Chapter Thirty: The Love of a Father
"I thank you for the kindness and the times when you got tough.
And papa, I don't think I said I love you near enough."
- Dan Fogelberg (Leader of the Band)
Sunday, September 18, 2005 - Edward
Pain. A sensation and concept as unrecognizable as my old mortal heartbeat. As creatures of slow change, immovable opinions and deep instinctual cravings, a simple reminder of pain can be a shock to the system. James had done more than remove my head and arm, he had sent me into a new place, and in that indeterminate time between the pain of death and the resurrection at the hand of my ex, I experienced something. It wasn't the fires of hell, or the peace of heaven. It was something else that was endlessly dark and solitary, but not frightening.
Had I been wrong all along? Did I still have a soul?
I had no answers, but for the first time in a century I no longer felt as if I were damned simply because I had chosen to live instead of die with my mother. Of course, it wasn't an informed decision, but over time I had come to internalize that I could never blame Carlisle or my human mother for their actions. They did what they thought was best for me, and suddenly I was grateful for the gift.
I also found some clarity on my past. While I had committed horrible acts, disappointing myself, Carlisle and Esme, nothing I had done held a candle to Mason and his story of conquest and violence. The details of which were still sitting like a ten ton weight in the back of my mind, as images of a strange and distant past rolled around my imagination.
Even worse, I couldn't imagine what Angela was going through. I knew how Bella took my tale of violence, but she was separated from me and no longer emotionally invested. How could any of us fully understand what Angela was feeling, how conflicted. I couldn't quite imagine that kind of inner conflict, to fall in love with a man whose history included massacring an entire country. Sure, the numbers back then were far fewer than today, but that level of hatred and malice towards humanity, well I hadn't ever encountered it before. Even the Volturi were restrained by comparison.
Yet, I also had to consider who he had become, someone compassionate, kind and selfless. Devoted to preserving and protecting humanity and Angela specifically. His actions had proven it wasn't some act, he had shown us his true self. I wondered how long it had taken him to reform, and whether he felt he had been redeemed. I could guess that he didn't, because even separated from his actions by millennia, he had spent a thousand lifetimes trying to atone for his violent past.
In a very real way, I could relate.
My home has always been a sanctuary for me. Always located away from the closest city center no matter where we lived. For the most part, it was generally far enough away from people to give me a modicum of peace. Even with the minds of my family surrounding me, I was able to exist with simple distractions without losing my sanity. Then came Mason's influence, and suddenly my power to read minds was no longer passive. I could stand in the center of Forks and not hear a soul. It was like I could breathe again, a gift I hadn't expected but found an almost euphoric joy now that I had it.
This new peace afforded me time to think, with my vampire mind I suddenly felt the vast scope of the nearly unlimited time ahead of me quite differently than I had before. Or perhaps it was because Bella had accepted me as a brother. She would be in my life, and that was all that mattered. I had to process that change internally, learn to love her in a different way, but either way I was no longer dreading the unchanging nature of our immortality. I had things to look forward to. If we survived what was coming.
If I could dream, those dreams would be filled with the nightmares I witnessed in Alice's vision. I could understand why she hasn't been fully forthcoming with details, none of our family needed to carry that burden. We both loved them all entirely too much to subject them to our waking horror. Especially Angela, whom I had failed utterly and completely. It did not matter that she survived, I still felt nearly overwhelming guilt. Which was part of the reason I was outside of her house again.
"Humans sleeping. How tedious." Rosalie said from beside me, she had just returned from a circuitous run of the neighborhood.
"I would expect more from you, don't you still covet your humanity?" I asked curiously, I could never fully understand Rosalie's rationale for hating her existence.
"Catch up mind reader, I'm not who I was just a few days ago. Bella changed me, actually I think that happened a year ago when she came into our lives. She told me I was pretty, and I didn't think much about it at the time. Then… we had a moment when we started the mechanical lessons, and why am I telling this to you. Suffice it to say there are things that I would miss if I were suddenly human again." She admitted looking a touch sheepish.
"It sounds as though your connection with her was strong even before I developed serious designs on her. I couldn't admit how I felt for her until it was far too late to deal with them positively. I should never have pursued her, it was selfish and wrong. Now, all I can hope is that you both find happiness together. Anyway, how are arrangements coming along?" I glanced to see her reaction and she gave me a small smile of gratitude.
"Charlie's car has been planted, and we left enough evidence to lead the local authorities to an easy explanation." Rosalie frowned; she didn't like the best solution to his sudden disappearance any more than the rest of the family.
"I wonder how many will buy the story?" I asked out loud, although I didn't expect her to speculate.
"Suicide is never understood, but always accepted. The note made it clear that a search will make no sense." Rosalie sighed, "I'm going to… check on Bella." Then she was gone without another word.
"Later Rose." I said after her, shaking my head. I couldn't begrudge her happiness, no matter what it meant for me. She was my sister, and I loved her unconditionally. Although if I was being honest with myself, I was jealous of her burgeoning relationship with Bella. While jealous, I wasn't envious, I was having trouble coping with how much my gift had changed, and I could imagine her inner conflict was substantial. At least for once I didn't need to invade her privacy unwillingly.
I stood sentry, letting my new ability stretch out far enough to hear anyone attempting to sneak up on me, but not enough to intrude on any human mind in the area. I heard Carlisle and Esme's minds as they approached before I heard them physically. My shift over, I could go back to the house, and maybe try and mend some bridges with Bella now that she was willing to talk to me again.
"Edward." Carlisle said happily.
"Father." I said using my familial name for him, it felt right to need him as my parent right now.
"I haven't heard from Mason, is he still in the area?" Carlisle asked, looking around.
"No, I haven't seen him. I doubt he's far; it is easy to see how much she already means to him." I added, not sure how aware Carlisle was about the romantic nature of Mason's association with Angela.
"Alice mentioned she saw them kissing in her vision. I hadn't realized their relationship had already started." Carlisle shook his head, "I guess it is something we should discuss with them. It could have consequences for all of us."
"I'm pretty sure that ship has sailed my love." Esme said with a small smile. "Angela is already in love, and I'm pretty sure Mason is as well. Although he is harder to read."
"Why get in their way? She deserves whatever happiness she can find while she's still human." I wasn't sure how I felt about her joining the ranks of immortals, her kindness and humanity were always her defining characteristics and I worried that she would lose them to the instinctual drive to feed.
"I'm not sure there is anything we could do at this point anyway." Esme said, looking towards Angela's window, and caught a glimpse of someone in her room. I instantly focused my mind on her room and found a distinct absence of a mind that was the signature of Mason.
"I hadn't even realized he was in there." I said, shaking my head.
"Would you have done any differently with Bella?" Carlisle asked.
"Besides, stop that stupid truck… maybe. I was obsessed with her, perhaps it wasn't a healthy fixation, but my guilt made me do things I feel ashamed to admit. To be honest, I truly don't deserve to be her mate anymore and I wish her all the happiness she can find." I frowned at myself, ashamed of the times I snuck into her room when she was sleeping.
"I mean, would you have behaved any differently from Mason if Bella's human life had been threatened?" Carlisle clarified and I winced as I realized my admission was unprompted. I thought about it for a moment and shrugged.
"Perhaps, but that is hardly important now. How is Alice doing?"
"She hasn't left Bella or Charlie's side. I think she is deeply confused and hurting. I just don't know exactly what happened with Charlie, but I know it was wrapped up in her depression following Jasper just leaving like that. If I could get my hands on him." Esme said more angrily than usual, but I couldn't blame her. We had all trusted Jasper with Alice's heart, and he betrayed that trust.
"You'll get the chance; he will come back to support us in the coming battle." I said sharing that aspect of Alice's vision.
"Well, fine. That doesn't mean I forgive him." Esme said with a touch of frustration, although it did seem to cut off her anger.
"Oh no, I don't mean for her. She is with someone else by then." I corrected, feeling like the limited information I did have was better than nothing.
"Really, she saw that?" Esme asked and I nodded. "Who?"
"That's the question, although I have an inkling if she is ever willing to allow herself to think about it." I said, I had some guesses based on her mind and the mind of the man I could see her with.
"That would mean you think it is someone already in our lives. Emmett?" Esme guessed, but scrunched her nose at the idea.
"Hardly, they love each other but they don't love each other and I doubt that would ever change. I'm talking about Chief Swan."
Esme shook her head in disagreement or disbelief a couple of times, and then she tilted her head in thought. "That makes a strange and fitting sense, she would've never been able to admit an attraction to him because of Jasper, and he would have believed she was a teenager, underage and forbidden."
"While I appreciate the conjecture, perhaps we hold off matchmaking until our current crisis is over?" Carlisle interjected, and we both looked at him guiltily.
"I'm going back home. I need to check on them." I said and Carlisle nodded, but stopped me first by putting a hand on my shoulder.
"I'm so glad you are okay, my son. When Bella called, I almost lost my mind with worry." Carlisle looked at me with such love that I was momentarily humbled. It was easy to take for granted the father he had become. In so many ways, he was more of my parent than my human father had ever been.
"Father, I never say it enough, but I love you. Both of you." I smiled at Carlisle first, who looked so happy that if he were human, he would've been teary eyed. Then at Esme who immediately pulled me into a tight hug. I sighed heavily and looked at them both one more time before taking off for home.
The long run felt good, the wind against my skin was liberating. I was lost in thought and then I heard a sound I couldn't quite place. I expanded my mind again, and suddenly felt the presence of three of the Quileute pacing me from a safe distance. Wolves followed me, gauging me, measuring to see if I was an easy target. I felt them inching closer, and simple math made it clear I was going to lose in that altercation. I pushed my speed, faster than I usually ran and soon I left them far behind, one letting loose a howl of frustration.
As I got within eyesight of home, I stopped to gather my thoughts and make sure I didn't look as worried as I felt.
"Damn." I whispered to myself, pulling out my cell. It rang twice before Carlisle picked up. "The wolves are growing bold; they will start attacking us soon. We need to call that parlay."
"With everything, I don't know how receptive they will be. I'll attempt to contact them tonight." Carlisle's voice was frowning.
"I'm home, but we shouldn't move around alone anymore." I suggested, already feeling exposed.
"Understood. I'll see you soon." Carlisle hung up first, and I slid my phone back in my pocket before going inside.
Charlie looked worse as I arrived, he had entered the final stage before the external changes would present themselves. I had never seen a transformation of anyone near Charlie's age, he wasn't old, but he wasn't a teenager like most of us had been. Even Carlisle was in his twenties when he was turned. I was curious how much of his age would be preserved, or whether our physical beauty would rob him of those years etched into his face?
I stood near Bella, making sure she was aware of my presence without intruding on her physical space. She held onto her father for a few more hours before looking at Rose and Alice, then up at me.
"How much longer?" She said pleading, I could see the toll this was taking on her.
"Soon, you can see his skin has started to change. The external appearance is the last alteration before we wake as the venom works its way from the inside out. He should start to hear us again soon, as you are aware." Rose explained, pointing towards the tips of Charlie's fingers. Then she reached up and stroked Bella cheek; I looked away as Bella closed her eyes again and pressed her face into the touch.
"I remember, this part was strange. Everything changed all at once, my mind and my senses expanded a hundred-fold in what felt like seconds. Things that made sense were turned upside down, and people that felt safe were suddenly strangers and instant potential enemies. Dad, if you can hear me I'm here, I'm alive and soon you will be awake and that fire will never hurt you again like this." Bella reached out and pushed a stray lock of his hair back into place.
Before he had begun the transformation, my encounters with Chief Swan left me with the impression that he was simple minded, not stupid, just without significant depth. It was an attribute common to far too many people. It was in fact his shield, which created an illusion of simplicity. It was surprising to discover he was sharply focused, and driven by intense curiosity and compassion, and deeply intelligent and surprisingly well read. He loved simple pleasures like fishing and baseball because they distracted him from the boredom of small-town life, and a job which rarely challenged him despite his calling to serve the people.
Slowly the lines around his eyes, forehead and mouth began to fade, not entirely but enough that he easily lost fifteen years from his face. The specks of gray in his hair and mustache disappeared, and the black of his hair turned lush, shiny and vibrant. I had always thought of Charlie as an attractive man with a strong presence. He was a force of good in town, and I sorely wished that this had never happened to him. Yet here we were, watching this good man change into something else.
Would he be a monster? Would he give into selfish impulses like most of our kind? Or would he follow in his daughter's footsteps? All I knew was that Charlie didn't deserve this, this life of sacrifice and isolation.
"He's ready." Alice said softly, her voice tentative barely audible. She stood and backed away from us before disappearing into the house. I started to say something to stop her, but I could understand her fears. I wondered how long it would take her to face Charlie? My distraction proved short lived, as Charlie's transformation completed and his heart came to rest.
His awakening was typical of our kind, as he felt the new sensations of flesh and senses and reacted instinctively. His crimson eyes opened, and Bella moved back and held her breath in fear. He looked up at the ceiling for a long time, and then threw himself forward spinning to face us in midair. As he landed, he let out a deep growl, and I could see Bella taken aback by the hostility.
"Dad! It's me Bella!" Her melodic voice strained and taught with emotion. He wasn't as lost as most newborns, and I could see his intellectual mind trying to assert control over his impulses. His aggression partially faded, and his face softened as he saw Bella for the first time.
"Bells." His new voice was difficult to marry to his old self, even having witnessed the transformation before it was hard to see the old man inside this new shell. Yet his affection for her was painfully clear. He moved without hesitation and pulled her into a monstrous hug, lifting her off the ground and twirling her around several times before setting her down. He pulled away to get a good look at her face, his smile was infectious, and I couldn't help but grin like a fool with him. If we could cry her face would be stained with tears, and he would've been as well. Because as soon as he absorbed her features his smile fell.
"What happened? Why are you so different?" He was deeply confused, and his instincts were playing havoc on his concentration. That's when he saw me, and somehow drew quick parallels between me and his daughter. This snap deduction allowed him to put two and two together, that somehow, I had done something to Bella. His face changed, and he let go of her. Then in an action I almost couldn't track he turned and lunged at me with a vicious roar and hatred in his eyes.
Sunday, September 18, 2005 - Bella
"Dad?" My voice was teetering on the edge between calm and hysteria, but it produced the desired effect. Dad blinked and his vision cleared for a moment, but the violence in his eyes was immediately replaced by a strange sort of pain, and I flinched as the hurt crossed his face.
"Bells, he made you like this didn't he?" He was so rabid that his words sounded more like a series of grunts and hisses rather than intelligent speech.
"No!" I shouted to get his attention, and he paused for less than a heartbeat, but the moment felt bloated and exaggerated. "Carlisle changed me."
"Why? Why did he make you into a monster?" Charlie's voice broke on the last word, and it came out as almost a broken whisper.
"I was dying, and in more pain than I could endure. I was dating Edward and I think Carlisle wanted to give me something because he couldn't fix me. I knew what I had to give up, they explained it to me fully. I never wanted to hurt you or mom, but I couldn't pass up this opportunity. Not only because they offered me the world, but I love them all so much. And knowing what I know now, I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that I would've made the same choice no matter the circumstances, I think I was born to be like this." I felt passionate and confident and it seemed to be making a difference as my father's eyes started to slow down their wild scanning of the room and focus on me.
"But you hurt people, right? It doesn't take a genius to see that I was attacked by a fucking vampire! Am I a vampire now?" Charlie was confused and lost in a new world he didn't understand, he was now staring at with disbelief and terror clearly written on his face.
"Yes you're a vampire, and no we don't hurt people. We need blood to survive, but we feed off animals, not people. The one that attacked you isn't like this family, and we deeply disagree with her chosen lifestyle." I could see the explanation get to him, and he seemed to gain some control over his instinctual urges and managed to focus, falling to his knees.
"I don't understand. Bella, my god Bella. How are you real? Is this real?" He shook his head looking around and finally taking in his surroundings.
"I'm here, this is real." I said softly, moving to his side and placing my hands on each side of his face, forcing him to focus on me alone, in the hope of helping him regain some semblance of himself.
"I was at my house and Alice was there and she said all these things about being a vampire and then that woman was there with those red eyes and I heard wolves and then I had this long dream about being this ancient warlord that rose to power it was so weird wait how long have I been out?" He spoke without pause, a stream of consciousness, and I had no idea how to interject and explain.
"About three days, it's Sunday." Rose answered from behind me.
"Wait, Bella, you traded your life for a boy? I thought you were smarter than that." He gave me a look of such disappointment that I couldn't stop the anger that flared up.
"No, you don't say that. I struggled for a year with unbelievable pain, and I could barely write or enjoy my life. The night I was turned, I practically wrote my entire first novel. I'm planning on finishing it in the next couple of days. As for the boy, I'm not with Edward anymore." I held back sending a glare towards Edward, he didn't need more harassment after nearly losing his head to my father's outburst.
"That's great honey, I'm so… damn it. What is wrong with my head?" Charlie clutched at his head, forcing me to let go. I wanted to reach back out and help him, but he was moving so violently and randomly that I couldn't find an opening.
"You are in the throes of newborn thirst, feeding will help calm down your mind. Although you are partially controlled, perhaps you have a shield like Bella." Rose interjected, moving next to me and pressing slightly into my side for support. I wanted to pull her close, but we had to tell my father about us first before any public displays of affection.
"Dad has powers?" I asked her, and her face softened sympathetically as she looked at me.
"Maybe, it would help explain a few things, and Mason alluded to something like that already." Edward said before Rose could respond, and I shot him a glare despite needing to give him some relief from my previous anger.
"What nonsense are you all on about? Powers? This isn't some comic book." Dad asked, straightening up and glaring at everyone around the room. His gaze lingering on me and Rosalie and our close proximity.
"You are a vampire Mister Swan, how are powers any more unbelievable than your current state of existence. More to the point, I can read minds." Edward explained from his spot several feet away.
"And I can… actually that might work. Mr. Swan, I have the gift of compulsion, I might be able to help with your control issues." Rose grabbed a hold of my hand and gave me a big kiss on the cheek before her eyes went wide and she stared at my Dad with a touch of fear.
"I was wrong, it wasn't about a boy." Dad looked like he was in shock, but then shook his head with a small chuckle as if he were laughing at his own joke.
"We didn't start this until after I was turned, and yes. Rose and I are together." I confirmed, and dad just nodded once.
"Better choice, and if you trust her Bells I have no issues. Although I think I'll take you up on that offer, I don't think I can be like this for much longer. Actually, this insanity I keep having to shove down, is this normal?" His expression shifted, and it was clear he was deeply uncomfortable.
"No, you are far more civil than you should be capable of at this point in your second life. For most of us we are wild savage animals for months." Edward interjected again, this time Rose gave him a dark glare and he finally took the hint and left the room looking somewhat guilty at least.
"When did this start?" Dad asked, waving his hand between us.
"Friday." I admitted sheepishly, the truth being somewhat hard to wrap my head around. For me it had felt like a month, especially now that I no longer had to sleep. But more than that, because of how my mind worked, hours felt so much longer than before. Hell, even a second could seem like an eternity.
"It feels longer honestly." Rose agreed, squeezing my hand and looking into my eyes with affection and longing. It made me realize she was ready for more, and I wanted to just give in right that moment, but I couldn't be selfish. I had to support my father through this change.
"I thought you were involved with Emmett." Dad finally asked the obvious question.
"Technically we were married, all of us are a lot older than we look." Rose looked a touch nervous explaining that detail and Charlie's eyes narrowed.
"How much older?" He had more than a touch of anger in his voice.
"Um… okay so when we are turned we are locked into our personality, developmentally speaking. So I will always be physically and mentally eighteen years old. However, I was born in nineteen-fifteen." Rose explained, being very specific at framing the fact that for all intents and purposes she was actually my age. From his reaction it wasn't working.
"You're ninety years old? What about Edward?" He asked with a clear anger and more than a little incredulity.
"He's older than me." Rose admitted, but clearly didn't want to set my father off again.
"By how much?" He said somewhat evenly, but I could see something in his eyes that told me he was covering.
"Fourteen years. He just turned one-hundred and four back in June." Rose kept her voice even, but squeezed my hand a bit tighter.
I looked at her and then up to where Edward was waiting in his room. "Really, I didn't know that, he never told me his birthday. Actually, when is your birthday?"
"January tenth." Rose said with a bit of a strained look on her face, perhaps she had a story related to her birthday. Either way I made a mental note to ask her about it later, then I gave her a big smile.
"Yay, I didn't miss your birthday for our first year together." I said as I pulled her closer, wrapping an arm around her waist. She immediately did the same and pressed into my side, which made me momentarily distracted.
"But I missed your birthday. I wrapped all your gifts, they're sitting on your bed right now." Dad said, drawing my attention back to him.
"Oh, wow." I said, my mouth falling open. I'd forgotten the timing of all of this, he lost me on my birthday.
"I'll get them." Alice said with a small voice from behind us, startling me because I hadn't heard her come back into the room.
"Alice, I'm so sorry for doubting you." He took a step towards her, but she shook her head to keep him away.
"You're sorry, oh god Charlie… I'm responsible for what happened to you. I should never have gone to you like that. Not when there was a lurking threat, it was reckless and stupid." Alice's voice was so far from the bright and joyful tone she usually had that my heart went out to her. I had to work on repairing our friendship, because I couldn't let her continue to slide into misery and depression.
"Maybe, but you gave me back my daughter. I will forever be in your debt for that." Dad gave Alice a look so happy and sincere that she completely broke down, her chin quivering as she started to turn towards the door.
"I… I'll be back." She muttered as she sped away.
"Just give her time, she's going through a lot right now." Rosalie explained as Dad gave us a confused look.
"How so?" He asked, looking after Alice as the door closed softly behind her.
"A bunch of things really. Her involvement in what happened to you, her constant attempts to interfere with fate to prevent the worst possible outcome for everyone. Especially for me and Angela." I said the words, and realized my mistake as he shot me a look of such disappointment that I winced.
"Angela?" He said with a touch of anger, his brow furrowing in concern.
"Yeah, she's involved in this, she also knows I'm alive and what we are." I admitted, because he would find out soon regardless. I just wasn't sure how to tell him about Mason as well, it was all too much.
"That was reckless." He shook his head, the disappointment now explicitly written on his face.
"Not my choice, I wouldn't have involved her." I tried to keep my own anger in check, a soft reminder that I was still in the throes of newborn thirst as well, no matter how much my gift kept it in check.
"Good to know, so what else is bothering her, it sounded like you weren't finished, also how can she play with fate. Are you telling me she can see the future?" His guess was accurate, and I could see the sharpness of his mind return. It was so easy to forget he was the smartest person I had known until I met the Cullens.
"There's a long list that probably isn't really my place to say, but yes she can see the future. That's why she's been so pained, plus she just had a major vision that she seems reluctant to tell us about. Which means it is very bad." I frowned as I explained, I had reacted emotionally to her involvement in what happened to Dad, when she was just trying to figure out what to do with everything she had seen.
"Dad, I should take you on your first hunt."
"Let me do my thing first, give him some control." Rose interjected, and I nodded. She immediately turned towards my father. "Mr. Swan, um, please look into my eyes."
"Okay, sure." He said elongating the oh sound.
"You are in control of your impulses, you have your thirst restrained behind a wall made of the strongest material you can imagine. When you feed you will not lose your mind, your focus or your humanity. When you sense a human presence you will be able to resist the pull of their scent, the taste of their blood will not tempt you. This command will end when you are confident of your own control." Her words seemed to echo, and for a moment dad was completely enraptured, then he was quiet for several seconds before blinking and shaking his head with a disparaging chuckle.
"You're kidding right? I didn't feel a thing." He sounded completely unimpressed, but his eyes were far clearer and his posture was better. He looked like himself, well except for the differences in his appearance.
"Right, it didn't work." I could tell Rose was holding back her own satisfied grin, and looked at me and gave me a quick wink. "Perhaps it is for the best if we don't venture too close to Forks, and maybe I should go with you just in case. Together we could potentially hold him back if the need arises."
"Hold me back from what?" Dad asked with a clear lack of understanding about all of this.
"People, you could be a danger to any human you come across." Rose said with a seriousness that got his attention, and he nodded with a clear understanding and resolve. I knew how he felt, he would never voluntarily submit to feeding on human blood, because I felt the same.
"Alright let's do this hunting thing. Are we using shotguns or rifles?" He asked, cocking his head and starting to look a bit excited. His last hunting trip was with Harry, and I was sure he was trying not to dwell on that loss now that he had me back.
"That's funny, we don't use weapons, we are the weapons." Rose said with a bit of a mischievous smile, then let us out for a hunt.
Sunday, September 18, 2005 - Edward
There was a knock on the front door as I settled back down in front of my piano, I could feel the absence of a mind at the door which told me exactly who was visiting.
"Come in Mason." I said so that he could hear me as I began to tap at the keys, "What brings you here?" I glanced at him and found him looking a touch gloomy. I stopped and spun around to face him, repressing the sigh I felt the urge to let out.
"I wanted to talk to Carlisle, but Esme said his shift doesn't end for another few hours. To be honest I'm not sure exactly what I'm doing here." I felt my familiar lopsided grin cross my face.
"I know what you mean." I said with more melancholy than expected. I was alone again, and I wasn't sure if I could face that loneliness again after being so close to something wonderful. Yet I could tell why he was upset, even without looking into his mind. "Please beg my pardon, I must ask you a question."
"Of course, go ahead." He replied amiably.
"Angela." I said simply. He frowned and looked out at the endless wilderness through the back window for a few minutes. Then turned and motioned for me to sit with him.
"Honestly, I'm terrified. I've never felt like this about anyone, in fact I never thought I could feel this way about anyone. It would never have occurred to me that I would fall for a human, especially considering my past." He looked vulnerable and seemed to be genuinely seeking my insight or advice.
"It must be hard to take responsibility for your legacy. But that shouldn't be a factor in your feelings. Angela is special. When I first arrived in this town I was drawn to her too. She is kind and selfless and genuinely cares. A rare trait, unfortunately." I wasn't sure it was right to confess I had often used her mind as a refuge from the doldrums of life at Forks high-school, but I needed him to know that he had chosen well since he couldn't read her mind like I was capable of doing.
He simply nodded in agreement. "She doesn't see it that way. I don't think she believes she is worthy of being with me. How could I possibly explain the irony in those sentiments? I feel the same way, that she deserves so much more than me. Every time I imagine the future with her, all I see is a violent truth coming soon. How can I condemn someone so good to a life like ours?" He closed his eyes and shook his head in confusion.
"I know what you mean, I felt the same about Bella. But the choice was taken from me, so while I can sympathize, I can't really give you any advice." He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment.
"I imagine she is with her father." Mason asked, effectively changing the subject.
"Bella and Rosalie are taking him for his first hunt now. We may ask you to sense him for gifts, he seems to have some form of shield like Bella, but it's different. I guess Bella's gifts came from somewhere." Mason nodded and settled his gaze out at the river behind the house.
"Do you think we'll have to stay away while Chief Swan establishes his control?" He asked, obviously referring to Angela.
"Angela's safety is always going to be a concern while she is human, but Rose was able to compel him to resist his impulses. I guess it is ultimately her decision if she wants to take the risk, but I'm sure Charlie will be able to restrain himself. If not, someone will always be with them, so I'm not terribly concerned. I'm more worried about her to be honest, and a part of that is the primary question I have for you. What are your feelings and intentions towards her? If you think it is even a possibility that you don't want to be with her for eternity, you shouldn't even consider turning her." I warned, but he just chuckled sardonically.
"Wanting to be with her isn't my issue. I could look into her eyes for the remainder of my existence and feel content and blissfully happy with just that simple joy. However, there are two pressing issues with my commitment to her, and neither have anything to do with my feelings. I'm concerned about the moral issues with robbing her of a mortal life. But more pertinent, is what I feel hidden inside of her, and how that will affect who she might become when she turns. I sense a deep well of power in her that could be volatile, and I'm afraid that the fire will burn away the woman that I love." He looked genuinely concerned, as if this aspect of her inevitable turn were more concerning than the moral dilemma.
"Interesting. Do you know what that power will be?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.
"Not so much." He said, then paused before elaborating further. "I told her that she would be gifted, but I lied a little, I said it would be wonderful. While true it will be a wondrous power, I do not know what to expect beyond the vague feeling of a willpower that rivals Rosalie."
"If it turns out like Alice's vision, her power is terrifying."
"What did you see?"
"She could draw life from anyone around her, turning a vampire to dust in seconds."
"That makes sense, but I am confident that is the negative side of her gift. I guess there is no way to be sure until it happens."
"It was intense, and you're right, we'll deal with it if… when it happens. God, our Coven is growing very large." I said with a small smirk, counting Mason and Angela we numbered ten.
"A potential threat to the Volturi, especially if they learn I have chosen to settle here." He said with a small frown. "Anyway, we need…" I stopped him holding up a finger.
"Lower your defenses for a moment." I said in answer to the question in his eyes. He nodded and I felt the walls in his mind fall.
"Victoria just appeared at the edge of my senses. She's hard to read, but I believe she's come to watch us, to gauge our powers and patterns." I sent it telepathically to him. He smiled at me and nodded. We moved in separate directions and approached her as stealthily as possible. Yet somehow, she anticipated us and took off. She was fast, faster than me and far more evasive.
"I don't understand, how is she so capable now?" Mason thought towards me, keeping his mental wall down so we could communicate during the chase. I reached out toward Emmett, Carlisle and Esme hoping they could intercept her.
"We're on our way." Carlisle replied while I was still connected to his thoughts.
We ran far longer than we expected, her destination elusive at first. Then we crossed into more populated areas, and we realized she was heading for the city. If she made it to Seattle, she would have no problem evading us entirely.
After the rest of the family caught up, I tried to direct our attack. Focusing on her mind I found she wasn't an open book. Her thoughts were evasive as she constantly changed tactics as she ran. Eventually she decided on a course, although somehow her plans remained frustratingly obscure. I had no idea how she was able to conceal as much from my gift, or how she had managed to book a plane ticket without any of us hearing.
"She's headed to the airport." I broadcasted to everyone, and Mason nearly growled in frustration.
"That makes no sense, she's a nomad." Esme responded, her feelings of confusion coming through with her thoughts.
"A sophisticated one. She must have some form of gift, but I am not sensing anything strange from her." Mason interjected, answering one question but raising several more.
"She seems to have some kind of preternatural danger sense." I replied, making a guess. "Damn, she's too far in. We have to slow down."
We crossed into areas with cameras and more people, and Carlisle called a car for us. We attempted to follow Victoria's mental signature, but eventually had to break off the chase and head towards the airport in the hopes that we could cut her off from her planned escape. When we arrived, I found it nearly impossible to pick her out of the crowd and looked desperately through every mind as quickly as I could. Eventually I found her, her presence moving quickly away from us. The only thing I could glean from her mind was a single name.
"Maria." I said out loud.
"Jasper's Maria?" Esme said with a gasp.
"Yeah, Victoria and Maria go way back. She's headed south somewhere." I said with a frown, sensing almost a familial connection conjured by Victoria's mental image of Maria.
"Well, that gives us a lead at least. We will find Jasper." Emmett said with a big grin. "Then we knock him across the face."
"Emmett, you're not helping." Esme scolded.
"Let's hope he knows where Maria lives." Carlisle said, sounding upset. "Mason, I'm sorry we couldn't get to her."
"No, but I have to get back to Forks, I need to watch Angela." He said, shaking his head. "I would've followed her."
"We know. Does anyone have a clue where to start looking for Jasper?" Carlisle asked, looking a touch lost.
"He had been spending time with Peter and Charlotte, I assume he joined up with them." Esme replied, as she turned off on the freeway heading back towards Forks.
"Well, it's a start. I know they prefer the Canadian wilds. I hope Jasper still checks his voice mail." Carlisle said with a notable sigh. "Edward, I want you and Emmett to try and track Victoria south. Esme and I will try to find Jasper. Let's not tell Alice for now, I don't know how she will take things. I'll let Bella and Rosalie know what is going on when I get home. Mason, are you confident you can protect Angela alone?" Carlisle asked, and Mason nodded his head.
"Nothing is more important to me." He said forlornly and turned to look out the window. Esme stopped so Emmett and I could get out and head to the airport. I glanced at him and he shrugged as we started towards the city. Heading South was such a general notion, but I knew the first place to start; Mexico.
As I sat in the airport waiting for the next flight to Mexico City, both Emmett and I were quiet and unwilling to talk about the giant wall of misery we were both feeling. Eventually he looked over and shook his head.
"I think I finally understand how you felt all those years." He was frowning, his life had been so defined by Rosalie that losing her had shattered his sense of self.
"I know you loved her, but are you sure she was the one?" I asked, not really sure how to help him through his pain.
He gave me an angry look, and then his expression fell and he shrugged. "I'm not sure anymore. I mean she saved my life and she's… well she's Rosalie. The most beautiful woman I have ever seen, will ever see most likely. But she was always distant and a bit prickly, and she loved me but honestly I'm not sure she was ever in love with me. But that didn't matter to me, but now after seeing how she looks at Bella, I know what I've been missing. It's just hard to wrap my head around."
"Yeah, when they announced they were together and I saw how much they were into one another, I felt it too. I knew at that moment any chance I had with Bella was over, and honestly I wish them all the happiness. But it does sting, and now I'm looking down the long road of eternity alone, just when I was starting to imagine having a partner to share this existence." I let out a small blast of a dark chuckle at the irony of finding someone I could be with and ruining my chances utterly and completely. It wasn't just my seconds of hesitation, it was my inability to physically connect with her while she was human. It wasn't that I didn't want to touch her, I was just worried about her fragility, that a single wrong touch would hurt her even more than I already had. Of course that was the rub, I had hurt her, I wasn't deserving of her love and I should never have pursued her in the first place. Looking back I could see how wrong it was, how selfish, and that was the hardest thing to admit; I was wrong about everything.
"Wow, and I thought I was in a downer mood." Emmett smirked at me, and I just sighed and nodded.
"Hey, I've just been at it longer. But hey, we have an exciting adventure ahead of us, full of danger and who knows what we will encounter." I said trying to inject a bit of positivity into our fairly depressing mood.
"Point, yeah, I want to protect the family but we should try to have fun." Emmett perked up a bit, and managed a half smile.
"Well, fun might be a stretch." I replied, not really capable of holding back my low expectations of the path before us.
"Fine mister pessimism, we'll ride the excitement then. Sheesh." Emmett clapped me on the back, and shook his head in mild disappointment at my attitude. While he seemed to be regaining himself to a degree, which was a good sign.
"Sorry, I often forget to allow enjoyment of the moment, but I promise to try." I gave him as much of a bright smile as I was able, and it seemed to work as his eyes lit up and he gave me a big toothy grin.
"Awesome, that's our flight." He said standing up, I had been so focused on our conversation I hadn't even heard the announcement.
As we sat down I closed the window and turned to him with a whisper, "I checked the itinerary, we should arrive in Rio about ten minutes before her flight does, we might be able to catch her right away."
"I doubt we'll be that lucky." Emmett sounded down again, and I wondered if maybe he had been putting on an act before. I did a flash check of his mental state, and he was still dwelling on his life with Rosalie. Of course it was a front, so I decided to try and cheer him up a bit.
"Now who is mister pessimism?" I chided him, and he rolled his eyes. As the direct flight down to Mexico began to roll down the tarmac I felt a strange wave of euphoria, like I was leaving my life behind me. It was a strange sensation, but not an altogether unpleasant one.
Author's Notes:
This was originally split up into two different chapters, but the continuity was funky. The next few chapters are going to need a bit more clean up than I originally thought, so the pace of posting might slow down a bit.
Next Chapter: Fish Aren't the Answer
Thank you so much for reading until this point, and please take a moment to leave a comment!