Disclaimer: I do not own Danny Phantom or any of the characters. Danny Phantom is the sole property of Butch Hartman, Nickelodeon and Viacom International.
The Many Mismatches of Vlad Masters
Chapter 3: The...Deal?
Vlad stood there gaping, wondering if he was hearing things.
"Again? What?..."Vlad went.
"Did we stutter? You heard us, Fruitloop..." FP said.
Vlad kept looking at them like they were talking gibberish.
"Let me get this straight, you destroy my security and take away my powers...and then promise to give them back if I take part of a dating service?!..." Vlad asked in disbelief.
"That's the gist of it..." Neo said.
"Why? Why go through all this trouble to make me do something like that?..." Vlad asked, finding this to be bizarre and random.
More so than what he is used to.
The two powerful figures just kept smirking and talking down to him.
"Well, that's the plan. We both do matchmaking as a hobby and a side hustle. We usually work on teen clients but we have been thinking of branching out and expanding to the old and bitter...and I think you qualify for both..."FP said, making Neo chuckle.
Vlad gritted his teeth at that insult as they continued.
"We need a challenge...so you will basically be that challenge..."Neo explained as he pulled out a bottle of water and took a sip. "That's part of the reason..." He said.
"And the other reason?..." Vlad asked, wanting them to get to the point.
"Simple, we're bored and can use a good laugh, this is that laugh..." FP said, looking rather amused.
This angered Vlad and he stomped his foot.
"So I am basically being forced to be with women I find inferior for your amusement and to kill time?!..."The evil halfa shouted.
"Pretty much. Seeing as I've binged everything on my streaming service right now..." Neo said, getting under his skin.
"You're comparing my torment to a streaming service?!" Vlad questioned.
"Yup..." They both said.
The evil half ghost frowned, wanting to know that there had to be a way out of this.
"And if I refuse?..." Vlad asked, glaring at them.
"Then you'll never get to use your powers again and remain powerless forever..." FP said as Neo nodded.
"You'll also lose about 1/3 of your fortune... I most added that little clause in last minute because I got student loans to pay. I love this gig, but it don't pay the bills..." Neo said.
Vlad hated this and .
"Alright, but for how long?..." Vlad asked, wanting to know how long he had to suffer.
"For ten days and in each day, we will set you up with a different candidate..." FP said.
"TEN DAYS?! Why that long?..."Vlad asked, aghast.
"We originally planned to make this last a month...but then I figured that too many women already have with uncharming creeps who lie, cheat and basically act like walking piles of garbage...it wouldn't feel right to make so many of them have to meet someone like YOU and Neo agreed with me..." FP said, and Neo nodded.
Vlad was insulted and growled.
"How dare you insult me like that?! I'll have you know that I was named Affluence Magazine's most eligible bachelor and I have held that title for 10 years!..." He shouted.
"Yeah, that RIGGED contest that you did that in a desperate bid to get Maddie's attention. Again, pathetic..." FP said, striking another nerve in the villain.
"I'm NOT pathetic! Countless women who love the chance to be with a man like me! ANY woman would want me!..." Vlad snapped, speaking out of wounded pride.
"So...you rather we make the sentence a month long after all? We can do that...just to let you know, your powers will be blocked for that long and we'll find more women to pair you with..." Neo said, amused as the egocentric villain turned pale and quiet now.
Vlad panicked and immediately began to take it all back.
"NO! No! I take it back! Ten days is more than enough. It sounds lovely, more than the perfect amount..."Vlad said pathetically, while the beings rolled their eyes at this display.
"I knew he'd fold easily..." FP said, unimpressed.
"Like a piece of toilet paper..." Neo said.
Vlad did not like the choice of words Neo used, but ignored it for the sake of getting his powers back.
"So, I do this...and then I get my powers back and you let me go?..." Vlad asked.
"Yep. Like they never left..." Neo said.
"Provided you don't try anything funny that is..." FP said, wagging her finger like a nagging mother.
Vlad hated this.
He didn't want time with any woman who isn't Maddie but he needed to get his powers back and keep his fortune.
"I suppose I have no choice. I guess I can grin and bare it for ten days and then get back to pursuing the only woman worthy of me..." Vlad thought, wanting to be with Maddie as soon as possible.
"Again, we can hear your thoughts. Including the not-so-family friendly kind..." Neo said.
"You really need to learn how to listen and keep your mind out of the gutter..."FP said, arms crossed.
Vlad scowled at them once more.
"Stay out of my mind!..." He growled as a warning.
"Also, don't even THINK about trying to ditch or mistreat your dates, Cheese-Head We'll know if you do and make not getting your powers back the least of your problems..." FP said, being stern.
"Just tell me what to do. The sooner we do this, the sooner I can go back to never seeing your faces again..." Vlad said with disdain.
"Here are the rules. You are gonna fill out your profile, wait for the response from the unlucky lady that chooses you, meet her and take her out on a date...your treat of course...and you cannot ditch her or mistreat her and if you try and cheap out on her or mistreat her, you basically forfeit your powers and your cash..." Neo said as he leaned on the wall to show how unthreatened he felt.
"But we consider ourselves generous, so we will give you three chances. If you get three strikes, you are out...and by that I mean that you lose everything..." FP said.
"Not only will you lose your powers but your money, and we will decide where they will be used on from then on..." She said, saying the right words to upset him.
"You can't do that! Do you know how long it took me to build my fortune?!..." Vlad shouted.
"Oh, we do. We also know how you STOLE all that money by robbing banks, overshadowing LEGITIMATE business owners into signing away their properties for practically nothing and a bunch of other shady stuff that you don't want the public to find out about. Remember, we know all there is to know about you..." FP said.
"We also know about all those naughty Swiss bank accounts and other projects you've funded that I'm sure that the IRS won't grill you for..." Neo said, a naughty smile on his face made it clear he knew Vlad would be in trouble.
Vlad growled before he took in a deep breath.
"Alright, fine. I'll play your games and take these women out and pretend to actually enjoy their company if it will get you off my back. At least I'll never have to deal with you again..." He said hatefully.
"Believe me, I feel the same way..." Neo responded.
"One more thing. If the lady rejects you at first meeting during the date, that's her own choice but you are forbidden of doing the same and have to treat her like the gentleman you want the world to think you are..." FP said while Vlad was visible appalled and offended.
"Are you kidding me?! Outrageous?! That's a double standard..."Vlad shouted.
"I doubt that most women obsessed over a man who would try to kill another woman's husband and kids...or steal a powerful scroll and then try to destroy it when it didn't give them what they wanted..." Neo said while cleaning out his ear.
"Shut it!..." Vlad snapped.
"Also, if by some miracle at the end of the ten days, a lady decides she wants a second date with you, you WILL it with her and treat her nicely. After that, we will unblock your powers..."FP said.
Vlad didn't like this but he also knew that he had no choice here. He nodded in relucntance.
"Alright, fine. I guess I can handle ten days of this but you better give me my powers back after its all over..."Vlad said.
"Be nice and we will.." Neo said, doing the "I'm watching you" gesture.
"Wonderful, I can go back to my life and you can go back to treating Daniel's life like a dating simulator..." Vlad scoffed.
"Perfect, now fill this out..." FP said as she snapped her fingers.
Soon, a document appeared in Vlad's hand.
"What in the name of the Packers is this?!..." Vlad demanded.
"Can't you read? It's the entry form for the dating service..." FP said.
"As in, your only shot at getting you powers back. I recommend filling it fast..." Neo said.
With great reluctance and desperation to get his powers back, the evil halfa sighed in defeat before he conceded.
"Fine, whatever. Anything to get my powers back..." Vlad said, seeing no way out of this.
"Perfect, that'll be $20..." Neo said, holding out his hand and expecting the cash.
"WHAT?!..."Vlad shouted, outraged and wondering if they were joking.
They weren't.
"We never said that the service is free. Be happy we aren't charging you extra..." FP said.
Vlad glared at them and got angrier as his thoughts turned worse by the second.
FP heard his thoughts, gasped, got angry and slapped him across the face.
"OUCH! I didn't say anything!..." Vlad complained, a hand print on his face
"Again, we can hear your thoughts...and do you kiss your own mother with that mouth?! And is that what you ACTUALLY think when you use food as curses?!..." Neo said, frowning.
Vlad rubbed his now sore cheek, glaring more but he knew that he had very few options here.
So, he gave up for now and did what they wanted.
"Oh, butter biscuits! Fine, whatever! Just to get you two away from he!..." Vlad said, as he handed them the money and then looked at the document.
"Exactly what do I put here?..." He asked.
"Just fill out the entry form about yourself as a person and basic stiff like that. Here is a tip, try and be TRUTHFUL with what you write. ..." The woman said.
"We will be back later tonight to collect the form and we will have your first date set for tomorrow. Don't procrastinate and were something that's actually eye catching..." Neo said, sticking another nerve.
"And don't procrastinate...we already spent more time that we wanted to on you..." FP said.
Soon, the robbed beings left and Vlad cursed his bad luck and started ranting.
"Oh, Cheese logs! This entire day has been a disaster and now I'm forced into the indignity of being a couple of robbed nuisances plaything and test monkey?! What else can go wrong?!..." Vlad grumbled under his breath
"Just because you can't see us doesn't mean we can't hear you!..." FP's voice was heard, making Vlad flinch.
Suddenly a bucket of water appeared over Vlad's head, soaking him but the form wasn't touched by the water.
"Outrageous, how dare you?!..." Vlad complained as he coughed up, prying a dripping lock of his hair away from his eye.
"There is more where that came from, potty mouth, Remember that!..." FP said, before vanishing a towel hitting Vlad in the face.
The villain gritted his teeth in anger. Not having any other option, he grabbed the towel and tried to dried himself off.
Vlad scowled, wondering if he has done the wise thing.
"How did I get roped into this mess?!..." He wondered, unaware that the figures heard that and were shaking their heads in disgust and annoyance.
"Is he serious?..." FP asked incredulously.
"Apparently..." Neo said, rolling his eyes.
"Whatever. Come on, we got work to do and friends to contact..." She said, before they returned to the Realm of Realities.
They had A LOT of work to do now.
Later
Vlad was in his home office now, glaring at the entry form.
He had dried off and was now looking at the form. He scrawled more, wanting nothing more than to incinerate it with his ghost powers but that is clearly not an option right now.
"Lets just get this over with..." He said, wanting to put this behind him already.
He pulled out a pen and began filling out a form for dating service he didn't even want to take part in.
"The things I do to stay powerful and get vengeance on Jack for ruining my life..." Vlad muttered as he wrote things down.
"Name...Vlad Masters...Age...40...Gender...Male...height 5"11'...Weight...150 lbs...Star sign...Leo...Home town... Madison Wisconsin..."Vlad thought as he filled out the blank spaces.
That takes cares of the easy stuff, now onto the descriptions ...
Vlad thought about it and smirked as he described himself.
"Handsome, suave, middle aged billionaire with dashing long white hair dark blue eye and a debonair grin. Someone who Maddie deserves more..."Vlad thought as he wrote that down on the part that said Physical Description.
Now for personality...
Vlad thought hard for a while on how to describe himself and immediately knew how to go about this...
"A genius, billionaire, gentleman, bachelor philanthropist who built his fortune after undergoing a tragic accident. A phoenix who rose from the ashes..."Vlad said as he wrote it down.
Now onto likes and interests...
"Maddie, planning revenge on that idiot who stole her and their annoying son who enjoys being a thorn in my side, plotting world domination , collecting powerful artifacts or minions to make me even more powerful, experimenting on ghosts, eliminating those who stand in my way, illegally spying on the Fenton family and associates, make fun of Jack's stupid inventions and either destroy them or take them if they have SOME minor use for me...spending time with my sweet cat Maddie...manipulating others into doing my bidding ...the Packards...chess..."Vlad muttered but didn't write that down.
He instead wrote the following.
"When not working on expanding my business interests, I enjoy watching the Green Bay packers and spending time with my cat Maddie. As well as A travelling and collecting rare and valuable items..." He wrote down with disinterest, being as vague as possible.
He continued adding some more until he reached the final part of the form...
Describe the person you wish to date...
Vlad rolled his eyes and scoffed.
"That's an easy one. Maddie..." He said, knowing those beings probably put that there to mess with him.
Seeing no way out of this, he decided to just get it over with since he figured he would simply describe Maddie. After all, if he couldn't pursue the genuine article for ten days... he should at least get a decent substitute.
He began to describe Maddie AKA, his perfect woman.
Or rather, how HE saw her as.
"A beautiful, intelligent auburn haired beauty who loves spending time in the kitchen, watching soap operas, likes cats and yearns for something more than the terrible life her choices in college lead her to have..." He wrote down, with a smirk.
"FInally! I'm done with this blasted form!..." Vlad thought as he finally finished the form and placed it down.
"I told you that he'd complain it'd take too long..." Was heard.
"I guess that I owe you a soda along with that pizza..." Was also heard.
"This is why I don't get involved in suckers bets..."A third voice said.
FP and Neo soon appeared, both with arms crossed. With them was a third cloaked figure this one noticeably shorter, all with arms crossed.
"Oh butter biscuits, there's another one? That one must be the runt of the litter..." Vlad thought dismissively.
"We can hear your thoughts, remember cheesehead?..." The third one said his eyes noticeably glowing with power as he looked Vlad in the eyes.
"Who are you anyway?! And why is he here?!..." Vlad asked, glaring at him.
"You can call me 61394..." The new guy said.
"He is a friend of ours who wanted to tag along and help out! Show some respect..." FP explained.
"I don't even respect you two!..." Vlad shouted furiously.
"Enough attitude. You best have it finished, Cheesehead. I gotta get to work..." Neo said.
"I've got relationships to observe and matches to make to keep my eye on..." 61394 said.
"And I have places to be, so chop chop..." FP said as she even moved her hands too.
"Here, I filled it you just like you wanted..." Vlad said, scowling at them.
The two figures read the entry form and frowned.
"Well, you have problems Plasmius but evidently a low self image isn't one of them..."FP said sarcastically, reading it a second time.
"I've met dictators with smaller egos..."61394 muttered.
"It leads to another problem... Neo said, earning a glare from the evil halfa.
"What problem?..." Vlad asked, annoyed.
"One I will fix right now..."Neo said as he snapped his fingers.
Suddenly, the paper glowed and the letters were altered.
"What did you do?..." Vlad asked, frowning at his hard work ruined.
"Oh, just a little editing to make sure its an ACCURATE description..." Neo said.
"Maybe not too accurate, we want people to want to meet you, after all..." FP said, smirking at the burn she made.
"I'll say. I mean... know there's someone for everyone but do you think we can actually find his?.." 61394 asked.
"Probably not unless he undergoes some MAJOR attitude adjustment and actually tries and start cleaning up his own meses..." FP stated.
"Yeah, but I wouldn't hold my breath. It would take the apocalypse to change him..." Neo said, arms crossed.
Vlad snarled, wanting to attack them until FP raised her hand.
"I can hear your thoughts, dude. And you should be thankful no children are present to hear those words..." She scolded.
"Alright, if you are done mocking me, exactly who is it that you are setting me up with?!..." Vlad demanded.
"Hey, I'm an expert at multitasking fruitloop. I can mock you and find you some poor woman..."61394 mocked "someone with lousy luck..." He added.
"To answer your question, you will get their profile, along with the time and place for the date first thing in the morning...so I suggest freshen up while tossing out the stalker memorabilia of someone else's wife..." Neo said.
"Yeah, its not attractive..."61394 said, being blunt.
"That's putting it mildly..."FP said, before they continued.
"Also, don't worry about your so-called job. We took the time off for you, so you can enjoy your dates without any interruptions..." FP said "sweetly".
"WHAT?!..."Vlad shouted in displeasure.
"Its not like you actually do any real work, you just plot and leave the real work to the deputy mayor and city council while you try and find new ways to ruin someone else's life..." FP sassed.
"Plus, you probably have your creepy Maddie AI running your company so that's even more free time..." 61394 mocked while Vlad gritted his teeth, feeling more anger.
"You dare to interfere wi-..."
He was cut off when the powerful beings glared at him, making it clear that he was in no position to argue.
"We gotta go and set everything up for you, Romeo..." Neo said.
"And try not to be late or show up like a slob. We give points for effort and being on time..." FP said, wagging her finger.
"Ladies appreciate a date who clean up nicely..." 61394 sassed, enjoying the villains pitiful predicament.
Vlad was red faced and steaming now, looking ready to explode at any moment.
"Is the short buffoon only here to mock me?..."He thought, but they heard him.
"Short buffoon? Wow, that's a really clever insult. I think you hurt my feelings..." 61394 mocked, clearly not affected by Vlad's words.
"Besides, I have better things to do than mock you. I've got relationships between decent human beings to keep my eyes on that take up much more of my time..." He said.
"And we have lives to get back to and other jobs to do. See ya tomorrow, V-man. You better be ready..." FP said, her expression rather naughty as her male friends shared a knowing look.
'Pathetic fools! I'll make sure to make the three of them suffer for this!..."He grumbled petulantly.
"WE HEARD THAT!..."All figures shouted as Vlad frowned at getting caught.
He then had dumped by another bucket, only this one was filled with MUD of all things.
"Oh, sugar cookies! Real mature!..." Vlad complained sarcastically, as he tried to wipe it off his face and hair.
"You would know!..."Was heard from the trio before they left.
Vlad flowered as he went to the bathroom to shower and clean his hair out.
"If I had my powers, I could phase this off..." He grumbled, fuming as he looked in the mirror.
Tomorrow, he will be forced to entertain whatever female they chose for him and wondered how he could handle a woman who isn't Maddie.
"Oh, whatever. Its just ten days and I think I can fake being a companion to some stranger and spend a few hours paying for their meals and some other insignificant things. Besides, how bad can a blind date be anyway?..."He thought, convinced that he could get through this unscathed.
Vlad yawned and decided to get some sleep, he had a feeling he's going to need it in order to get this whole thing over with..
All the while, he was unaware that he just jinxed himself and didn't know it.
-To be continued-
Next time on The Many Mismatches of Vlad Masters
One MISERABLE Date!
A/N(1): I dedicate this chapter to my family, my friends and my love for God :)
A/N(2): Special thanks to NeoMark and 61394 for all of their help. You guys rock :)
REPLIES to my loyal and totally awesome reviewer:
Boris Yeltsin: Yeah.
RonaldM40196867:
1) Psychic powers.
2) No.
3) I am not familiar with that character.
4) I thought it be funny.
5) Yes.
IrishKatana: I'll think about it.
Invader Johnny: Looks like it.
Luiz4200: Yeah.
Pokemon fan 1991:
1) I'll think about it.
2) Sorry, no spoilers. I guess that we will have to wait and see what happens.
Jet Engine: Thank you :)
JDF Legacier Morphicon: Thank you :)
1) I think so.
2) Maybe Star (if Kitty never flirted with Danny).
3) I think he was on the run from Walker and his goons.
4) No.
5) I don't think so.
Guilhermefinamori: Thank you :)
:) I hope you enjoyed this! Remember to read and review :)