What was she supposed to say? Of course he had offered her to take all the time she needed but she thought he deserved an answer now, considering how honest and open he had just been. The problem was that she still did not know what she really wanted. Lhindril heard that Dwarves only fell in love one time in their lives and so knew that he was sincere and serious about it. But therein also lay the problem, what if she broke his heart? And was she even ready for a relationship? It would also mean that one day, she would need to rule Erebor by his side. Taking a deep breath she closed her eyes. This had been exactly the reason why she left Rivendell – she was expected to take on responsibility and decide whether or not she wanted to accept her royal burden or pass it on to her brother. If she now chose to be with Fíli, she would have ran away and spent then years of her life in the wild for nothing. But could it be that this was destiny? Her father's death, her fear of responsibility and the subsequent flight and now meeting Fíli? Slowly Lhindril looked at him
"Do you believe in destiny?" she wanted to know. For a while he was silent
"A little maybe. Maybe it doesn't decide everything but some things maybe. Why do you ask?" she explained that with destiny, everything might be subject to some higher order and it might have been predestined that they would meet. "It could be, I don't know" to win more time for her decision, she suggested they joined the others. In a way she already had her answer but still feared to say it out aloud. What if she hurt or lost him? Quickly they went after their companions and caught up with them just as they reached the ground. Soon Kíli was with them, asking where they had been and why. After a side glance to her, Fíli explained that she had wanted to enjoy the view and he didn't want to leave her all alone and that then they discussed destiny. Obviously, Kíli didn't find the topic interesting and he just nodded and continued walking in silence.
-oOo-
A couple days later black clouds darkened the sky again and Gandalf sent Bilbo to have a look around and see what was going on, better said where the Orcs were. Because they all did hear the howling of Wargs in the distance which meant they had probably caught up with them. Bilbo returned not much later and immediately Gandalf asked how close the Orcs were.
"Too close. A couple of leagues, no more. But that's not the worst of it" the others immediately thought that Bilbo had been seen and he first had to reassure them a couple of times that this wasn't the case before he could say that something else was out there.
"What form did it take? Like a bear?"
"Yes, but bigger. Much bigger."
"You knew about this beast?" Bofur protested and the rest wanted to know what to do. Gandalf mentioned a house quite close to them. But when he mentioned the owner, Lhindril wasn't sure if she really wanted to go there.
"What choice do we have?" Thorin asked the very question she's been asking herself. A horrendous roar that pierced marrow and bone preceded the wizard's answer.
"None" with that they started running after Gandalf and soon she could see the house, hoping this was it. When the first Dwarves reached the door they threw themselves against it, obviously not noticing the bolt to open the door. Only when Thorin arrived were they able to open the door with his help. All of them ran inside and there was an unpleasant sound from the outside and whatever was there wanted to enter but the Dwarves struggled to keep it out and close the door what finally worked. Gandalf let them know that this was their host, a skin changer by the name of Beorn. Now she felt even worse because if that was their host it seemed more like he wanted to kill them rather than help. After having been assured that they would be safe nevertheless, they started getting comfortable in the straw. Better said the Dwarves did while she stood there, deciding where she wanted to lie down
"Are you gonna sleep on the floor or what?" Kíli chuckled from behind her. Lhindril turned.
"Seems like I have to if no one moves and leaves a spot for me" to demonstrate her point she sat down on the floor until the two brothers moved closer to each other that there was room for her next to the older one. Instantly she claimed the spot and got comfortable too, hoping she would be able to sleep a little more that night. After all, the past nights hadn't been better either and when she did sleep a bit she was plagued by nightmares. Not just of the men in Bree but also the incidents in the Goblin tunnels and after. Or even the worst day of her childhood. Which was also why she was quite scared to close her eyes today. Soon Fíli seemed to notice her restlessness and looked at his brother who apparently was already sleeping like most others. He gently nudged him, whispering his name but there was no reaction and he turned to Lhindril.
"You still can't sleep" sadly, she shook her head and sat up again, tucking up her knees. Also Fíli sat up, asking if it still was the same reason that she couldn't sleep. First, she shrugged then nodded, whereupon the Dwarf put an arm around her shoulder, leaning his head against hers. "Try to stop thinking about it, it is in the past and these guys will never bother you again"
"I know that but I am scared. I could be dead or worse" carefully, he pushed a strand of dark brown hair from her face
"You could but it didn't happen. You're safe. Stop worrying or playing what-if because what happened has happened and cannot be changed. Instead remember that all went well and you are still here"
"You're right. But these past days I again almost died. It's only thanks to you and Kíli that I am still here and I don't know how I could ever repay you"
"It was nothing" he tried to comfort her
"It's something to me. Are you aware you could have died when you tried to save me?" after a while of thinking he nodded
"I was indeed very much aware" with a sigh she closed her eyes and leant her head against his shoulder
"And that's exactly it. I'm scared to lose you. What if I chose a life by your side and you die while trying to save me? What then?"
"That's all you worry about?" of course he was probably joking but she still thought about it. He was right, all other things that had worried her before didn't seem bad anymore
"Three days ago I didn't know what I want and well… I had my concerns if our relationship would work. But now… there's just the fear to lose you. And I know that if I make the wrong decision either of us might rue it all their life. But what's worst is the thought of once again losing everything that means something to me" she sighed and paused before continuing with a small smile "Well, what I really want to say is that if I already am that worried about you and it's the main reason I don't want the relationship, it should in reality be the most important reason in favor of the relationship" patiently, Fíli listened and his smile grew bigger and bigger.
"Which means you want to get involved with a stubborn and uncouth dwarf?" with a grin she nodded
"That's exactly what I want. And don't forget, you Dwarves are just as loyal and brave"
-oOo-
Groggily she opened her eyes and needed a moment to know where she was. Her head was resting in Fíli's lap, his hand in her hair. Smiling she remembered their talk the last evening and sat up, rubbing her eyes.
"Slept well?" running a hand through her hair she looked around. It was already bright outside
"I did?" she asked incredulously, even pausing her little stretch
"Sure. Just after you placed your had on my legs you were fast asleep" with a grin he continued "For weeks you don't sleep, even at safe places but here where we're still in danger you can sleep in peace?" to stall an answer she looked around to see if she could spot the others but apart from Bilbo, who was still asleep no one was around
"Where are the others?"
"Breakfasting"
"And what are you still doing here? Why didn't you wake me?"
"How could I if you looked so peaceful and direly needed the sleep?"
"Well, I'm awake now. Do we want to join the others?"
"If you want to" after she got up she stretched again before looking at Fíli and smiled when he held out his hand for her which she took. In the kitchen they also met their host Beorn, now in his human form. He still was huge which explained the size of his house. He noticed them as they sat down next to Kíli and after a greeting he offered them something to drink and at that time also Bilbo joined them. After she got her drink Lhindril thanked Beorn and wanted to take her first sip, soon realizing she needed both hands to hold the big jug.
"So you are the one they call Oakenshield" he addressed Thorin and soon the discussion went to Beorn's family, their enslavement by Orcs and the company got warned not to go through Mirkwood as Gandalf had planned. Beorn claimed there were too many dangers in the forest and on top of that they would never reach the forest alive. But he decided to help them, despite not liking Dwarves since he hated Orcs even more.
After breakfast, their host led them outside where he gave them ponies and provisions before they left. Not that much later they reached the forest and she had to admit it didn't look as dangerous as she had thought. Gandalf told them to set the ponies free so they could return and then entered the forest. Lhindril helped Nori and his brothers to take their things from the ponies and distribute them among the others until Gandalf hasted out of the forest, wanting to keep his horse. They all looked at him in disbelief and Bilbo asked if he left them. Before doing so, Gandalf wanted them to – under no circumstances – leave the path lest they didn't want to find it ever again. For a while she looked after him and then they all went into the forest.
No one really seemed to like it and she was sure it was mostly because Gandalf had said those words. Also that their senses could lead them astray and make them leave the path which eventually even happened. None of them knew how long they had already been in here. Days or even weeks? Sometimes they halted for short periods of rest and sleep before Thorin urged them on, telling them to find the path again. Her only solace was that now she could sleep much better – in Fíli's arms. Often he joked that she suddenly was perfectly able to sleep well again despite that place. All she said unto this was that she felt safe with him.
"Find the pathway! Find it. Split up and search we must find it" Thorin ordered.
"Stay with me, whatever happens" Fíli said as he took her hand, pulling her towards his brother to search as a group of three. But their efforts held no success. At some point they met up with the others again and while Lhindril was glad that they were together again they still didn't know where the path was. By now it seemed like Thorin just wanted to go East but the problem was they didn't know where East was. The next time they stopped to discuss the next steps the Dwarves started attacking each other after their arguments got out of hand until Thorin ordered them to stop.
"We are being watched" it was then she noticed that they had once again lost Bilbo even though he had been here moments ago. When she looked around her glance wandered up and she smiled when she saw sunlight shining down from between the leaves. Suddenly she had an idea. The sun could be their saviour and help them find East. She let go of Fíli's hand, something she rarely did these days and started climbing a tree
"What are you doing?" Fíli asked in worry. Lhindril told him of her idea but he didn't seem convinced but still let her go, asking her to be careful. Nodding, she continued climbing but before she reached the treetop, there was a shadow and ere she could determine what it came from she noticed a huge spider next to her. And it wasn't the only one, there were several more coming towards her.
"Spiders!" Lhindril screamed towards the ground and tried climbing down as fast as she could. Finally, she saw the Dwarves again, now armed and asking where those spiders were. She just nodded towards the trees from where the beasts were following her. One of them caught up with her a couple of feet before she reached the ground and wanted to take her into its clutches when it squeaked horribly and fell down with a dagger in its head.
"Get away from there, lassie!" Bofur ordered as he lunged onto another spider. She passed Fíli who wanted to retrieve his dagger from the spider that tried to attack her moments before. He then handed her the blade and attacked another spider near them that soon was joined by its friend. For a moment too long she hesitated and it already was coming at her, throwing her onto the ground. Lhindril cried out and felt a sharp pain in her abdomen which then felt like a fire started to spread in her body, paralysing her with pain. But she was still trashing about in pain as good as she could until there was another sting – well it hurt a lot more than just that – and after another wave of pain it suddenly died down. Instead, her vision blurred, then turned black.