AN: Story is back from 2020 when I was still finding my style. It's a crackfic. Don't expect much.

"Hello everyone! It's Greenette On Dopamine here! Today I'm gon—"

"Alright, so I would like to start this video by telling you that I am not evil enough person to do all of those things we will do today unprompted but Midoriya did annoy me to the point where I would willingly stab him so I guess that's why I'm here."

"THANK YOU FOR YOUR INPUT SHINSŌ PLEASE DON'T INTERRUPT ME ANYMORE."

"Okay." The teen looked dead inside.

"ALRIGHT. So Today I'm going to get tased, stabbed and mind-controlled into breaking my own arm and I'm gonna rate the pain. I just wanted to experience all those things without adrenaline rush." Midoriya smiled brightly.

"He's a psychopath. I'm sure of that." Shinsō whispered theatrically. "Anyway I will be tasing, stabbing and mind-controlling him today."

"What's the first thing we're gonna do today? Tasing, right?"

"Wrong," Shinsō got the knife from thin air and put it into Midoriya's abdomen in a jerky motion. "Stabbing."

...

"Well, that was anticlimactic," Midoriya sighed grabbing the knife.

"Don't remove it! We're going to Recovery Girl so she can heal you before you bleed yourself out."

"Recovery Girl is on vacation."

"WHAT!?" He turned towards the camera, "DISCLAIMER: I WOULDN'T HAVE STABBED HIM IF I KNEW. NOW," he turned back to Midoriya. "WHAT'S YOU PLAN FOR THAT THEN?"

"I have a self-healing quirk." Midoriya was completely unfazed.

"Self-healing quirk," Shinsō echoed monotonal.

"Yup." Midoriya removed the knife and for a second the wound bled heavily before closing itself in a few seconds. "See? Perfectly healed."

Shinsō blinked. Then blinked again. Then turned around and walked away.

"Take your time!" Midoriya screamed behind him.

"I hate you," came a muffled response.

"I love you too! Now, I need to clean that up."

A muffled scream could be heard in the background.

CUT!

"We're back!" Midoriya had a signature smile on his face. His shirt was still torn and bloody.

"I regret being born." Shinsō looked 10 years older.

"What's next?" Midoriya completely ignored him. "Broken arm? Tasing?"

"Tasing," the purple haired teen took a small device and pressed it to Midoriya's uncovered arm. "I'm gonna tase you at one. Three, two," Shinsō pressed the button and Midoriya seized in place. "One."

"That." Midoriya hissed, "Was. Worse." The boy still wasn't moving.

"Worse than being stabbed?"

"Yep."

"Any insight on how you felt?"

"Stingy."

"That's all?"

"Needly."

"That's not a word."

"Please shut up. I feel like I got punched into every muscle simultaneously. How high did you put the voltage?"

"You calibrated the voltage. Can you move?"

"I—" Midoriya's eyes got glazy.

"We'll be right back." Shinsō reached for the camera.

CUT!

"Alright everyone, I made the idiot rest a bit and gave him a massage so he won't wound up with some cramp-y kind of damage from that tasing but, as you can see, he's still under my control." True to Shinsō's words Midoriya's eyes were still glassy. "Midoriya, sit on the stool in front of the camera." The teen obeyed with sloppy movement. "Now break your arm." Broccoli's right hand slammed on the counter at the very wrong angle and then snapped with a sickening sound. Shinsō hissed in sympathy just as Midoriya came out of haze.

"Oh." His arm was bent in an unnatural way, the skin broken in certain places and he was bleeding heavily.

"Oh? That's what you gonna say? Oh?"

"Our fight during Sports Festival in the first year hurt more."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"You're crazy."

"You love me."

"Shut up. Wait, why isn't your arm healing?"

"Uh-oh."

"Midoriya fucking Izuku what is happening?"

"Uh-oh."

"MIDORIYA."

CUT!

Omake:

The rest of 2-A seeing this posted:

"I DO NOT LIKE THE SOUND OF UH-OH."

"Yeah that didn't sound manly at all."

*sound of window already exploding*

"I think somebody could check on-HURGK"

"SADDLE UP LOSERS WE'RE FUCKING BEATING THE STUPID NERD'S ASS"

"Needle-y? That's the best he could come up with for how it feels to be me? It didn't even make him stupid!"

"DUNCE FACE HE DIDN'T REALIZE HE STOPPED HEALING AND BROKE HIS ARM ON PURPOSE."

"...Oh he did go stupid then. SHIT HOW CAN HE TUTOR ME IF HE'S STUPID NOW?!"

"...Recovery Girl is going to murder him, kero."

"Yeah, if I remember that, uh... wasn't that his bad arm?"

"...I will begin the funeral preparations with a banquet of darkness"

And then all of his class presses F in the general chat, Izuku included.

Omake is a courtesy of Silver_Eternity from AO3.