After convincing Kimura-sensei to not tell Midoriya-san, they go home, Hitoshi being so emotionally tired he sways all the way there.
They have to stop at some point because it hits him what he's done and admitted, and he starts uncontrollably sobbing again.
When they arrive he disappears in his room and starts crying again. As silently as possible, but apparently not silently enough because after a while there's a knock at his door.
"Please, leave me alone," he chokes out and after a long pause hears footsteps going away.
After some more time there's footsteps again but no knocking. He assumes whoever that was passed his door on the way to the bathroom, but then he feels an immense feeling of worry that is not his own, and hears a quiet 'Can I come in?' in his head.
He nods, realises Midoriya-kun can't see him, and stands up to open the door. After letting Midoriya-kun inside he collapses back on bed, face-first, to not face him.
"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" Midoriya-kun eventually asks.
Hitoshi thinks. Nothing comes to mind, so he shakes his head a little.
"Would you mind answering some questions about your quirk then?" Midoriya-kun asks, and that makes him shoot up on the bed and look at the boy weirdly.
"Explain yourself. Rephrase. Whatever," he spits out and Midoriya-kun goes red.
"Well, I figured that since your quirk is something that you're finally talking about we might as well rip off the bandaid and I could make at least a quick analysis of it? You know?" he mumbles. Hitoshi barely understands him but what he does understand baffles him.
"Midoriya, what the fuck?"
Midoriya-kun looks at him with puppy eyes.
"You're… You're serious," he half-asks half-states. Midoriya-kun nods fervently.
"Yeah! Your quirk is so cool I just wanna know more about it! What are its limits? How long can you keep someone under your control? Are there any repercussions of repetitive usage?" Midoriya-kun spit-fires questions one after another, and Hitoshi, frankly, feels like crying again. Because in Midoriya-kun's voice there's only child-like wonder. About his quirk.
He feels so wildly out of place, there's never been a person who wanted to learn more about his quirk without sinister reasoning. But here is Midoriya-kun, with his heart on his sleeve.
"I… Never really tested it much? But before I learnt how to control it I could only hold one person at the same time, it lasted around ten minutes and uh… my… biological father had a similar quirk and…" The words spill almost unbidden, "He used it so much on my mother she developed schizophrenia so… Not a good idea to use it repetitively. So… yeah." He swallows loudly and cringes.
"Do you want to test if it changed?" Midoriya-kun asks, eyes wide like saucers.
"What."
"If you can hold more people under your control for example."
"How exactly would I find that out, huh?" Hitoshi asks, wrinkling his nose.
"By… using it?"
"Not what I'm asking about, genius. Where would you find more than one person willing to get brainwashed? Where would you find even one?" He hopes Midoriya-kun gets it and doesn't get any stupid ideas in the meantime. He's wrong.
"Me, for one! And mom, if we ask nicely."
Hitoshi closes his eyes so quickly and forcefully they hurt. He just can't bear to look at Midoriya-kun and his stupidity at the moment.
"Which part of me having a breakdown screams 'I want to change the way my foster parent sees me negatively', huh?" he snaps, hissing quietly.
"She wouldn't see you differently for using your quirk, especially if you ask." Midoriya-kun says, because he doesn't understand, he really doesn't.
"How would you know?"
"Because she's nice! She's not some sort of monster like your previous parents!" Midoriya-kun screams, and then his eyes go wide. Hitoshi stops thinking for a bit. Because… what…? "I— I didn't mean to say—"
"How do you know about it?" he half-whispers, desperately searching for a memory of him telling Midoriya-kun about his pasts, he comes up empty. "How do you know about it?" he repeats with a stronger voice, now bordering on anger. Because what, did he have access to his file? Did he know the whole time?
"I— I felt it. When… When we were Joukan," Midoriya-kun confesses quietly. He looks guilty. He should feel guilty, Hitoshi thinks. He must have dug into his memories using the empathy part of their fusion, he must have— "It was involuntary, I swear, I just… saw. Felt, parts of your past. Didn't you have the same experience with me?" he asks.
"No." He says it sharply, meant to cut. "I get the short end of the stick, remember? None of your emotional bullshit."
"Maybe if you opened yourself to it—" Midoriya-kun extends his hand towards him, and he knows what he's trying to say, trying to do. He wants them to fuse. He wants him to try. Well he doesn't want to at the moment.
"No," he cuts him off. And then, "Get out of my room."
"But—" Hitoshi makes a decision then, a decision that he immediately regrets. His quirk catches on and Midoriya-kun falls silent, his eyes glazing over.
"Go to your room, then snap out of it," he commands. Midoriya-kun gets up, opens the door and leaves.
Hitoshi hears his footsteps, hears his door open and close, and then the mental link snaps and he hears nothing.
He doesn't sleep that night, thinking on repeat that it might be his last night there.
He's fucking stupid, an idiot in its purest form. Did he go insane? Using his quirk without consent, using his quirk at all? What Midoriya-kun said earlier about wanting to test it out meant nothing, besides the situation was different. He shouldn't have been so angry, he shouldn't have been so irrational. He shouldn't have, he shouldn't have…
He doesn't have room for tears anymore so he just dry-sobs into his pillow, muffling himself as well as he can.
It's not his first sleepless night, but it's certainly his first sleepless night in the Midoriya household.
He can't stop the bitter thoughts, can't stop beating himself up. Can't stop… Can't stop.
He knows he should talk to Midoriya-kun, talk things out, apologise, be on his best behaviour so he doesn't tell his mother, but he… he can't make himself believe it will work. That's it, he broke the patience Midoriya-kun had for him. He sent him out and he didn't come back. They're done for.
He's grateful for the friendship… or at least the mutual understanding they had. He's grateful he spent so many months in this household. He's grateful he got to fuse and created something as beautiful as Diana.
He's grateful.
He's also mad as hell at himself for destroying all that with one wrong move.
When the clock strikes five he gets up, goes to the bathroom to wash his face and decides to brush his teeth too. He's not in the mood for breakfast. He takes a sticky-note block from his organiser and writes a quick note to Midoriya-san that he went out for a run and won't be back before going to school, but telling her to not worry and that he will actually go to school.
He packs his backpack, dresses up, and then he's out. He walks aimlessly on the streets until his feet take him to the cluttered beach.
He sits down by the shore and sighs, closing his eyes.
He sits there, for god knows how long, until suddenly the darkness turns into light, and he opens his eyes startled to see his whole body glowing. His breath hitches, he doesn't know what's happening, he wasn't thinking of fusion, what is happening—
He's very suddenly and very rapidly torn from his body with a strangled yell, and then he realises it.
He's been force-fused.