuse and Kim had confirmed it once talking about the beatings. Now with how Kim was she wasn't positive but with how Amanda was she knew there was some kind of abuse in that household.
About a couple hours later Amanda was on her way back to pick up her son from dance class. As she was driving a strange number began calling. She didn't answer cause she never answered strange numbers on her personal line. Whoever it was, it was obviously not very important enough cause they didn't leave a message. Brayden was waiting outside with Noah when she pulled up.
Brayden opened the door, looking at Amanda "Damn Ma, bout time you finally got here. Noah is riding with us. Olivia had to run an errand."
"Brayden Thomas boy you talk to me like that one more damn time. I swear to God I'm gonna take that phone and slap your ass into next Tuesday. Don't think I will, try me boy. TRY ME." She watched as Noah got into the car. "Hey Noah, is your mom bringing your stuff over, do you have it, or do I need to bring you to pick it up?" Noah looked over at Brayden, though he clearly adored his best friend; at times like now his mouth really pissed him off.
"Brayden come on man. Don't talk to your mom like that. Uncle Fin will be hella pissed when he finds out. Mom told me he just got the new ps5. You wanna be able to play it right? Game nights with Uncle Fin are fun but you can't be talking to your mom like that."
After Noah told him about himself Brayden softened up a little bit. He looked at his mom, knowing he had riled her up. "I'm sorry ma. I know I take it too far." Amanda took a deep breath in an attempt to regroup herself. Choosing not to talk to her son, she once again asked if Noah needed to go get his stuff. He told her that he had his stuff with him and that his mom had texted him telling him to tell Amanda that she would be over later. Just after that Brayden dropped a bomb on his mother, which he seemed to be loving doing this afternoon.
"So ma, what really happened to dad? Let's see did he get tired of being a father? Did he just not wanna be around me? After all being from Georgia he prolly thinks I'm a fag for being a dancer. I mean really ma."
"Brayden Thomas Rollins.. Why all of this today?" She let off a heavy sigh. Yes he was thirteen and could understand alot more. But with the reasoning behind the split being alot and in her opinion way too much for him to handle. "Look it's a long story, very long. And before you even think of giving me lip, I know how old you are. I do, but I am the parent and my job is to protect you. Also there are some things you just don't need to know." She was really at a loss for what else to tell her son.
Thoughts flashed back to Derek making snide comments and remarks when Bray was little and liked to dance around just like most kids do. You know how kids would dance around and just sing whether it be songs we knew or just silly made up songs. Amanda would either be sitting and watching him, or was in the kitchen making food. Derek on the other hand would be sitting there spouting off.
"You keep dancin' like that, you'll become a fairy. Bray you're a boy, get your ass into some sports. You need sports not girly dances."
Amanda would tell him to 'shush ' and or to 'hush' but big ol' manly Derek would never. He was very opinionated. Bray didn't think anything just cause he was too young to understand. Though one night he was in bed and Derek started with his remarks once more.
"Amanda that boy gonna end up being queer or a fag. Ain't no boy of mine that I sired gonna be a fag. You hear me?"
Amanda ignored the comment. She loved her son no matter what. Brayden was only five years old. Well she soon learned she shouldn't have ignored the comment because she paid the price and was knocked on her ass. She knew the black eye was gonna take no time to form. Derek continued on spewing his hateful words and smartass remarks. Telling her that she was okay with the lifestyle cause of her own actions. He brought up college and how she'd experimented even with threesomes. She got pissed.
"Not my fault you were the campus slut Amanda."
She growled as she was pissed. How dare he?
"You bastard. You fucking sactinmonious prick. How dare you say that shit to me? Huh? How fucking dare you? You certainly had no problem with my 'so-called' lifestyle when you Derek had a three-some with me and my then bestfriend. As for me being as you say 'okay with the lifestyle', Hello I'm bi-sexual. I always have been. You knew this, this is what drew you to me. Yet you married me, well you only married me cause you got me knocked up and your oh so righteous parents made you." He looked at her, still shooting the dirty looks. "That sure as hell don't mean I want a fairy and or a fag for a son. I'm a man Amanda A REAL MAN." He looked at her once more with those eyes. How the hell could he be so damn hateful?
"Then why in the hell did you marry me? I mean I know one big reason since we lived in Georgia was your parents and family forced it cause we were still late teens. But Jesus do you love me at all? Do you even love Brayden?"
Amanda felt a shift in the air. It wasn't a good one either. She had angered the man who was her husband. Next thing she knew he turned and backhanded her, sending her into the wall. The memory flashed so vividly. Her train of thought was broken immediately.
"MA WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING? YOU DROVE RIGHT PAST OUR PLACE. WAKE UP FOR CHRIST SAKE!" Brayden's tone was annoyed like she did this on purpose. She was lost in her train of thoughts. She sighed, looking in the mirror. Her voice was soft and apologetic when she spoke "I'm sorry Bray. My mind was elsewhere." She quickly turned the car around and went back to their apartment and parked her car. The boys getting out. Noah quiet, Brayden muttering under his breath as he dug out his key and went inside. Noah however waited patiently and stayed behind to check on Amanda. Truly his mother's child. "Amanda I'm sorry Bray is being a jerk. He's been venting to me about his dad lately and how he doesn't bother with him. He feels it's cause he dances. But I can see you're hurting too, and Amanda if I can see it, mom definitly will too. I'll try and talk to Bray, maybe you can talk to mom?"
Amanda thanked him and sent him in the house. She stayed outside once again caught in that memory. The same memory, it was like she was reliving it all over again. Derek had backhanded her so hard, sure as hell wasn't the first time. She told him to knock his macho shit off and simply told her that all her police training wouldn't do shit. This went on for a while. He was careful not to do it infront of Brayden, but when he wasn't around or was in bed it was a whole different ball game. She learned as time went on it took a lot of cover-up to cover hide a blackened eye. Thankfully noone could see it, or question the hell she went through and was going through.
Of course as time went on the beatings got worse. As she had suffered alot, she just tried to make that marriage work. One of the beatings however, it was the one that made her fo file for divorce. She didn't cite the abuse though she was clearly shaken when she went to the courthouse to file. She cited irreconcilible differences, but she did however file for full-custody of Brayden. Reason she did it that was was to protect her son. She didn't want DCF involved for fear they would have sided with Derek and that would have meant either Bray would go to him or he would be awarded to the state. That would have killed her.
She was in her own world when Olivia showed up later. The boys had been in Brayden's room. However Olivia too had gotten on to Brayden's ass for being just that an 'ass ' to Amanda. He didn't say anything and just retreated back to his room. Noah following him. Amanda needed time to herself but at the same time she didn't want to be alone. She was fully remembering all the abuse she endured at the hands of her ex-husband; well who she thought was her ex-husband she was unaware her divorce wasn't finalized and even more unaware that said ex-husband was going to show up soon. Braydon came out and apologized for his attitude and behavior. Then he and Noah went back to his room to hang out and play video games. Olivia had laid down and made herself comfy on the couch. She gestured for Amanda to come and lay with her.
"So Bray thinks we need to come clean about our relationship." Amanda laughed as she told Olivia this. Of course what made it funny to her was the fact they were cuddling as they talked. "Yeah go figure. He told me that everyone could see it." Olivia hugged her lady tightly. "Well I do have a blonde that can't keep her hands to herself." She saw Amanda playfully glare at her. "I'm just kidding Amanda. Honestly. We can come clean if you want and if you're comfortable. I'm content either way Mandy. One thing for sure. I am really glad that we are how we are and that I have you."
After a bit Brayden came out once again asking about his father. Stating things, questioning things. He knew his father would call him a 'fairy' for dancing. He'd heard his dad a few times. "Ma, is that why you and dad split up? Cause of my dancing? Plus you have also said on many occasions that he was an asshole."
Amanda sighed and looked at Brayden.
"Brayden, I've told you plenty of times that your dad and I weren't getting along. It wasn't your dancing, though not going to lie to you. He didn't like your dancing and he didn't like that I encouraged you. But we had a lot of problems and were together at a young age. I told you he was an asshole, he really was an asshole. He did alot to me. Alot of stuff I'm not comfortable talking about, especially with my teenage son." Brayden didn't like that answer. So his response was a typical teenage smart ass remark.
"Jeez Ma' the way you answered that, one would think you got your ass beat."
Amanda clenched her teeth and her fists. Her blood boiling at Brayden running his mouth. He had really pissed her off.
"BRAYDEN THOMAS ROLLINS THAT IS ENOUGH DAMMITT. I MEAN IT! YOU MAY BE THIRTEEN AND DAMN NEAR MY HEIGHT BUT BOY YOU BEST BELIEVE I CAN AND WILL TAN YOUR ASS!"
He looked at her, his green eyes following her as he retorted "Try it Ma. I dare you. I'll call CPS. How would that look to your fellow squad, cop friends and lawyer friends? I don't think that would go over very well, would it Ma?"
Amanda stood up to her teenage son who was just a few inches shorter than she was. He was challenging her and she challenged right back. Neither of them backing down from the other. Olivia however had seen and heard enough, she spoke up.
"Brayden back off. Threatening your mom with CPS? How dare you? I have no idea what happened with your father, but she is your mother. Show her some damn respect. Goddamn, you think you would have food in your stomach, clothes on your back, a roof over your head, video games and those damn dance classes you love so much if it wasn't for her? No you damn well wouldn't. She is doing her best for you and let me tell you young man being a single mother ain't easy. Now take yourself to cool off and I mean NOW!"
Brayden sucked his teeth and stormed outside. Texting Noah to come outside with him.
Hours Later...
It had been hours later after the fallout with Brayden. The apartment calm, with an uneasy quiet. Amanda was still curled up on the couch where she had gone after Olivia had told Brayden to go cool off. She was quiet and kept to herself. The boys had finally come inside and were holed up in Brayden's room playing video games. Now Brayden had been spouting off words cause he was upset but he really had no clue or idea just how true his words rang. That his father had beat her ass just like he said, but it was on way more than one occasion. Most of the reasons he beat her was because of their son. He one had jealousy issues and didn't like when anyone was taking attention from him, and yes that included his own son. He didn't like when Amanda's full attention was on him and ohh he hated when Amanda cheered him on when he sang and danced to little songs starting in his toddler years.
Olivia had been watching Amanda, she knew that her girlfriend was struggling and going through alot. You could just see it, in her eyes, in her body language. "Manda what can I do? I see you over there and you're clearly struggling with something. Please let me be there for you." She waited for a response from Amanda. She just saw Amanda put her head in her hands, trying to force the memories to fuck off. They just wouldn't no matter how hard she tried. Olivia saw her just stuck in her thoughts, so she did the only thing she could do at the time and gently placed her hand on Amanda's shoulder and spoke softly "Hey, Manda I'm here. I'm here no matter what." Amanda finally looked over at her, angry tears were stinging as they fell.
Amanda knew she could trust Olivia. She wanted to tell her the reason she took the job in NYC. The real reason.
"Look I don't even know where to start and I may talk in circles. So please if you want to hear it, I ask you to bear with me. It is alot. You see I have a troubled past. You already know with Kim. You witnessed that first hand. There is a whole lot more, that is if you really want to know everything." Olivia stayed close, keeping her hand on her girlfriend's back. "Hey Amanda I want and need to know everything you want and need to talk about."
Amanda took a deep breath. "You saw a pretty nasty blow-up between Brayden and I. There's alot to it. I was young when I got with Brayden's father. I was with him on and off in college and just as I entered the academy. Shortly after I was in the academy I found out I was pregnant. You gotta figure Liv I was young. I aced all my classes in school. But fucked up and got pregnant early on into the academy. It was one night after a party, Derek and I didn't use protection. Not to mention the fact that both of us were pretty wasted . So of course all inhibitions were cast aside and thrown out the window. In the backseat of my car no less.
Well a couple weeks later... I got the surprise that I was pregnant. Of course I told Derek and since his family was proper and mine just didn't want to deal with the shame of a bastard child, he was pressured to 'do the right thing'. So he was pressured into marrying me. We had a quickie marriage with a justice of the peace. It was all pretty much okay until Brayden was around two years old. Then we started to fight. Mostly verbal. Typical marriage shit. The marriage further declined as Brayden became a toddler. Then it changed. Brayden was a child who liked to sing and dance around. Well Derek didn't like that. He said time and time again that no son of his was going to be a 'fuckin faggot fairy'. Just after that I was knocked on my ass for the first time. This went on for a long time. Everytime Brayden would dance and or sing he would catch me later and knock me around.
I uh...I uh... I don't recall a time when Brayden witnessed the fights. Derek wouldn't do anything to me when Bray was insight cause he didn't want any kind of witness. He didn't care if it was Brayden or not. He didn't want to get caught. But you can rest assured that I believe Bray heard all the names I was called. The punches and slaps were well after bed time hours. The fights weren't knock down drag outs but they hurt like hell none the less.
The final time came when Brayden was just starting kindergarten. It was the final time that Derek called Brayden 'A no good faggot fairy that danced around like a little girl.' I couldn't do it anymore. So I went and filed for divorce the next day. It took a couple of months but as soon as I heard the divorce was final, I took off coming here to New York. I had interviewed here with Cragen after I was raped by Patton which my ex-husband also said I lied about being raped. Just like the rest of Atlanta. So when Cragen said he wanted me here, I knew it would be a better enviroment for Brayden."
Amanda took a ragged breath and looked at Olivia. "I know it's alot to hear and a shit ton to deal with. Not to mention we really haven't been together all that long. So if you want to call it quits because this is too much. I won't blame you and I will completely understand. But in my defense this is the whole truth with nothing hidden." Amanda leaned back on the couch, shutting her eyes. Everything that she had just told Olivia she wanted to give her time to let it sink in. She was scared yes, cause she did care deeply for Olivia but also felt that Olivia had the right to turn heel and take off cause of too much drama.
Olivia excused herself for a moment. She needed a drink, and just a bit of air. It was getting very deep and she really needed to compose herself, she didn't want to insert foot in mouth and have Amanda shut down. As she was getting her drink she looked back over at Amanda and she just saw glassy eyes on the verge of tears. She made her way back over to where they had been sitting and talking. She knew she didn't want Amanda to go through this alone, but she also knew Amanda hadn't healed from whatever happened to her in the marriage; which she was shocked to hear of Amanda being married. She was trying to be as understanding as she could. She had gone back over to Amanda, who clearly felt she had said too much and just stayed quiet. Even asking Olivia if their relationship was okay. Olivia stayed quiet cause she herself didn't know what was going on. Amanda had moved from the couch to her recliner. Leaving Olivia the couch. Since it had gotten late and they knew the boys had crashed they ended up crashing with an empty silence between them. Little did they know of the drama that was going to ensue at the precinct in the am.
The next morning came. It was a rough night, Amanda didn't get much sleep at all. Memories tormented her. Olivia had gotten distant and it scared Amanda. She was afraid that she was going to lose the best thing she's ever had. The boys had gotten off to school. Each mom driving their respective kid to school. The morning was quiet noone really speaking as Brayden was still pissed off and giving Amanda the silent treatment. Olivia had stayed quiet not saying anything to Amanda or the kids. Noah looked at Olivia in the car
"Mom what's going on with you and Amanda? That was just awkward this morning."
Olivia didn't know how to answer. So she just said one thing. "Well that big blow up with Brayden did alot and we need space."
That was it for the kids. They went off to school and did their thing. Amanda and Olivia went to work. Again without talking to each other. Olivia was in her office and Amanda at her desk. Fin at his desk on a phone call. Speaking of phone calls, that wierd ass number called Amanda again. It was irritating the shit out of her. She hated unknown callers. She continued her work and next thing she knew. Her past came to bite her in the ass. She heard the words, in an unmistakable accent, she knew to be one person.
"Where the hell is my wife?"
So what do you all think? I have another chapter coming up. Alot of hostility and Olivia and Amanda are a newer couple that noone really suspects except for the kids. Brayden's a hot shit just like his mom. Short fused at times.