The best weekend ever was behind me when I happily fell into bed on Sunday evening.

I had woken up next to Draco on Saturday morning and everything that had happened afterwards still made the heat rise in my face.

In the afternoon I had been out with Neville and Hannah, with whom I had spent the whole day studying in the library yesterday.

Tomorrow was the start of exam week, which was why I was in bed so early.

I had studied a lot in the last few weeks and I was sure that I had studied as much as I could, but was it enough?

What was enough anyway?

I didn't wanted to be the best, I knew myself that that was impossible. This school was teeming with talented students who were way ahead of me in many things.

But I wasn't bad, my performance was solid to good.

But was that really all I wanted?

I didn't even have a goal to strive for. Hannah wanted to do an apprenticeship after school and Neville had also already applied for a degree in herbology.

I also knew from other classmates that they had specific goals after school, just not me.

I had never had any plans, not even when Grandma was still alive. I had always lived in the here and now, and in the last year it had been more like yesterday that I had lived in.

The future was always something that scared me. Something uncertain, uncontrollable and associated with risk.

I was not a person for risk, I was someone who needed a precise plan, a direction in which I could go.

But now? Now there were so many directions and all I wanted was to stop exactly at this point.

I didn't want to change anything, everything was going fantastic right now, better than it had ever been and I just wanted to hold on to this moment longer.

What would I do with my life if I didn't go to school?

School and learning had always taken up the majority of my life and if that broke away, what would be left of me?

I would go back to America after graduation, that was the plan, but after that?

After that there was nothing, nothing I wanted, because everything that could possibly be the future for me in any form remained here in England.

It took me a long time to fall asleep but when I did, my sleep was much more peaceful and restful than I had expected.

The mood of the graduating class at breakfast in the morning was modest to say the least.

Many had books in front of them or buried their faces in their hands.

I poked at my fruit salad but forced myself to finish it, knowing how angry Draco would be if he found out I hadn't eaten breakfast.

Neville's dark circles were deep and I was sure he had been cramming for Potions all night.

Potions was one of the three exams I had to write today, along with Arithmantics and Care of Magical Creatures.

Today was the theoretical exam in Potions and on Friday the practical would take place.

We wished each other luck as we separated after breakfast to go to our respective exams.

I had hoped a little to see Draco but he was probably already in the exam room, early as he was.

My hand hurt when I put down my quill in the afternoon and finished my Potions exam.

Just like with Arithmantics, I could hardly judge whether the exam had gone well or badly, but of course I hoped for the best.

A cold hand on my wrist stopped me as I was about to leave the room.

Draco.

No one could write meticulously for an hour and a half and still have cold hands, no one our Draco.

He smiled at me and I fell around his neck.

It was such a relief to see him after such a day, I wanted nothing more than to be held by him right now.

His hands held me and right away I had to think of his finger on my bare skin again.

"How did it go?" he murmured, pressing a kiss to my hair.

"Can we talk about something other than exams?"

He gave a short laugh.

"Sure. Did you have breakfast this morning."

"Ey," I complained, punching him in the side.

"Ow! That's a fair question," he clarified, which he was right about.

"Yes I had breakfast," I declared proudly, thrusting my arms on my hips.

"Then I've been worrying for nothing."

"I guess you did. I can take care of myself quite well."

"I'll still check on you every day now."

I snorted contemptuously, but couldn't help grinning.

He was just far too caring.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" he asked, sitting down on one of the tables.

We talked for at least an hour, skilfully avoiding the subject of exams. And that's how the rest of the week went.

Exams in the morning, chatting with Draco afterwards and studying for the exams the next day in the evening.

It was exhausting and I always fell half dead into bed in the evening, but thanks to Draco, Hannah and Neville, this week was nowhere near as bad as if I had been alone.

Potions was the last exam on Friday, which was great on the one hand because I had made it, but on the other hand it was the exam that scared me the most.

I had learned a lot last year, especially thanks to Draco, but I would have to pass this exam without him and that scared me.

I was already sitting in front of my cauldron, nervously playing with my fingers when I felt a hand on my shoulder and a warm breath on my ear.

"You can do this. I love you," Draco breathed into my ear and I was so taken aback by it that I forgot to breathe for a moment.

By the time I was able to move again, he had already taken a seat one seat over and smiled encouragingly at me.

"I love you," I said with my lips without saying a word and Draco grinned back.

He was here and he loved me.

I could do this.

I almost threw my principles of secrecy overboard and hugged Draco after the exam, but luckily Neville was already with me and hugged me, so I didn't make that mistake.

Neville was quickly replaced by Hannah and as I hugged her I saw Draco walk past us and smile at me.

"Thank you," I said again silently and he just nodded.

There was a boisterous mood at dinner, which led to Seamus Finnegan literally dancing on the tables.

We had done it, really done it. All the exams were behind us and now we could do nothing but hope.

It was out of our hands and that's when I realised that this loss of control actually didn't scare me.

I had done my best, had kept control of it but now it just felt liberating to have given up control.

"Tonight, 8pm Gryffindor common room!" bellowed Seamus across the tables.

"A party?", I asked Hannah quietly and she just nodded. I was really unsure if I wanted to go, on the one hand parties were still not my thing because it was too loud and crowded but on the other hand I wanted to make up for all the lost time with Neville and Hannah.

Another thing that spoke against the party was Draco. He definitely wouldn't go, even if he was invited.

I'd barely seen him the past week and I missed him.

Who did you choose in such a situation, your best friend or your boyfriend?

Not having friends was definitely easier in that respect.

The only decision I had to make then was which book I would read that evening.

"Are you going?" was my next question when Seamus had finally climbed back down from the table.

Hannah and Neville exchanged quick glances with which they must have agreed on an answer, only I didn't understand a word.

"If you really want to we can go. Susan will be going so my room is free, we can just meet there and the three of us celebrate this day," Hannah explained to me what their looks had meant.

"Four of us," Neville interjected and that not only surprised me but Hannah as well. We both looked at him questioningly, he just shrugged.

"Well, only if Malfoy wants to, of course."

My fork fell loudly onto my plate, catapulting some peas across the table.

I must have misheard.

He had certainly said Malvin or something, whoever Malvin was supposed to be. But he certainly hadn't said Malfoy.

Or a joke, maybe he'd been joking and I just hadn't caught it, that was definitely more logical than if he'd meant it seriously.

Hannah rather managed to collect herself again.

"Are you serious?!" she asked in amazement.

"Yes, completely. If he wants he can come." Hannah fell around his neck as soon as he finished his sentence and snogged him off only I was still staring at him completely absently.

Neville wanted Draco to spend the evening with us, as one of us, as a friend.

That was abstruse, completely absurd, someone must have cursed him or something, because otherwise there was no logical explanation.

Draco probably wouldn't be able to stop laughing when I told him that.

Wait, Neville was serious?

There was no way I could credibly assure Draco that Neville was serious, let alone convince him to come along.

Did I even want him to?

What a stupid question, of course I wanted them and Draco to get close. The three of them were my favourite people in the world and it would be a dream come true if they didn't hate each other.

The emphasis here was on dream, nothing that would ever become reality.

"Aren't you excited?" Hannah asked quietly when Neville had briefly turned away from our conversation to stop Dean Thomas from turning all the seventh formers' drinks into firewhiskey this time.

I still hadn't quite realised what had just happened and what it meant and even if I had, joy was certainly not the overriding emotion.

"Of course," I lied, putting on a fake smile.

"It'll be fine. I'll just get us some alcohol and then the two of them will still be best friends. You'll see," she explained happily.

"Well, if that doesn't backfire," I muttered, but Hannah didn't seem interested at all.

"Longbottom wants me to celebrate the day with you," Draco yipped while holding his stomach laughing.

I, on the other hand, watched the whole spectacle with my arms crossed and drummed impatiently on my forearms.

It was to be expected, I didn't even really believe that Neville was serious.

I stood there for what I was sure was about another two minutes until Draco's laughing fit finally ended, and my still serious expression was probably not what he had expected to see.

"He's not really serious is he?"

Now, finally, there was a bit of panic and disbelief in his voice that was appropriate to the situation.

"He's dead serious," I replied, and now I knew how I must have looked just now at dinner.

"I... He... but... why..." he stuttered and like Neville earlier, I just shrugged.

"I guess you'll have to ask him that yourself."

"I can't go there after all."

I sighed. That was exactly what I had expected and it was the only logical reaction but still it made me sad.

Somewhere deep inside I had hoped for a different answer.

He took a step towards me and took me in his arms. He stroked my back reassuringly and I buried my nose in his shirt.

"It's okay," I murmured, sounding less disappointed than I felt.

"Meet me here tomorrow after breakfast?", I asked.

Here was in the library as usual and Draco nodded.

There was no reason to be nervous, so why was I nervous?

It was just Neville and Hannah.

I was more sneaking than walking through the corridors and even though I was late now.

I had just changed my clothes after the short meeting with Draco, but my slow sneaking through the corridors meant that I was too late.

But I needed the time. I needed to think and I had hoped to finally understand the logic behind Neville's unexpected invitation.

I trotted around the next corner behind which lay the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room and had I had a fork in my hand it would have fallen out of my hand for the second time that day.

In front of the entrance stood Draco leaning against the wall with his arms folded.

He was wearing a dark grey shirt and black trousers and once again looked forbiddenly good.

Damn, I shouldn't care how he looked, what mattered was what he was doing here.

At that moment he lifted his head and our eyes met.

"Do I look that bad?" he laughed, stroking his hair. This movement had already become one of his habits since he stopped combing his hair back.

"You... What... Here... But," I stammered as he just kept grinning at me.

"Do you honestly think I bought your horrible lie?"

I looked at him questioningly.

"It's okay? Your lies have been better," he laughed and reached for my hand.

"You could have just said you wanted me there. You usually say what you think, then don't make an exception for something like this."

I nodded in agreement.

"Well then, off to the lion's den, or in this case, the lion in the badger's den."

He covered his ears as I said the password. Luckily for us, the common room wasn't busy and I was able to sneak Draco up to Hannah's room undetected.

Indecisively, I now stood in front of the door with Draco in tow and if he hadn't knocked we probably would have stayed here forever.

I heard quick footsteps from inside the room and then Hannah stuck her head through the door. She grinned at us and then pulled me into the room, Draco willingly following.

Neville had been sitting on Hannah's bed when we had come into the room but now he stood up, looking first at Hannah and then at me.

"Wait outside for a moment, please," he explained quietly.

I wanted to object but Draco just shook his head and I let Hannah pull me out of the room.

As soon as the door was closed, Hannah and I put our ears to it but apart from a "Muffliato" we heard nothing.

Defeated, we went into the common room and dropped onto the sofas.

"That was a stupid idea to bring Draco," I groaned annoyed.

"It'll be fine," Hannah tried to soothe me, to no avail.

"It'll be fine?! Neville hates Draco, probably rightly so. They're certainly not going to fall into each other's arms in there like old friends.

It was just stupid to ask him in the first place, it was obvious this was never going to work."

Reassuringly, Hannah stroked my back. "Whatever those two are doing in there, they'll work it out on their own."

"I doubt it."

But we had no choice, so we waited.