Prompt: Can you do a fanfic where Kensi apologizes to Deeks for giving him such a hard time in season 8. I know she was having it rough because of her physical therapy, but she still shouldn't have taken out her anger on Deeks and I wish someone confronted her about it.
"Thanks for stopping by, Sam. I really needed this," Kensi said, brushing Sam's hand with the back of her "claw".
With her current impairments in mind, Sam had brought over a cheeseburger (cut into more manageable pieces) and fries. At least she could manage to feed herself now and a few other things, even if she had zero fine motor skills.
"Anytime. It's pretty quiet without you there." Sam squeezed her back. "Especially with Deeks out so much. Or worrying about you when he is at the office." He looked around the room expectantly. "I figured he'd be here."
Kensi grimaced, appetite evaporating in an instant at the mention of Deeks. They'd had another argument; well, she'd raised her voice while Deeks stood there with a sadness in his eyes that just made her feel worse.
"I told him to go home." She shrugged nonchalantly, like it didn't matter.
"I'm surprised he listened," Sam commented, and there was enough of a question there that she dipped her head, pretending to show a sudden interest in picking up a fry. "Kensi, everything ok between you two?" he pressed when she said nothing.
"It's just been really hard to be around him right now," she replied heavily, moving food around as she felt another flare of frustration. "Every little thing I do, he acts like it's some big step forward and like I'm not a broken mess. And he's so positive and understanding all the time, when sometimes I just want to scream."
She sucked in a deep breath, not having intended to reveal so much. She snuck an abashed look at Sam, expecting disappointment. Instead, she saw nothing but compassion.
"You've been through a lot. I've had injuries in the past, but nothing like this. It's ok to be angry, frustrated, sad."
Kensi felt her chest squeeze almost painfully tight at the acknowledgment of so much of what she'd felt since she woke up.
"Yeah," she whispered. Sniffing, she grabbed a tissue, clumsily wiping her nose.
"Deeks has been through it too," he continued in that same measured, gentle tone. "Not in the same ways for sure, or as bad, but he's been here every step of the way with you." He leaned back, lift curving in a smile that wasn't entirely happy. "You didn't see him those first weeks when you were in a coma. He was sleeping her every night, going into work for a few hours, coming back again. Terrified that something terrible would happen while he was gone.
"Through all of this, there's not a lot that he can do though. He couldn't make you wake up and he can't make you walk or feel again any faster than you are. That's on time, healing, and everything you're working so hard on. All he can do, is pray, cheer you on, and be grateful for any all improvement. Be grateful that you're still here with us."
Kensi was quietly crying by the time Sam finished, desperately trying to wipe away the tears. The imagery Sam had created broke her heart. She could picture Deeks all alone with her nearly lifeless body in this room night after night, probably talking to her just the way he did when she couldn't fall asleep or needed a distraction.
"I never thought of it that way," she whispered. "God, I've been such a—"
"You've been recovering," Sam interrupted firmly. He checked his watch. "Hey, I gotta get going." Giving Kensi a hug, he nodded to a second plastic bag Kensi had forgotten about. "There're two servings of chocolate cake in there. Just saying."
"Thanks, Sam," Kensi said against his chest. "For everything."
Deeks knocked on Kensi's door, hesitating in the doorway. "Hey," he said softly, eyes a little uncertain, fingers tucked into the sleeves of his long sleeve shirt.
She'd done that. Pushing down the self-loathing that always seemed so close at hand these days, Kensi held her good arm out. A silent plea as much as an apology.
Deeks took the chair opposite her bed, staying silent for once. So, she'd have to break the ice this time. Drawing on her inner strength, she bridged the gap between them, and covered his hand as best she could.
"Thank you for coming," she told him.
"I was kind of surprised you called me," he admitted. "Thought I pissed you off for good this time."
"No, you didn't." Deeks raised an eyebrow, and she amended. "Well, you did, but not because of anything you did. Not really." She rushed on before he could interrupt with some form of absolution that she didn't yet deserve. "I get so angry at myself and I feel so weak. I hate that you have to see me like this."
"I don't care about any of that," Deeks inserted quickly. He raised her hand, carefully uncurling a couple fingers to kiss. Kensi pressed her lips together, amazed at his grace and love once again.
"I know," she assured him. "That's still the way my brain works. I think of all I've lost and what I might never get back. And I let it get to me. I let it warp everything you do for me. I never should have yelled at you like that."
He pursed his lips, his mouth trembling as he fought whatever was going on in his head. When he spoke again, his voice lacked the usual confidence, soft and vulnerable. "I can be less positive, less talkative. You can shout or scream, or call me whatever helps. Just please don't push me away."
In that moment she wished more than anything that she could hold him. "I won't," she promised. "I'm so sorry, Deeks."
As if he could read her mind, he scooted to the edge of his chair, and gently enfolded her in his arms.
"It's ok. I forgive you." The words were whispered against the side of her and punctuated by the softest of kisses. "I love you, baby."
"I love you too." She was crying again, and based on the he's e of Deeks' shoulders, he was too. They stayed there, Kensi curled up against chest for several minutes until the tears abated some.
Kensi pulled back, searching for another tissue, but Deeks beat her to it, wiping beneath her eyes with so much care it nearly had her in years all over again.
"You know, Sam was here earlier, and he left some cake," she mentioned and Deeks laughed, a startled chuckle that made Kensi laugh wetly in response.
"That sounds really good right now," he said, retrieving the bag, and scooting on the bed next to Kensi.
She watched him take out two clamshell containers, setting them up on the tray in front of her. She knew things were far from perfect, and she'd probably stumble again, but they were on the mend.
As Deeks placed a fork in the bigger piece of cake, and slid it in front of her, she leaned into his shoulder, curling her arm around his neck, pulling him to her for a kiss.