The Pompous & the Prick- A Helluva Boss Fanfic
Chapter 2: You Can't Break Something That Was Never Whole
The van coughed and puffed as it slowly rolled into a spot by Blitz's apartment building. The engine cooled as Blitz sat there crying, Stolas's words replaying over and over in his head.
"I will forever be grateful for the little Imp that snuck back into my life that day. And- if, if I could- go back . . ."
Blitz had run out when Stolas said that. He didn't want to know what he would do if he could go back. He already knew how much he regretted ever knowing him; it wasn't hard to guess. He'd seen Stolas and his daughter fight. He'd had seen how Octavia looked at him . . . The disgust and disdain in her eyes. He'd seen how hard Stolas was constantly trying to mend their broken relationship. But he knew all too well how hard it was to earn back what was once lost.
Stolas had said he was grateful? How could he be grateful for being manipulated? How could he be grateful for ruining everything good he had in his life? He was publicly humiliated, and beings of lesser status, even imps were laughing at him, online, and even a few daring devils, in person. Blitz had seen it; of course Stolas laughed it off, but there was no way in Hell it didn't secretly bother him. He was also ostracized from those pricks of high society. And pricks though they were, he had likely known many of those people all his life. Considering that his marriage, and likely his whole life had been arranged for him. It was entirely possible that he had friends who wouldn't speak with him anymore, choosing to side with Stella, the "victim".
No, if Stolas was ending their sort of situationship, even if he did really want to try to find a partner, at least a part of him had finally come to his senses. He was saying all those kind things, but Blitz convinced himself that he had heard a hint of bitterness in his voice. He couldn't bear the pain of another person he cared for telling him they hated him, so he hightailed it out of there before the other shoe dropped.
The stairs were long and arduous, and Blitz was breathing heavily by the time he made it up to his apartment. The light in the kitchen was on and there stood Loona, waiting for something in the microwave to heat itself.
She looked up in surprise, ". . . Well, d*mn. You finish that quickly?"
Blitz stared at her blankly, "Whatcha cooking?"
"I'm not, just reheating those tacos from the other night." She said, gesturing to the takeout container peeking out from the trash bin.
"Mmm . . . Good night Sweet pea." He said with a yawn in his voice.
"Uhhhh, yeah. Goodnight." Loona responded, watching him walk away.
Something was definitely up. Loona knew she probably wouldn't get answers out of Blitz for at least a couple of hours and maybe some beers, so she decided to do some investigating.
"Hey. Blitz and ur Dad get into a fight or something?" She sent a message to Octavia, hoping she'd have some answers.
"No idea at mom's place. She said we were going to watch a funny fail video with people getting hurt. It was actually a horror movie but she keeps laughing as people die." Via messaged back.
"To be fair tho some of them are kinda stupid. Yeah of course you wouldn't be there on a full moon night. Srry 4 askin" Loona put her phone away and was about to check on the tacos when it binged again.
"True. Actually though, Dad was actin kinda wierd when I left. he was mumbling to himself. And not lik normal just talking to yourself mumbling. The kind were hes either practicing a one-sided conversation or hes finlly lost his mind completely." Via had responded, then sent a selfie of herself in a dimly lit room, someone who must've been her mom laughing hysterically in the background. She held a drink up to the camera and whether it was a cocktail or a mocktail was anyone's guess, "here's to hopin it's the second one."
Loona chuckled to herself, and then looked around for any drinks to hold. There were none, but there was a crusty bottle of ketchup so she took a selfie cheersing with that and sent it over.
It was then that she started smelling something weird. Something . . . Burnt? She turned around to see her tacos still spinning in the microwave.
"Ah! 1 minute, not 10 minutes!" She took it out carefully, burning her fingers a bit on the plate. She sighed to herself. This was going to be a sh*t show.
— — —
It's 9:00 am at the office, and it's never been this quiet. The eels spark inside their tank, a standing fan drones as it rotates directions, and a TV, showing a news story of random attacks on people go on in the background. But above all the buzz, all Blitz could hear was the whispering.
"What do you think is going on with him?" Even in a whisper, Millie sounded like a sweet southern bell, ready to rip your trachea out at any moment.
"I don't know! He won't tell me. He came home last night after, like twenty minutes at the mansion. I obviously had to make a joke about how quick it must have been. But I got zero euphemisms, innuendos, or swears. He just went to his room." It may or may not be a hellhound thing, but Loona was by far the worst at whispering. The concept itself of both being quiet and talking at the same time, didn't seem to make sense to her.
"Maybe he'll come to us when he's ready to talk about it. We don't want to push him so much he runs away." Moxxie said.
"He's not a chicken, Mox! But just in case, we should make sure to corner him, so he can't escape." Aw, Mills. Never change.
"If he's not a chicken, then why can't he man up enough to talk about his feelings like an adult." Mox crossed his arms, grumbling
"Millie's right. We have to talk to him about it. There's no way in hell he's going to open up voluntarily to any of us. And there's also no way in hell he's going to be able to fix whatever mess he made with the Prince by himself." What Loona said was absolutely right, but that didn't make it any less annoying for Blitz to hear.
With all the frustration he had, Blitz threw open the door to his office and began shouting, "What?! What is it?! You wanna talk to me? Then f*ckin talk to me already!"
They all stood stunned for a second, before Mox, stepped forward, "Ahem, Sir. It has come to our attention that your arrangement with the Prince has changed slightly, as an Elderly man dropped the book off to us at the door this morning instead of the Prince through a Portal."
"Yeah? And? We still got the book now, don't we?" Blitz pointed at the grimoire aggressively, "What more do you want from me, Mox!?"
"We were just wondering what had happened, is all. Just last month your face lit up when Prince Stolas walked through the portal to visit." Millie clearly was seeing things.
"I don't know what the f**k you saw Millie, but I'm pretty sure the only thing you saw on my face was an eye roll so big it almost strained my sockets. And I specifically remember telling him to shove his prissy little advances up his feathered **s." Blitz made inappropriate motions with his hands.
"We know, Blitz. We get it. Your relationship with him is 'purely transactional'. And that's fine. But are you sure-"
"Hold that thought Loona. Guys, come look at this." Moxxie was turning up the volume on the TV.
"Breaking News! Rumors have now been confirmed that Prince Stolas Ars Goetia has started multiple online dating profiles under aliases across Hell's most popular dating apps. One of which was on Lustinder, and was exposed, receiving hundreds of messages in under a minute, and was quickly deleted. It is suspected that he may have set up another account on Lustinder and may have more on others. So if you're out there looking for love and see a profile recently created, you may in fact be flirting it up with a real Prince of Hell."
Everyone was silent as they stared at Blitz, waiting for a reaction of some kind. So he laughed, "Did she really just say 'flirting it up'? Who says that? F**king nerd."
"Blitz . . ." Loona began.
"Oh come on you guys! What's the big deal? I mean . . ." Blitz laughed again, a bit of sweat dripping from his face, "You all need to stop reading the gossip column and get back to work. We've got a business to run here you know? Money to make, people to kill. I'll be in my office."
The door slammed shut, and Blitz sighed quietly as he sat down at his desk. They left him alone for a few minutes, which showed they had at least some sense of personal space, something he was an expert at giving to other people. His office chair sagged under his weight as his phone binged. He picked it up just to set it back down after seeing it was just some f**king sh*tbags online sending him links to articles about how Stolas was moving on. That fast? He turned around and made a dating account that fast after ending their little arrangement. Well, he should have known better. Stolas was an Ars Goetia, and Blitz was just his plaything. He must have let himself get caught up in how those red eyes stared at him, as they layed in bed together. Stolas had looked at him with those eyes and called him "precious" and "lovely". Blitz had told him to shut the hell up, but even when he wasn't saying anything, those eyes alone told him he was cherished. He was a fool. He knew it had all been a lie, but a part of himself had still believed it. And now he only had himself to blame for all the pain and hurt he was feeling now.
"Okay, Blitz. Time's up. You have to tell me what's really going on, right now." Loona kicked the door open, and Blitz quickly turned around in his chair to face the wall.
Wiping his eyes of his sudden indoor allergies, "You know I love your visits, Loony, but if you're here, then who's manning the phones?"
"Enough. What happened when you went to see Stolas last night?" She closed the door and leaned against the wall.
"Loony, honey. If you really want to have the conversation about the birds and the bees, we are not doing it based on Daddy's personal experience." He brushed some crumbs off his desk and onto the floor.
"Ew! Gross, no! You know that's not what I meant. Ugh, nevermind. Mope in sadness. I don't ca-" She grabbed the door handle.
"Wait, Loony." Blitz sighed, "I just . . ." Loona turned back around.
Man, he felt pathetic, but he probably should say something.
"Stolas . . . he said that he's ending our . . . agreement. We still get the book as usual but he just said doesn't want to see . . . well, me." Did he look stupid? He felt stupid.
"Well, sh*t . . . that's bad." Loona looked at him with pity.
"Ha! Hardly. It just means I won't have to pleasure is royal **s anymore and newspapers will finally stop calling me a sugarbaby." Blitz took a deck of cards out of his desk drawer.
"Okay, well . . . Did he give you a reason, at least?" She placed her hands on her hips.
"Huh? Yeah, he says he wants a real relationship now or some sh*t. Which, you know, good luck finding someone who doesn't just want his money and status." He began trying to lean the cards against each other.
"F**k, Blitz, tell me you didn't actually say that." She rubbed her eyebrows as they scrunched up.
"F**k, no! I said that it was good for him, and wished him luck." His small card tower fell over.
"Ugh, Blitz . . ." She dragged her hands down her face, exasperated.
"What?! What was I supposed to say? No, Stowas, don't weave me! What will I do without you to fiddle my holes?" He batted his lashes, with heavy sarcasm.
"Well, not exactly that but- ugh! Nevermind. So, what is your plan now?" She crossed her arms.
"Plan? What plan? Why would I need a plan?" He began a new card tower.
"What, so you're only going to see Stolas to drop off the book?" She waved at the door.
"Even better! The guy who brought us back the book, will also be picking it up, too." The card tower was starting to look impressive
"So you're just never going to see him again." Skepticism layered her voice as she raised an eyebrow.
". . . Yep! And good riddance." His hands wavered and knocked the tower down once again.
"You hesitated." She pointed at him.
"I did not, I was . . . catching my breath. This conversation has been exhausting." He looked indignant as he gathered the cards back up.
"You don't want him to date other people, do you? You actually-" She pushed.
"Watch it, Missy." He pointed back at her, "Those are some pretty serious accusations you're throwing around." He began another card tower as he spoke, not looking at her, "Besides, he's probably going to get bored of stupid, complicated romance and come calling me again. Just watch, in a few weeks, we'll have a tall *ss owl in our office again, asking for a choke down. Now, would you please leave me to my work and close the door on your way out? This is very important work and Daddy has a migraine."
Loona rolled her eyes and scoffed, "Well, when that doesn't happen and you feel like talking for real, I'll just be here waiting to answer a phone that never rings."
"Before you go, would you mind delivering this letter to Moxxie?" He handed her a torn off piece of paper with a poorly drawn chicken body with Moxxie's face.
"Gladly." Loona couldn't help but smile, but realized that Blitz wasn't.
"Hey, um . . Why would . . ." Blitz stopped building his tower and looked at his hands, trying to find the words, "Why do you think he would immediately go out and make dating accounts?"
Loona shrugged, "Don't know, but he's probably on a rebound."
Blitz sighed, "Fat chance, you have to be hurting to be on a rebound. And to be hurting, you have to have cared for someone. And you don't care about a booty call."
"Blitz . . . I know it's hard for you to imagine . . . But you mean a lot more to people than you might think. Even if we forget to express it." And with that, Blitz was left alone again, and all the bravado he had left with her.
"If he cared about me so much, then why did he leave me like this?" He mumbled to himself. Turning over the cards in his hands, he sighed. They were the jack and a joker. Of course the cards weren't staying together. This combination never could.