Chapter Text
SIX DAYS PRIOR TO VISENYA TARGARYEN'S AWAKENING.
THE KING'S CHAMBER.
As the morning dawned golden and bright and the first rays of the sun sailed across the sky, the inhabitants of King's Landing were either sleeping in their warm beds or preparing for the new day, hoping it would be a pleasant one, as the last two or three days had been truly disastrous with the deaths of Queen Aemma and the young prince Baelon. Nobody, except Maester Gerardys, a couple of trusted servants, and a few members of the Kingsguard, were aware that King Viserys Targaryen was already awake and on the verge of losing his mind due to finding himself in an even greater disaster shortly after the funeral of his beloved wife and heir. A disaster of his own making (or will be making? still making?), if he does not find a way to stop it.
Hence the reason why the King has been pacing back and forth from one end of his room to the other since he 'woke up' for quite some time. A blanket was pulled over his shoulders (for the King was still shivering and claimed he still felt the cold in his bones no matter how much wood they used to warm the chamber), and his bloodshot eyes were glazed over and unfocused. There were dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep; his lips were quivering; his complexion was pale; and, to the shock of everyone who saw it, his silver-gold hair had dulled slightly and started to turn gray overnight. And the worst of all, the disturbance in his mind was visible in every feature. To the outside eye, the king appeared to be having an internal battle with himself. Or, more appropriately, waging war on his own fears. Whatever they were about.
Meanwhile, Master Gerardys, who remained in the chamber because the King refused to let him go, has been watching the King from his seat with concerned but patient eyes. Part of him wished he could hug the young king, pat him on the back, and convince him that everything would be fine and that it was all a dream. But another part of him recognized that his attachment to the young monarch, that he regarded him as a son, was inappropriate and that this devotion should have died when he made his vows, completed his chain, and laid aside his House name. However, Targaryens, particularly the young king's own father, Baelon Targaryen, would always retain a special place in Gerardy's heart. Gerardys's vows were, after all, minor in contrast to the life debt he owed to Spring Prince. Gerardys has been feeling betrayed by Gods lately for taking such a magnificent life so young, before he was able to repay what he owed.
Gerardys clenched his eyes shut for a few seconds, taking a deep breath as he sought to regain his calm and focus on the current challenge instead of all of his regrets and unfulfilled wishes. To King Viserys and whatever was bothering him. But it was difficult since the King had refused to speak about it. If only he knew more about what was ailing the King. So far, the only thing he could grasp was that the King had seen "something" in his dream," and it bothered him immensely. The king then ordered Maester Gerardys and Ser Harrold Westerling to keep his nightmare a secret from the rest of the castle, especially from Ser Otto and Grand Maester Mellos (as if a slew of servants hadn't heard his screams and Ser Otto wouldn't soon discover what the hell was going on) and to quietly check if Princess Rhaenyra and Prince Daemon were safe in their rooms. When the Kingsguard told King Viserys that Prince Daemon had not returned to the castle following Queen Aemma's funeral, the King let out a loud yell, hurled one of the chairs against the wall in a rage, and ordered Ser Harrold Westerling to find Prince Daemon and bring him to him as soon as possible. He has been pacing his room nonstop ever since. Gerardys wasn't sure which affected the King more, his nightmare or the fact that his brother wasn't there, by his side when he needed him the most.
As King Viserys and Maester Gerardys were both lost in their thoughts, thoughts they refused to share with each other, seconds slowly turned into minutes, and only the movements caused by King Viserys's pacing back and forth could be heard in the chamber. When the silence became intolerable, Gerardys finally sighed deeply and heavily while pinching the bridge of his nose. Viserys turned towards the maester to frown in confusion, as if he forgot the maester was even there.
"How about you take a seat and calm down, Your Majesty?" Gerardys took swift advantage of this opportunity. "Take a few moments to relax. Reduce the worries you have. If you just give me a chance, I'm confident we can find a solution to whatever is bothering you.''
''Don't tell me to relax, Gerardys. You know very well that I have enough- " yelled King Viserys angrily, then stopped himself in the middle of the sentence, his frown deepening. The maester could feel the King's temper rising rapidly, so he tried to cut in, but the King went back to his quick pacing.
''Where has Daemon gone?'' asked the King after a while, weakly, his voice full of pain, ''Why is it taking so long to track him down? Did something happen to him? Or did he just go out to have fun? On a night like this?''
''Well-'' tried to cut in Gerardys, but Viserys continued. ''I can't believe he's out on a night like this. He should have been here. He should have been mourning. What the hell is he doing? Why isn't he there whenever I need him?'' raged the King, squeezing his fists.
''I have no doubt that the Kingsguards you have sent will soon find out where Prince Daemon is. I'm also convinced that he's mourning in his own way- wherever he is.''
''Oh, I have personal experiences with how he likes to mourn," said Visery in a cynical tone. ''I've been here before. I know him. Oh, I know him SO WELL. He's most likely celebrating and partying. I'm going to kill him when he gets here. How dare he do this kind of shit today. How dare he-''
''We have no idea if he's out celebrating or partying, my king. Please stop thinking of your brother in the worst possible light. Again.'' Said Gerardys, trying to be patient.
''You say the worst light-'' said Viserys, turning to him in a huff suddenly and stopping his pacing for a moment, ''and the sensible part of me wants to believe you, but then I remember my previous experiences and-''
Gerardys let out another large sigh.
''You always take his side,'' grumbled Viserys, returning to his pacing.
''I'm sure Prince Daemon would also say I'm always on your side, my king.'' Gerardys rolled his eyes and smiled softly. ''Are you certain you don't want me to inform Ser Otto and or Grandmaster Mellos?''
"There's no way we'll inform those two bastards," Viserys snarled, threateningly waving his hand at the maester.
''Bastards?'' murmured Gerardys, lifting one of his eyebrows. ''Well, that is… intriguing. You rarely agree with your brother. I'm curious why they suddenly fell from your grace, my king''
''Ugh!'' King Viserys exclaimed. ''I'm not going to hear the end of this when Daemon shows up. When he learns... but should he? I mean, should I really bring this up?'' groaned Viserys, running his hands through his hair in exasperation, ''When even I can't figure out what's going on?''
''Well, I can't remark or counsel you on something I don't know because all you've been doing for two hours is either wrecking this place-'' said Maester Gerardys, pausing for a moment to show what a kind of mess the chamber was with his hands, which caused the young king to stop his pacing and gaze down to the floor with shame when he saw what the maester was showing, ''-or pacing instead of talking about what's bothering you. But I must say that I find it quite intriguing that, following your nightmare, you instantly inquired for your daughter and brother, my king. So, no matter what you've seen, no matter what you've felt or are feeling right now, you do know deep down that these two people are the most precious people to you. That you want to protect them the most. That you can have the most faith in them.''
''Trust and faith, huh? They are both so difficult to come by in these dark days, Gerardys.''
''Yet, I am still here. Instead of others like Otto and Mellos. The question is, am I still here because you want to talk about what's truly upsetting you, or because you want to use me as a peacemaker between you and your brother?'' questioned Gerardys, clasping his hands together and reclining comfortably back in his chair.
Viserys inclined his head and pushed his lips together, and the maester and the king stared at one another in quiet and serious concentration. Both sides were staring at each other, almost scared to break the silence. Viserys withdrew his gaze first and walked towards the window, his back to Gerardys and his attention fixed on the world outside.
Silence filled the room as Viserys sought to collect his thoughts, and Gerardys observed him anxiously. Viserys had neither agreed to tell Gerardys what he had seen (at least not yet) or why he was so moved by it (though Gerardys had some ideas, after all, this was not the first time he had had to deal with a dragonblood and probably not the last), nor why he insisted on speaking to the Prince Daemon as soon as possible. So all he could do was wait for the king to settle his own thoughts.
Meanwhile, even though Visery's eyes were fixed outside and, to an outside eye, he seemed calm, his heart was still racing from the dream so much that he felt it was going to burst out of his chest. And worst of all, Viserys wasn't sure whether he was more worried about the dream, about Daemon's current whereabouts, or about how the conversation with him would go when he returned to the Red Keep.
Viserys took a deep breath and closed his eyes in thought. He knew he could always rely on Gerardys. What he wasn't sure of was how much he could trust the maester and whether he should genuinely trust his brother. After all, how could he begin talking about what he has seen? How could he prove it? And what was he expected to do with all of this information? How much of it was meant to be revealed? Or was he expected to keep it all to himself?
However, the visions felt quite vivid and real. Visions had forced him to see. He needs to make sure the House of Dragon grows stronger so that it might survive. He needs his brother's assistance. He needs to stop making decisions that will destroy his own house. Where to begin, he wondered. Where does one begin to stop the destruction of his own house, his own family? How can he tighten the ties among his family? How can he make them see? From where should he start? Would he even be able to stop what was to come? Would he be able to stop what was about to happen? Or can what he has seen really be changed? How does one change not just one, but multiple destinies?
While Viserys was drowning in his thoughts, Gerardys glanced out of the corner of his eye at the door and then back at King Viserys, wondering if it was better for him to leave the king's chamber now or not. A voice inside warned him that staying here would end up being both good and bad for him, and even the king would not be able to protect him from Otto Hightower's and Grand Maester Mellos's rage and interrogation when they learned (or maybe not learned) what had transpired tonight.
When suddenly Viserys pulled away from the window slightly and turned towards Gerardys with a thoughtful look on his face, Gerardys fidgeted in his seat with excitement. Viserys opened his mouth to speak after wiping the sweat from his forehead and hair with his hand, but after a few seconds of hesitation, he gave up and started pacing from side to side in his room, huffing and puffing again. Gerardys, who could no longer bear to watch him, took another deep breath and let it out after a few seconds, then clasped both hands over his chest, closed his eyes, and bowed his head slightly, silently wishing for the second time that night that Prince Daemon would return to the castle as soon as possible.
Gerardys was still praying silently when Viserys, tired of walking, turned to the maester and opened his mouth to whine about Daemon once more. When Viserys noticed Gerardys was praying, he stood still, staring at him. Gerardys scowled at the unexpected silence and opened his eyes after a few seconds. When he discovered the King was watching him, he withdrew his hands from each other, delicately placed them back on his knees, and waited patiently for the King to start talking again.
However, Viserys was still struggling for the appearance of composure, and was afraid open his lips until he believed himself to have attained it. At length, with a bitter smile on his face and in a voice of forced calmness, he said, ''Gerardys, these are such dark times for me and my family that I don't know who to trust or who I should trust.''
"Dark times?" Gerardys interjected, taking advantage of the king's finally loosening his tongue. "Your Majesty, it has been ten years since you sat on the Iron Throne. In those ten years, the kingdom has known nothing but peace and prosperity. Of course, you have lived-'' he cleared his throat hesitantly. But Viserys gestured for him to continue and slowly walked towards him to take the seat across from the maester. "Please excuse my boldness, but of course, all these personal losses may have made your heart bleed and your soul weary. But-''
Viserys raised his hand to silence Gerardys. He leaned back, turned his head towards the window, clasped his hands, and listened in silence for a few minutes to the soft breeze and humming coming through the window. Gerardys assumed King Viserys was trying to gather his thoughts and silently observed him once more. After a few minutes that seemed like hours to the maester, Viserys returned his gaze to Gerardys with yet another bitter smile on his face.
''I never wanted to be king, Gerardys. When my father was named heir to the Iron Throne, I spent the night pleading with the Gods to grant him a long life. My father was a brave man. Baelon Targaryen The Brave, they used to call him. The Spring Prince. A worthy prince for Dragonstone. A real dragon.'' Viserys's mind wandered for a moment to all the happy times he'd shared with his father, and a warm smile came on his face.
Gerardys leaned back in his chair, his face split into a wistful smile, remembering those old times. "Your father was a wise, hardworking, and dutiful prince. He exuded a great deal of charisma. He could seduce you with his words one moment and threaten you with his looks the next, but he always knew how to earn the respect of others. It's unfortunate that the realm lost him so quickly. But I'm sure if he were still living, he would be proud of you both.''
"Really?" Viserys chuckled in disbelief, but there was a nervous edge to it – something in the back of his mind still refused to believe in what he was hearing. He leaned forward slightly and met the maester's gaze. ''Gerardys, be absolutely honest with me. Do you think my father would be proud of me? What I had to become? Or would he consider me weak? Perhaps he would wish Daemon was the oldest one. After all, my mother's favorite was Daemon. My father-''
"You are the only one who still believes in that. Even Prince Daemon does not consider himself to be the favorite.''
''He was a child. He can't recall'' said Viserys, waving his hand nonchalantly with his carefree laugh.
''Believe me, he recalls much,'' Gerardys replied, rolling his eyes, and then added, exasperatedly, ''More than he should have, actually, to my surprise. Ah, to think all those vexing letters I get from time to time. When is this race between you going to end, I wonder?''
''Nonetheless, he was still everyone's favorite as a child. Even you-''
''First of all, how many times do I have to explain to you two I do not have favorites. I'm a maester. We do not have favorites. It's literally forbidden.'' said Gerardys, waving his hands in the air sarcastically while slouched comfortably in his chair, ''Second of all, let us stay on topic. I am, after all, old.''
''Yeah, right, Gerardys.'' retorted Viserys, ''Keep chancing the subject. One day we'll be able to decide who is your favorite.''
Gerardys gave a nonchalant shrug. Viserys winked, but a heartbeat later, his playful smile melted into a pityfilled frown. ''On the other hand, why would I be anyone's favorite, Gerardys?''
''Your Majesty shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You know that-''
Viserys raised his hand once more to stop the maester, then stood up and moved over to the table closest to them. ''If we're going to talk about serious topics, then-'' said Viserys, taking a bottle and two goblets from the table and placing them gently on the table across from the maester. Then, let's do it right,'' he said, sinking back in his chair. Viserys shifted his gaze from the empty goblets on the table to Gerardys and leaned gently towards him, smiling faintly. '"What do you think, Gerardys, Should we stop chatting as a maester and a king and just chat as two regular people? Just like old times?"
Gerardys nodded to Viserys, smiled, placed his hand over his heart, and slightly lowered his head in respect. "Certainly, Your Majesty. Even after I took my sacred maester's oath in the Oldtown, the promise I made to your father and uncle is still as fresh in my mind and heart as it was on the first day. When your father, Prince Baelon, saved my life, he initially asked for nothing in return, and when I insisted, he chuckled and said these exact words. Saving one life can only be compensated by saving another, and when you save mine or the lives of those I care about, we will be on equal footing."
Viserys chuckled "Ah, a true Spring Prince."
Gerardys nodded again and said, "And your uncle, Archmaester Veagon, told me that he only wished me to be a good and honest maester in return for the life debt I owned to your father, when I came to Oldtown as an orphan. So, while I worked hard to finish my chains, stood guard before the black glass candles, and took my master's vows, all I could think about was how one day I would be able to repay my thanks to your father and uncle, as well as do my duty to your family. I'm still waiting for that opportunity, so maybe it'll come to me today in some way.''
When Viserys stayed silent as a genuine smile came to his face, Gerardys continued, ''If I could go back in time, the one thing I would wish for is to be able to save your father and mother, but we must linger on the past, your majesty. We are in the present, and I have taken an oath to always be a good master and to serve people who consult me, whether you, your brother, or any passerby, in the best, most honest way possible. I may never be able to return what is owed to your House in my lifetime, but rest assured that I will do everything in my power to do so. So, if you want to chat with me as an old friend rather than a king, I'm available. I pledge to you that our words will never leave this room.'' Gerardys gave a small bow to Viserys in respect.
As Visery's face lit up, Gerardys continued with a devious smile, ''And to be completely honest, since we're throwing all the titles out the window for this conversation, I've been sitting here for like, oh, 2-3 hours, waiting patiently, so for seven's sake, let's do this before Demon shows up and claims you're my favorite. Again.''
''Gerardys? ''
''Hmm?''murmured Gerardys, his eyes softening.
''Never, ever change.'' Said Viserys, shaking his head, his voice filled with joy.
''Everything changes all the time, with everything. Change is unavoidable. On whatever path you choose, though, I will always be by your side and that of your family.'' Gerardys bowed his head slightly in respect and said, "This, Viserys, I swear to you.''
Viserys signaled for the maester to raise his head and leaned back in his chair, clasping both hands together and putting them to his lips, staring at Gerardy for a few seconds, while Gerardys was waiting quietly for the king to begin speaking. Viserys took a deep breath and diverted his gaze away from the maester to the golden dome ring on his finger, which bore the Targaryen dragon family symbol in royal form, and began fiddling with it.
"I've never wanted to be King, Gerardys, and no matter what anyone says, I've never been the right candidate for the job. " said Viserys as he was still fiddling with his ring, "After all, what else did I have save my name and blood? I've always been weak and fragile in character, which is why when my uncle Aemon recommended to my lovely cousin Rhaenys that she should marry me to strengthen her claim to the seven kingdoms, she picked Corlys over me. Who wouldn't? The decision must have been easy. Not only was she already in love with Corlys, but Corlys was also considerably older, stronger, richer, and more attractive than me. And let's also not forget that, as a result of his many travels, Corlys had become a living legend. Rhaenys would become powerful as a result of Corlys' might. In comparison to him, I was merely a cousin whom Rhaenys cherished when young but who had become too dull for her when we got older. I'd never be able to bring true power to the throne like Corlys. I could never love her the way Corlys did. Besides, I had already fallen in love with Aemma at that point. My heart belonged to Aemma from the first time I saw her. Just as Rhaenys's heart belonged fully to Corlys. So Rhaenys married Corlys, and I married Aemma, and we were all happy, Geraryds. We were all so happy. For a time.''
Viserys hesitated for a time, looking harshly at his ring and allowing his lips to twist into a bitter, tormented smile. All the while, Gerardys only sagged farther into his chair, staring at him with a sorrowful expression.
''When my uncle was still alive,'' Viserys remarked, a heartbeat later, ''I didn't think about who would succeed the Old King; I focused on Aemma. Only on Aemma.''
With a wistful smile on his tired face, Visery stretched both of his hands sideways and continued, moving his hands up and down while talking "And I would dream we had a small castle, filled with Aemma, me, and our children. I could picture Daemon paying us visits from time to time, playing with his nieces and nephews, laughing, and dining at the same table as my father...'' Viserys hesitated again, his eyes brimming for a minute and stopping the wild and erratic movements of his hands. Then, his voice nearly shaking, he continued "In my dreams, my father would be seated at the same table as us, looking all regal and joyful. He would be proud of his boys and what they have become. And most of all, he would be alive and be with us.''
Viserys lowered his hands, balled one into a fist, and slammed it hard on the table. The signs of enthusiasm had vanished from his face, and that bitter, cruel smile had returned. ''Everything changed, however, when my Uncle Aemon died and Old King Jaehaerys picked my father as his heir.''
Viserys' face was suddenly filled with anger and resentment, and his lips trembled with a mixture of rage and despair, while Gerardys' full attention was on Viserys, watching him silently and patiently.
''Those around me began to whisper in my ear that I deserved to be king after my father. But I paid them no heed, for I was still young, and so was my father. At the time, the throne seemed like a distant dream. We were happy and peaceful in Dragonstone then, because we did not have the weight of the Iron Throne or a male heir on our shoulders." Viserys said, squeezing his hand, which was still on the table, a little tighter.
''That is why I did not care about what was whispered in my ear. I did not care about the tension when my Uncle Aemon died and the old king chose my father as heir over my cousin Rhaenys. I did not care when my Uncle Vaegon left King's Landing, vowing never to set foot here again. I didn't care that my Aunt Maegelle died of the Grey Scale. Just as I didn't care that my Aunt Saera fled to Lys with all the scandals she created and tainted the dragon's blood with what she did there, or that my Aunt Viserra died acting on her impulses to escape the fact that no one cared about her, she was left with no choice but to marry an old man from the north because of the actions of others. I didn't care that Gael had died giving birth to a bastard and how it had weakened House Dragon.'' said Viserys. The knuckles of his hands turned white as he clenched his fists against the pain he was feeling from hitting the table. However, he still continued with his jaw clenched, ''I was young, so young that I imagined my father would live a long time, and all I cared about was my one and only love.''
Gerardys pursed his lips and sighed deeply, handing the young king the goblet he had filled as he spoke. ''Until your father died.''
Viserys gave a feeble nod of agreement and a faint smile before swinging his head back, downing the wine in one gulp, and quickly setting his empty goblet on the table for the maester to refill. ''Until my father, the Brave Prince, fell ill and died unexpectedly.''
When Gerardys poured wine into the goblet again, frowning at Viserys because he had drunk the previous one so quickly, Viserys grumbled softly to himself and grabbed the goblet, downing it in one go again. Then, after setting his cup down, he reached out to fill the maester's goblet this time. However, Gerardys covered his cup with his palm and shook his head firmly, refusing to have his goblet filled. Viserys shrugged, fell back in his chair with a deep sigh, shifted his gaze from Maester to the window, and began to fiddle with the ring on his finger once again.
Viserys was attempting to organize himself in order to compose entire thoughts in his mind before communicating anything else to Gerardys. Given his familiarity with the young king, Gerardys was aware of this and waited patiently as Viserys focused on his own reflection in the freshly cleaned glass and examined his face in the window. Both men were thinking the same thing, even if their focus was diverted by other things. Viserys appeared exhausted and elderly. Much older than he should have been. And it's only been a few hours since he awoke from his dreadful nightmare.
For a long time, neither of them said anything. ''As you may imagine-'' Viserys began speaking, his tone calm and emotionless and his eyes still fixed on the window and the bright outside beyond it, ''-after my father died, people began whispering in my ear again. I should take the throne, they have said, since the realm would not support Rhaenys and her blood. The realm needs a strong leader, they have said. The realm needs to maintain its peace, stability, and prosperity, they have said. A woman can't lead, they have said. Corlys would rule over Rhaenys, and the throne would belong to Velaryons, they have said. The realm needs me to put an end to Daemon's disobedience, recklessness, and brutality, they have said. And whispers went on and on and on. But I closed my ears and eyes to all that.''
Viserys waved a hand dismissively and closed his eyes as Gerardys bit his lips in worry.
''I closed my ears and eyes-'' hissed Viserys, letting out a bitter laugh, his throat feeling ten times its normal size, making it hard to breath. ''-while Daemon went from house to house in the realm, gathering support for me, and I thought I didn't care about being a king. However, they continued to whisper in my ear. They whispered. They whispered. And after a while, everything started to make sense, you know? I've begun to believe that I deserve this. As though there were no other option''
Viserys opened his eyes, blinked, and locked his piercing gaze on Gerardys. His disarming smile and the intensity of his gaze were so unexpected that Gerardys struggled not to avert his eyes and waited a few seconds to conceal the choke in his voice. ''It pains me to admit this-'' he started with, finally, his voice calm and collected, ''-but Rhaneys was not the right person for the job. We all know this. It was the wrong time and the wrong person for that kind of attempt.''
Gerardys paused for a second, but when Viserys's nodded for him to continue, Gerardys voice suddenly became laced with sorrow and a tinge of anger. ''After all, she never had the support of the nobility. She never worked hard to gain it.''
Viserys flinched, recalling bits of his dream, but Gerardys went on without noting Viserys' reaction, preparing to count with his fingers while speaking, ''And the realm had plenty of other reasons to vote against Rhaenys. One. You were a Targaryen, and your heirs would be Targaryens, but Rhaenys's heirs would remain as Valeryons. Corlys would have made sure of that. Two. You were a grown man, married, with a child from a recent marriage, and hopes for many more. Furthermore, you had a brother who, in the worst-case scenario, could inherit if something went wrong. Meanwhile, it was generally believed that Rhaenys had lost the ability to produce another child after the birth of her son, so her line was reduced to just two people. Three. You possessed ruling abilities and experiences that Rhaenys lacked, so you would have ruled while she would have been dominated and ruled over by Corlys, and nobody wanted that. And finally, four. You had Daemon on your side. A loyal brother who gathered a small army of sworn swords and men at arms to bolster you during the Great Council if necessary.''
Viserys opened his mouth to whine about Daemon and his ambition, but Gerardys suddenly leaned forward and gave him a hard look. Viserys rolled his eyes in reply, sighed, and rubbed his eyes tiredly.
''Viserys,'' said Gerardys giving him another hard look and drawing the king's attention to himself, ''you were the son of Baelon the Brave. He was beloved. So much. Even though Rhaenys was the daughter of Aemon, she was also the wife of Corlys, the upstart pirate lord who annoyed a lot of people. She knew the throne would be hard to get when she chose Corlys over you. She knew that, but instead of proving she was a more solid candidate than you, she thought hiding behind her father and her husband was the right choice. I cautioned her that this course would not lead her down the correct path, but she never listened to me. Just like you never listen to me about Daemon, and Daemon never listens to me about you. Dragons, after all, can be extremely stubborn. ''
Viserys rolled his eyes playfully once again, and his lips quirked up in a small, teasing smile. But when Gerardys said, ''So you have nothing to be embarrassed about. '' he frowned, shifting in his chair.
''I am not-''
''The council met for thirteen days, discussed fourteen claims, and the assembled lords took their duty of choosing the next heir seriously. You did not got here by defrauding anyone of anything. You certainly deserved it. You've earned it. So tell me, Viserys, when did the self-doubt begin? How did it all begin? Is this why you trust-'' Gerardys paused for a second and chewed his lips before continuing where he had left off after letting out a heavy sigh. ''-Otto so much? Instead of trusting yourself and the rest of us? Tell me how did this darkness and resentment start and why did you let it grow so much?''
''I don't know when it started, Gerardys but now it feels like it was always there, at some dark corner of my mind. Eating me and everything I was, everything I could be slowly, without nobody, even me, noticing. '' murmured Viserys ritting his teeth and clenching his fist, his nails digging into his skin.
''But-'' he continued, his voice rising in pitch and a nostalgic smile on his face. ''At first, everything felt so right.'' Viserys made a fist with one of his hands and shook it a few times from the enthusiasm in the air. ''I still remember that day when the Lords of the Realm chose me, when I was voted heir that night by a vote of twenty to one, there was a smile on everyone's face, Gerardys! When I turned my attention from the happy lords to Aemma and saw her smile back at me, one hand caressing the infant in her womb, I've realized I deserved to be the king, and for the first time, perhaps, I desired it deeply. For myself, Aemma, and my children. I didn't care that Rhaenys was trying hard not to cry, that the Old King groaned deeply and attempted to remain unresponsive, or why Daemon had garnered so much support for me; all I cared about was becoming a good king at that time. And I was confident that I would be a good king, a new Jaehaerys.''
''But?'' Gerardys questioned cautiously, but clearly intrigued.
"But, what have I accomplished in these ten years on the Iron Throne?" Viserys spoke out, his voice rising. Then, after hitting the table in an uncontrollable rage and accidentally knocking his goblet to the floor, he spread his hands wide and asked, his eyes filled with tears and resentment, "Was it really worth all that I had to give up to stay on the throne, to cement my claim to the throne, to continue my lineage?"
Gerardy's gaze shifted from the rolling goblet across the room to Viserys, who appeared feverish and extremely disoriented in fear. ''Was all I did, didn't do, and didn't say truly worth it? Was it worth it to sacrifice my one and only love for the sake of a son, or to push Daemon and the Valeryons away from myself in dread and fury caused by things I can't even confront or confess, or to fail to appreciate Rhaenyra? Was the Iron Throne, this damned ring, and this heavy crown on my head-'' asked Viserys, while hitting his head with his own hands a few times really hard and his voice raising more and more with every hit ''-TRULY WORTH SACRIFICING MY LIFE AND THE LIVES OF THOSE I LOVE?''
Gerardys sighed deeply and froze, unsure of what to do next. His hands were trembling with the desire to reach over to Viserys to-... but to do what? To console him? To shake him? How would one deal with this? With these raw feelings? He wondered silently how long the king had kept all of this hidden within him. And why hadn't any of them noticed? Did they genuinely believe he was unconcerned about the realm or his family? Where exactly did things start to go wrong for this family? Would Gerardys really be able to fix such a broken family?
Instead of cutting in, Geradys chose to wait until Viserys had finished so he could relax, and momentarily turned his gaze towards the goblet that was still rolling on the floor. He waited until the cup rolled back towards him before bending down and resetting it on the table. If only all problems were this simple to resolve. Gerardys returned his gaze to his king with another heavy sigh.
Viserys, who was unaware of Gerardys' inner agony, made fists with both of his hands and brought them close to his chest, shaking them softly and beating his chest slightly. "Tell me, Gerardys, if my father was here in front of me, sitting where you are, seeing what I have done and what I will do, would he be truly proud of me?"
Gerardys stood there in silence for a few seconds, not knowing what to say, before reaching out and taking the king's hands. "Of course, every father is proud of his son, Viserys," he said softly. "Regardless of how many mistakes he makes. None of us are innocent or faultless. Nobody knows what he will do with that power until he feels the weight of it on his head and shoulders. All we can do is learn from our mistakes, ask why we made them, and strive to avoid making them or worse ones in the future.'' Gerardys continued after shaking Viserys's hands firmly, '' If you believe that you have not been a good king, or that you are too weak to be a good king, you should reconsider who you trust, who you avoid trusting, and the reasons for all that.''
''You're referring to Otto and Daemon,'' Viserys sighed, rolling his eyes. ''You know I have every reason to trust Otto and every reason not to trust Daemon. All Daemon has done is let me down and validate all of Otto's warnings.''
"If a man cannot trust his family, Viserys-" murmered Geradys, gently squeezing Viserys's hands, "-he cannot trust anyone."
"After Maegor, House Targaryen will never be the same again. It's hard to trust each other sometimes, Geradys.'' said Viserys shaking his head, "The price is too high. What if-"
"We both know that Maegor was an exception," Gerardys interjected, "And regardless of what you, I or anyone else might think of him, it would be idiotic to suggest that Daemon is like Maegor. Yes, Daemon is not without his flaws. Who is perfect, though? It is true that he will never be like Jaehaerys. That, however, does not imply that he will become a Maegor. Yes, we have no idea what the future holds. However, if we consistently plan for the worst version of those around us while ignoring the present, we commit them to that gloomy future.''
"You have no idea what I saw tonight, Gerardys. What I'm afraid of. The future is too gloomy for me, for Daemon, and for the rest of the realm.''
''Then we need to change that, don't we? We can make an attempt and do our best. For that, however, we must begin with those closest to us. Our loved ones. Our own family.''
Viserys opened his mouth again, ready to rave about Daemon and list all the reasons why he didn't trust him, but Gerardys softly gripped Viserys's palm again, halting him. "Since we're speaking as old friends, allow me to finish. Our family may be either a source of strength or a source of weakness for us. Until now, you thought of Rhaenyra and Daemon as weaknesses or pieces of a Cyvasse that might be used against you. You also worried that Rhaenys would betray you at any time out of bitterness she felt towards you, while Daemon, whose mind was filled with ambition and ambition only, was waiting for the day you died to usurp your throne. That, was a mistake. Instead of allowing other people to use your family members and loved ones against you as a weakness, you should aim to convert them into a strength for yourself. And for that, you must first become a true family."
''Aemma is gone and Rhaenyra is still a child. '' Replied Viserys with a scowl on his face, ''Rhaenys has long given up on becoming queen, but I swear Corlys is still whispering in her ear behind closed doors, and it's clear she still harbors anger toward me. And Daemon... I'm not sure I can trust him. Not after everything that has happened or what I have seen tonight. I cannot take such a huge risk.''
Gerardys bent his head to the side, lifted one eyebrow, and considered Viserys's final remarks. It was evident that the king was unwilling to discuss what he had seen, at least for now. So the maester let go of Viserys's hands, drew himself back, refilled Viserys's goblet with wine, and resumed speaking from where he had left off, from safe waters, so as not to frighten the king any more.
''Rhaenyra will mature.'' As he presented the goblet to Viserys, Gerardys remarked, ''Rhaenys adores you and has already accepted her fate. Corlys has no legitimate motivation or power to stand against you. For the time being, at least. If Daemon was going to revolt, he would have done it by now. You could assume he's after the throne. Who wouldn't desire that kind of power, might, and honour? They must be whispering in his ear, just like they did in yours. Oh, who knows what they're saying in his ear? BUT. Isn't it natural for him to crave the throne? Remember, Viserys. The more we believe something is being denied to us, the more we crave it.''
"Daemon's never going to be a good king. He's not cut out for it.'' Viserys scowls.
''I personally do not believe that he even wants the throne, but let's just say for the sake of the argument that he does. Is that your true thought, or is this simply another whisper in your ear? And, more significantly, why do people whispering in your ear want Daemon to be a weakness rather than a strength for you? Why don't these people want your own flesh and blood around you? Yes, Daemon lacks the temperament and patience necessary to sit on the throne, but is this all his fault, or are all of his mischiefs and little rebellions the consequence of something else? Getting your attention, for instance?''
Visery rose up violently, stretched his palms, and motioned to his crown on a nearby table. "I wear a crown, I sit on an Iron Throne, and I rule the seven kingdoms. I have responsibilites. I do NOT have time to deal with Daemon and his insecurities, small rebellions or nonsense. I am the king. We've all had to make sacrifices. We've all-"
''Yes, all of us. '' said Gerardys nodding, in a soft voice, ''Daemon had to make sacrifices as well. But he can't talk to you about them, can he? Tell me, young guy, when was the last time you spoke to your brother? When was the last time you trusted him completely? When was the last time you recalled he was your brother rather than just your subject and behaved accordingly? Neither being king nor being the said king's brother is easy. But how can the king's brother know that being a king and an elder brother is just as tough as being the king's younger brother...if the king can't put it into words?''
Viserys sighed deeply and sank back in his chair, reaching out to clasp the maester's hands once again. ''Perhaps you are correct. I've been pushing myself to choose between being a good king and being a good brother for years, but perhaps I don't have to. Maybe I can give Daemon a chance, a real chance, but Gerardys, what if it costs me too much? What if the serenity and tranquillity I've managed to preserve, the only thing I've been able to do in these 10 years, is gone? What if it's too late to change things for the better? ''
"You can't get ahead by constantly being on guard, not taking risks, and not giving people a genuine chance to prove themselves. If you don't know who to trust, try them, Viserys. Daemon or Otto. Or anyone else, for that matter. Myself included. You're the king, and you don't have to put your confidence in anybody so blindly. If you are unsatisfied with the way ahead of you and your companions that are with you, carve a new path and recruit new partners. You must discover the strength and power inside yourself to achieve this. And remember, no matter what you believe, no matter how harsh you are on yourself, Viserys, you are not a horrible king; you just lost yourself trying to be a Jaehaerys, and perhaps that is why you failed to become King Viserys Targaryen. But, it is never too late to rediscover yourself. And, whichever route you take, I will be there for you and Daemon, just like I promised your father and uncle.''
Viserys opened his lips to speak again, but the voice from the door made him hastily take his hand from the maester's grip and fall back. "Enter!" he exclaimed confidently and in a high-pitched voice, clearing his throat.
''Your Majesty,'' Ser Harrold Westerling murmured after entering and bowing slightly, ''we've found Prince Daemon, but... he wasn't alone. He's accompanied by a priestess of the Lord of Light.''
''R'hllor? Oh, my,'' Gerardys sighed, concerned.
''He and the priestess insist on seeing you together,'' Ser Harrold said.
Viserys rolled his eyes and stared at the maester, one of his eyebrows raised, ''Do you see what I'm dealing with?''
"I've told you to give him a fair chance," Gerardys shrugged. ''I've never said it would be easy.''
Viserys gently grabbed his goblet again, filled it with wine, drank it all in one go, and stood up. ''I will talk with Daemon alone.'' he declared while smoothing out the wrinkles in his robes, ''The priestess can wait. Do not trouble us in any manner. Nobody should be let inside, not even Otto.'' Viserys turned quickly to Ser Harrold and threatened him, saying, ''Or you and everyone else will suffer the consequences.''
''I understand, Your Majesty. I'll be outside'' said Ser Harrold bowing lower than necessary and quickly leaving the room. Gerardys stood up to leave the room as well, but Viserys gestured for him to sit down. ''You will remain Gerardys, I have a feeling this conversation will end in a fight, and only you can calm us down. Besides, I truly need a loyal maester like you in these gloomy days.''
Viserys sat and leaned back in his chair, chewing his lower lip as he awaited Daemon. Gerardys leaned back at his chair as well, sighing. He had a gut feeling that he would rather be at Dragonstone than witness this fight.
As more and more rays of morning began to fill the room and the inhabitants of the Red Keep slowly awoke from their warm beds, the Rebel Prince slowly stepped into his brother's room, one of his hands still on the Dark Sister's scabbard. He blew his bangs up and off his forehead in a quick fanfare and in some kind of a fake frustration when he realized Gerardys was in the room. After giving the maester, who felt like he was getting older with every passing moment, a sarcastic look, that yelled 'Watch me ruin this for Viserys' (which caused Gerardys to think he became so good at reading Targaryens. Unfortunately.) Daemon turned towards Viserys with a wry smile. ''What do you think I've done this time, dear brother?''
''Daemon'' murmured Viserys, clearing his throat and casting a sidelong glance at Gerardys, ''We need to talk. About our family, about you and Rhaenyra, and about the Realm. Let me tell you-'' Viserys hesitated, silently staring at Gerardys for a few heartbeats, ''Let me tell you guys, a story. A story called 'The song of fire and ice'. And why it matters so much for our family and rest of the realm.''
Daemon rolled his eyes, snatched a chair from a nearby table, and sat opposite Gerardys and Viserys, acting as if he knew exactly what was going to happen, which amused him. Gerardys narrowed his eyes, which delighted Daemon even more. A wicked, mocking smirk spread across his face. Grunting in irritation, Gerardys waited patiently for the king to begin speaking, while Daemon turned towards Viserys this time, clasped his hands together, signaling Viserys to begin with the same unexplainable wry grin on his face.
Gerardys sighed heavily. Yes, he'd much rather be in his comfortable bed at Dragonstone tonight. Definitely.
A WHILE LATER.
Gerardys was confirmed exactly right once more as Daemon stormed out of the room furious following the conversation. Dragons were extremely stubborn, and Gerardys should have stayed at Dragonstone instead of traveling to King's Landing after the funeral. In fact, he believed he should never have left Oldtown. That elderly guy, Vaegon Targaryen, was quite correct in keeping away.
Absolutely correct, Gerardys thought as Viserys, who was wet from head to toe, ordered for Ser Harrold to bring back Daemon immediately and then immediately turned towards Gerardys, fire gushing from his eyes.
This is totally Vaegon's fault, thought Gerardys before Viserys started to yell once again.
MEANWHILE.
Vaegon Targaryen jumped out of his bed and sneezed.
Who the fuck was talking shit about him at this time of night, he wondered, but then immediately went back to sleeping.
It was going to be a long day tomorrow, and he had a lot of stuff to do.
A lot, and lots, and lots of stuff.
And he had all the time in the world.
17