Sniffles the Mouse looked into the mirror in the dressing room, he took a deep breath and brushed his wispy white hair out of his face. This audition could make him a star, or it could lose him a job and end him right back on his sister's couch. This was important. After his audition, Sniffles the Mouse ran into-
"Paddington Bear," Sniffles the Mouse growled. Paddington Bear was at every audition Sniffles the Mouse was, and always felt the need to outshine him. They had been enemies since they met in the Hollywood community improv group. The two muppets were so competitive they both got kicked out. It had been a three year long feud that Sniffles the Mouse felt would never end.
"Sniffles the Mouse", Paddington Bear responded. They danced around each other in the hall, glaring into each other's eyes, before they parted.
A few days later, the letter came. Sniffles the Mouse had got the role! To celebrate, he made himself a real breakfast, eggs and toast. He giggled with glee and scurried to the theatre. When he got to the studio, he was greeted by Big Bird, the director.
"Sniffles the Mouse," Big Bird grunted. He was a grumpy bird, but he was famous for being in Sesame Street, he was one of the reasons The Muppet Show was going to be a big deal.
"Mister Big Bird," Sniffles the Mouse replied. He awaited instructions while Big Bird shuffled around his papers on his Elmo themed clipboard.
"Sniffles the Mouse, you can wait in dressing room room C, your co-host will be in there shortly. You're needed for a meeting in one hour, but you should get settled in now, and socialize."
"Thank you sir," Sniffles the Mouse nodded and sulked away to dressing room c.
When he was in the dressing room for auditions, it was full of other old men muppets with white hair, but now it was empty. Too empty. His flamboyant gay side was already planning how to decorate it.
Knock, knock, knock.
"Come in!" Sniffles the Mouse wailed at the door.
The door creaked open to reveal a taller, greyer, handsome muppet.
"Paddington Bear!" Sniffles the Mouse yelped, "What are you doing here?!"
"I got the job-" Paddington Bear responded curtly.
"But- But- But- But- I got the job," Sniffles the Mouse whispered.
"Did you even read the audition advertisement? This job called for two hosts," Paddington Bear rolled his eyes, "This is so like you! You're so irresponsible."
"You're so stuck up," Sniffles the Mouse grumbled.
Paddington Bear rolled his eyes and sat down on a grey couch. Sniffles the Mouse sat across from him on a bright yellow chair.
"What've you been up to?" Paddington Bear said politely, with an aggressive undertone.
"I joined a new improv group," Sniffles the Mouse said, "It's the LA improv group and I think it's better than the Hollywood improv group."
"Ah, I go all the way to Santa Monica, there's actually a college professor teaching the class."
"My improv group has loads of movie stars in it," Sniffles the Mouse huffed.
"Well my-"
"If you're done comparing sizes-" A high pitched voice came from the doorway.
The old men muppets looked up to see a gorgeous pig girl standing in a sparkly dress.
"I'm Bonkers D. Bobcat," She said, "You're Paddington Bear and Sniffles the Mouse?"
"Paddington Bear," Sniffles the Mouse pointed at his enemy.
"Sniffles the Mouse," Paddington Bear pointed back at him.
They glared at each other over their pointed fingers.
"Lovely to meet you fellows," Bonkers D. Bobcat giggled, "So you two know each other then? Big Bird will be pleased!"
"Know each other," Paddington Bear scoffed, "We know each other."
"Too well if I say so myself," Sniffles the Mouse added.
"Chemistry among actors is important in chemistry among characters," Bonkers D. Bobcat winked at them and sat next to Sniffles the Mouse in a bright pink chair. "Your dressing room is so boring… well I guess you've only been here for a few minutes."
"I was already thinking about decorating," Sniffles the Mouse beamed.
Sniffles the Mouse started telling Bonkers D. Bobcat about what color he wanted to paint the walls, how he wanted throw pillows and blankets, and better lights, maybe some posters. Paddington Bear watched the shorter muppet speaking, he zoned out following the beautiful felt jaw move while Sniffles the Mouse spoke passionately. He caught himself smiling and forced a scowl. He wanted to argue with Sniffles the Mouse, and veto any of his interior design plans out of spite, but his ideas were so good, and he looked so perfect and cute talking about them, he decided to let it go.
"Are you equally passionate about interior design?" Bonkers D. Bobcat asked Paddington Bear, who had been silent for a few minutes.
"Not at all," Paddington Bear shrugged, "I guess Sniffles the Mouse is better than me at some things."
Sniffles the Mouse had the most shocking expression on his face, Paddington Bear being humble!? Never in a million years would Paddington Bear ever say someone could be better at him, especially not Sniffles the Mouse.
"What do you like then?" Bonkers D. Bobcat stared at him intently, like she was trying to read him.
"I like improv,"
"How creative," Sniffles the Mouse replied, dryly.
"And I like math…" Paddington Bear furrowed his permanently furrowed brow. All he did was improv, he really had to get some other hobbies. "I like flowers…
"Flowers?" Sniffles the Mouse asked, with no undertone of hatred.
"I really like red poppies and yellow roses," Paddington Bear smiled, "I wanted to own a flower shop when I was younger."
"Adorable!" Bonkers D. Bobcat squeaked. She was going to be the old man's new best friend.
After an hour of chatting with each other, a… muppet ran into the room, "Paddington Bear and Sniffles the Mouse and Bonkers D. Bobcat and- well I guess Danger Mouse isn't here, you're needed in meeting room 3.
The three friends followed the blue muppet in a dad shirt down the hallway to meeting room 3. Sniffles the Mouse noticed that dressing room hall went down the alphabet and back up A for Danger Mouse, B for Bonkers D. Bobcat, C for the two of them, D for Gonzo (the muppet leading them through the halls), the next side of the hall starts at E for Fozzie Bear, F for the Dr. and Beaker, etc. etc.
The next hall over, the meeting rooms were similar. 1,2,3,4, and then 5,6,7,8. There was a hall on the other side of the dressing rooms A-H which Sniffles the Mouse assumed was dressing rooms I-P.
Big Bird and Danger Mouse were already in the meeting room.
"Welcome stars," Big Bird said in a booming squirrely voice.
"Hoi Bonkers D. Bobcat!" Danger Mouse said.
"Hiiiii Danger Mouse," Bonkers D. Bobcat giggled.
Big Bird explained how Bonkers D. Bobcat is the main character, Danger Mouse is the face, and Paddington Bear and Sniffles the Mouse had to add improvised comedy. Paddington Bear and Sniffles the Mouse glared at each other when Big Bird mentioned they had to be close to each other all the time, and develop a relationship outside of work because-
"Chemistry among actors is important in chemistry among characters."
The first day at the job was full of dull meetings, Sniffles the Mouse spent almost not time with Paddington Bear. Thankfully.
The next day, however, they were tasked by Big Bird to play improv games together. Improv hadn't gone well in the past, and Sniffles the Mouse was dreading today the whole walk to the dressing room.
Paddington Bear was late, again, so Sniffles the Mouse had time to make some decorative changes to their room. He thought about waiting for Paddington Bear to make any changes, considering it is a shared space. But he was more than okay with Paddington Bear being angry at him.
Inside the dressing room were two mirrors, one for each of them, each had a chair. Sniffles the Mouse would leave Paddington Bears alone. There was a small bathroom in the corner, and the middle had a couch and two chairs. Boring. One of the chairs was obnoxiously pink, he would have to replace it, or lean into the color a bit. The other chair was black, thank goodness, and the couch was white. White couches never end well, and Paddington Bear is clumsy. So, Sniffles the Mouse called Gonzo's office and asked for permission to dye the couch. He was thinking maybe a monochromatic pink theme? Lovely.
"What are you doing?" Paddington Bear laughed from the doorway.
Sniffles the Mouse was holding the pink armchair over his head, trying to move it to clear up the space by the door.
Sniffles the Mouse grunted in response. Then, he felt the weight of the chair being lifted.
"Where do you want it?" Paddington Bear asked. He was standing way too close to Sniffles the Mouse, holding the chair.
Sniffles the Mouse gulped, "Over there-"
He directed Paddington Bear where to put the rest of the furnerature.
"Doesn't this add more space, now there's a little living room, and some space to do improv games here," Sniffles the Mouse beamed. Then he remembered that he hates Paddington Bear, "Unfortunately."
"I agree," Paddington Bear scowled, "I should have gotten the job alone, or with someone easy to work with."
"I'm thinking the same thing," Sniffles the Mouse scowled back. "Let's begin?"
They played every improv game they could think of. They laughed and worked surprisingly well together. But neat the end of the day they decided to play the alphabet game.
"Tsunami-" Sniffles the Mouse started for letter t.
"-You're on T!" Paddington Bear said, "AHA I win!"
"Tsunami starts with a t?" Sniffles the Mouse rolled his eyes.
Paddington Bear stuttered, "But- it- it- has to start with the sound!"
"It does not!"
"DOes ToO!"
They yelled at each other until Big Bird finally slammed the door open.
"What. Is. Going. On. Here?"
"Improv?" Paddington Bear whispered.
Sniffles the Mouse giggled.
Paddington Bear laughed too.
In a matter of seconds, both muppets were rolling on the floor laughing. ROFL as some youngins may say.
Big Bird told them to keep it down, and tomorrow they had to work on trust exercises.
Sniffles the Mouse and Paddington Bear didn't stop laughing, even after Big Bird had been gone for several minutes.
"Improv!" Sniffles the Mouse said and they started giggling again.
"I thought tsunami starts with an s," Paddington Bear admitted.
"In character," Sniffles the Mouse smiled at him. Maybe Paddington Bear wasn't as stuck up as he thought.
As the days to the first episode of "The Muppet Show" grew near, Paddington Bear and Sniffles the Mouse had been rapidly growing closer. But close does not mean civil. What started as short fiesty statements made about each other every time they speak, quickly turned into a civil conversations ending in screaming from both sides. The amount of noise complaints they got each day was an average of twenty four, in ten hours.
Gonzo was fed up with the noise from Paddington Bear and Sniffles the Mouse's dressing room (he issued most of the complaints). The fruity bird thing stomped his way to Big Birds office, and in their squeaky voice said, "Mr. Big Bird Sir! Paddington Bear and Sniffles the Mouse should not work together! They absolutely hate each other, and forcing them to interact for hours each day is ruining productivity!"
Big Bird calmly waved this thought off, "But Gonzo, they're the best improv actors I've ever seen, and everyone loves laughing at old men."
Gonzo stormed off, without noticing Bonkers D. Bobcat listening through the door, hearing the entire conversation. She immediately ran to Paddington Bear and Sniffles the Mouse's dressing room.
"WHO LET YOU BELIEVE YOU COULD ACT!" Paddington Bear was yelling, loud enough to hear all the way down the hall.
"BIG BIRD OBVIOUSLY!" Sniffles the Mouse screamed back.
"BOYS!" Bonkers D. Bobcat ran into the dressing room, "You have to be quiet."
"Don't tell us what to do," Paddington Bear replied, Sniffles the Mouse nodded his head in agreement.
"See guys, you can agree on something," She rolled her eyes. "Gonzo tried to get you fired for being too loud, be careful, I'll miss you so much if you leave."
"I hope Gonzo gets you fired," Sniffles the Mouse huffed at Paddington Bear.
"Shut up!"
"This is the problem," Bonkers D. Bobcat groaned, "You two need to go to couples counciling."
"We're not a couple," Paddington Bear and Sniffles the Mouse said in unison.
Bonkers D. Bobcat shook her head, "You two are adorable."
Just then, Big Bird walked into the dressing room, "I don't know what Gonzo was talking about," He said, "You two are perfectly quiet."
The three muppets looked at the yellow bird, and didn't dare speak.
"But, if I hear one more word about the noise in here you two will be in trouble."
Paddington Bear and Sniffles the Mouse gulped.
"We'll be quiet," Paddington Bear said.
Sniffles the Mouse nodded, "Yes sir."
Bonkers D. Bobcat stood in front of them, "I think their loudness if part of great actors at work."
"I don't care," Big Bird said, "I don't want to be bothered."
"Yes sir," Sniffles the Mouse said again.
Big Bird started to leave, then said, "And real quick, you two better have amazing chemistry for the opening show." And he left.
"Chemistry?" Sniffles the Mouse gawked, "You're the last person I want to have chemistry with."
"I agree," Paddington Bear looked sick.
"Oh poo," Bonkers D. Bobcat said, "You too have amazing chemistry, just be nicer."
The two old men glared at each other.
The cast had a party a week before the opening of the show. Big bird wasn't there, as per usual. Gonzo was the one who organized it, again, as per usual. Bonkers D. Bobcat didn't leave the karaoke "stage" all night, but she did drag Paddington Bear and Sniffles the Mouse up multiple times. Fozzie bear made jokes a little too loudly, and a little too drunkenly, and Danger Mouse brought the Sesame Street cast to mingle. Paddington Bear and Sniffles the Mouse were introduced to Bert and Ernie, a married couple from Sesame Street.
"Are you allowed to be gay on Sesame Street?" Sniffles the Mouse asked sheepishly.
"Don't ask, don't tell," Ernie responded, clutching Bert's hand.
Paddington Bear noticed Sniffles the Mouse looking longingly at them, "Is it extra risky because you're in the show together?"
"Definitely," Bert said, "Why? Got your eyes on someone?"
"Just asking," Paddington Bear's face turned red.
The rest of the night was a blur, Paddington Bear ate as much food as he could, he hadn't eaten in days. He even hid some food in the dressing room to take home later. How he dreaded going home. His apartment was so boring compared to the excitement of working with Sniffles the Mouse, while they were rivals and fought all the time, at least it wasn't boring. Plus every time he entered his shitty house, he was reminded how broke he was. He didn't have any furniture, and currently he didn't have any food.
He was too ashamed to ask for help. He had the "Muppet Show" job, but it wasn't enough. Once he got his paycheck, he paid off every debt he could, but now he couldn't afford rent. After work one day, he lingered in the dressing room, and an idea sprung into his head. He no longer had to look longingly at the shower with warm water, if his plan worked. He moved out of his apartment that night, he shoved his belongings into the crawl space above the dressing room. One of the ceiling panels was loose, for easy access. At least now he could afford to eat, he thought as he passed out on the couch.
Paddington Bear woke up to Sniffles the Mouse opening the door. He quickly stood up and pretended he came to work early.
"Good Morning partner!" He said, a little too enthusiastically.
"What's up with you?" Sniffles the Mouse said, with shifty eyes, "You're here early."
"Yeah…" Paddington Bear nodded his head.
He did not proceed to elaborate with a shitty excuse. Poor excuse of a professional improver. They went on with their day, doing stupid imrpov games as usual.
"I can't wait for the show to start," Sniffles the Mouse groaned, multiple times throughout the day.
"Then we can't spend as much time together," Paddington Bear winked.
"Exactly," Sniffles the Mouse glared at him. Paddington Bear rolled his eyes, being enemies with your work partner takes a lot of energy.
Living in the dressing room only lasted a few days, Sniffles the Mouse was suspicious from the start, and came to work to find Paddington Bear already there, and he stayed every night after Sniffles the Mouse left. Friday night, Paddington Bear loitered in the dressing room after work, hoping Sniffles the Mouse would leave soon so he could shower.
"Are you going to leave?" Sniffles the Mouse demanded, "Work is over."
"Yeah…" Paddington Bear responded, "In a minute, you can go on without me."
"What are you playing at, Paddington Bear," Sniffles the Mouse said.
"I don't know what you mean."
"Do you think you're better than me?"
"Sniffles the Mouse no-"
"Do you think you're a better employee than me because you're here all the time?"
Paddington Bear was thoroughly embarrassed. He usually enjoyed it when Sniffles the Mouse was upset, they had a system of yelling at each other in a civil way. But today was different. Sniffles the Mouse sounded hurt, for real hurt, and betrayed. They had surprisingly been getting along well recently, and of course Paddington Bear had to rock the boat. It wasn't his fault, he wasn't trying at all to upstage Sniffles the Mouse, he does that anyways. Paddington Bear didn't know what to tell Sniffles the Mouse. This was so embarrassing, and he couldn't lie. Even though he's an improv actor, he's not an impulsive liar. Sure, many white lies popped into the head the same, he didn't say them out loud. He may argue a lot with Sniffles the Mouse, but it's always the truth. That's why they argue, he guessed, they were both too honest and blunt. It's too late to change they're story now. Paddington Bear took a deep breath and said, uncharacteristically calmly, "Shut up Sniffles the Mouse."
Surprisingly, he did.
Paddington Bear climbed the desk to open the ceiling tile and pulled out his pajamas. "I lost my apartment."
Sniffles the Mouse didn't know what to say, was he… sorry? For Paddington Bear? His nemesis? But something inside him wanted to help. "Stay with me!" He blurted.
"What?"
"Yeah stay with me," Sniffles the Mouse started sweating, "I mean, I'm broke too, and I need a roommate, why not you?"
"Sniffles the Mouse I don't think I-"
"No I insist," Sniffles the Mouse panicked more, "To help me, not you, obviously not you, I don't care about you… at all…"
"Of course not," Paddington Bear agreed, "It is a good idea…"
Sniffles the Mouse woke up to the shower running. He rushed out of his bedroom, and saw a disheveled couch, oh yeah. Paddington Bear. Paddington Bear was sleeping on his couch. They were going bed shopping today. Sniffles the Mouse smiled a little to himself, they had come a long way from being at each other's throats. He smiled so wide he even started making breakfast for the two of them.
Sniffles the Mouse was flipping a pancake when Paddington Bear emerged from the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel. The pancake burnt because Sniffles the Mouse was busy staring at the gorgeous sexy body of Paddington Bear.
"I-I-I-I-I made pancakes," Sniffles the Mouse stuttered.
"Oh thanks," Paddington Bear responded, grabbing clothes from the suitcase he left on the couch, "I'm going to go get dressed."
Damn it, Sniffles the Mouse thought. But if Paddington Bear hadn't gotten dressed, Sniffles the Mouse wouldn't be able to finish breakfast because he was too distracted. Sniffles the Mouse set the table, and made coffee. Iced, two sugars for Paddington Bear.
"You remembered my coffee order!" Paddington Bear beamed.
Sniffles the Mouse blushed, "Y'know, we spend so much time together, no biggie."
"Thanks for breakfast," Paddington Bear said, scoffing down the food like he hadn't eaten in days, given his living situation, he probably didn't eat in days.
Sniffles the Mouse cleared the table, "Ready to go shopping?"
"You're too kind," Paddington Bear said, with a suspicious undertone.
Sniffles the Mouse stammered, "Don't mention it!"
While they walked to the bed store, Sniffles the Mouse realised he lived in a one bedroom apartment. He didn't mind sharing a room with Paddington Bear, but maybe Paddington Bear didn't want to be around him. He started to grow anxious, what if Paddington Bear didn't even want to stay with him? What if Paddington Bear really did still hate him?
"Hey," Sniffles the Mouse gulped, "I only have one bedroom, are you okay with sharing?"
Paddington Bear smiled, "Sure, if you're okay with it!"
Sniffles the Mouse's stomach started bubbling, in a good way, he was so confused, what was happening to him? Why was Paddington Bear of all people making him feel this way? He tried to ignore his sweaty hands the whole trip to the bed store and back, he didn't know what was going on.
Paddington Bear pursed his lips when the bed arrived later that afternoon, "Sniffles the Mouse, I don't actually know how to put a bed together, is it too much if I asked you for help?"
Sniffles the Mouse's heart grew three sizes bigger than the Grinch seeing Paddington Bear's face so humbled. He tried to stabilize his voice when he (almost lovingly) said, "Of course Paddington Bear."
They built a bed together, Paddington Bear was putting sheets on the mattress while Waldord cleared up a space for it in his room. They had to smoosh their beds together to fit them, and their other furniture, in the small room. Sniffles the Mouse was a little too excited to be sleeping so close to Paddington Bear.