I wasn't pouting. No really, I wasn't! You can't prove it! Fuck off!
"And I, the great Black Flame Ryuu of the Abyss, will defeat Lung to save my precious Imouto!" Brenda jumped on the counter and shouted with a towel tied around her neck. Normally I'd punt anyone who dared to set foot on my precious mahogany counter, but she had immunity to that. And she knew and abused it regularly.
"You can't defeat me!" Oni Lee, the fucking traitor, mimed his hands like they were claws and waved them menacingly. "I'll kill you!"
"No! You can't! For I, the great Black Flame Ryuu of the Abyss, have the power of my Nakama and Kazoku on my side! Ore am superior to a fake dragon like you, who is all alone!" She waved her hand heroically to the side and declared to the fake Lung. To my utter fucking dismay, the four idiots under my direct employ were operating a giant fan that blew at the towel tied around her neck, causing it to bellow majestically in the wind. If they blew her off the counter and hurt her, I'd wring their necks.
"RAGGGH!" Oni Lee stomped towards her with exaggerated steps. "Take this!" He leaned back and breathed deep, inflating his chest. "Fire Dragon's ROAR!" The dumb fucking bastard blew at Brenda.
She held her hands in an X formation and stood her ground. "Koka! With my hardening, I'm too hard and firm to be pushed down. This Ryuu will never go soft and always stand in opposition to the forces of evil!" Please tell me she understood that. I genuinely didn't know what was more horrifying; that she knew what she was doing, or that she'd been accidentally spouting sexual innuendos all over the city. The Li family name couldn't survive this shame.
"I'll end you!" The traitor fuck who was getting banned from tea for life swiped at her. Brenda dodged swiftly underneath it and held her hands at his chest.
"Feel the power of love, friendship and all that's good in the world! Believe it!" She flexed her arms lightly. "This is my full power! RO-KUO-GAN!"
Oni Lee clutched at his chest dramatically and took a few faltering steps backwards. Eventually, he stumbled onto his butt before falling onto his back. "You've…defeated me. All hail the new Dragon. All hail…Ryuu…NGHHHAHHHH." He 'fainted' with the weirdest fucking death sound I'd ever heard in both lives.
"Now I, the great Black Flame Ryuu of the Abyss, am victorious! The ABB will be turned into the glorious Ryujin Industries, and we'll conquer the world…with TEA!" She pointed at the ceiling as her 'cape' continued to flap from the fan.
The other three soon to be unemployed assholes clapped their hands and applauded uproariously. "Good job, Ojou-sama! You've defeated the unstoppable Lung!"
I sat in the corner by myself and rocked back and forth, wondering if a third trigger was possible.
"Knight takes rook. And checkmate!" Lisa declared smugly. I resisted the urge to smack the smile off her face. She took a gulp from the giant flask at her side before shivering lightly in joy. Her eyes closed as she relished the taste and relief that my tea brought her. I'd tried to offer a different blend, but she'd stuck solely to the Tienchi Flower Tea to cure her Thinker headaches.
"I've gotta say…" She grinned happily at me, whether in victory or gratitude, I couldn't tell. "...this is the best deal I've ever gotten. All the Thinker relief tea I could ever want and all I have to do is play chess with you? I don't know if you're generous or dumb."
Don't hit your training partner. You still need her. "You know exactly what I get out of this. Stop pretending." I huffed in annoyance before resetting the pieces.
"I still think it's kinda strange that your power considers something like this as conflict though." She hummed thoughtfully as she did her part in clearing the board.
This was an arrangement I'd set up with her. After the discovery that I'd second triggered and the exact mechanics of how my power evolved, I tried to exploit it as much as I could. I didn't go out to seek life or death fights.
That would be stupid. The whole point of getting stronger is for me to live a peaceful life. It turns out tiny things like this counted. I'd learned an entire style of fighting while sparring with Oni Lee. It wasn't perfect, not yet, but that was why I was doing this with Lisa. I could feel that if I mastered my Observation Haki, I'd be able to perform the Eleventh Form soon enough.
"Your Observation versus my Thinker abilities. I wonder who'll triumph this time?" She taunted mockingly, waving her finger at me. That bitch knew the answer to that. "I can do this alllllll day with the tea you've been giving me."
This fucki-
The door opened, revealing an unusual group. A man and a woman, both equally well dressed, strode in as if they owned the place. Their attire was obviously expensive and branded. I might be rich, but I'd never turn down the opportunity to earn more money. They looked around the shop, examining the fine decor I'd commissioned and nodded in approval, causing me to puff my chest up in pride. Then their eyes landed on Lisa. Genuinely, I didn't give a fuck about what she wore. The rich and stupidly wealthy obviously thought differently. Her raggedy hoodie, torn jeans and worn out sneakers did nothing to endear her to the couple. She called it her comfort wear. They hmphed in disdain before meandering towards me.
"Welcome to my humble shop, dear customers. How may I serve you today?" I gave them my best pandering smile and rubbed my hands together.
"We'd heard about your fine establishment through the grapevine and thought to pay it a visit. Is it true that you can pick the perfect tea for your customers?" The woman asked in a controlled but excited manner.
"Why, of course! We do not simply serve excellent tea, but that which is most suited to our customers." Just smile and nod. Their money will be all of our base in time.
"Oh. Where are my manners? Alexio Alcott, please to meet you." He stuck out his hand for me to shake, and I reciprocated enthusiastically. "And my wife, Beatrice Alcott. My darling chi-" He looked at the back of his wife's legs. "Dinah, get out from behind her. It's rude to not introduce yourself."
A tiny slip of a girl stepped out from behind her mother and waved timidly. "Dinah Alcott. Pleased to meet you." I felt the urge to mentally facepalm. Alcott. Of course. How could I forget? It's Coil's favourite target. And judging by how close we are to canon, she's likely to have triggered already.
"Please take a seat." I gestured at the velvet chairs in front of my counter. "I'll be serving your tea shortly."
"I must say, while your shop is simply exquisite…your patrons might need some shall we say, fine tuning?" The woman, B-something Alcott ventured.
"Please don't mind her. I'm simply taking charge of her while her parents oversee a business deal. Her dreadful attire is simply part of a rebellious phase." I shrugged in that 'what can you do manner'. "Teenagers, right?"
As the couple laughed and tittered at my definitely super hilarious joke, I spotted Lisa from the corner of my eye grinding her teeth. Good. My inner evil self rubbed his hands together. Rage! Rage into the sun! This is payback for the humiliation I've suffered at your hands! And you can't afford to blow your cover! "I'll be serving an Ashwagandha tea for you today." I turned around and reached for the middle shelf.
"Oh how exotic sounding!" The woman clapped her hands together like she was excited from just hearing the name. I swear, I didn't know her parents were this bad in canon. Were they even shown in canon?
I pulled out a mortar and pestle, as well as a few roots of the tea I was going to make. "Ashwagandha is also known as the 'Indian Ginseng' and 'Winter Cherry'. It was used in India, China and Nepal, but has since seen some level of international use." The roots were grinded down methodically, slowly turning into a fine powder. "One such benefit is a boost to testosterone levels and fertility in men, increasing sperm concentration and motility." While I continued to grind it down, I faced the A-something Alcott guy and winked. A part of me cringed, but they were clearly enjoying themselves.
"Oh my…" The man gasped and awed at my show.
For my next step, I put a teapot on the fire and brought it to a boil. "And that's not all. To go with your increased…enthusiasm, Ashwagandha tea can also improve your athletic performance and really put that spring in your step. Athletes show an increase in oxygen and strength during exercise after ingesting Ashwagandha. Though, the type of exercise you do is entirely up to you, of course." I winked again at them. My mother better be proud of me. The powder was poured into the teapot and covered up. I moved the pot off the fire and let the tea steep. "And most importantly of all, this tea can help to reduce stress and anxiety." This time, I winked at the child who was looking around the shop curiously. No one but her and Lisa noticed. Though she shrunk back for a bit, Dinah eventually nodded ever so slightly.
"I don't think we'll be needing that last part!" The man declared boisterously.
The woman slapped his arm playfully. "But you'll be needing the first two." She then gripped his arm and held it close to her chest, trapping it in her cleavage. "Maybe sooner than you thought." The crazy woman purred sultrily at the guy. I really didn't want to be here right now. Wanting to move on, I poured three cups and pushed them over to the family.
While the couple hemmed and hawed about how amazing it tasted, Dinah's reaction was the one I was interested in. She held her head in confusion and looked at me with wide eyes. That poor girl must be feeling so relieved for the first time since she triggered. I didn't know what a Thinker headache felt like, but even I felt some sympathy for Lisa whenever she barged into my shop, weary and ragged, and demanded for me to hand over the tea.
"I have to ask, is it true that you're the one who defeated Lung?" The man asked excitedly, bouncing in his seat. Don't fucking do that man. It's gross. But yeah. I knew this would happen. Brockton Bay is fucking weird. You'd think that without a port and any viable industry other than Nazi Medhall, the city would be doomed.
But it made a surprising amount of income from tourism. Why? Stupid tourists wanted to visit Parahuman central. They're mostly safe. Most Parahumans don't cause mass destruction unless they want a kill order like Bakuda. However, mostly doesn't mean totally.
There are still unsolved cases of tourists disappearing entirely. The weird fascination with Parahumans carried over to the detached wealthy of the city as well.
"Yes. I was the one who defeated Lung. He was threatening to burn down my tea shop." I tried my best to make sure my tone wasn't completely monotonous, but it was hard after repeating the fake story multiple times.
"My goodness? Does he have no class or taste? To burn down a lovely establishment such as this?" The woman gasped and held her chest dramatically. Is this theatre class? Am I being punked? Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Dinah wandering off as her parents continued to bombard me with stupid questions. Almost as if they agreed beforehand, she and Lisa gathered at a corner and started to talk about… something. I wasn't actively trying to listen.
Let's see. Coil's favourite Thinker and Coil's other favourite Thinker. This is either the start of a stupendous joke or a very bad day for a very bad man. I'd keep out of it, like I told Lisa. This was her problem to handle. Since Coil hadn't made any moves on me so far, I'd take it that his common sense was activating and he didn't want to tangle with the one who killed Lung.
"...and so because of my love of tea, I had no choice but to fight, but as you know, Lung is a very strong cape. In the midst of battle, without any recourse, I had to put him down." I finished retelling the same tale I'd told a thousand times.
The couple nodded in agreement. "It would be a crying shame if we had lost the opportunity to sample your tea. And to be served by the man who slayed the Dragon! I told you this would be a good idea, and you were all concerned about the nasty things some people said online!" The woman crowed victoriously.
Papa Alcott waved his hands placatingly and calmed her down. "Now, now. I never said it would be a bad idea." He turned to me. "Please understand. I'm only concerned about the safety of my family. However, I'm glad your supporters convinced me to give it a go." The man turned back to his wife and held her by the shoulders, looking her in the eyes. "You know I can't ever find it in myself to disagree with you."
"Oh darling!" She held her hands together and swooned. Kill me. Do it. I can feel your anger. I am defenceless. Take your weapon. Strike me down with all of your hatred! And your journey to the Dark Side will be complete!
Sadly, Luke Skywalker didn't manifest from thin air. But I had a backup plan. With a flourish, I printed out their bill and handed it over. "I hope you've enjoyed your time here at our store. Please come again." This was customer service code for 'please fuck off now'.
Unlike a certain demonic bastard, the man barely glanced at the bill before swiping his card. "We've greatly enjoyed ourselves today. Thank you for the tea." He turned around the room in confusion before spotting his daughter deep in conversation with Lisa. "Dinah! It's time to go!"
She jerked at his words, as if she was caught doing something bad, before trotting over on her stubby child legs. He took her by the hand and led her out of the store with his wife. Lisa ambled over with a vulpine grin on her face. "Guess what I found~!" She tittered happily. Nope. Coil wasn't my fucking problem.
"Nada. Don't wanna know. Keep it to yourself. Go topple your own tyrant. I'm busy running a store." I crossed my hands over into an X.
Lisa pouted angrily.