It was another hard day of physical therapy, and the men were busy discussing history. And more importantly: why the other three were completely wrong about history. Today's particular subject was that old classic: literature.
The Scot had just finished a monologue about how all English literature had proud Celtic roots, and he was only using the English language because it was their lingua franca. (All four men loved their mother tongues and informed the others that theirs was the finest of all languages. There you go!)
"Literature? Do you want to speak literature?" Gus said, "Homer wore the Iliad when you were in the bogs!"
"Homer did not write, he composed." The Persian corrected.
"Greeks are so smart they only write when they want to," Gus replied immediately. "Otherwise they just remember. Simple."
"If not for our monasteries, none of your classics would have survived." The Scot informed him.
"Oh, just Western classics," the Chinese man sniffed. "No Art of War-"
"Alexander the Great mastered the art of war 25 centuries ago!"
"Sun Tzu was two hundred years earlier."
"Around the same time as Xenophon's Anabasis? Greatest adventure ever written." Gus proclaimed.
"Whose upcountry were you marching through, hmm?" The Persian shot back. "Who brought the Greeks there in the first place? A Persian."
"Because the Persians knew Greeks fought better!"
"The premier mercenary was actually the Scottish gallowglass-"
Gus ignored him and went on, in the proud Greek tradition, to attack Persia again. "The Seleucids were the best thing that ever happened to Persia!"
"The only reason you are Greeks is because of Persia! No Persian Empire, no Thermopylae, no idea of Greece!"
"Helen invented Greece! That's why it's called Hellas!"
For a few moments, their debate fell silent as someone walked by, and they went back to physical therapy. However, each one spent that time composing new and more ingenious arguments.
"What were you Persians doing? Making shields of wicker when the Greeks crafted with marble?"
"Idolaters then and idolaters now." The Persian scoffed.
"Idolaters? You insult the blessed icons? Good thing you are already in hospital!"
"He's right." The Scot said.
Gus shot him a betrayed look.
"It's not popery but it's close enough." The Scot said.
"Ha!" Gus laughed. "Of course, you barbarians wouldn't understand proper culture! The Roman empire was Greek, and us Greeks built a wall to keep you out!"
"If Greece is so great why did you spend four hundred years under Turkish rule?"
"Infiltration. The Turks settled down and became Greek! No one else could manage that!"
"What about the Manchus becoming a part of China?"
Unfortunately, their physical therapy and spirited debate did have to come to an end, and each man went home. "Barbarians." They all tsked.
We were robbed of a bickering nationalist dad scene. Robbed.