Disclaimer: I don't own Helluva Boss
Title: I'd kill for that bed
Summary: Loona wants to move in with her SOs. Blitz takes it about as well as you'd think.
...
Being the Queen of Gluttony has amazing perks. All the food and booze you can want. Endless friends. Endless parties. Apparently, Hell has money, and they hand out monthly allowances to each of the Sins- as they exist and are important to their culture, but not all of them work. Loona isn't privy to how much, exactly, but considering the house she owns and the sheer amounts of drugs she buys, she's willing to place bets it's in the five digits.
And the bed. Good stars, the bed. Loona isn't the fancy word type like Moxxie, but she'd absolutely hold the asshole hostage so he could write songs about the bed. It's half the damn room! It just keeps going and going and going, and it's made of shit that feels like angel feathers after a life in the pound and shitty cheap apartments. Bee says it's for VIP orgies, and Loona isn't going to shine a light on the sheets anytime soon, but she can and will live in the bed forever and ever, chasing couples out the room with bloody hands.
Fuck the orgies. Her bed now.
Obviously, Bee and Vortex are allowed in the bed. It's Bee's bed. And Vortex is Bee's boyfriend. They both call her their girlfriend but Loona's kind of been waiting for the other shoe to fall on that one. Bee and Vortex just click- and she's kind of the weird, awkward shirttail relation. But when they do break up she's absolutely going to fight the Sin for this bed.
Loona rolls in the sheets and lets out an explosive sigh.
"Yeah, bitch, get it," Bee urges. She's lounging on her side with two arms outstretched and the other two cocked on her hip. "Mm, I just love the energy you get when you're so happy. It's all floofy and blue."
Bee has one of those voices, Loona's learned, that tends to sound sarcastic. But it's not intentional. It's like RBF: Vocal Addition. Her tone is dripping in sarcasm and silliness, but underneath is one big ball of warmth that Tex has explained is what she's actually feeling. So Loona's starting to take everything she says seriously rather than a slight.
"Daba dee daba die?" she replies.
Bee breaks off into peals of laughter as Vortex huffs and rolls his eyes, curling up beside her. "She says I'm green," he whispers conspiratorially, as if this is private info.
"You are, babe! Green like kermit the frog. Loona's like toothpaste. And I'm glitter."
Loona ignored her sentiment, rolling onto her back and sprawling out all four limbs. Not a single one of them touched fur. Fuck, this bed was the best. "I could live here," she muttered.
Bee and Tex shot each other a look that they didn't realize Loona could see, and suddenly things weren't so cozy anymore. Was this it? Was the breakup happening? Did it have to happen in this kickass bed?
"Well," said Bee finally, with surprising hesitancy, "you totes could, honey."
Loona blinked back the dialup between her ears. "What?"
"Live here!" She swept a hand across the room. "This place is amazing, but it gets lonely all on my own. Every room has blackout curtains and soundproofing, so you can ignore the parties, and the bath is to kill for."
She stared at her, blank. "But... work..."
"We can carpool!" Tex added. "It's not that big of a jump from here to Pride, really. I thought for sure it'd make traffic a bitch but it's actually not so bad. I've been gettin' to work on time every day."
They're nervous, Loona realizes suddenly. Maybe they'd been talking about it for a while. Or maybe it was spur of the moment, and they were scrambling to make up for the offer. "I've never... I mean... that sounds serious, guys."
Buzzing wings brought Bee over to her, and she booped her nose. "Duh. I meant what I said, girl. We gotta get you all loved up and happy. We could do that here!"
And, honestly? Loona's down for basically anything that's not a shitty apartment and car rides where Blitz shrieks along to whatever song is on the radio. She loves him, sure, but that's a lot of interaction.
Oh, right.
Blitz.
"My dad'll have a hernia," she says.
"Don't worry about him. We can handle it," Tex promises.
By the third waggle of Blitz's pistol in his face, Tex looked ready to rescind that promise. Bee calmly went with it, leaning back when the weapon got too close and leaning in when he was too far. She was casual in demeaner in tone, despite the threats. "It's a part of every hound's life, G! She had to move out some time."
"Not today! Not with you fuckers!" Blitz replies, still slinging the gun around. "I'm not letting my baby girl move in with the lapdog of a sex pest and an actual fucking Sin!"
"Rude," says Tex, but it comes out more as a squeak.
Bee waves it off, unphased by his words. "She'll be safe and well-loved. I got these sickass blackout drapes that we put up on the wall so she can have privacy during parties. We got plenty of good food and you can visit whenever you want! Just, like, call ahead."
"And, uh, don't drop in on us at night," Tex pleads, not wanting to get woken up. He needed a lot of rest for his work, and he really didn't want to lose it to a crazy imp with a gun.
Blitz covered his face with a claw, letting out a truly impressive cat with a hairball noise. "Do NOT remind me that you're banging my daughter, Jesus Christ. And you!" He shoved the barrel into Bee's nose. "Don't think I'm not on to you. The literal embodiment of getting drunk, getting high, and getting some. I don't trust that shit. You know she's been off the wagon for months!"
"Still am," Loona calls from the safety of her room, where she's been packing. "They've never tried to force me into drinking, Blitz. That's like... people don't do that in real life."
"We'll keep the booze locked up," Bee says as a compromise. "S'more fun to have to break it out anyway. Like a mission impossible type sitch."
"The only 'sitch' here is you fuckers getting out of my house!"
"Dude." She pushed the gun away. "Loona's a full-grown hound. She can make her own choices. Just like you're makin' the choice to yell and bitch and fling your gun around like a kid getting his crack taken away. You're just gonna have to accept that."
"Well, yeah, but-" He held a finger up, then dropped it. Blitz seemed to struggle to have an appropriate comeback that didn't add up to 'I don't want her to go'. He slumped down in his seat and sighed, rubbing his face. "Just. Take care of her."
"Of course, dude! You think we're asking her to move in for shits and giggles?"
"I don't know. I really don't," he admitted, voice soft. "I just know how dangerous it is out there. You promise you'll keep her safe?"
Bee held up a hand. "Pinkie promise."
Blitz reached out and took it, squeezing as hard as he could with just one digit. Bee snorted and giggled, returning the favor and causing Blitz to yelp and let go. Loona appeared with a duffle bag and a scowl, which softened when she saw things had calmed down.
"Loony," he whined, holding up his pinkie. "Your girlfriend fucked up my finger."
Loona laughed and drew him into a hug, tail wagging just a little. "You'll see me every day, you doofus. We work together, remember?"
"Yeah," he said, drawing her in close. Blitz closed his eyes and prayed she remembered her promise. "I will."
Author's Note: For a friend! We need more of this polyship, man. It's so cute.
-Mandaree1