Chapter 9

Still Changing (For The Hope Of It All)

Willow

'Does he have any idea?'

Willow looked to Peter from her spot in the sun warmed earth, 'I don't think so.'

'How?'

'I started lining a few drawings with a sharpie so he got used to the smell.' she shrugged and dumped a weed into the wheelbarrow to her left. 'I think he has some idea but not like, concrete. S'drivin' him nuts.'

Peter dropped the bag of mulch about two metres down and cut the sunbleached bag with a nail before being rather human and tugging on a pair of gloves. Charlotte and Jasper had gone to check the fences this time around, Jasper also nipping for a quick hunt whilst they were out. It gave Willow and Peter time to plan. 'No doubt. You got any idea when?'

'I want to get this,' Willow tipped her head towards the flower beds, 'sorted before I do but maybe by the end of the week.'

'Any doubts?'

That was the thing, she didn't really. Everyone in her life was taken care of or had been emotionally and mentally disowned. She had tied things off to a certain extent and was just now ready to move on with her life.

Would it still be called 'moving on with her life' if she was dead?

Willow shook her head to rid herself of those thoughts and tossed more weeds away. Charlotte, bless her, had tried but Willow knew black thumbs when she saw it and had gone the easier route in her designs anyway. There hadn't been all that much to do, apart from weeding, cutting back and blanketing some mulch for the winter season. The horses had gone to a few people to livery for the winter like Peter knew, so it would just be the four of them as Willow got to grips with things.

'No, which is weird, considering my head most days.' she mused and wiped her nose with the back of a glove. 'The hardest thing is probably knowing that I'll fuck up.'

Peter sat back on his ass and watched as she worked. 'Isn't acknowledgement like the first step or somethin'?'

'For, like, narcotics.' Willow laughed but it tapered into a grunt as a stubborn root came out, 'I don't know. That's just something that I'll struggle with, I think.'

'Don't shoot yourself in the foot yet, sweet pea.' Peter began to pack mulch down, 'From what we've heard, you've got some spine.'

'Maybe.' she muttered. Willow had tried not to dwell on the fact that she knew that it would be a learning curve and the chances that she'd 'slip up' were high. She knew that Jasper would never hold it against her, that none of the Cullens would but it would be the disappointment in herself that would be the clincher. Disappointment anxiety had been something that Willow had always struggled with, probably because of Genevieve and her mother, so some things were just difficult to try and think on the bright side of things.

And, well, when the chances of you killing someone because you were a newborn vampire were high, the scales seemed a little beyond fucked.

'You have something we didn't.' Peter looked at her again and she caught that ruby gaze. 'People, a coven, that wants to help you succeed. You know what you're going to be getting into, and even knowing that it'll be difficult as shit, it can give you that push to do better.'

'I know.' Willow nodded softly. And that really was helpful. Or was going to be helpful? It would really depend. She sank onto her heels. 'Scott mentioned in an email that Demetri wouldn't train him to fight, I take it that's because of the Mating bond?'

He mirrored her. 'I have Jasper kicking my ass for kicking yours in the upcoming future because you are not leavin' this state without knowing how to defend yourself. Our world is not kind, Willow, and we got too many against us to–'

'To have a weak link.' Subconsciously Willow knew she needed to know how to fight, that she wanted to defend herself, especially with how hectic the last year had been but she just wasn't physical.

Peter probably saw something in her face. 'Your instincts won't have emotions kicking in till later, sweet pea. You'll probably surprise yourself.'

Willow looked at him, 'You think or you know?' He just tapped his nose and his laughter was bright as she pitched a weed at him. 'Asshole.'

Writing backwards in the mirror was so fucking hard. Especially on the side of her neck. Fuck. So when (bite here) looked good in eyeliner pencil, Willow nearly smudged it in her excitement. She had no doubt in her mind that Jasper knew she was doing something but fuck it.

She found him in the living room, a book held aloft - some biography of a dead person probably - as Peter and Charlotte played some weird dice game involving rings and different coloured penguins. Willow wandered over and looped her arms around his neck from the back. 'Who died?'

'Stalin's Russia.' he drawled but paused as he caught the black words on the inside of her wrist. 'You think I can't find a vein or somethin'?'

'I didn't want you to get lost.'

He muttered something she couldn't catch under his breath but caused Peter and Charlotte to snigger. 'And the chances you got it on your carotid?'

Willow slipped around and grinned at him, summer dress spinning around her knees. 'Ta-da!'

'Jesus H Christ.' Jasper murmured but there was a dimple to his mouth as he scrubbed his face and amusement bubbled down the link. 'I knew you were up to something.'

'I thought it was funny.' Willow shrugged, and gestured over her shoulder to Peter, 'So did he.'

'Don't pitch me under the bus!' Peter squawked and caused the tower of coloured penguins to come down and Charlotte to cheer in celebration. 'Fuck!'

'What are you two playing?' Willow looked over as she was gently tugged into Jasper's orbit by the hand he dropped around his shoulder and his fingers around her flank.

'A game that I just won. You're being the honeypot tonight.' Charlotte beamed to her Mate, and Peter groaned. 'I'm thinking the black shirt?'

'You couldn't have waited another minute?'

'And risk having to redo this shit again? I don't fucking think so.' Willow gave a closed-mouth smile but sank into Jasper's lap as he put his book aside, pages down like a heathen. The two tidied in a flash and went to get changed as the sun set, turning the home into golden hour. Willow loved to watch the yellow and oranges dance across the plains of Jasper's face and turned to find him watching her in return.

'You ready?'

'I wouldn't've done it if I hadn't been.' she murmured, using the slight height difference to cup his neck and kiss him gently. He tugged her astride his thighs with ease, a hand on the small of her back and tangling in the ends of her hair.

There were a few things that never got old. Opening a new tube or cartridge of paint, using new pencils, unpotting a new plant, reading as the rain came down and kissing Jasper. It would be strange, no doubt, to not feel the difference in temperatures between them anymore, to be able to map out the crescent scars across the shapes of his body, to catalogue every shade of blonde and brown that made up those curls.

But to be able to experience the world by his side? To go through an almost microscopic period of pain to be able to witness what the world had to offer with him? There was no choice to make now.

'You're not even going to wait till we leave?' Peter drawled and Willow pulled away as goosebumps erupted across her skin as Jasper slid his hands under her skirt. Charlotte had dressed Peter in what was presumably the black shirt - a simple black button down with what seemed to be just two buttons done down the bottom - and dark jeans.

'Next time you see me, I'll be dying!'

Jasper nipped her in reprimand on the neck, opposite to the bracket of words, as Charlotte shoved Peter towards the door. 'You'll do fine, sweet pea. See you on the flip side.'

'Bye!'

They were gone in a flash and Willow found herself being pressed into a mattress, cold sheet sharp against her flushed skin, rough denim wrasping at the sensitive parts of her inner thighs, her hands pinned above her head.

'What am I goin' to do with you?' Jasper shook his head from atop of her, a grin sinking into the skin of her cheek.

'Well, from the way things seem to be going,' Willow quipped and blinked to try and reset her vision as Jasper relinquished her of her glasses for what was probably the last time, 'it looks like you're going to fuck me and then turn me.'

'Such manners.' he purred into her neck as he nudged up her chin with his nose. She rocked her hips towards his for relief. Her fingers flexed along with her toes for something to push off of but Jasper had her easily pinned. 'What I was thinkin' of doin' was along those lines but you missed a step.'

He received a hum.

'Shower first. I ain't bitin' you when you got patches of skin that taste of paint thinner, gorgeous. Up.'

It was nice, Willow mused as she tipped her head back to allow Jasper to kiss her as the warm water hit them both. As much as she wanted to just get shit started, the pause button that the shower counted as was calming. Like it reset the two of them.

Jasper boosted her up onto the counter after Willow tugged a robe on and stepped between her knees, towel around his own waist. The sharpie had come off in the shower, with a bit of help from a make-up wipe.

'Will it matter? Where you bite me?' Willow asked as her eyes fluttered slightly as Jasper put her skincare on. She could feel something through the link but there was too much there for her to really interpret at that current moment.

He shook his head. 'As long as a major vein is injected, the time it takes is really only affected by the height of the person. The smaller they are, the less blood and venom in the body and vice versa. It won't be pleasant, darlin'.'

Willow caught his hand and smoothed the remains of the moisturiser into the skin absently as she touched his cheek with her other. 'I know. But I'd rather be one of the lucky ones and let it be on my terms than not let you have any other option.'

Jasper mirrored her and seemed to drink in her face. 'I will miss a few things. These,' his thumbs dusted under her hazel-greens, 'probably most of all.'

'What? The fact I nearly have to wear bottle caps?'

He gave her a slightly warm, unimpressed look, but knocked their foreheads together lightly. 'They change colour with your mood. They go more green when you're excited and more brown when you're troubled. Even when you don't physically show it, I know how to read you from the colour of them. I've tried to count how many shades they have but I'm not the artist between us. You'd probably list a whole pallet of colours and then some. This would be another.'

Jasper deliberately pressed a hand above her heart. 'When I first saw you in that homeroom classroom, it was a beacon. Always a little fast, it was so distinctive that when I was having a hard time, not because of my thirst, but because of everyone's emotions, I could pinpoint this and just focus on you. I was just a moth to your flame. It'll be strange not being able to find it.'

Willow blinked back tears. Jasper wasn't a talker. His love language wasn't Words of Affirmation. He wasn't one to monologue about things and to hear him say that, it warmed her from the tips of her toes to the top of her head in ways she couldn't even describe.

So she tugged on the link playfully. 'From this. You'll always find me from this.' Willow pressed herself against the long, lean line of his chest and wrapped her arms around his neck. 'Take me to bed, Jasper Whitlock and give me forever.'

It was strange not to be scared, Willow mused as she shuddered under Jasper's administration, a hand already coiled in his curls as he dragged kisses and nips along her body. Anticipatory, yes, maybe a little excited even. But she knew pain, at least to some extent that it wasn't anything new.

The weight of his palm, steady and strong on her clavicles had her locked back onto him.

'Still with me?'

'Mhmm.' Willow hummed, her body still tingly from their last round. It was a good feeling though, endorphins, especially a big rush of them, always made her a little sleepy for a minute or two afterwards.

Her fingers danced over Jasper's face, taking in the undercurrent of worry in those honey-topaz eyes. 'I trust you.'

'I know.' Willow let him anchor himself again and played with his hair as her heart settled again.

Originally, in her mind, she imagined her Turning to start at the peak of a really good orgasm. When the rush of adrenaline and endorphins disguised the start of it but then she realised that it wasn't just her going through it.

Yes, Jasper had Turned people before, but, not to sound obtuse, her situation was different. Willow knew, at least to a certain extent, what he was feeling.

'Talk to me, hon.'

Jasper took a second or two before he spoke. 'It's not your blood that I'm struggling with. It's not wantin' to preserve your humanity or whatever excuse Edward has. I don't like the idea of causing you pain. Everything in me wants to protect you, wants to spend eternity with you, I'm just going to have to put you through three days of pain to do it.'

Willow ran a hand through his hair and smiled a little when something not akin to a purr like a cat's came from Jasper's chest. 'Not to sound like a scientist or anything but you've gone a little domestic, Major.' His eyes flashed to her and she grinned. 'You have. You and I both know that, deep down, sometimes a little pain is worth it in the end. Sometimes a little wanted. It's okay to be scared but just think. Three days, and then you won't have to hold back anymore.'

He kissed her then, fingers of a hand firm on her jaw as another trailed her body to hike a leg over a hip, the other following quickly suit. Willow moaned at the feel of him, her hands were quickly pinned by her head as her words settled in his brain.

'Another thing,' Jasper mused, as he grinned into her skin, 'I'm going to miss how well your pretty skin takes my marks.'

'Oh my Gods, you are such a guy.' Willow groaned, eyes rolling, as the sound deepened as he tweaked a nipple in response.

'Brat.'

'You're gonna look at me and tell me that I'm wrong?' She sassed him, smiling at the warmth of his amusement down the link.

Jasper puffed a laugh against her mouth before devouring her. Willow didn't stop the moan from escaping as he released her hands only to grip the back of her head to bare her neck to him as the other descended down her body once more. Scratching at the pillows, Willow hiked her knees to his waist as he thrust into her.

She was surrounded by his scent, his touch, her nerves going haywire so quickly after the last round. 'Fuck.'

'Mhmm.' Jasper growled into her skin. In a blink, he had her in his lap, her arms around his neck, as he moved her where he wanted her. Willow shuddered as she fell over the precipice into ecstasy with him and didn't even notice the sharp bite to her neck until Jasper had her flat on the bed again.

It wasn't comfortable, chasing away the endorphins of sex quicker than the idea of being caught by her dad and felt a little like a mix between burning herself with hot water straight from the kettle and a sedative and Willow couldn't help the whine that escaped as it headed for her shoulder and across the chest.

'Shh,' Jasper's voice was the last thing she heard as unconsciousness tried to overtake the pain, 'I'll be here when you wake.'

And that was when the pain started.

Fuck.

Willow thought she knew pain. Physically, the accident had really pushed the boat and, internally, she had been fucked since she had been 9. But there was something about venom that just sucked ass. It spread from her neck down her shoulder to her limbs, like a weird buzzing or like she'd stuck a wet finger in a socket but bone deep.

She couldn't think.

She tried. Tried to remember the people in her life, memories but as soon as she grabbed them they slipped away like sand in an hourglass, smoke through her fingers.

Willow didn't know how long she burnt for. Only knew at one point, tore something from her throat before it all converged on her chest.

Like the hottest of flames and acids were pouring onto her lungs, she felt flushed all over whilst feeling like she'd never be able to breathe again. Something gave under her fingers, soft and then bending like butter as war drums erupted in her ears

Bu-bum, bu-bum, bu-bu.

'Willow.'

And so we bid adieu to one lifetime and enter countless others.

First off, I am so sorry that things have taken so long to give you lot an update. Life has been hectic, to say the least, and I just, to be honest, have felt a bit of burnout to this story which sucked big time because I love our girl and want to finish this fucking story.

Another thing. The laptop that I was originally writing this one? Yeah, it died. Just a bit ol' brick now. So, thank the Gods for my slight dragon tendencies and keeping my old one - which was perfectly functionary, just heavy and slow to load - I managed to find a charger that worked and here we are.

I won't give you all false promises and tell you that things will go back to their regular scheduling because that, I think, was part of the problem so, all I will say is that I'll see you when I see you.

Enjoy,

K x