Hang In There

Of all the blamed things I've gotten myself into, this has gotta be the most dadgummed. No, I ain't shot. Not stabbed, either. I wasn't tossed by a wily bronc, wasn't even thrown by Traveler. There ain't rattlesnake teeth stuck in my hide or the marks of a bear marring my skin. Nope. But I swear, of all the blamed things I've gotten myself into, this has gotta be the most dadgummed.

And if something this dadgummed takes my life, I ain't going to my funeral. Somebody'll have to tell me how it went, 'cause I ain't even peeking over the silvery edge of the cloud I'm gonna be sitting on to hear the sniffling and carrying on. That's from laughter, you understand, not tears.

Testing to see if the grave was coming for me or not, I did my best to shift my frame. Rocks falling down like a rainstorm around me, I clamped my jaw tight, trying to avoid inhaling the debris. I might not've swallowed any pebbles, but I couldn't stop the dust from running past my nose hairs. A single sneeze turning into a repeated cough, the swinging motion increased. Not only did another part of the cliff go loose, my body dropped another four inches.

Dadgum. The shovel marking my six feet just might be measuring out the space right now.

My eyes in a search of the ground, I narrowed my lashes to where my hat landed. I reckon right about there would be the place my body'd drop. Then again, my weight would make a difference. My hat kinda floated down there, but I reckon my body'd go down like the rocks around me. I gave my shoulders a little shake so I could watch where the newest avalanche spewed.

Dadgum. Straight into the river they tumbled. The swirling mass of foam showed no mercy. It didn't suck or spit, didn't even bob a log up and down. It devoured everything that touched it so that it was never seen again. If I fell into that, I wouldn't even get one of them fancy markers or even a gravesite. I'd sink straight into oblivion, maybe straight into hell.

Hearing a bleat, I twisted my neck far enough so I could look up. If that calf found its ma after all I went through trying to pull him outta the briar patch, I'm gonna… Well, there ain't no point making some kinda silly vow when I'm hanging upside down over my death's site. Another calf bellow drew my eyes to the exact place. Yup. He found his way, all right. Heels bucking up, the tail was quick to follow suit, flip-flopping over the brown back with the kinda excitement that could only come from smelling Mrs. Moo and what filled up her udder. I reckon if the water wasn't playing a mean tune inside my ears, I'd be hearing the suckling of the milk pump right about now.

Dadgum. Sometimes animals just gotta find their own way and us ranch hands gotta let them be. Too bad I didn't have that mindset when I came across his squirrely hide. Compassion took me outta the saddle so I didn't look so tall and looming to the week-old calf. Quickly fitting the rope into a lasso, I gave it a toss. The moment before the loop eased over the small head, the calf jumped. Well, I already had the rope ready, so might as well give it another go. That one missed too. Now I was just getting plain plumb mad.

Up to my hips in stickers, I gentled my voice to let the calf know I wasn't gonna make a sandwich outta him and tried again. Every time I threw the rope, the calf leapt deeper into the thorns. I knew the edge of the cliff was coming and since it was shrouded by vines, leaves and berries that weren't ripe yet, I couldn't see the exact place of the cutoff. If that calf took another leap, he just might go over. That was when I started to back off.

The calf sensing his danger was from more than an angry cowpoke, he began to bawl. Now, I kinda got a soft spot for animals, especially the young and helpless, so that made me wanna try one last time to get the lasso around the brown and white neck and lead him to safety. Perfecting the turn of my wrist, I gave the rope a toss. It went nowhere. Caught by more barbs than an uneducated man could count, the lasso remained stuck behind me.

Grumbling, I took another backward step, intending to pull straight up on the rope so that the thorns were more likely to let go. I dunno exactly what happened then. Probably couldn't do it again if I tried, but instead of the thorns letting go, the ground did.

The first tumble was all rock. Seeing the earth start to cave in, I figured my hide was gonna go all the way down to wherever the bottom was with it. I didn't. Stopping my fall was a particularly long vine that had its teeth securely stuck in my jeans. Well, that ain't all bad. Actually, it should be kinda easy to pull myself up. But that was just what I thought, not actually what was.

The edge of the lasso an arm's stretch away, I grabbed for it. Of course it was still stuck, even more securely now, as the ground's movement had sent the loop deeper where the base of the briars grew. Pulling hard enough that my shoulder protested with a pop, the lasso came free. What I had planned was to drop the loose loop around the boulder to my right. That thing wasn't gonna go anywhere and with the rope taut between me and it, I should be able to walk the side of the cliff up to the top.

I'd forgot about the other end. It was even more attached to the thorns than the lasso itself had been. When I gave a jerk and nothing happened, I put all my strength into it. Dadgum, it wasn't gonna budge. At the second tug, something did pull free, but it wasn't the rope. The vine holding onto my leg musta been hanging onto the rope too. It snapped. Sliding down, my hands fought for a secure hold and while I came up short on everything that could be my safety, the rope had something left to offer me.

The lasso grabbing my arm, I quickly thrust it around my neck, and just before it pulled to its tightest to gimme the kinda death only outlaws deserve, I pushed the rope around my waist, but I reckon I'm a bit too thin. The loop went too far and snagged the area right above my hips. And there it stuck. Actually, there I'm stuck. At least the other end's gotta tight grip, but I can't count on that hold lasting forever. I can't count on this end any better. If the rope loosens just so, I'm a goner. If I try to untie myself, I'm the same. If I wiggle and twitch, the results ain't any different.

The only way out was help. And there was only one man out there that could give it to me.

Where was Slim anyway? Shouldn't he be missing me about now? It's blamed going on sundown. Sure Slim didn't know I was gonna run into a stray, but he knew I was out. And since I was working in the opposite direction of town, there shouldn't be a thought in Hardrock's skull that I'd made the decision to spend the night propped up by the bar. He was gonna have to wonder what I'd gotten into. Eventually. Maybe not until the supper dishes were put away. Maybe not even until the stars began to shine.

Dadgum.

The way I felt, an inward shout certainly wasn't gonna cut it.

"Dadgum!"

The echo making another piece of the cliff go down, I winced, although my mouth was gonna quickly change, to a smile. Someone was coming, and since the sound wasn't something creeping around on all fours, that smile stretched into a grin.

"Jess?"

"Slim!" I called, blamed nearly getting hit in the head with another toss of rocks as I rocked my body. "I'm down here!"

His long stride quickly brought him to the edge and then down to one knee. "What the… Jess?"

"Yeah. It's me, all right."

"How'd you get down there?"

"I dunno. Just get me back up there."

"You look like a hide ready to be skinned. Bear or cougar, maybe?"

"Stop with the wisecracks or the kinda cracks you're gonna get'll be from my fists."

"All right, Jess. But I don't think there's anyone that could get into a mess like this except you."

"Oh, I reckon I could put you into the same kinda ordeal if you gimme the chance."

"Maybe I should just let you hang, except the rope's in the wrong place. The noose is supposed to go around your neck, not your b…"

"Just pull me up!"

At the first tug, I thought we were both gonna build us a tomb in the riverbed. With a large section of the cliff's side taking a tumble, I began to flail, grasping for anything that wasn't on death's straight course. It took me about ten seconds, or the same amount of time that it took for Slim to chuckle, to figure out that I wasn't going anywhere but up.

Slim's hands securely on the rope, he pulled me over the edge. "Well, now. Don't you look the sight?"

Looking down at my disheveled self, I patted the wrinkles that made up the bottom of my shirt. "It ain't too bad."

"Uh-huh." Slim smirked. "How'd you ever get in this fix, anyway? Surely you weren't berry picking when they're not even ripe yet."

"No. It's too long and drab'a story anyway. All I wanna do is lie down with a bottle. And no, liniment ain't the kind I'm thinking about."

"Jonesy'll still want to put a hot compress on every thorny hole you've got. Might need some stickers needled out too."

"Dadgum. Well, if that's how it's gotta be, just don't tell how I got in this fix."

"How can I, when I don't even know?"

"True. If Andy or Jonesy asks, I'll just say you saved me from going over the cliff. What's this place called again?"

"Long Ridge."

"All right. You saved me from going over Long Ridge. Enough said."

"Not really. Jess, you were hanging by your backside."

"Can you think of a better place to hang by?"

"I can think of worse. You're not going to tell me, huh?"

"How about this... If you ever get to save me from the worse kinda hanging, I'll tell you about this kinda hanging. Deal?"

"How will I know if you'll ever get in that kind of trouble? Wait, don't answer. You're Jess Harper. You'll be in that kind of trouble."

How right he was. But if Slim's gonna save my life again, I'm gonna have to close this page and open another one up. Or maybe the next life to save'll be his? Could be either of us. Because I'll let anyone listening to me in on a secret. It ain't just me that gets into that kinda trouble. If someone can think it up, it's likely gonna happen to one of us.

.:.

I wrote this fairly quickly tonight. I wasn't going for intense drama, perfection or to give my readers reason to trim their nails with their teeth, I was simply just pausing from the chaptered story I am working on to let my regular readers know I have not gone anywhere. My next published story will be awhile in coming. Right now I have no estimated date of its completion. It's mapping out to be long. I envision a Laramie "novel" of sorts. If I don't get it completed in October, I'll have to let it sit so I can write a Christmas story. Believe it or not, I started this year's Christmas tale last December! (Only a portion of chapter one, but hey, that is a start) Anyway, if you are missing me, I have not quit, disappeared or ran off with Cooper Smith… actually that is a possibility because I have been tinkering with a Wagon Train plot! Nevertheless, I am still here, writing and writing and writing about our favorite cowboys and am working hard to bring you my latest story. I just have no idea when that will be. You all have a safe and happy fall. I'll see you as soon as I can. CW