Hachiman POV

…Is it just me or am I crying more than I ever did years ago? Like I get the fact that I'm in a one of a kind situation that I really don't want to deal with, but isn't it ridiculous that I can't control myself better?

Everything that I've gone through, from my parents leaving me to having to work to provide for Komachi while teaching myself whenever I get the chance, yet none of them increased my tolerance to crying? Haven't I grown to numb myself, to deal with life?

You would think crying every time I worked, falling down because I couldn't keep up with the job demand, dealing with the annoying coworkers that get in my way, and more, that I would have grown up being able to hold in my emotions?

But of course, the number of times I cried this week alone is higher than last year.

…Or maybe the system is forcing me to cry? It got access to my body after all, so I wouldn't be surprised if it's forcing me to cry for some inane reason. Right, system?

…Nothing? Haaah, guess I'm not getting any answers from it. Or, maybe it's because of the damned author? Actually, the system and author are likely working together to mess up my life!

…God, I'm really losing it… I can't even ignore the system or else this world is done for...

Blaming everything on a low possibility of an author, just because I had read too many novels with insane plots. If I had known this would have happened, I wouldn't have read them and let my mind stay innocent… And not this… Paranoid mess called Hachiman Hikigaya.

Hell if I actually continue with that thought, then nothing I know, my memories, experiences, everything, all of them would mean nothing. Even more so, everybody and everything around me.

Why? Because everything can be rewritten without me ever knowing anything. Or who's to say that my story wasn't already changed from the beginning? Maybe I wasn't supposed to get this system or maybe I wasn't supposed to be in this school? How? How do I NOT KNOW IF -

"...Would you stop hating yourself?"

I blink, thankful for the distraction before my mind descends into madness again, then glance at Shiro, "...Hmm?" Though, I quickly look away as I see her glaring at me.

"Your damned self-loathing. It's written all over your face, though I don't know the details, but your self hate is literally visible. Stop it."

…Are you saying that because you care about me…

Or is the system forcing you…?

Another thing that causes me immense grief is the fact that I don't know if you or any of the girls actually want to do it or is the system forcing you to.

Unlike the vast majority of system protagonists, I don't want my relationships to be built on lies or a third party intervention. I'm just an ordinary guy that just wants somebody to earnestly want to be with me… I don't know if -

I feel my cheeks being grabbed, the pleasant softness of the palm and suddenness pulling me out of my thoughts, "Please… Stop hating yourself… Didn't I tell you to not smile like that…?" Her sad face appears right in front of mine.

"...Sorry…" I avert my eyes, not confident in hiding myself from her own. From the corner of my eyes, I see her softly shaking her head.

"I don't want - no… No, it's stupid to expect for you to change right away…" She lets go off my right cheek then slaps herself, prompting me to widen my eyes then grab her hand.

"Why are you hitting yourself?!" I accidentally shout at her, flinching at the loudness.

She doesn't flinch, merely meeting my gaze, "I wanted you to change yourself. Here I am, a hypocrite who hates change the most, yet expecting the one I loved to change himself? Am I not a trashy girl?"

I open my mouth, yet she continues on, this time a bit louder, "Even when I cried, I tried to change yourself! I hate your smile but it's still you! Your self hate, your loneliness, everything is still you!"

"I TRIED TO CHANGE THAT!"

She practically shouts at the end, then her tone turns into whisper, "But… But… I really, really don't want to see you tormenting yourself… Isn't it stupid? To both hate and love the same thing? So, that's why…"

She leans closer to me, to the point our foreheads touch, "I will love you, no matter if you hate yourself. I… I will make sure that you won't have the time to hate yourself." She smiles, with tears flowing out of her closed eyes.

"Confirming Optional Heroine -Shiro Lilly - First Event Completed - Received "Fledgling Tamer" Title!"

"Congratulation user! You have reached the halfway mark for a Heroine's Conquest Bar for the first time! Received "Fledgling Casanova" Title!"

*DQDDQDDQD*

Isshiki POV

Oh ho? Well well what do we have here? A Hikigaya-kun and an unknown woman in an isolated area? Is she going to be another one of your "assault victim" ne, Hikigaya-kun?

Just kidding~! Hahahaha.

…I say that but… Why does my heart sting a bit…? I like Hayama, not Hikigaya-kun, right? He's the guy who wanted to look at my breast if I didn't want anybody to know I skipped assembly as blackmail, almost punched you on instinct at that. Hell, I should have reported him to the police for just one of the reasons, let alone two! So, it stands to reason that there shouldn't be a reason for me to feel pained at seeing him being intimate with another girl, right?

…Right?

…I guess it's a mistake for me to come check out the shouting, but I blame my curiosity for that! Wouldn't you go check out a potentially interesting situation?! Not my fault that I stumbled on Hikigaya-kun and a girl being intimate with each other!

So stop hurting my heart!

Haaah… Maybe… Just maybe, I need to think what does Hachiman Hikigaya mean to me…

…Well, maybe after I get Hayama first.

*DQDDQDDQD*

A/N

Welp, been bloody busy with a lot of things (withdrawing from university, dealing with loan, my microsoft word expired that forced me to port my fics to a new app (google docs for now), and dealing with relationships fallouts with the people over at university. Really fun. Haaaah, moving on, we finally got the first love interest proclaiming her love! And a ripple appeared in Isshiki's heart! Joy! Anyway, on to the comments!

DrackNath - nah, not weird

Maximumcarnaval - there's going to be more later on, muahahaha

ptyre - ahahaha... Yeah, he will definitely need it and more. Lmao, I like light bullying and yandere. Yep, unfortunately, and I took 8man's parents working ethics to the roof by *REDACTED*

CMY187 - yes. Yeah, would be nice to be able to see how everybody look at you... Erm, maybe not. Yep, this Ice Queen knows no subtlety. Thx. Yep, easier to just not care but 8man can't, unfortunately. Yes. It's high school, rumor mill is a classic at this point lol

Eisenhower Haloway - thank you. *REDACTED*

snow in the darkness - thank you. Lmao