Sirens
THE YEAR WAS 2008.
The victrola was spinning Ice Cube and obviously it was going to be a good day that day. I made myself pancakes (from the box, but its progress) and got ready. I went out to the local coffee shop I've heard about in Williamsburg when all of a sudden, I got a text on my Blackberry from Sierra. My other half. We are quite literally twins separated at birth. There is nothing I don't do without her. The messages read:
SIERRA: "hi lizzy! there is an open mic 2nite at the wayland. let's see what it's all about?"
ME: "sounds perf. let's do it."
I never sang in front of a crowd before, but this could be my first chance. Unfortunately, it turned into something else...
9:00 PM SAT – OPEN MIC NIGHT AT THE WAYLAND
When we arrived to the bar, we saw lots of dark and dusty lights and a woman performing a Rihanna song on stage. We sat in the bar stools and the bartender asked us, "What would you ladies like to drink tonight?"
"I'll have a shot of Jamie." Sierra said.
"I'm good, thank you." I spoke.
It was at this point where an attractive, and I mean VERY attractive man with chestnut brown hair and pastel eyes in his twenties asked if he could buy me a drink.
"Sure, why not?" was my response.
And no, he didn't slip a roofie in my drink or try to poison me, at the time he seemed like a genuine guy who had interest in me instead of just being dragged down with him.
"I'm Jake."
"Elizabeth. Well, Lizzy."
"Nice to meet you Lizzy."
Sierra gave me a look of excitement.
One of the first things I noticed about him was his vintage leather jacket. Maybe I was delusional because I could just feel how we were meant for each other. And on paper, we were.
"You love The Cure? Me too!"
"You love collecting vinyls? Me too!"
And that's how our conversation went. Smooth, easy, and painless. Until he asked me the question that led to worse and worse things.
"Wanna go to the alley?"
In retrospect, just thinking about that question brings back the worst of memories. But I said yes. He and some of his friends were there already. I introduced myself and they started getting out bags of dope and started snorting it on a metal tray. Jake offered me some and I respectfully declined, but, when I saw his puppy-dog eyes and the next line that came out of his mouth, I just knew I had to try it.
"It would mean so much to me if you did it. Like the world." He said.
I sighed.
"Okay, I'll give it a shot."
But giving it one chance turned into snorting line after line after line and soon I could feel myself floating. I tried to find Sierra but I turned around and heard a particularly familiar voice of hers.
"LOSE THE COKE! I HEAR COP CARS!" she ran off as she was screaming, not wanting to get caught in once again, my post-adolescent mess of a night.
Unfortunately, I could barely make out what she said as something translatable from the English dictionary. Jake and his friends scurried off, but I was not sober enough to run yet instead saw blaring red and blue lights from a distance until that distance became shorter and shorter and here.
And all I could vividly hear were the sirens.
7:00 AM SUN
I wake up and arrive at Manhattan Detention Complex where I am waiting in a cell with two other people.
One of them looked part of a biker gang and the other like the bully no one wants to mess with.
Only a gruesome 4 hours later, and I got bailed out thanks to Sierra, but she wasn't as grateful as I was for my release.
"Thank you so mu-"
"Don't say another word." Sierra said as she was pulling up into a parking lot at an unfamiliar building. She gave me the look that she usually would right after I do something bad. Soon after she collected her thoughts, she just stared at me in deep disappointment.
"How does this happen Lizzy? Like please, enlighten me and explain. Every time I get caught in your shit, I have to clean up the mess and I'm sick of it." she said and continued.
"You have a real problem. I mean, drinking at 14, weed at 16, heroin at 19 and now coke at 21? Are you crazy or just dumb?" she calmed herself down from her lecture and spoke softly as I listened in a vault of guilt.
"I love you. But you have a real problem with substances. You know I love going out with you and I'm all for partying, but you always let it get out of hand. There are special places for addicts like you."
And there it was.
The word I dreaded all my life was not to be called but she called it.
Was it well deserved? Absolutely.
Was it appropriate at the time? Sure.
Did I still despise that word with every cell in my being? Yes.
Let's face it. I was an addict. I interpreted her advice and lesson in every possible way before saying:
"I hear you. And I appreciate you. And I do need help." I said as I slowly gave in.
"I'm glad you said that because we are here."
"And where is that exactly?" I said as I turned around to look at the sign.
The sign out front read: RECOVERING JOURNEYS REHABILITATION CENTER
We both went in, and my name was already put into the system. The receptionist at the desk told me it was a 3-day program specifically designed to help get addicts like me on the right track.
The next few days went somewhat smoothly. I attended lots of group sessions, therapy, learned healthier coping mechanisms, and started feeling like myself again. Everyone noticed how different I was afterwards, even Sierra thought so too.
SHORTLY AFTER REHAB
When I arrived in my quaint but cozy apartment, I was contemplating what the hell I was doing with my life and started to cut bad habits out, permanently. Shortly after lots of self-reflection, I was reading the newspaper and saw an ad for a label called Five Points Records. Ever since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to sing. It was always a silly pipe dream but now maybe I could make it happen. Now, maybe all the years of choir and lessons could pay off. And so, I called the number and asked a few questions, got both me and the other person on the line interested, and turns out I really charmed them as this led me to an interview with the president of the company. Me and the president, Mr. Pierce, talked about my name, who I was, licensing, that sort of thing and got right into it. We signed the terms, contracts, and agreements and just like that I became an official singer. Soon after, I put out my first EP, which did not get a lot of attention, but I also sang in nightclubs and jazz bars, made a few connections along the way but most importantly found a passion that helps me to cope. I even wrote about alcoholism and my substance abuse journey in my songs. I met friends, lovers, and amazing people whom I wouldn't trade a single day with. My singing career at the time hadn't really taken off so I continued working at the Stardust Diner as a waitress to pay my bills.
5 YEARS LATER
Sierra and I are still friends and see each other from time to time. She got a job at a fancy law firm and got her life together. She has two kids, a husband, and a family that lives in Long Island while I moved to Los Angeles and own two homes there. I will continue to be thankful for everything she has done for me, every experience I have lived in this point in my life, and every person whom I have shared it with. Later on, down the line, I became very serious with singing. I quit my full-time job, started learning to play guitar, met with various producers and singers, and even switched music labels as soon as I signed with Interscope Records. Since I wanted to create a new identity for me, I changed my name to something that sounded ethereal, tropical, and beautiful all at the same time. I was known as Lana Del Rey. As time went on, my Tumblr, Myspace, and Twitter blew up until I was featured on a popular radio station in London, to getting my first Grammy nomination, to becoming one of the most successful and well-known artists of all time. I performed at Coachella, Lollapalooza, Outside Lands, and concerts ranging all the way from New York to Shanghai. The point of all this was instead of making myself try to feel something, I wanted my fans and supporters to feel that way with my music and rhythms I wanted to be the change that they saw, to bring back a spark in their eyes; and so, I did exactly that.