AN: Another crackfic from back in 2020. Enjoy.
"LISTEN!" Mina jumped into the common room, with too wide grin on her face and psychosis in her voice. "LISTEN UP! WE SWITCHED—" she started giggling uncontrollably, cutting herself off. "WE—" she couldn't stop.
At this point everyone present, which is too say at least three quarters of the class, turned their attention to her.
"Mina-chan?" Asui was the first to speak up. "Did something happen on your patrol?"
"YESSSSSS!" the pink demon wailed, returning to her giggling. She was clutching her stomach now. "SO LISTEN UP! WE SWITCHED— WE SWITCHED MINETA—" she burst out in open ugly laughter at the mention of freshly kicked out pervert. "I'M NOT SHITTING ON SHINSŌ, REALLY! I PROMISE! WE'RE ALL EXTREMELY HAPPY HE'S HERE— BUT LISTEN. WE SWITCHED MINETA FOR GAY MINETA." She waited a second or five in complete silence that now encompassed everyone before bursting out with laughter again. This particular bout making her double over and fall on the—thankfully carpeted—floor.
"Wh—"
"What do you—?"
"But—"
"Everyone," Everyone's heads whipped towards the new voice in the room. Their tired homeroom teacher stood in the doorway, globs of purple and green hair barely visible behind him. "Ashido, Shinsō and Midoriya had an accident during their respective patrols. Their routes crossed with a path of a chase after a villain group terrorizing the city with mental quirks." Aizawa stopped for a moment to let those facts sink in. Shinsō and Midoriya behind him started moving in a weird pattern. Mina was still on the floor. "They got hit with a quirk that assigns and multiplies a feeling based on hair colour. Pink is amusement, green is obsession and purple is lust. The effect will go down within two days but hopefully faster. They don't require medical attention, but they're grounded so they'll be staying in dorms for the weekend. If something goes horribly wrong—get me. I'm leaving you to deal with them, make sure no one dies." And with that he turned around and left.
"OH MY GOD HE'S SO SERIOUS—AHAHAHAHAHAH!" Mina screamed at the top of her lungs effectively stealing class' full attention for herself. "HAHAha... ah. I think he's done with our shit," she said a little bit calmer, but smirking wildly. "Man, I haven't gotten a laugh that good in a while! HAA!"
"I— Mina-san, could you please—" Yaoyorozu was getting uncomfortable throwbacks to XXI century's celebrity Cardi B. Mina sounded almost exactly like that, scratchy and scream-y and a bit more and it would turn into unrecognizable screech. She has listened enough to it during her pre-quirk culture history classes, she didn't need a repeat. "Could you remove yourself from the floor and stand up?"
"NOOOPE! I feel GREAT HERE!" the girl screamed again aaaaaaand there went sound overstimulated Kōda going to his room. Shōji and Tokoyami made their retreat too, effectively escorting the timid boy. Good.
"Wait, where did Shinsō and Midoriya go?"
'GAY MINETA'
'purple is lust'
"Oh no," like seven different voices spoke at the same time.
"Gotta protect Midoriya." Somehow Todoroki was on the staircase before anyone else could move. Superpower of protectiveness, I guess.
"We have to make sure he doesn't experience any non-consensual interaction with Shinsō-kun!" Iida was in full sprint too, Uraraka following closely behind too.
"My bro is in danger!" screamed Kirishima hot at their heels.
"HAH! Bold of them to assume that SHIN is the problem LMAO!" Mina did a starfish giggling to herself.
"What do you mean Mina-chan, kero?"
"Midoriya wouldn't let anyone I REPEAT ANYONE but Aizawa even come close to Shinsō," the pink girl said with a face-splitting grin. "Not even paramedics."
"What? Why?" Oijirō was the one who spoke. That sounded weird.
Suddenly a loud thud could be heard from the direction of Midoriya's room.
"Midoriya-kun! You have to see reason—" Iida's voice boomed.
"Well you have to STOP TOUCHING MY SHIN!" Midoriya's voice was shrill with unadulterated rage. Thud. "GET OUT! HE'S MINE!" Thud.
"Midoriya, you're not acting like yourse—"
"SHUT UP YOU ICYHOT WANNABE AND GET LOST! I WON'T LET YOU HAVE HIM! HE'S MINE!MINE!ONLY MINE!" Another series of thuds followed.
Alarmed, the rest of the class peered down the corridor and what a sight to behold the scene in front of them was.
Iida and Todoroki both lied on the floor, possibly from being thrown or kicked, Uraraka crouched in the corner, trying to make herself as small as possible, Kirishima stood straight with his hands risen and quirk engaged and as for quirked classmates... Midoriya stood in fighting pose between four friends who went to 'rescue' him and Shinsō was clinging to him like overgrown purple koala, lethargically planting raspberries on his neck with the barest of movement.
It was honestly a little surreal to watch.
"I'M DONE WITH YOU ALL," Midoriya hissed through clenched teeth and proceeded to stomp off to his room, shutting the door closed behind him.
'green is obsession'
Ah.
For a second no one made a single sound. Everyone could just stare at the door, unblinking, trying to process what just happened.
Then a moan was heard. And another. There was a loud wet pop sound accompanied by a whine and—
"Let's give them privacy," Yaoyorozu picked up Todoroki while Sero took a hold on Iida.
"But—" Behind the door Midoriya moaned Shinsō's name followed by a series of yes's. "On second thought let's get out of here."
Mina was handed over to Bakusquad—they promised to make sure she doesn't hurt herself in the process of laughing her ass off every single thing that was said or done. And since Bakugō's room have been soundproofed through the summer vacation on his request she landed there, as to not disrupt their classmates. That also meant that Bakugō was now in the common room, having been fed up with Mina's loud behaviour. Pretty ironic.
But the point stands. The common room was perfectly silent for once, no one daring to disrupt Bakugō's focus on their Hero Ethics essay. That would be like begging for something really unethical to happen.
And because of lingering silence everyone present realized when someone entered the room, going straight for kitchen.
Shinsō and Midoriya were holding onto each other like lifelines as they made their way to the fridge. To everyone's horror purplish insomniac was once again lazily mouthing at shorter boy's neck, one of his hands slipped under Midoriya's t-shirt and moving slightly.
The silence somehow become imposing then. Or maybe it was just that everyone realized that if there was a light chatter filling the air no one would hear any embarrassing noises in case some were made.
But one glare from Bakugō shut them up.
In the kitchen Midoriya was heating up leftovers from yesterday's supper, minding his own business and not giving any attention to them whatsoever. Shinsō was much the same, although he wasn't helping the green head, he was just slowly making his way lower and lower until he reached his collar bone. And then he started going lower once again—
This didn't look comfortable. He was craning his neck in awkward angle.
Soon enough he started going back up, this time kissing and sucking on the other side of Midoriya's abused neck.
Green head took a sharp, shaky breath.
Jirō pleadingly looked at Bakugō, as if asking for permission to speak. She did not want to hear anything that might leave Midoriya's mouth.
Blonde stayed impassive.
Shinsō started marking a trail up to Midoriya's ear, causing him to curse lowly under his breath, though in the overwhelming silence the sound seemed louder than cannonball.
"Bak—"
"Shut up."
Shinsō's second hand wandered under lower piece of Midoriya's clothing. The tension was rising. Desperate, Oijirō tried to convey his budding panic through body language. Bakugō stayed uncaring.
Then all hell broke loose because Midoriya moaned very very loudly.
Most of the class was just mortified. How were they supposed to react to that? Bakugō though... Wssssss Bakugō.
The boy rose from his seat, marched into kitchen and bitch-slapped first Midoriya, who didn't react at all and then Shinsō, who also didn't react at all, not even caring to detach his mouth from shorter boy's body, but it got green head to react.
"DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING TOUCH HIM AGAIN YOU PUSSY-ASS MOTHERFUCKER! HE'S NOT YOURS TO TOUCH BUT MINE! I THOUGHT I MADE SURE EVERYONE KNEW THAT EARLIER!"
"THEN STOP FUCKING MOANING LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING BITCH IN HEAT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAMN KITCHEN! MAKE YOUR FOOD AND BE—FUCKING—GONE!"
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE NEEDS!"
"I DON'T CARE WHAT HE FUCKING NEEDS, I CARE THAT YOU WON'T FUCK IN THERE IN FRONT OF US! GO AND DIE! OR MAKE YOUR FOOD AND LEAVE!" Bakugō then proceeded to shove the pair out of the way, finish heating up their meals, giving them it on a tray and—lighter this time—shoving them again in the direction of rooms. "DON'T THANK ME, SHUT UP AND GO AWAY!"
Hagakure couldn't decide what was more of a miracle, that Bakugō actually solved a problem with just screaming and non-combat actions or that Shinsō stopped his assault for long enough that Midoriya didn't make any more mortifying sounds.
The nighttime arrived and absolutely no one was surprised that Tokoyami, Aoyama and Kaminari had to be evacuated from their rooms because of their proximity to Midoriya's—Tokoyami and Aoyama being on the same floor and Kaminari directly above his. Girls made an exception and let the boys use empty rooms on their floors. They even helped them move the essentials from their rooms to temporary ones.
Moaning, screaming and slaps of the skin were heard during the evacuation and everyone—beet red and ready to die—decided to not comment on that and never mention it in the entirety of their lifetimes.
On the second floor, in her room, Jirō was lying in bed under two comforters and three blankets, having already put on her soundproofing headphones and cursing her superior hearing.
Mina came down from her quirk-high during the night. She woke up slightly overwhelmed by the ache in her lungs and stomach—all that from just laughing? But hey, at least she wasn't stuck with obsession like Midoriya, that would end up badly.
Oh right, Midoriya. And Shinsō.
Predictably, when class started gathering in the common room for late breakfast neither of the boys was in sight. Which was kinda a relief but also simultaneously not. You can take a wild fucking guess why.
"Damn, I was lowkey hoping it would wear off as soon as mine!" Mina exclaimed loudly, stealing Iida's orange juice.
"Maybe it did but they're, you know, tired?" suggested Kaminari, smiling nervously. The tension was palpable in the air.
"Hopefully."
"No it didn't," Kyouka sounded about as dead as she looked, with dark eyebags and distant look. "I can still hear them going at it." She took a generous swing out of a bottle that most likely wasn't water. "They haven't stopped since last night. Only took a break around 2 am."
"Damn. That's... At this point that's just impressive," murmured Sero eyeing her with worry. "You alright?"
"Do I look alright?"
"Yeah, no."
"There goes your answe— Oh." Her eyes widened a little. Then she took another swing from the bottle, took a deep breath and plunged one of her jacks in the wall, immediately wincing but keeping it there.
"Jirō..?"
"Shhh," she hushed, plunging a second jack into the opposite wall. Then she removed both of them and sighed with relief. "They stopped. Thank the fucking god."
The whole class agreed with the sentiment.
The relief was short lived though, lasting about 20 minutes. Because after that time the class noticed Midoriya getting out of his room as quietly as possible. The poor boy was beetroot red and looked embarrassed to hell and back.
There was no Shinsō in sight.
Everyone let go of their breaths they were holding.
"I'm so sorry! I don't know what got into me! I mean I know what got into me but that was inexcusable! I'm very sorry for attacking you! And acting so… shameless—butI'mgoingtoglossoverit—and overprotective! Ah, that must have been so weird for you all, I'm really sorry!" the boy dissolved into a heap of muttering apologies.
"You still feeling obsessive?" asked Todoroki, eyeing the corridor cautiously as if expecting Shinsō to emerge out in the open any moment.
"Oh, no, no I'm not, it wore off, I wouldn't be here if it didn't. I couldn't bring myself to be even a meter away from Shinsō while it was still working," he murmured, somehow becoming even more red. "I mean, you probably noticed that I mostly carried him around... Gosh, this is so awkward... He's asleep by the way."
"Um..." there was an elephant in the room that needed to be addressed but no one quite wanted to do this. So blunt Asui had to do this. "Shin-chan didn't rape you, did he?"
A beat.
"ASUI-KUN! YOU CAN'T ACCUSE PEOPLE LIKE THAT!"
"WHAT THE HELL TSU-CHAN?"
"SHUT UP EXTRAS AND LET THE DAMN NERD SPEAK!"
Midoriya looked down, shame on his face.
"He didn't... Of course he didn't he's not like that, he was mostly lucid just... This quirk didn't strip us completely off our personalities, just made some barriers go up and some other go down and made us feel some things differently but Shinsō isn't like that of course, I mean his entire being is about consent since you know his quirk kinda works the response way so he's kinda fixated on that, I mean, you know him, you know how he's like, he wouldn't do something like that to me just—" Midoriya rambled on, looking more and more like a kicked puppy.
"You like him," stated Asui.
Midoriya nodded, mortified.
"And you think he was interested in you just because of the quirk."
Midoriya nodded again.
"You're an idiot."
Midoriya nodded, then whipped his head up. "Wait, what?"
"Tell him how you feel once he goes back to being himself, kero. I'm sure he feels the same." The frog girl then dismissed Midoriya with a wave and the boy scrambled towards his room at almost impossible speed.
The silence all around was practically deafening. Asui sipped her apple juice for a few seconds before rising her head up and looking at everyone around her.
"What, kero? Did I do something wrong?"
"You crushed my heart but you're also braver than any US marine or kamikaze," supplied Uraraka collapsing on the counter.
Midoriya hadn't left the room that day anymore and Jirō retreated to her room with a wailing insane sounding cry a bit after afternoon but aside from that the dorms were peaceful.
The next day early risers found the broccoli in the common room, accompanied by a napping Shinsō, curled up at his side with a content expression. Both of them were littered in light bruises and bites at any visible fragment of skin but seemed to shamelessly pay it no mind as they just chilled on the sofa. Or well, Shinsō chilled, Midoriya was furiously making notes in the notebook, taking a look at his phone from time to time. There was an intense aura around him.
"Hello Midoriya-kun! I see you and Shinsō-kun feel better now?" Iida yelled in a greeting and got completely ignored.
Well then.
Blue-haired male took a deep breath and prepared.
"HELLO MIDORIYA-KUN! I SEE YOU AND SHINSŌ-KUN FEEL BETTER NOW!?"
Midoriya rose his head, tilted it and took out a previously not seen earbud, "What?"
Iida sighed and repeated for the second time, in slightly higher volume. Shinsō stayed asleep.
"Oh, yeah, we think the effect wore off of him somewhen near yesterday afternoon?"
"WHAT!?" furious Jirō was standing behind Iida. She shoved her way through and went closer to Midoriya. "SO YOU'VE BEEN JUST— TORTURING ME FOR NO REASON AT ALL THE WHOLE NIGHT!?"
Midoriya rose his arms protectively, cowering slightly.
"I'm... sorry..? I have no idea what I've done to earn your rage though," he mumbled, looking lost and innocent and generally like an angel.
Jirō saw through this façade easily.
"YOU FUCKED FOR 8 HOURS STRAIGHT SO LOUDLY I COULDN'T NOT HEAR YOU THAT'S WHAT YOU DID!"
"Oh, I suppose that would be a problem," he said meekly.
"Oh I sUpPoSe ThAt WoUlD bE a PrObLeM!"
The shouting finally woke Shinsō up. He peeled his eyes open, groaning and immediately latched onto Midoriya as if on a lifeline.
"Mrn'ng..." he whispered into Midoriya's neck, nosing under his chin like a cat.
Jirō took a step back. Iida took a step back. Everyone in the room took a step back and then another.
'Please no, no no no, no round two, please.'
Midoriya laughed as if he didn't notice horror in others' eyes. Maybe he didn't. He was too focused on the boy trying to move himself on his lap.
"Come on, stop clinging to me, I need to finish this analysis," said Midoriya contradicting his words, considering he started carding his scarred hands through Shinsō's indigo hair.
"Do it later..." the boy seemed very keen on ignoring everything but Midoriya's neck, which was something. He was nuzzling him like an animal wanting to leave a scent mark, completely obvious to people watching him, or maybe just shameless.
"Are you sure the quirk wore off..?" whispered Uraraka, hiding behind Iida's wide back. "Because..."
"Hitoshi, you know I have to finish this analysis while everything is still fresh in my mind..." murmured playfully Midoriya. "You'll get your prize later you love bear."
'First name!' an arrow of heartbreak went through Uraraka's heart. 'And a cutesy nickname!' there went another.
Brave brave Asui who stood right behind the suffering girl took a few steps forward and attempted to distract the boys out of their personal bubble.
"What are you analysing Midori-chan, kero?"
The greenhead's eyes snapped to her immediately and he reached for his notebook almost dislocating disgruntled Shinsō from his lap.
"Hey, stop movin—"
"The quirk we were attacked with!"
"Are you ignoring m—?"
"Apparently the police debrief we got was oh so wrong."
"Well, that's interesting," quipped in Asui, quietly amused by the display.
"Hello, do you even hear me?"
"I know, right!? This quirk is so complicated! It only covers for 6 basic colours and the rest gets effect stacked, multiplied, negated or merged based on mix, luminosity and vibrancy!"
"Relationship ended with Midoriya Izuku. RIP me," Shinsō's limp body hanged halfway on Midoriya halfway on the floor.
"Like, my hair is blackish green, so I wasn't just obsessed, I was also jealous! That was what created so many problems. And Hitoshi's hair is... well, something between purple and blue but pretty light so he was lustful and sloth-ey." Midoriya looked down on his (ex?)boyfriend, "Not that a lot changed in that department."
"Ey..." Shinsō protested lightly before making grabby hands at Midoriya. "Lift me up."
"Why, you look so comfy~" Midoriya's eyes glossed over and his expression faltered.
"Lift me up." With robotic precision Midoriya lifted Shinsō up on his lap and the boy released him from his quirk.
"Ey... I would do that eventually," Midoriya pouted.
"Mhm, sure, in half an hour just like when you promised to ride me yesterda—"
"Shut up!" Jirō threw herself at them with a pillow to strangle them.
"Valid," whispered Uraraka going back to her room. That was enough insanity for the entire month.