Creation began on 09-19-23

Creation ended on 09-19-23

Neon Genesis Evangelion

Evangelion: Alternative Desire

It wasn't every day that one found their child existing in another dimension where they were happy and cared about, but it was one where all the pain and suffering of their past was erased from their minds as they were bathed in a light of joyful love rather than misery and loneliness brought upon by estranged relationships and absenteeism by the people that were supposed to be there for you when you need them the most. That was how Yui felt about her decisions that left a hole in Shinji's heart that he couldn't fill with relationships with other people if they demonstrated no interest in him…and her regret at leaving her family that just deteriorated into a mess that attracted flies and maggots.

"Yui," she hears Fuyutsuki say to her as she stops in the hallway.

"As much as part of me wants to believe that it was all a lie," she responds to him, "that these Cenobites are nothing more than deceivers and tricksters out for themselves… None of what we saw looked like a deception in any sense. That was Shinji…and he was happy."

"If his blood and pain were not theirs to claim, I find it hard to imagine him not being happy when all he wanted was love," he tells her. "And from what I saw in that world he's in, he got exactly what he desired and more. His desire was genuine, from a place of longing and purity. He didn't want wealth or fame or some materialistic thing, just to be cherished. Who wouldn't want that? Who wouldn't really want that?"

"And the Cenobites?"

"Demons to some, angels to others. That much is true; to some people, they are demonic, but to others, they can be seen as angelic. If a desire comes from a place of dark longing, then maybe pain is what the person deserves in the end, but if it's from a place of honesty, of wanting to be rid of one's pain that they can't escape from, that's where the sacrament of pleasure is bestowed upon those that seek the box and try to unlock it."

"Except Shinji never solved the box; it was in its final configuration when he stumbled upon it. If anything, his audience with Leviathan was an accident."

"Except with Leviathan and the Cenobites, there doesn't seem to be such a thing as accidents. Maybe coincidences, but not accidents. Inevitability seems to be a factor in what leads people to them. Some of them seem to be warped versions of who they used to be before becoming more than human. The only mistakes that seem to be mistakes are opening the box without knowing what they can do, not taking them seriously. But Shinji was one of the exceptions; he didn't know what it was…but he didn't suffer because of it."

Yui nods her head in acceptance…but it was more than what it was already. She had to accept that her son was gone…and her absence from his life was one of the factors that led to him going away to receive his desire that made him better off where he was.

"I just wanted to show him a better future for everyone," she tells him. "How did it come to this? Where did we go wrong?"

"We don't know how to shape any future, Yui, except try to live in it. Anyone that thinks they can mold the future to their benefit is fooling themselves."

Yui was about to say something else when she notices Misato and Ritsuko running out of Gendo's office.

"What's going on now?" She wonders as she walks over.

Fuyutsuki follows her.

-x-

Rei, in spite of her injuries, in spite of everything that happened during the time she was in the hospital, found her way to Gendo's office…and snatched up the puzzle box in front of Gendo, which surprised him as the Cenobites watched.

"Rei?" Gendo spoke.

"One desire per person," she utters, holding the box, sounding menacing. "How far does one go to get something they're after? How far will one to get something that is a substitute for what they can't have? I want something, too, Commander Ikari. I want something, too."

"Rei…put down the box."

The way Rei was looking at him, her eyes and face contorted in a menacing rage, it was unlike what he had expected from her when it was learned that his son wasn't coming to pilot the Eva against the Angels. It was like she was a completely different person now, with a personal interest in what was happening around them.

"Rei," he tried to get her to do as he wanted, but she turned to face the Hell Priest.

"You know what I want, don't you?" She asks them.

"What would you ask of us?" They responded. "What do you desire?"

"I have always felt a void in me because of this man (she gestures to Gendo). There is this emptiness that I can't get rid of. For as long as I can remember, he has always been telling me what I exist for…and ever since it was learned that this Third Child wasn't coming to pilot the Eva, the emptiness has festered. All he ever wanted was his wife back in his possession, and he did everything to ensure he got what he wanted in the end, with no regard to those he exploited, including me. He is always trying to be in charge of others, to tell them what to do, what they can or can't do, to have the final say, like he's an overseer, a king. What I want…what I will settle for…is to be in control for a change, to have the final say in what will be and what won't be. I want to be in control, to tell others what to do."

"It is power that you seek?"

"Yes. The power…to no longer be controlled by others. The power to choose for myself, regardless of what others think or feel. Power equals freedom…and freedom is a power that was taken from me before I realized that it was something I wanted. Can your god grant me this?"

But upon looking into her soul, the Hell Priest saw another person that had a life full of blood and pain…that was not theirs to claim. Three different souls, all full of suffering that they couldn't indulge themselves in, but this albino was different; her flesh derived from a being of a greater power than any the people of the flesh could fathom…but her soul had been butchered, maimed by the arrogance of those that desired different things and for different reasons, none of which exhibited any degree of benevolence, only personal gain, all of which were part of Leviathan's dominions…and not a single thing was done to remedy her spiritual suffering. This girl had once sought the bliss of oblivion, to know that she would be cast aside and returned to the nothingness she was created from, but now she desired something different…because she was tired of being manipulated by those that had different perceptions of what was best for the rest of the world…but not what was best for her.

Again, the arrogance of those with desires that condemn others to agony are the ones we should have, the Hell Priest thought. Her soul is broken beyond repair. Her life no different from a bitter and brief moment of agony. She cannot have her soul restored to her, making sensation impossible for her to experience. But power… Even if it's not fulfilling, she's willing to accept it if it means no longer being dominated by others. To be free from dominance…is the power to decide one's own fate.

The Hell Priest looked over at Gendo, who seemed unwilling to let this girl receive a desire fulfilled by their god…and then back to the girl. Their god knew of this, as well, and even if it was a desire that didn't come close to what she wanted, it was a desire they needed to respect and fulfill because it was what she asked for.

"For your efforts, Rei Ayanami, the soul of Lilith shackled in the flesh," they spoke, "we offer you…the Leviathan Configuration."

The puzzle box flew out of Rei's hands and floated in front of her, changing its shape to become something different.

"Rei!" Gendo yelled, but Rei ignored him as the box reconfigured into an intricate heptagram, which then expanded in size until it was as big as a doorway, opening up to reveal light of the brightest she had ever witnessed.

"Our power…lies in dominance," the Hell Priest informs her, "in the sovereignty…of anguish. And now, Rei Ayanami…it shall be yours to wield."

Rei nodded her head in acceptance and stepped into the light.

"Rei, don't do this!" Gendo yelled at her again, but the girl had already crossed the threshold, and the puzzle doorway closed behind her and returned to its final configuration, floating in the center of the room.

"She shall know our finest gift," the Hell Priest, "but the sights we have to show her…will be hers to decide."

Gendo couldn't believe Rei had done this. She had abandoned them for some wish by Leviathan.

"What happened?" He turned around to see Fuyutsuki and Yui, who were puzzled by what happened in here.

"Rei desired something from the Cenobites," he revealed. "She just claimed a prize that was a consolation to what she was after."

"What do you mean?" Yui asks him.

"She chose Leviathan. She chose power."

-x-

Standing in a vast meadow that was, lack of a better word, heavenly, Rei, her chalk-white skin more pinkish than pale now, looked around and felt a little better. She was finally free from her fate, able to do as she pleased. There was no more Gendo, no Yui, no Eva, no Angels, no despair. For the first time in a long time…she truly felt alive, able to live on her own terms. Nobody could tell her what to do, how to be, what to expect or accept, and while her soul was still maimed, she could at least move on with the knowledge that her freedom was granted.

"I'm free," she expresses, and then walks down the hill she stood atop.

Either unaware or just uncaring, she was watched from a distance by a small boy holding a puzzle box. He had a sad smile on his face; he was relieved that this girl had received a desire without suffering, but sad that, while it was what she asked for, it wasn't what she had truly longed for, accepting it only as a consolation because it enabled her to escape from her suffering.

You needn't worry about me, he heard her voice. So long as I can live freely and without being controlled by others, I can accept this fate of my own volition and pursue it to its conclusion, wherever that may lead me. Thank you.

The boy simply nodded and vanished.

To be continued…

A/N: Yeah, I was going to have Rei receive an audience from Leviathan, but I wasn't sure how I was going to go about it. But Rei was in the same boat as Shinji and Asuka; she was in pain and the Cenobites couldn't indulge in her suffering, so she benefited from her audience with Leviathan, the same as them. Now that she has her consolation prize, she's finally free from Gendo and Yui or anyone that sought to exploit her, and her life is her own. Who do you think shall receive the final desire from Leviathan?