It was a usual occurrence that Hitoshi did something very very weird and didn't think twice about that. Izuku was used to it at this point. Sometimes his boyfriend would do something like hang out under his bed or start answering his questions by beatboxing the morse code, or... or anything really. It was normal during high school years, it was normal once they graduated, and it stayed normal after they became middle-aged married couple. Hitoshi's monkey brain just activated from time to time and Izuku couldn't find it in himself to complain. It was endearing... and entertaining.
But it was weird. Sometimes. Like right now.
"Hitoshi what are you—" A gentle, barely-there slap to his ass made him stop talking and start reevaluating his life choices leading to this moment. "Hitoshi what the fuck are you doing." He put down the magazine he was currently trying to read, just in time to turn his head and see his husband tugging down his shorts.
He leveled him with a stare for a few seconds, before sighing and accepting his fate. There was only one thing that could stop Hitoshi in his escapades: a real-life emergency. Besides, they were usually harmless so... it was aright to indulge him once in a while.
"What do you need my butt for?" he asked, eyeing Hitoshi as he went on to remove his underwear too. He felt a little like a dress-up doll.
"Ass cheeks," Hitoshi said simply, his expression not betraying a hint of anything but pure curiosity.
Izuku suppressed a groan, by burying his head in the pillow. Whatever the insomniac wanted right now definitely wasn't sex which made him come up empty on possible ideas of what that something was.
And then he heard a soft gasp from his favourite dumbass.
"You have them there too!" he exclaimed excitedly.
Izuku forced himself to raise his head from the pillow. "Will you please explain to me what are you doing?"
Hitoshi shot him a disbelieving look. As if it was the most obvious thing on Earth.
"I'm checking if your ass cheeks have freckles."
That— was not what Izuku expected. At all.
"What?"
"I said, I'm checking if your ass cheeks have freckles," Hitoshi repeated patiently. "They do."
That was not a revelation Izuku expected to hear. Ever. Especially after so many years spent together.
He spent a second wondering if they ever had sex with lights not dimmed or completely turned off and came up empty.
Huh.
Hitoshi gently massaged his plump ass, tracing lines, no doubt made by freckles. It was a little weird but... relaxing.
Izuku picked up his magazine again, fully intending to continue reading it as if nothing happened. Meanwhile, Hitoshi busied himself with studying newfound patterns and giving his freckles small smooches.
His husband was a major weirdo, but Izuku wouldn't change a thing in him.
He was his weirdo.
...
But if Izuku slipped some a pocked of glitter into Hitoshi's body wash a few days later, and then insisted on "discovering where it went" much less innocently than his husband did... well, no one could blame him really.