Fight Club' Like the plot to Simpsons Wrestling Kang and Kodos force Springfield to send their finest fighter to challenge them. Springfield will decide this via a wrestling/fighting tournament where anything goes. (Well almost, the citizens agree to three kinds of attack and stamina meter that certain attacks drain more stamina than others. And matches are won by pinning) Will Springfield defeat this intergalactic threat?
Meanwhile Sideshow Bob kidnaps Bart, or at least he thought so until his hostage turns out to be Hugo!
Plot
The Simpsons are watching the news while eating TV dinners.
One day they had to wait for fish and chips Which made Oscar very cross.
"Fish and chips? I dunno. I'm not really a vegetarian..." said Homer.
Lisa frowned. "Dad a fish isn't a vegetable. It's an animal..."
However tonight they had TV dinners.
Oscar frowned.
Suddenly Kang and Kodos interrupt the news.
"Behold earthlings!" said Kang.
"Aghhhh! A space squid!" Homer screamed.
"Mmmmmmmmm! Space hentai tentacle monsters..." Oscar moaned aroused.
"Oz enough of the hentai!" Bart groaned.
"Listen well Earthlings! We challenge your finest warrior to a fight to the death! If we win your planet will be destroyed! Or enslaved. Or enslaved and destroyed, I can't make up my mind!" said Kang.
"However. If you win, we will leave you alone, never to return!" said Kodos. "Except on Halloween."
"To help you decide who should be your finest warrior we propose a fighting tournament! The rules are for you to decide. We will merely be the final opponents for your champion! That is all! End communication!" said Kang. However he was still connected to Earth's TV. "You know that itch you really can't get... Wait we're still on?! You son of a bi-" communications cut out and the news returned.
"Well folks, that, um, was rather unexpected. We will bring you more news after these commercials." said Kent.
"Oh my!" said Marge.
"Oh no! Dad what's gonna happen?" Lisa asked.
"We'll just have to take part in this tournament." said Homer.
"It hasn't even started yet Homeboy. We'll probably have a town meeting about it..." said Bart.
"Call me Dad! Only grownups call me Homer!" Homer yelled.
"Homer." Bart insisted. Being petulant.
"Daddy..." Hugo cut in.
"Homer..." Bart insisted.
"Daddy..." Hugo argued.
"Homer..." said Bart.
"Daddy..." Hugo argued.
"Homer..." said Bart.
Marge sighed exasperated.
...
The following evening everyone was instructed to go to the town hall for a meeting hosted by the Mayor.
Mayor West addressed the crowd who were quite literally saying "Blah! Blah! Blah blah!" Over and over.
"Quiet please! People may I have your attention!" said Mayor West. The townsfolk went quiet.
"May the real Slim Shady please stand up!" Oscar blurted out.
"No Oscar. No media references..." said Mayor West.
When Oscar sat down, Bart socked him in the stomach with a sucker punch. Winding him.
"Oof!"
Mayor West explained the tournament and the rules. "Several locations in Springfield have been chosen to hold arenas to fight in. Evergreen Terrace, Moe's, Krusty studios has promised a circus based arena, The Kwik E mart car park, Springfield Nuclear Power Plant and Barney's Bowlerama." said Mayor West. "Those will be all unless anyone else wants to set up more."
"But what about the rules Mayor? We can't have a tournament without rules! There'd be anarchy!" said Ned.
"Shut up Stupid Flanders!" said Homer.
"Homer!" Marge scolded Homer.
"Very well. For each battle you will decide on three moves of different types. May I suggest perhaps a basic move or combo, a projectile or strong attack and a special attack unique to you. And you have only a set amount of stamina that periodically replenishes itself so no one will be too strong. Taunts stun and grant temporary invincibility. Rounds are won by pinning. Each battle is decided by best of two..." Adam West listed the rules. Which bored everyone. Even Bart was doing yak yak gestures with his hand. "The usual jumps, holds, running attacks, suplexes etc are allowed. That is all."
People chatted. Some were worried about the invading aliens etc.
"Ay! Ay! Ay! Los extraterrestres!" said Bumblebee Man.
"I dread to think about Homeboy in the ring..." Bart groaned.
"Daddy!" Hugo hissed.
"Homer..." Bart retorted.
"Daddy..." Hugo hissed.
Mayor West was being eccentric again. Ie demanding to know where the water was going when he watered his plants. The plants were drinking it...
Unfortunately he never insisted he was Batman while in Quohog...
"Every Friday night, I'm a clearance-sale area rug." said Mayor West.
Oscar grimaced exasperated.
"Uh, everyone go home to train! Your planet depends on you!" said Quimby.
Everyone left while muttering.
"And I never got my fish and chips!" Oscar yelled angrily.
The Simpsons had sweat drops from embarrassment.
...
The next day was the first fight. Some generic civilians and lesser characters were annoyed they couldn't join. Some of them were; Blond Barney (Barney's evil cousin), Black Smithers and Ms Botz.
Seriously! Why can't I play as Bleeding Gums Murphy in Simpsons Wrestling?!
The first match was in the Evergreen Terrace arena Between Homer and whoever wished to challenge him. Comic Book Guy did.
"Worst wrestling arena, ever!" said Comic Book Guy.
"So, uh how is that ring not blocking traffic?" Oscar asked Bart.
"It is." said Bart. There was loud horns beeping and people yelling because the fighting arena/wrestling ring was in the way.
"Get out of the road!" someone yelled.
Homer was a terrible fighter because he had a slow combo that was only effective against slower opponents. His projectiles was to throw two bowling balls about that bounced across the arena and his unique attack was just to eat donuts.
"I warned him he could have three attacks but he wouldn't listen..." Lisa sighed as Homer got pummelled when he wasted time eating donuts.
Homer was scoffing donuts to heal himself.
"Doesn't that heal him?" Milhouse explained in question while reading the enclosed instruction manual.
"Yes but I found it pointless and wasteful as an ability." said Oscar.
In the next ring further down the street Gerald the baby with the monobrow was fighting Oscar's living teddy bear creature.
Teddy was holding Gerald aloft.
"PUT ME DOWN AT ONCE YOU HIDEOUS FURBALL!" Gerald yelled but only baby characters could understand him.
"Hey don't be so rude to my teddy bear!" Baby Oscar yelled.
Gerald stuck his tongue out at Oscar.
"Rrrrrrgh!" Teddy growled.
"Ted..." Oscar warned him not to get himself in trouble by growling.
Gerald hit Teddy with his rattle.
"Ow!" Teddy dropped him.
Apu was in a match against Willie.
"I am still annoyed I didn't get my fish and chips!" Oscar yelled.
"Enough! You Chippy Chippy Fancy Pants!" Bart yelled.
Oscar slugged him with an uppercut.
This started a riot in the crowd.
...
Meanwhile Sideshow Bob was in the shadows spying on Bart.
"Ah, a sitting duck! This is almost too easy..." said Bob. "Eh, I'll take it as a sign it's my lucky day."
In the crowd.
"I need to go to the bathroom. Hold my space." said Hugo as he left to go to the toilet.
Homer let someone take Hugo's space.
Bob waited to strike, as luck would have it he spotted Bart leaving the crowd and head towards his house to go to the bathroom.
"Ah... at last... today Bart Simpson you will die!"
When the Bart-like person went into the backyard Sideshow Bob struck grabbing Bart or who he thought was Bart in a choke hold.
"I have you now Bart! Any last words?" said Sideshow Bob as his theme played.
"Uh, I'm not Bart. I'm his twin brother Hugo." said Hugo.
The Sideshow Bob them cut out like a record after the needle had been taken off.
"What!? You've got to be kidding me! This just another one of your tricks Bart!" Sideshow Bob didn't believe him.
"No! I'm telling you I'm not Bart! I'm Hugo!" said Hugo. "Can't you tell the difference? My hair's messy, I have a missing tooth!" Hugo points to his mouth with only a few teeth left because he lost most of them to scurvy.
"I um thought you just had a rather physical altercation with someone, like the bothersome upheaval going on on the street." said Sideshow Bob.
People were fighting again.
"No I always look like this. This is what happens when when your parents lock you away for your whole life!" said Hugo.
"I'm beginning to think this is getting rather elaborate to be just another trick to distract me. If it is I want to know. Now." said Bob.
"It's not. I'm telling you the truth!" said Hugo.
"Well, Hugo. I think you'll be very useful in helping me get Bart..." said Sideshow Bob in a sinister tone.
"How so?" Hugo asked.
"By being my hostage. When Bart finds out your in danger he'll come running to save you." said Sideshow Bob.
"I don't think so." said Hugo.
"Why?" Bob asked.
"You don't know my family. They don't care about me. They didn't even want me..." said Hugo.
"Ugh... cry me a river..." Bob sighed.
Justin Timberlake was about to comment but decided to not say anything.
...
Elsewhere Peter Puppy helped wait the table while Earthworm Jim had dinner with Princess Whatshername.
Peter brought out a dish of Steamed Clams! STEAMED CLAAAAAMS!"
"Actually they're steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers." said Principal Skinner.
"Yeah um sure..." said Peter Puppy.
Then he burnt his paw on the hot cloche covering one of the dishes. "Yeeeeeowch!"
Of course being in pain made him very angry... Peter Puppy transformed into his beastly form.
"No Fuzz Buddy! Please!" Earthworm Jim whined.
"This is just like the time he tried to sue Letter Land..." said the blond kid voiced by Kath Soucie who got squashed by a cow when he asked Jim to do the cow thing.
Monster Peter roared. He lunged at Jim.
"Order! Order in the court!" A judge having dinner with Earthworm Jim, Peter Puppy and Princess Whatshername roared as he hammered the table with his gavel.
"I'll have ham on the rye." said Earthworm Jim from a fight cloud. Peter roared while mauling him.
An audience jeered.
...
The Simpsons were noticing Hugo was gone.
"What's taking Hugo so long? He just went to the bathroom." said Bart.
"Who now?" Homer asked as the watched Comic book guy fight Moe.
"Hugo! My twin brother!" said Bart. You know, the uglier fish head eating twin."
Oscar glared at Bart.
"Oh..." said Homer. "What of it?"
"Someone should check on him to see if his alright. He's still family whether you like it or not." said Lisa.
"Not if I crack the narrator's head with my bowling ball." said Homer.
Don't even think of it Homer.
"Daaaad!" Bart sighed.
"Fine... We'll all go look for him..." Homer sighed.
Plot 2
Elsewhere.
Sideshow Bob began to strangely feel sorry for Hugo.
"And they say I'm the villain!" said Bob.
"Bart did always mention you keep trying to murder him." Hugo said with a cough trying to explain Bob was the bad guy for a reason.
"I hold grudges." said Bob.
"And you tried to kill Aunt Selma."
"Have you tried being married to that woman?" said Bob.
"Uh no." said Hugo wondering why he made that comparison. "And you rigged the mayoral elections to try and demolish our house, tried to detonate an atomic bomb and framed Krusty. I'd say they have a point considering all they did was lock me up in their attic."
"And I suppose you're a saint..." said Bob.
"No. But I've never tried to kill anyone." said Hugo. "And what is with the banana leaf skirt, the snake fang necklace and the hair?! What are you George of the Jungle?"
"You really shouldn't be insulting a convicted serial killer..." Bob warned him.
"Attempted serial killer. You haven't actually successfully killed anyone have you?" said Hugo.
"No,,." Bob sighed.
"So why the-" Hugo was about to pester him when...
"Hugo!" his family arrived lead by Bart.
"Haaaaaaaae! Hugey!" Oscar squealed in a babyish manner like when he coos at things he finds cute.
"Aghhhh! Sideshow Bob!" Bart screamed.
"You guys came to find me?! I thought you didn't care about me!" said Hugo.
"Of course we do! It's just your father that um doesn't really show compassion..." said Marge hugging Hugo.
Homer huffed as if he'd been insulted.
"This is the time where you leave Bob, before we call the authorities..." said Oscar.
"Wait! Can I keep him Mom? Huh? Can I?" Hugo asked.
"No! Hugo, he keeps trying to kill me so much it's not even funny anymore!" said Bart whining.
"Okay I suppose him killing you would put a bit of a damper on my plans to reattach us..." said Hugo.
Everyone groaned "Hugo..." as if it was normal for him to constantly want to do that.
...
After Sideshow Bob had fled the Simpsons got back to watching and sometimes taking part in the fights.
Homer proved he was the least capable fighter whereas Maggie was very helpful to Marge by clamping onto opponents and slowing them down. Lisa was also somewhat effective with her saxophone playing as it stunned people.
However she had taken to biting people...
The Simpsons winced as they watched her in a wrestling match against Apu. She was biting his arm...
"And I thought Hugo was the biter in this family..." Bart sighed as Hugo was biting his arm.
Hugo was biting Bart's arm.
However this was just the preliminaries. There would be more capable fighters to come. Right now though Bumblebee man and Apu were the best fighters strangely enough. Especially Apu after that performance against the dolphins...
"I don't think Bumblebee Man is eh hero material... we need to get past him to the defender's circuit if we have any chance of saving the world." said Lisa as the kids watched Bumblebee Man fight at Krusty's circus arena on the Krusty the clown show.
"Ay ay ay! Me gusta!" said Bumblebee Man. A chihuahua was heard barking as his special attack involved releasing a chihuahua on his opponents.
Bart called to see how Oscar and Hugo were doing after the Sideshow Bob scare. They were at the Kwik e mart getting squishees. However the arena outside in the car park attracted enormous amounts of customers which made their usual haunt cramped.
"No Bart, I doubt we'll be seeing Sideshow Bob again. He was only a secondary villain in this turn of events. Kang and Kodos are the real threat." said Oscar. "Unless he's secretly working with them or something again."
"Look just keep a close eye on Hugo and get him back to Krustylu studios." said Bart.
"Awwww! I think you're starting to like your twin brother...!" Oscar said cooing into his mobile phone.
"No! It's just that he's family. And he has matching blood and organs." said Bart.
Oscar then was in a silly mood again.
"Kali Arrrrrrr me hearties!" said Oscar referencing Pirate Kali from Smite.
Hugo paid for his Squishee and a whole raw trout which he was chewing on.
"Um Oz, we don't need to take the subway transit system to Krustylu Studios..." said Hugo.
"Oh, I know. I just took a little detour to give you a taste of what I do for a living." said Oscar.
"Oz you don't do anything for a living... You're still in school." said Hugo.
"Fine... I'm taking a detour to funny named places in and around Springfield..." said Oscar. "You're looking after me to get me back home."
Hugo sighed.
They went to Rice Krispy Square. Oscar once they got there decided to annoy the Rice Krispy elves.
"Come here you stupid cereal elves!"
He chased Snap, Crackle and Pop.
Hugo face palmed.
"Haaaaaaawwww! Hugey!" Oscar tried to hug him.
"Do not hug me." Hugo said sharply.
...
Meanwhile Peter Puppy and Earthworm Jim were on the planet of man eating socks.
"Oh Holy mackerel! They're argyle!" Jim screamed.
Peter screamed.
The man eating socks roared.
Also one of the several villains in Jim's rogue gallery was there. Possibly Bob the killer goldfish or Professor Monkey for a head.
"The south shall rise again Earthwoooooorm Jim!" said Bob the killer goldfish in a Cajun accent.
...
Hugo managed to get Oscar home.
"Where have you been?" Marge asked concerned in a manner similar to Molly Weasley.
"Oz went on a detour on the subway transit system..." Hugo sighed exasperated.
Marge didn't want to know what that entailed...
Oscar went upstairs to his room and activated a Stargate like portal Hugo invented for him. It took him home to England.
He came across Harry Beckwith, a British sports fan who was watching one of Bart's baseball games in season two. Harry had an outrageous Blighty accent.
"Zounds! What on hearth?" said Harry.
Oscar squinted exasperated.
"Tally ho! Anyone for tennis?" Pip Pirrup the British stereotype from South Park asked.
"Actually Pip I'd like to settle down for a spot of tea." said Oscar.
"Quite so old bean." said Pip. "I'm parched."
"Uh you both do realise that not everyone in England talks in an upperclass 19th century manner? That's just a silly stereotype invented by my Yankee friends the Simpsons." said Oscar.
Pip and Harry looked perplexed.
"Never mind..." Oscar sighed.
The Simpsons house that night.
"Now you've had quite an adventure today my little Monster-face. Now it's time for bed." said Homer tucking Hugo in.
Hugo glared at him for calling him horrible names.
The wrestling arenas dotted around soon made things frustrating especially when one was set up inside the church that Saturday.
"Bible fight!" yelled Oscar starting a fight by throwing bibles at people. The church descended into anarchy.
"Right that's it! This fighting tournament has gone on too long!" Marge ranted. "I'm having words with Kang and Kodos!" As soon as she shouted everyone stopped fighting.
Marge went to Kang's space ship to have words with him and his sister Kodos.
"But we're alien conquerors! We made our demands!" said Kang.
"Get off of my planet!" Marge yelled at them.
"Get off my plane!" Harrison Ford yelled.
Marge grimaced. Crickets chirped.
"Very well." said Kang. "But I want custody of our daughter!" said Kang.
"Uh, that was a Halloween episode. I don't think that really happened." said Marge.
"Of course it did!" said Kodos.
The aliens ejected her from their ship and took off never to return. Except for Halloween.
...
Eventually everything went back to normal and the arenas were dismantled or at least set up where they wouldn't be annoying.
"Well that was a good way to let off some pent up rage." said Homer.
"I can't believe Lisa's choice of special attack was to bite people..." Said Oscar nursing bites on his arm.
"Hmmmmmm...!" Marge sighed.
"Uh I might have got carried away..." said Lisa.
"I'm just glad everything is back to normal..." said Bart.
Dr Colossus stomped through town in a doomsday machine destroying everything.
"Tremble before my colossal calamity colossus!" said Dr Colossus.
The Simpsons rolled their eyes.
Meanwhile in merry old England.
Oscar, Harry Beckwith, Esquire and Pip found a quaint tea house to have some tea at. Oscar used his personal tea set. That's the only exaggerated British thing he did.
"Councils should fine homeowners who still have Christmas lights up in May." said Oscar as he poured Harry, Pip then finally himself some tea like a gentleman.
That's just harsh Oz...
"Also Brad Pitt isn't real. He's just an aspect of Edward Norton's imagination."
"That was a movie Oz..." Harry groaned.
Oscar noticed a line outside a fancy, possibly private school.
"What's with that queue?"
"Oh, it's application day at Miss. Wickerbottoms Pre-Nursary school." said Harry.
"Hehehehe! Wickerbottom..." Oscar giggled.
Harry Backwith sighed.
Pip sipped his tea.
Kang's UFO.
"Wait a minute! I'm a fearsome alien warlord! Kodos, turn this ship around! No Earth Ape intimidates me!" said Kang.
"Fine..." said Kodos.
Kang went the wrong way.
"You're going the wrong way..." said Kodos.
"Silence!" said Kang,
And so the story wasn't over! Yet!
Well there's Dr Colossus for a start.
...
Last week Bart got Lisa's nerves over him being a real Casanova with the girls. Along with one marriage. Well it didn't count because he's a child but eh... it happened...
Where as Lisa only had two brief flings. Ralph was too forward and in love with her. Nelson lied to her, so she felt she couldn't trust a boy who lies all the time.
Lisa decided to get Bart back by sort of copying him.
She knew Bart had a crush on Mary Spuckler.
So Lisa decided to get to know one of the Spuckler boys.
Unfortunately Mary was unique for a Spuckler in that she was pretty and not deformed or incredibly stupid or weird in anyway. So Lisa had no luck as she was repulsed by all of the Spuckler boys.
"Eeeeeeew!" She groaned as Dubya Spuckler tried to give her a bouquet of dead flowers.
"Grrrrrr!" She seethed at Incest Spuckler because he was waving a confederate flag.
However one day while she was having a bath Q*Bert Spuckler broke into the house somehow. After a cross word from her or two he explained why he was in her house.
A baby goat got in. It belonged to Cleatus so Q*bert was retrieving it.
"That's no excuse for breaking in..." said Lisa annoyed.
Then she fell in love with Q*Bert Spuckler for some weird reason...
Lisa was smitten with Q*bert. Mostly because he was named after a video game character. Last week she dated a boy called PAC MAN...
Hugo rolled his eyes.
Plot 3
Suddenly someone was at the door.
(Doorbell rings)
"I'll get it." said Marge.
The visitor was Kang and Kodos.
"I told you to get off my planet!" Marge yelled.
"I told you to get off my plane!" Harrison Ford yelled.
Hugo exasperated vaporised Harrison Ford with a sort of ray gun.
"You don't scare us Marge! We're deadly alien invaders with deadly laser guns!" said Kang.
"I'm scared of her..." said Kodos being silly.
"Silence! Now let the wrestling tournament continue!" said Kang.
"Oh good! Because I need an excuse to fight my sister..." said Bart, he grappled with his sister.
"Bartholomew! Stop that! No more wrestling!" said Marge.
"I will blow up your planet!" Kang warned Marge.
"Fine..." Marge sighed. "Who's next in the ring?"
"You Marge. And your opponent is Krusty the clown." said Kang.
...
Marge faced Krusty in his own ring. A circus ring or three ring circus. Uh I'll leave the circus jokes to Krusty.
"This is for all those cute, little, three-eyed fish out there!" Marge declared as her opening taunt.
"Uh you thought that mutant fish I brought home was cute..." Bart said grimacing.
"I thought it looked cute. Even after Mom sliced him up for dinner. I got what was left, all of it because no one wanted it for some reason." said Hugo,
"How's about you leave your husband for a clown like me?" said Krusty.
"Certainly not!" said Marge.
"Well can't blame a clown for trying." said Krusty.
And so the increasingly silly wrestling matches continued.
Elsewhere Lisa somehow tolerated Q*Bert Spuckler. Obviously he didn't have an extra arm or something freaky. Neither was he incredibly stupid or racist.
However he did play the banjo while she was playing her saxophone.
"Ugh! I'm not doing a duet! Who's playing that banjo?" Lisa groaned.
"Pa says I have to practice on my banjo." said Q*Bert.
He played a riff on his banjo.
"And I'm playing a kazooie... Hee..." Oscar chuckled.
"Oz that is not funny! Stop going on about flippin' Banjo Kazooie!" Bart groaned.
"Fine... I'm heading back to Blighty..." Oscar sulked.
Meanwhile Ruth wanted her kidney dialysis machine back. Why she has one I don't know!
"Fine... here's your kidney whachamacallit machine..." Homer sighed.
"And can you keep your dressing gown tied shut when you go out to collect your newspaper in the morning..." Ruth nagged.
Homer groaned.
Oscar headed back to Blighty aka Britain via his Stargate portal.
Harry and Pip wondered where he went.
"Zounds! We've just ordered crumpets! They'll get cold. Return your bottom to your seat at once!" said Pip.
Oscar rolled his eyes.
They acted like insufferable Limeys and drank tea...
Elsewhere Matt Groening tried to retcon Homer and Marge's friendship of when they fell in love from when they were in high school to them meeting earlier while Homer was at a summer camp and Marge was at a finishing school nearby. Also she strangely had brown hair...
However we don't retcon things here as that's nonsensical.
Also Homer's first kiss at summer camp was with Apu anyway...
"No it wasn't Author..." Lisa groaned.
...
Oscar gathers information. Probably on which resident of Springfield is fighting next.
However Teddy his living teddy bear creature is annoying him by dragging him backwards by pulling on the back of his diaper. He has part of Oscar's diaper in his mouth and is pulling.
"Nnnnnngh! Let go of my diapee!" Oscar groaned.
Teddy is pulling on his diaper.
After tea and crumpets a fancy tea house, Oscar, Harry and Pip went to Oscar's friend's house. A blond boy like Ace except he liked wearing diapers.
They were in his backyard near his sand box.
"Hold up Mr Big kid. If you wanna go and pway in my sand box, there's a special mandatory dress code. Aka you gotta wear this thick diaper on your skinny butt. Otherwise you can sit with the gwonups listening to boring stories." said the blond boy.
"I've made my choice. Pad me up Max!" said Oscar.
The blond kid smirked as Oscar laid down on his back and allowed him to put a diaper on him.
Harry and Pip grimaced exasperated.
Oscar didn't care what they thought as he sat in the sandbox while wearing just a diaper.
At the Simpsons Homer was putting the garbage out into the dustbin.
"Hey Uncle Homer!" said his nephew Hank.
Homer screamed.
Hank screamed back.
Hank screamed in return.
And so on and so forth.
Bart was in the ring.
"If only I were a vampire... Then you'd really be in trouble!"
"Treehouse of Horror IV reference!" Comic Book Guy yelled.
Bart sighed exasperated.
Then he fought Oscar.
"I want you to remember this beating in your most private moments..."
"Mmmmmmm... Private moments..." Oscar moaned in a perverse manner.
"Aaaaaaaagh! Get this freak away from me!" Bart screamed.