Warning: Heads up! This chapter contains references to purging. It also includes depictions and references to anorexia. You've been warned.
It's crazy (that someone could change me)
Helga opened her eyes at the feeling of someone shaking her shoulder.
"Helga? Helga, dear? Your sister is here."
Helga blinked her eyes open. She waited for her vision to clear before getting up slowly to see Olga standing by the bed, teary-eyed.
"Ready to come home, baby sister?" Olga walked up to the girl and gently offered her hand.
Helga groaned and went to move slowly, slowly getting up from the bed. Once she sat up, she took a deep breath.
"Aw, baby sister. When we get home you're going to go straight to your room to lie down and then I'll make you some of my award-winning soup." She petted the girl's hair.
Helga wanted to bat her hand away but knew with her stomach caving in on itself she would have to focus on getting off the bed and into the car. She just wanted to rest.
Nurse Shelley handed Olga Helga's bookbag. "Now, I would strongly recommend your mother or father get her in to see the doctor. Her stomach's been giving her trouble for a few days now and there's no telling why. I gave her some saltine crackers and ginger ale and it seemed to help with the burning. But she does need to see a doctor about the burning."
"Thank you, Nurse Shelley. I'll make sure she gets to the doctor. Olga took the backpack out of the older woman's hand and escorted Helga slowly out of the nurse's office. Olga rubbed her shoulder as she walked down the quiet hallway and to the front doors of the building.
Helga clutched her stomach groaning again, feeling the burn continue this time going up and down her stomach. "Criminy." She grumbled as she clutched the railing of the stairwell.
"Helga?"
"My stomach is hurting me. Can we please just get to the car? Sooner rather than later?"
"Yes, baby sister. We're parked over there." Olga pointed to the car across the street. "Why don't I bring the car around and you can meet me in front of it? That way you don't have to walk too far and you can just get in."
"Wait right here, baby Sister." Helga nodded as she leaned against the railing. She rubbed at her stomach desperate for the pain to dull.
Olga put the key into the ignition of Bob's Buick and turned the car around to drive in front of the school steps. Helga gingerly walked down the stairs and
"Baby sister, why don't you sit in the back seat so you can stretch your legs out?"
Helga nodded. She would take any suggestion as long as it helped her stomach. She sighed at the turn of events. She should have just stayed home instead.
'Stupid, stupid girl.'
She laid down in the back of Big Bob's Buick and closed her eyes. She lived 5 minutes by car from the school so it was no use sleeping. She could try resting her eyes and laying still to see how that helped things.
Distantly she thought about Phoebe and how much damage she did. She'd have a lot to make up for when she was feeling better, including detention.
Speaking of which, she'd have to come clean and tell Olga and her parents that she'd need their help to get it rescheduled.
"Olga?"
"Yes, baby sister?"
"I think I'm going to need your help. I had my last day of detention today and since I'm not going to be there, I need you to help me get it rescheduled for next week. " She paused, "I know that it's bad I got detention and that Bob and Miriam are probably going to look down on me more than they already do, but I'm almost finished it and I learned my lesson. Can you please help me?"
Helga was, in a sense, desperate for help. She couldn't very well serve the detention today not with how badly her stomach was burning. She needed Olga's help if she was going to get the detention moved to next week.
"Baby sister, detention? Whatever could you have done to get detention? I never got detention."
"I...I spoke back to Mrs. Sprelly. I know that I shouldn't have but I did. It was wrong but I can't take it back now. All I can do is serve out the rest of the lousy detention and move on. Now; Will you please help me get it rescheduled? Today was supposed to be my last day."
"Okay, Helga. I'll help. But this has to be the last time you get detention. Okay?"
"Thanks, Olga." Helga watched the clouds trail after the car as she felt the car come to a stop.
Olga opened the car door and quickly turned around to open the backseat door for Helga.
"Baby sister, we're home," Olga announced. She helped the girl slide down the seat until her feet hit the ground and gently, with both hands, grabbed the girl's hands to lift her slowly.
"I'll get your bag and we can walk up the stairs." Olga closed the backdoor and went to the passenger's seat to retrieve Helga's bookbag. She rubbed the girl's shoulder and gently directed her to the front steps of their house.
Miriam greeted them by the door. "Hi, Honey. I'm sorry you're not feeling well." Olga handed Miriam the girl's bookbag once they made themselves up to the top of the stairs.
Helga wanted to cry. She felt the burning start up again and she wished the ground would open and let her fall deep in its fiery, dark pits.
"I got it. It's fine." Helga said as she grabbed onto the railing and climbed up the stairs slowly.
Bob was at work and Miriam was surprisingly still awake and coherent. Olga followed her up the stairs determined to make sure Helga made it to her room in one piece safe and sound.
This was the first time Helga felt sick and Olga was there to help. Or rather, the first time Helga was honest when she wasn't feeling well and allowed Olga to help.
She hoped she wouldn't regret it.
Helga lay in her bed and watched Olga run around her room in a frenzy. She got extra pillows from downstairs to fluff up Helga's bed and made sure the soup she brought in was the right temperate exactly before practically spoon-feeding it to the girl.
Helga stopped her at the spoonfed part. She let the girl coddle her for a little bit until it all became way too much. She wasn't some invalid baby. She could move (some) and eat just fine.
Olga was acting like the girl was practically dying and Helga, whose stomach pain was starting to taper off after half a bowl of soup, was still not feeling well.
Maybe she was dying.
Her stomach was still burning a bit but it didn't feel nearly as bad as it did waking up in the morning.
'Worthless. Worthless Worthless.' Helga thought to herself. She couldn't even get rid of her stomach pain without having to eat.
She rubbed her stomach and lay on her side. She should try to rest.
She felt a hand gently caress her face. "Baby Sister."
She blinked and her eyes widened at the site of both her and Miriam in front of her "Mommy was able to get you an appointment with the doctor. We need to leave soon. How are you feeling?"
Helga sighed, "Like someone took a baseball bat to my stomach."
Olga frowned and rubbed her sister's face. "I'm sorry Helga. We're going to fix this okay?"
Helga shrugged. "I just want to feel better." She batted Olga's hands away and moved to sit up.
"Honey, why don't you try drinking some water? "
"Fine." Helga leaned over her bed and grabbed her glass of water, taking a few sips.
Helga looked at the two women in front of her and blinked. She rubbed her stomach some as she felt the burning start up again. "Can we go now?"
Olga and Miriam looked at each other before looking at the youngest Pataki. "Sure, Helga." Helga got up from the bed and walked out the door.
She practically kicked herself for allowing things to process to this. She was allowing questions to be asked and people to meddle. What she had worked hard to not happen.
Helga groaned.
"Is your stomach getting worse, Helga?" Miriam had walked up to her daughter.
Helga bit her lip, "It just hasn't stopped burning. When I was sleeping earlier, it was okay."
"Well, the doctor should be able to give us some answers. In the meantime, Olga why don't you help your sister to the car and I'll get the keys. I have Helga's insurance card and papers so we should be all set." Helga felt Olga put a hand over her shoulders, rubbing them soothingly.
Helga hoped it would all be okay.
The ride to the doctor's office was long and Helga closed her eyes again as she heard Miriam start the Buick.
Helga sat with Olga as Miriam signed her in at the receptionist's desk. She looked around the room at the sick kids as well as some truly miserable-looking adults. The walls were painted yellow and looked like they saw better days. Helga also didn't remember the last time she'd been to the doctors.
She'd been to the Dentist a few times but a trip to the Doctor's was few and far between. Had the place always looked like this? She leaned back in the chair trying to not breathe in the sick smell that was typical in a doctor's office.
"Are you alright, baby sister?"
'Clearly not. I'm in the lousy doctor's office.' "I'm fine, Olga."
"Well don't be nervous. I'm sure everything will be fine, Helga. Maybe they can give you a prescription for the pain."
Helga breathed "Yeah."
Miriam walked over and sat on the other side of Helga. "It shouldn't be long, honey."
For what it was worth, Helga wanted to slam her head against the wall as she waited for the Doctor to make an appearance.
"Helga Pataki?" A nurse in scrubs poked her head out looking in the waiting room for Helga.
Olga bounced off the seat. "She's right here. Follow me, baby sister." She led the smaller blonde over to the nurse.
Helga was practically vibrating at this point with annoyance from Olga. Did the woman have to act like she was a toddler? Just hold old did Olga think she was? She stopped and turned around to look at the older woman "I got it, Olga. Why don't you and Mom let me handle this one and just wait out here?"
Miriam nodded her head seemingly unsure at first. "Okay Helga, if you're sure. We'll be right out here."
Olga looked disappointed but followed after Miriam's lead sensing the girl's need for space. After all, Helga wasn't the most affectionate person. She was starting to get sick of the hand-holding and constant touching.
Helga nodded her head and followed after the nurse who had taken to waiting for the girl.
"Hi Helga, how are you? I'm Nurse Shannon."
"I'm okay."
'Well, it's been a while since you' 've been to the Doctor's. Let's get your vitals and your height and weight so we have an up-to-date chart. Looks like you're missing some shots as well."
Helga groaned, "Criminy." She hated needles.
"Oh don't worry honey. We'll get you all caught up. Besides these shots aren't so bad all the ones that pack a punch you already have."
"Joy."
Helga complied as the nurse took down her height. When Helga stood on the scale she felt uneasy. She watched as the nurse moved the pieces around on the scale to balance the beam. "Hmm, a little lower than average. 70."
Helga didn't say anything and followed the nurse to the small office. She sat on the bed and let the nurse take the rest of her vitals. It was a blur for her. Her mind fixated on her weight. Was she 70 pounds?
"What's the average weight of a girl my age?"
"About 85-100 pounds is the range, but sometimes that could be larger depending on the body. Everyone's body is different."
"Oh, okay."
Helga remained silent, nodding at the nurse when she left. She sighed and thought about all of her actions in the last few days. Was throwing up all of those times worth it if it got her here?
She groaned as she felt her stomach burn again. Would it have burned if she left the breakfast Olga made in her stomach for a little while longer? Did she have to that up to?
She felt disgusting in her body. No matter what she did - she just couldn't get any relief. Either she was on edge walking around with food inside her stomach, feeling immensely weighed down, or she was as light as a feather after just throwing it all up. She tricked herself into thinking she felt better when she didn't eat.
Maybe that would be easiest.
If she continued to ignore how her body felt maybe the pain would go away.
Helga remembered the last time she tried that. She was hunched over the cafeteria table in tears.
She tried eating and throwing up and that still gave her no relief. Maybe if she tried eating some days and not eating others, would that help with the burning? She just couldn't bring herself to eat food when she felt so worthless.
She didn't deserve to eat and every time she took a bite she felt like she was breaking some kind of law. It almost felt illegal to be this obsessed with food.
There was a knock on the door. The Doctor poked their head through the door. "Hi Helga, my name is Doctor Chapman. I hear your stomach is giving you some trouble."
"Hi, Doc. Yeah, it is."
"Well let's take a look at your vitals." She smiled at the girl and opened her chart, "Everything looks good, you are a bit underweight."
"Is that a bad thing?" Helga asked, "I don't feel any different."
The Doctor smiled. "Well, that's good to hear. Have you been doing anything differently in the last few days to cause your stomach to hurt?"
"Just been going to school. Nothing out of the ordinary."
"What did you eat today?"
"A bunch of stuff my sister cooked - eggs, bacon, toast, bacon, - I think some pancakes."
"It sounds like you had a large breakfast today."
"I didn't eat all of it. I ate until I was full."
"Did you notice anything weird or off after eating?"
"No, everything felt normal."
"Interesting. Do you do any sudden movements after eating like a sport or physical activity?"
"Nope. I'm pretty still after eating."
"Well, your family history looks good and shows no signs of any gastrointestinal illness."
Helga said nothing as she stared at the nurse, taking into consideration all that she was saying.
"Helga, I did want to ask: what does the burning feel like? Does it feel dull? Intense? Comes and goes?"
"It comes and goes but when it's here it's intense. Sometimes it feels like it's going to die down but then it doesn't.
"Hm. What do you mean by it then it doesn't?"
"This morning I woke up and my stomach felt like it was in knots, I thought it was something I had eaten last night, but when I woke up some more I felt my stomach burn. It's like someone took a match and lit it under my stomach. It felt like my stomach was going to combust."
"I'm sorry. That's not a good feeling at all."
"Lately it's been coming and going but it feels like it's staying longer each day - at least in the last few days."
"Does anything relieve the pain?"
Helga bit her tongue. She didn't want to bring up what helped. Then the doctor would be on to her. She felt her stomach burn again and she groaned. She had no choice. "Food. The nurse gave me saltine crackers and ginger ale and that helped. Resting also helps, kind of."
"Have you been eating a lot?"
"No. I don't eat that much. I'm not hungry."
"Do you ever eat snacks throughout the day?"
"No. I'm not a snacker."
Dr. Chapman looked at the girl and thought quietly to herself about what Helga's affliction could be.
"Have you ever heard of acid reflux?"
"Yeah, I think so. Isn't it when you have too much acid in your stomach and it raises your throat?"
"That's exactly what it is! I think you have a chronic case of it. The burning during the day and after digestion. It matches up."
Helga watched as the doctor wrote down a list of antacids that were children-friendly. "There's a bunch of antacids over the counter. But these are specific ones that are safe for children. I recommend following the instructions on the box as your symptoms last.
Helga leaned over on the bed and nodded her head in agreement with the Doc. "Sure thing, Doc."
"Now Helga, I did want to speak to you about your eating. I think what's aggravating your acid reflex is not having enough food to digest. I'd like you to try and start snacking 2-3 times a day in addition to eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You must be getting enough nutrients as you continue to grow."
"Uh Huh. Eat more. Got it." She replied, completely calm. SIlently she was freaking out. There was no way in hell she was going to be able to eat snacks when she could barely eat meals.
"Are your parents here? I'd like to chat with them too." Dr. Chapman smiled and asked the girl.
"Yeah, Mom's here and so is my older sister. They're outside."
Dr. Chapman nodded. "Well I think we're done here but do you have any questions for me? Helga?"
Helga bit her lip, "Nope, I think this all covers it, doc."
"Well, it was a pleasure to meet you, Helga."
"You too."
Helga groaned as they made their way back home. Olga insisted as soon as they were home that she was going to make Helga a snack. She practically brought the entire list of antacids the Dr. listed out.
Helga took a couple of antacids while she was in the car and could feel herself start to feel better, and as far as the burning was concerned it was dying down thankfully.
When the car stopped in their driveway, Helga sprang out of the car and raced upstairs. She didn't want to spend another moment around Olga now that she was able to move without pain. "I'm feeling a lot better Olga so I'm just going to rest." She yelled out as she heard her sister come down the hallway, towards her room.
The last thing she wanted, when she was finally starting to feel better, was to have Olga come into her room and annoy her about snacking.
She sighed and lay on her bed. Would she be strong enough to win this fight?
A/N: Thanks for reading!