Healer Hiccup AU

Hiccup: The smartest people on this island are in no particular order me, Astrid and Toothless.
Hiccup: Because all of you are less intelligent than a fucking dragon.
Snotlout: Hey, we're competing with a Night Fury!
Hiccup: The fact that this is the smartest comeback you could think of really proves my point.

Ruffnut: I'm gonna tell her.
Hiccup: NO!
Tuffnut: Then I'm gonna tell her.
Hiccup: NO NO NO NO WHAT DO YOU WANT NAME YOUR PRICE-
Astrid: Tell who what?
Twins: *smirk*
Hiccup: Astrid! What a nice day isn't it, nothing to no one ahahaha-
Tuffnut: Dear Astrid, are you aware that you-
Hiccup: *whacks both twins with staff*
Hiccup: That you NOTHING.
Hiccup: *grabs the twins by their ears and tugs them away*
Astrid: *confused Astrid noises*

Hobgobblers are those "unlucky" dragons, so the moment Gobber saw one he would want it gone, so a wild chase ensued and during it another few would pop out making Gobber freak out even more and then suddenly they hear Hiccup behind like:

"Is this a Hobgobbler I am seeing?" and Stoick is a little mad and out of breath and just immensely infuriated...

"Yes! Those little beasts have eaten through three houses already and we can't catch them!"

"Gothi is running out of her Hobgobbler teeth supply, can you catch them alive?"

"We can't catch them at all is the problem! But if you can get rid of them then I have no problem if they're dead or alive!"

And Hiccup smiles and starts gritting his teeth with a horrible sound. It's loud. And suddenly a Hobgobbler chased by Spitelout runs straight at him and jumps into his arms.

Stoick, Gobber and Spitelout trade looks like what the Hel-

And Hiccup cautiously rises a wing, another, looks the dragon around...

"Healthy, unharmed, a little shaken by the chase but otherwise alright. Time to harvest some teeth off you little fella!" The dragon licks him on the nose and he just takes it under his arm and goes away? no harm done?

Gobber stares after him as the dragon cautiously licks a stripe up his arm and says "I am starting to suspect how he lost a leg, but I have no idea how he haven't lost an arm."

And after a few seconds there's a crash and Stoick and Spitelout have to chase another and Hiccup appears (without a dragon where did it go-) again like "THERE'S MORE?" and he starts making the sound again but this time with his staff and then he starts running as a whole horde of Hobgobblers chase him.

"Well," Gobber looks at his disappearing silhouette, "At least we don't have a problem now..?"

"The nest has been destroyed for three years now."

"How did you know?"

"Because I did that. That's how I lost my leg."

"And... your fingers?"

"That's from when I learnt that not all dragons can be tamed."

"Oh."

"Ruffnut said our mothers have been discussing who we should marry with for a while... I guess I'm just surprised I haven't realized earlier with how many looks my mom gave me lately."

"Ah, so heart problem. Who's the lucky man gonna be? Snotlout? Fishlegs? Tuffnut? Or are you going to look outside the island? I heard Dagur is still not sure if he wants to marry Mala, and an union with Beserkers would be good for Berk-"

"Hiccup... I don't want them."

"Neither of the choices or..."

"No, not a single name you said."

"Okay, valid. Let's see... who else do you know in your age range... I guess I could introduce you to Throk, he's a little bull-headed but loyal-"

"Hiccup, you're not listening."

"Okay, I give up. What are you saying then..?"

"Hiccup..." she tries to turn around but he shoves her back in the position "Hey!"

"No turning around miss, I'm working."

"I- I can't just say that aloud while I'm turned back to you!"

"Well then you're gonna wait until you're dressed."

"Ah godsdammit."