A/N
Hai y'all! Remember when I said don't expect an update to this anytime soon? Well I lied to everyone because this hasn't been updated in 5-6 months. I like to keep updates between 1-2 months. With all my stories, and work both at home, and hopefully irl soon (went to a job interview yesterday 3), and my own inspiration, updating on any timescale less than a month would be near impossible for me. So here we are.
Next up on publishing is Devil's advocate, and then either Lone Wolf, or Wolf Witch Giant. After all of those are updated, expect at least a week before new stories. So expect maybe two, three at the latest, weeks before new stories. I'll only be publishing a few new ones before I update all the old ones again, so just sit back, relax, read everything, read it again, and PLEASE enjoy ;;
I know this story last left off on a….. Not so wholesome note. And a technical cliffhanger. I am not sorry about that. Now to answer some questions people have sent me.
When are we set? Very well before the first Thor movie. Asgard and Earth run on different time scales, so what they see as ten years could be several hundred for us. Ergo I have no set date for when this is set, but it is before the first Thor movie.
What is the age difference between Mara and Loki? I know the MCU has its own set standard for how old Loki and Thor are, and that equivalent in human years. I am not going with that standard. Why? Because I'm the writer and also the idea that in the Avengers movie Loki is essentially 17 in midgard terms is just all the no to me. Right now in the fic in human terms, Loki is about 20 years old, and Mara 18.
Mara and Loki seem to have chemistry, when will they get together? Not ANY time soon. I'm not going to tell you when they get close close, as it may give away some spoilers, but trust me. This is not the chapter they do it, and that chapter won't be coming for a loooooooong time. So get ready for unrequited love on a slow burn.
Mara seems a bit oblivious to Loki's advances and the whole situation in general. Is she really clueless, or does she fall on the ace spectrum? Yes and also yes. Mara has little to no experience with relationships besides platonic friendships given her upbringing. She falls on the demisexual portion of the spectrum, and since she has trouble defining the difference between platonic friendship and someone wanting to be with her in that way, she will be a bit difficult to get into a relationship.
What is up with Mara, she's weird. Spoilerssssssss. As far as I can tell as you've seen, she has trauma revolving around losing a loved one, and family trauma from her mother. Aside from that you're gonna have to read the story!
If you have questions about this or other fics, feel free to comment on this or other fics with your questions, or dm me (however comments are preferred 3), and I'll do my best to answer them in the next update of the fic you asked about.
Alright, Q&A, publishing list, and updates on things over, on to the trigger warnings and then the story! Also, translation: faen is Norwegian for f*ck, pronounced like fawn
TRIGGER WARNINGS: Familial abuse, trauma, sexual themes, sexual assault
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Chapter 7
Mara groaned, the sound rumbling in her chest but not quite making it out. Everything was spinning and black. Wait, no, her eyes were just closed.
She tried to open them, but they felt heavier than a bale of hay. Or maybe two. Gaia above she was so tired. What had happened? Everything was so muddled… it felt like something was pounding her head…
Her head. The alley. Mother.
She dragged her eyes open, staring blearily at a hazy yellowish ceiling. She tried blinking, and slowly started getting her vision back. There was a soft murmur in the air… people were in the room, talking. She couldn't focus on their words yet, but it would probably happen eventually.
She tried to sit up, but her limbs must have been made of wood. Or maybe she didn't have limbs anymore, as she couldn't feel or move any part of her body. Well, her lungs were moving, and her heart too. Otherwise she wouldn't be alive.
Her eyes drifted closed again, and she let out a sigh. It must have been louder than she thought, because not long later a hand was on her arm, another brushing a lock of hair off of her face.
She forced her eyes open again and a figure was above her, a hazy figure, but after blinking she could make out the long blond hair braided over her shoulder. She looked about Mother's age, but so much kinder.
The woman's mouth moved, but she couldn't focus enough on what she said. The woman must have snaked her arm underneath Mara's back, because she was suddenly lifted up gently, something pressed to her lips.
A cold liquid started to fill her mouth, making it feel more numb than she already was. She swallowed a bit, and as soon as it was inside her, the liquid jump started every part of her it touched, from her mouth down to her throat, making it easier to swallow all of what this woman was feeding her.
She was laid back down, and the liquid, most likely a potion, started working its way through her, making it easier to breathe, clearing her vision, even bringing back feeling to her extremities.
She pulled herself back up, coughing a bit, holding her head. Even though that potion had woken her body up, it didn't take away all the lingering pain.
She groaned, wrinkling her nose, "Ow."
"It's alright dear, take your time. You're safe now."
She frowned at the woman, "Who- who are you? Where am I?"
The woman smiled at her, putting a bowl down on a table, "My name is Frigga. You're in the healing center."
Mara shook her head a bit, trying to focus a bit more, "How… how did I get here?"
"You were found in an alley dear. My boys were out with their friends, and they recognized your friends when they were searching for you. My youngest was the one who spotted you on the ground."
Frigga sat on the end of the bed, looking at her gravely, "Dear, do you remember what happened?"
"Wh-what do you mean?"
Frigga put her hand over Mara's, "You were found half dead in an alley. You had blunt force trauma to your head, 17 broken ribs, and both your legs were dislocated from your hips. I did my best to heal you, but you lost a lot of blood, and we didn't have anything safe to give you. My boys looked for any evidence, but your attacker left nothing. Do you remember anything about the person who attacked you?"
Mara pursed her lips, looking down at her hands. Of course she knew who attacked her. But if she told people that, her mother may be locked up, leaving father alone to take care of everyone with all her other siblings.
Then there was the chance she wasn't locked up at all. They were alone in that alley. If people came for her mother regarding this, more trouble was going to come. She would be fully separated from her family.
But was that really such a big deal? The only one who cared for her anymore was father. There was nothing left for her back on the farm. No home anymore besides Asgard.
"No…. it was too dark, I'm sorry."
She sighed, "No need to be sorry dear. You're the victim. Is there anything you can tell me about the person who attacked you? Even if you didn't see their face, maybe you saw their frame?"
She shook her head, "No, they hit me over the back of the head. I never saw them, and they got the drop on me."
"I see."
Mata fidgeted in the bed, wringing her hands, "How… how long was I out?"
"A little over a week dear."
She took a shaky breath in, "Will this affect my admittance to my classes? The attack and healing that is."
Frigga tilted her head, giving her an odd look, "Your… classes? What do you mean dear?"
Mara started to take a breath in to explain, but there was a gentle knock at the door, and it creaked open and a young woman's head popped in.
"Ma'am, your sons and those girls are back again."
Frigga sighed and stood up, straightening her dress, "Tell them she finally woke up, and let them in. I have some matters to attend to."
She nodded to Mara, "Take care dear."
She left and a few seconds later the door swung open and Cherri and Valka ran through the door, launching themselves at her, hugging her tightly and crying.
"Mara, we're so so so so sorry. Val and I stopped to look at this new collection, and when we turned to talk to you, you were gone, and then we found you in that alley and you weren't breathing."
Mara choked, patting her arm, "Please stop hugging me or I might stop breathing again."
The girls rapidly backed off, apologizing some more while she tried to get some air into her lungs and take stock of what was happening. Two people were standing in the corner. She looked over and it was…. Loki and Thor?!
"What are you…"
Thor was leaning against the wall and looking out the window as Loki stepped forward, "My brother and I were getting drinks with our friends and we found those two running around in a panic calling for you. So we stopped to help."
Thor snorted, "More like you tried to ditch us to go running off to search for your new friend."
Cheri and Valka both crossed their arms and glared at the crown prince as he all but sulked against the wall.
Valka flipped her braid over her shoulder, "Who would have thought the golden prince of Asgard was an absolute-"
Cherri elbowed her, effectively shutting Val up. Mara couldn't help but laugh, covering her mouth. This entire thing was surreal. Maybe she was still unconscious. Or maybe even dead. She did get hit pretty hard by mothers cane. This could all be a hallucination, or a fever dream.
She must have been laughing a bit strange, as when she focused back in on the group, everyone was giving her an odd look.
Cherri came up and felt her head, "You feeling good there Em?"
"Oh yeah, I'm great." she giggled a bit more, leaning back into the bed, "Absolutely great."
She closed her eyes, and as the group started to argue with each other more, she just drowned them out. Thoughts passed through her head, but vanished just as quickly as they went in. nothing seemed to be in focus.
Eventually, the sounds of everyone stopped. They must have given up on fighting. Good. she might be able to focus now…
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Many hours later
Mara woke up with another groan. It was dark in the room, and there was light on the wall, but it was dim, probably from a single candle.
A soft sound went through the room. It was… paper. Paper on paper. Someone was reading a book in the room.
She sat up and looked around for the source. Someone was sitting in the corner next to a candle, book in hands.
"Who are you?"
The figure looked up, candlelight drifting across their face. Loki.
"You're awake again. Feeling better?"
Mara rubbed the side of her head, "Well, the throbbing is over."
He was suddenly at her side, the back of his hand against her forehead. It was softer than she expected, and cold.
"You still have a bit of a fever, but you're not slurring anymore."
"I was slurring?"
He chuckled, sitting down by her knees on the bed, "Yes. The potion my mother gave you was full of healing herbs and a bit of magic, but it has the side effect of making you very numb and woozy, similar to being drunk."
Mara rubbed her face, then her breath caught, "Wait, that-" her face went even warmer, "That was the Queen?!"
Loki laughed a bit, taking her hand, "Welcome back Miss Gardner."
She covered her face and groaned. If Gaia could swallow her into the earth at this moment, it would be preferable.
He chuckled a bit more, squeezing her hand, "You keep running into us. Many would love to be you."
She sighed and let her hand drop to her side, "What now?"
"What do you mean?"
She snorted, "What else could I mean? Is this going to affect my standing with the academies?"
"Oh." he smiled softly, "You truly do have a one track mind, don't you…"
She pulled her hand from his, "Of course I do. Everything banks on this."
His smile wavered a bit, "And why is that?"
Mara pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs, "I have nothing to go back to in Vanaheim. If I don't do well, I'll have nothing."
He looked at her for a moment, then looked away, "What if someone offered to help you?"
"It would be an insult to injury. If I can't handle myself, well, then…"
She sighed, resting her forehead against her knees. Too much was riding on this. Not just her future, but the futures of countless others.
"Never mind. Forget I said anything."
Loki watched her from the corner of his eye, "I see… I'm sure everything will be fine." he stood up, brushing off his tunic, "I'll let you get some more sleep. They're releasing you in a few hours."
"What, why so early?"
He smiled at her, something glinting in his eyes, "You don't realize what tomorrow is, do you?"
"I…" she pursed her lips and focused on her hands.
They said she was unconscious for a week, so a week after the day she went out, what happened next….
Her eyes went wide, "Faen faen faen faen faen faen faen faen faen faen. The academy!"
She tried to get up, pushing the blankets off of her, but Loki pushed her back into the bed, tucking her in.
"Stop. there's no point in getting up right now."
Mara fought him, wiggling as best she could, "But I have to get everything ready, and-"
Loki grabbed her hands with his, intertwining their fingers and pinning them to the bed, moving over her, a knee on either side of her waist, looking down at her face. Her breath caught in her throat. What was he doing?
He leaned down, lips tickling the skin of her neck under her ear as he whispered in barely a breath, "I said stay in bed. Now be a good girl and listen to me."
Mara froze in confusion, no longer fighting as he smirked down at her, their noses almost touching.
"Good girl."
He leaned back to her neck, kissed it, then suddenly sat up and got off the bed.
"Right. You get some sleep, and the healers will let you go in a few hours. You'll have enough time to go back to your apartment and get all your supplies. Sleep well Mara."
He left within a second, leaving her laying down, blinking at the ceiling in confusion. What had just happened?
She must still be delirious.
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A few hours later
Mara looked over as the door started rattling. It must have been just before dawn. An elderly woman walked into the room, holding a candle.
"I see you're already up dear."
Mara nodded, "I am."
"Have you been awake long?"
She pursed her lips. She had been lying awake since Loki had left her, swirling in a haze of confusion, worry, and planning. He was such a confusing person, but there was no time to think about him. She had better uses of her time.
"No Ma'am."
"Good. Let me just give you a once over and then I can send you on your way."
The woman walked over, taking her wrist and poking it, then poking her face a bit.
"Alright, you seem to be in good enough health to leave. Just sign this paper please, dear."
She took the pen and scribbled her name, putting the pen down.
"Alrighty dear, you're free to leave. Your clothes and things are in that cabinet. Just get dressed and walk on out."
Mara nodded again as the woman left. She'd been doing a lot of that lately. Wasn't unlike her, but it was getting tiring just doing the same old routine she always did at home, just with a new setting.
She wiggled her legs, groaning a bit as she tried to get up and shake the static out of her body. She grabbed her clothes, slipped them on, grabbed her bag, and walked out. It was still well before dawn, and yet again there was no sound, no people, no anything through the building.
It was an extremely large building, with endless hallways that all looked the same in the dark. Healing center… where in the name of Gaia was that? It was it's own separate building in the Forest kingdom, but here it seemed to be a part of a larger complex.
She yelped as she tripped over something, falling with a thud and a clatter of stone, which then shattered. A vase. She'd tripped over a damn VASE in the dark.
Mara rose to her hands and knees, patting around, trying to move as many shards as she could find out of the way so no one would step on them.
That's when she heard footsteps and saw a light figure approaching from down the hall.
She sat up on her knees, "Excuse me?"
The light kept approaching, and a man's voice sounded.
"Who are you?"
"I was a patient at the healing center, they discharged me, and I got lost, and it's too dark to see, can you-"
The golden figure stopped short, "Gardner?"
She blinked, "Uhm, yes? Do I know you?"
They kept walking closer and her breath caught in her throat. Thor.
"Prince Thor- I mean your highness, I-"
"What are you doing up here?"
His voice was cold, and extremely unhappy.
"I was trying to find my way out of wherever this place is to go back to my room on campus to get ready for classes, but-"
"You honestly expect me to believe that?"
His voice was incredulous to the point her fear started to dry up and replace with anger.
"It's the truth! I don't know where I am, and it's pitch black here! Would a few lights here and there kill you people?!"
He snorted, "This is the hallway to my rooms, and it's well before sunrise. No one is allowed up here. So there wouldn't be lights."
Her breath caught again, "Your- your rooms?! How in the name of Gaia did I find your room and not a bloody exit?!"
"You tell me!"
She rolled her eyes, standing up and adjusting her bag strap, "Well if I knew how it happened, I wouldn't exactly be here, now would I?!"
"Oh really?"
"Yes, your rooms are the last place I would ever want to be! Why in the name of GAIA would I go to your rooms when I have work to do?!"
Thor stared at her in disbelief, "Your defiance used to be cute, but now it's just aggravating. For the last time, why are you here, and what is your big idea with being here in Asgard and hanging around my brother?!"
"Oh I'm sorry, I'm aggravating you?! YOU are accusing me of trying to sneak into your room for no reason! Well, there is the evidence of I'm here, but why on Gaia's green lands would I want to be here?!"
He snorted smugly, "Because I'm the Crown Prince obviously."
"And?"
He spluttered a bit, caught off guard, "What do you mean and?!"
"I mean what does your title have to do with any of this? I don't care about who you are past your absolute trash attitude and personality!"
Thor seemed to be choking on air.
"Oh, I'm not done. I don't know what the women of Asgard are like, but from your reaction, I can see that all they do is feed into your massive ego and make you think you're better than everyone else! Now listen here you over puffed princeling, I just want to get the Hel out of here, go to my room, and get ready for classes, because I have more important things to do than be chasing you, or your brother around! And ANOTHER THING!"
She was breathing heavily, and Thor just had this blank shocked look on his face.
"If anything, your brother is following me around! So get this through your thick skull your highness, my life does NOT revolve around you, your brother, or ANYONE in this Gaia damned realm! Since I've been here, I've been mocked, insulted, assaulted, and slandered! What, do you have nothing better to do with your life, so that you have to make up lies about people?!"
Thor was staring down at her in disbelief. When did he get so close? Did she advance on him without knowing?
"You know nothing about me! And you are a prince for Gaia's sake! You should have more decorum than to go sulking and pouting in the healing center, or, AGAIN, making up LIES about people you have never MET!"
Thor jumped a bit, suddenly against a wall. Was she pushing him into a WALL?! Why was he even allowing this to happen.
"So I'll thank you to stop spreading baseless rumors about me and my character! You are a grown ass man, and a prince at that, so start fucking ACTING LIKE IT!"
Mara's breaths were coming in pants as she finally ended her tirade. Thor was before her, all but pinned to the hallway wall. Gaia mother of all, had she really pinned him to a wall in her rage?
She looked up at him, some hair falling in her face, still panting and trying to come down from the adrenaline, eyes flashing, as his clear blue eyes looked right back at her, flickering in the light of the lantern, almost unreadable.
She was about to take a step back when he leaned forward suddenly, a hand shooting out to wrap around her waist, pulling her close and-
Their lips met suddenly, his eyes closing, holding her to him. Mara stood in shock, staring at him in disbelief, trying to come to terms with what was happening. Finally, her brain caught up with what was going on and she yanked away, her hand flying of it's own accord to strike him across the face.
She stumbled back, a hand over her mouth, glaring at him as he stumbled back, holding his cheek and looking at her.
"I-"
She turned and ran.
"Gardner, wait!"
Like Hel she was going to listen to him. She just ran and ran, turning whenever she could, aiming to get as far away as fast as possible. Her mind spun with what happened.
Prince Thor. Crown Prince Thor of Asgard, the golden child, thunder god, had kissed her. Without her consent. And without warning. He hated her! He kept throwing a fit every time he saw her. So why would he just.
She shrieked as she suddenly ran into someone and fell to the ground AGAIN.
"Are you alright there?"
It was another man, his voice cheerful and bubbly.
"No. I need to get out of here. Can you please-"
"No problem."
He was suddenly picking her up and setting her on her feet, and taking her hand.
"I'll have you out of here in no time at all!"
He started going extremely fast, and Mara was forced to run to keep up. Then a door was flying open and a cool breeze was going across her face. She groaned in relief, taking a deep breath in.
"Thank faen."
"Don't like the dark there miss?"
"Faen no. But it's more darkness inside. Thank you for getting me out sir…."
"Fandral."
He lifted her hand up to his mouth and kissed it.
"May I know the damsel in distress's name?"
She whipped her hand from him as fast as she could. Not another one.
"No, you may not. Good morning!"
She turned and started to run off.
"Wait, who are you?!"
She called over her shoulder, "It doesn't matter city-walker!"
He tried to call after her again but she had long vanished into the garden and through the gates. She turned and looked back, going pale. The PALACE?! Of course she ended up in the palace. It was only her luck that happened.
She sighed and took off through the empty city, running as fast as she could, breathing in the cold night air deeply, grinning.
This was living.
Cold fresh air, the night sky, and endless room to run.
When was the last time she was able to just run, not because of fear, or necessity, but just to run?
She couldn't remember.
She shook her head, climbing the steps to her building, grabbing the key. It didn't matter right now. She could hear people moving around somewhere in the building as she went up the stairs and quietly unlocked the door and slipped into her room.
Cherri and Valka were full asleep, snoring so loud you could hear it from the moon most likely. Mara chuckled, setting her bag down, and sitting on her bed, laying back, covering her face.
Too much was happening. Too much she didn't understand, and some she wished she didn't. Mother, Loki, Thor, and classes to start in a few hours.
Her arms flopped to her sides, staring at the shadowy patterns the moon made on the ceiling. She kept counting as they all eventually merged into one big shadow, then little visions started dancing across her eyes as her body felt so warm and cozy.
She started with a snort as hands suddenly grabbed her and shook.
"Mara! Why didn't you wake us up?!"
Mara rubbed her eyes in the morning sun, and looked at the offending voice that woke her up. Cherri.
"We could have celebrated you getting home, why didn't you-"
Mara went stiff, "Wait, what time is it?!"
"Just after sunrise, why-"
"FAEN!"
She jumped up out of the bed, grabbing books off the shelf and tossing them into her bag.
"Faen faen faen faen FAEN, where is my-"
She grabbed her cloak off a chair, tying it loosely around her neck, shoving her hair up and securing it in a knot.
"Right, it's about thirty minute's walk, if I run, I could make it in time-"
"Mara, what is going on with you?!"
"Class Cherri! I have to go or I'll be late!"
"Don't they start in like, three hours?!"
"No, they start in one hour, and I have to be there and prepared, and, AGH-"
Mara slung her bag wildly over her shoulder.
"Love you C, bye, gotta go, nice to see you, BYEEEEEE"
She ran out of the room in a whirl, legs pumping under her. Of COURSE she had fallen asleep today of all days. Well, she DID need the sleep, but TODAY?!
She ran out of the building, avoiding all the waking girls, and was back out into the city, which was rapidly heating up under the sun, waking everyone up.
The run to the school wasn't as nice as her earlier run, but it served it's purpose as she showed her ID to the man at the gate, only a little out of breath.
Then she was able to just walk inside, find her classroom, and sit. She was the only one there so far besides the professor, who eyed her and nodded, hen went back to writing whatever they were writing.
Mara sighed in relief. Now she just had to figure out everything else, and everything would be just FINE.