Chapter 25: Plans
"I still cannot believe it has been six months since you went away, Lizzy. I am a selfish being. I want to rant about the sorrows of my life here, fully aware of the reality of your sufferings.
Even though I am surrounded by so many people I feel terribly lonely. Everything I see in Longbourn reminds me of your love, kindness, and compassion towards me. I miss you so much, Lizzy. Sometimes, I wish I could leave Longbourn and join you in Ashton Park. Maybe I can trespass on the kindness of Lady Ashton and get employed there. But the only thing that stops me from taking that decision is your welfare. You say you are happy and safe there. I do not want to destroy that. As much as it pains me to say it, Mamma and Papa have never repented their actions. Mamma still thinks you ended your life somewhere. But Papa does not believe it. He doubts you are staying with Uncle Gardiner. As you know, they have broken ties with us.
Though Mamma has spread the word that you are living in London with our aunt and uncle because you did not want to live here anymore, the villagers do not believe it. They do not believe in the reasoning. They want to know why you left. All they have is concern and love for you. I am asked so many times why you have not returned.
I wonder when we will meet, Lizzy. Maybe for the rest of our lives we will communicate through Mariah and Charlotte. I fervently hope not. As I mentioned earlier, Netherfield is finally occupied. The new owner is Mr. Bingley. He is here with his sisters.
We met him at Lucas Lodge last week, and I must say, he is quite taken with Jane.
Jane does not need any persuasion to attach herself to a gentleman of good fortune.
Mamma is elated and is almost certain he will propose within the first week of seeing her.
I can sense you smiling, Lizzy. But the only thing that bothers me is Mr. Bingley is nothing like Jane. In few hours I spent in his company, I could see he has a genuine heart. He went out of his way to ask Mariah to dance with him as no one asked her.
He is too good to be disappointed in love, Lizzy. You may again smile now, thinking when I started caring about a strangers affairs. Honestly, I do not know.
I feel so happy to read about your experiences as a governess. Both Emily and Edmund sound lovely. They must remind you of our cousins.
We are invited for dinner this week in Netherfield along with a couple of other families. And Mamma is angry that Mr. Bingley because he invited them.
I hope you stay happy and safe there, Lizzy. I wish some day I could meet all your acquaintances in Derbyshire, especially Miss Darcy.
Not a single moment passes in my day without thinking about you.
Yours,
MB
Mary's letters were always a source of comfort to Elizabeth. Even though it reminded her of the past, she could express herself freely only to Mary and Charlotte.
She did not feel any sadness in understanding how her parents felt about her disappearance.
She had come to terms with the reality of the situation long ago.
Elizabeth contemplated Mary's mention of Mr. Bingley. She had hardly ever remembered Mary being interested in a gentleman's welfare.
Maybe she likes him. She thought.
But she knew her mother would do anything to secure Jane's match with the wealthy gentleman.
She heard a knock on her door, and in came her maid.
She knew it wasn't time for her classes with the children yet.
"Miss, Lady Ashton needs to see you."
"Of course."
She left to the parlor, and Lady Ashton looked at Elizabeth with a worried face.
"Good morning, madam."
"Good morning, my dear. I may have to take some of your time for a discussion."
"Of course. May I ask in what regard?"
"Well, my daughter-in-law has the sudden desire to visit her parents. And my son intends to go with her."
"Oh!"
" But I do not want the children to stay here without their father. As much as I would miss them, I want them to go along."
"I do not understand. I thought Lady Isabella's parents lived close by?"
"They used to, but recently, they moved further north and bought an estate there. So, if my son leaves, he woould not be back for a month."
"Pardon my interference. But the children have stayed here without their father before. I don't think they would be distressed, but they will certainly miss him."
"That is exactly my point. Edmund and Emily are getting used to living without their father. He went on a long honeymoon. That time, they cried for the first few days and then adjusted. Between your company and their nanny, their father seems to be an option for them. I do not want it to be that way. I want him to be there for them unless it is absolutely necessary to leave them here with us."
"I understand your reasoning."
"Now, coming to the part that concerns you. Will you be willing to travel along with them? Of course, their nanny will accompany you all."
"Considering my position as their governess, I must go. I wonder why you want to ask me."
"Because I do not want to force anything on you. Lady Isabella's parents are not as detached as her. But it will be a new house, new acquaintances. You just got settled here. I wanted to ask if you are comfortable staying there for a month."
"I would be happy to go along with the children, madam. I do not think a new place will cause any hinderance to our usual routine."
Inwardly, she knew she was happy because she could get away from being in the company of Darcy.
"When do we leave?" she asked.
"Next month. But you will be back by the end of November."
It was settled that Elizabeth was to travel, and Lord Philip was also happy about the decision.
But Elizabeth could sense that Lady Isabella was not.
She hardly said a word to Elizabeth during dinner.
Elizabeth pondered about the happenings of the previous week and the mysterious person in the garden. Lady Isabella's strange behavior nothing made sense to her.
But she knew the sudden visit planned had something to do with it.
A couple of days passed, and Georgiana visited her almost every evening. She was upset to know about Elizabeth's intended travel.
" I will be back in a month, Miss Darcy. "
"Oh! A month is too long. I shall miss you terribly."
"I hope it will pass soon."
" I will be bored at Pemberley. My brother seems upset about something. He is not his usual self. We usually go for morning rides together, but now he prefers to go alone. I don't know if it is something I did," she said with sadness.
" I am certain it is nothing. I do not know how your brother could be upset with you."
" You think I cannot do anything wrong?"
"Certainly, you feel the same way about me right, Miss Darcy?" she asked with a laugh.
To Elizabeth's horror, suddenly Georgiana started crying.
Elizabeth immediately hugged the young girl and was glad they were in her room.
"Oh dear! Did you say anything to upset you? Miss Darcy, please talk to me."
"I am such a horrible sister. And I am a horrible person. You would not even wish to be acquainted with me if you knew the truth about me. "
Elizabeth could not understand what she meant.
Within the next few minutes, Georgiana blurted out everything about her association with Wickham and the elopement in Ramsgate.
Elizabeth was horrified to learn about the incident.
She comforted Georgiana.
"Miss Darcy, please do not cry. You made a mistake but did not go forward with the elopement. I am certain your brother does not detest you for this. He does not seem like a person who would dislike his beloved sister for one mistake. I am so proud of you for making the right decision. I am glad you are safe."
" You still ..you still wish to be friends with me?"
" Of course, I have sis...," she corrected herself.
"I have been acquainted with many young women of your age. Your feelings are not uncommon. Sadly, someone tried to cheat you in the name of love. I admire your courage in this matter. You did tell your brother of your intended elopement once you saw him that speaks volumes of your love for him. I am certain he is not angry at you."
A wave of relief hit Georgiana. She smiled weakly.
"I cannot forgive myself. Even though my brother has declared that he does not hold it against me. I feel guilty whenever I think of Ramsgate. Now I feel something is amiss. Since the past week, he hasn't spoken properly to me, and avoids spending time with me. I am worried."
"Maybe it's not something related to you. He could be stressed about something else. Do not assume things, Miss Darcy. If he does not want to go on the morning ride with you, think about something else you can do together."
"We used to read together, play chess, and sometimes even go for a picnic. But now, I do not know how to talk to him and ask what is bothering him."
Elizabeth was silent.
"Sometimes I want to say so many things to him, open my heart, and pour my feelings. He is more like a father to me than a brother. But my guilt stops me from being open with him. I could use some advice from you. What should I say to him, Miss Smith? How can I ask him whether he is upset with me."
"Miss Darcy, I am honored that you trust me as a friend and confidant. But I do not think it fair that you ask me for advice in talking to your brother. I can see how much he cares for you. It would break his heart to know that his sister hesitates to talk to him and is asking her friend for advice. I respect him and cannot say anything in this matter."
"But, I do not have anyone like you to discuss my feelings."
"I understand. But this is between you and your brother. Please talk to him without hesitation. Your bond takes precedence over our friendship. I do not think your brother holds the past against you."
"I will. I feel a lot better after talking to you today."
Elizabeth smiled. She felt happy that Georgiana trusted her. She was horrified by Georgiana's revelation.
She was glad that Georgiana was safe. She could not help but pity Darcy.
It must have broken his heart to see her sister betrayed thus. She thought.
Georgiana left Ashton Park with resolve.
She reached Pemberley, and Darcy was away. She waited for him to return. Darcy, on the other hand, was in a state of agony since the dance with Elizabeth the previous week. Her words tortured him day and night.
Why does she hate me so? I never imagined she saw me in such a poor light. Does she even have the slightest idea of my feelings for her? How could she not? Even if I try to, I cannot betray my feelings when I am with her.
He avoided going to Ashton Park due to his ill temperand he avoided Georgiana's company without thought. He never realised that his sister was confused and distressed about his behavior.
When he returned to Pemberley, he was surprised to see Georgiana waiting for him in his study.
He was immediately worried.
"Georgiana, what is it? I thought you planned to stay longer in Ashton Park today."
"I did. But I returned, as … as I need to speak with you."
"Is something wrong?" he asked with anxiety.
"I do not know how to ask you. But I have to, is George Wickham causing any trouble again?" she asked, gathering courage.
At the mention of Wickham, Darcy froze.
He immediately walked up to his sister and held her hands.
"What happened? Did he contact you? Tell Me, Georgi, I will not spare him?"
"No, he did not."
"Then why do you even think he is causing trouble?"
"I do not know, maybe because, for the past week, you have been avoiding me. You barely spoke a few words to me every day," she said with tears in her eyes.
"Good God! Georgiana, I am so sorry," he cried, and pulled her into his arms.
Georgiana sobbed in his arms.
"I know you have all the right to be angry with me after what I did."
"I am not. I told you many times. I do not blame you. Nor am I angry with you. Why don't you believe me, Georgiana? After all these years, you do not trust my words?"
"I did. I thought everything was forgotten. But something has happened now, has it not? Otherwise, why would you avoid me so?"
"I am truly sorry if I made you think so. My mind has been engaged in something unrelated to this matter. You must believe me. I never think about Ramsgate and trust me, I have sources following Wickham in London, he will never cross our paths again. You have to trust me, Georgi."
"What is bothering you then?"
Darcy could not tell her the truth.
"It is something related to business. I have been pressured by some affairs and I never realised I neglected you. I am truly sorry."
"So, you are not angry with me."
"Of course not. Why did you not come to me before if you thought so? You can ask me anything. You are aware of that right?"
"She said the same."
"Who?"
"Miss Smith."
"Oh!"
"Do not be angry with me. I disclosed the Ramsgate incident to her. I did not plan to. But I wanted to share it with her when we were alone."
Darcy was shocked.
"What did she say?"
"Oh! Brother! I know you always said I was not to blame. I thought you said it to comfort me. But when Miss Smith said the same, I felt relieved."
She quickly explained the nature of their conversation.
"So, she did not want to give you any advice on how to ask me about your concerns?"
"She did not. She said it was not fair for her to interfere between us. She really respects you a lot. She said that many times."
Darcy did not know what to say.
After abusing me to my face, could she easily lie to Georgiana about her impression of me? If at all she said she respects me to Georgiana, then what about her anger the other day. How could that be possible?
"Was it wrong for me to tell her the truth, bother?"
"No, I understand you wanted to. I trust Miss Smith for confidentiality. She cares for you, I know that. Not because you are wealthy, but she truly values your friendship just for you."
"I know that. Since the day I met her, I could sense the genuine warmth in her. I am glad she came to Derbyshire."
Darcy was glad too. From the conversation with his sister, he had the slightest hope for redemption.
That night, he thought about Georgiana's confession. He realised that his shy sister finally found a genuine friend and could not stop imagining them being sisters in the future.
If what Elizabeth said to my face is true then she would have never spoken highly of me to Georgiana. Could she have changed her mind?
The past week he thought she hated him, but now he felt a slight shimmer of hope.
Deep down in his heart, he was certain that he felt something from her side in every meeting to make his love stronger. He did not know what it was.
But he was certain that he could not be so deeply in love with a woman who was totally indifferent towards him.
He could not guess her thoughts and feelings.
All he knew was that he wanted to convey his feelings to her. He wanted her to know what he truly felt in his heart. His heart was filled with love and admiration for the most beautiful woman he had seen in his life so far.
Maybe she does not understand my feelings and intentions. She looks at me as a wealthy man who wants to toy with her. Considering her situation in life, she has her reasons to believe so.
He realised it was his responsibility to make her understand his feelings.
He wanted to marry her and give her a life with happiness and joy. He did not care for society. According to him, her social status had no precedence to her character and kindness. She had impressed him in every way since the day he met her.
He knew it would not be easy to win her heart. But he was intent on one thing. He was going to try.