I don't own digimon.

Story 99

No greater union

Ophanimon's head felt as if it had been hit a couple times with a hammer. While a normal feeling to have, this felt like it was on a whole different level. Just how wasted had she gotten the night before? If a guess had to be made, this was a new personal record in the worst possible fashion.

"Ugh…" she muttered as her eyelids slowly opened up. While the holy mother digimon knew she was supposed to be wearing her helmet at all times, it made doing just about anything a challenge. All the more reason to ditch it in favor of having vision at all times. What Rasielmon didn't know wou-

Before Ophanimon could finish that thought, her gaze came upon Seraphimon. Decked out in his usual armor, the background of the chapel he was laying against going undetected on the holy mother digimon's gaze.

"What the heck are you doing here?!" Ophanimon announced, watching her fellow archangel digimon rouse from his slumber.

"Your guess is as good as mine." Seraphimon announced and looked in Ophanimon's direction. Tempted as he was to begin slinging mud at his coworker, there was still one member missing from the trio. "Cherubimon, where are you?"

Letting his words echo out, they were met with a bark. The sound of a large creature heading their way followed, more than happy to see their owners. Not that they would say the same about Cherubimon here. If anything, it was the opposite. Given the choice, they would gladly dispose of the archangel digimon turned wannabe pooch. Coming to a stop between Ophanimon and Seraphimon, they waited a moment for the possibility of a head pat. Sadly, no such gesture came.

"Good. You're all here." a voice called out, bring with it Rasielmon. Quite happy with herself here, she was met with aggravated looks. To be expected here. "As you can probably tell, I'm kicking you from your positions."

Ophanimon raised an eyebrow. The nerve of Rasielmon. The least she could've done was give them a couple days heads-up. But no, that's asking too much here. Better to drop them down out of nowhere and just expect them to just deal with this sudden change. No wonder none of them even went through the trouble of talking with her. Served her right.

Now, they were about to pay the price here. Though, it couldn't get that much worse. It wasn't like their partners had decided polygamous marriage was the answer to their woes… right?

Letting that thought fade, the trio's attention turned back to their former boss. Shooting her a glare, all that got them was a chuckle. Not exactly the answer they wanted to see here. But it would have to do.

"Well. I need to be off. Do tell your partners I said hi." Rasielmon announced and waved, teleporting back in the process. Tempted as Ophanimon and Seraphimon were to flip Rasielmon off, they let the urge fade. Wasn't worth creating more problems than it was worth. Instead, they just watched on.

"Well fuck you too!" Ophanimon announced and shot Seraphimon a look. In turn, Seraphimon flipped her off back. Because that's totally the normal response to such a gesture in this situation and totally not that of a complete asshole.

"Perhaps if you spent less time partying and more time actually doing your dang job, then maybe we wouldn't be in this problem!" Seraphimon announced and leaned forward, only to be met with that of Ophanimon's javelin. Pointed to one of the many spots that one can kill Seraphimon with frightening ease, you do have to wonder what the design process for this idiot was. Why yes, we want to create a super angel digimon that dies to damn near everything, even when it's supposed to be far more powerful than stuff like basic devimon. Yep, that did very much happen a couple years back. It would be hilarious, if it weren't absolutely sad and pathetic. Not that MagnaAngemon was any better in the slightest. Won absolutely one fight when it counted and then got his ass kicked by damn near everyone.

"Perhaps if you actually had a spine then maybe I would!" Ophanimon screeched and took a swing. Miraculously, Seraphimon managed to dodge and watched Cherubimon close the distance. Letting out a happy bark, that gesture did get them a head pat. And a glare from Ophanimon to boot.

"Of course you take his side, you stupid mutt! You are quite possibly the worst possible person I know!" Ophanimon screeched, only to be picked up by a massive hand. Staring up, she was met with Ophani's gaze. Dressed in her casual attire, she was quite confused by the sight the holy mother digimon had created. Not helping matters was Beelzemon on Ophani's shoulder. Holding grocery bags, he was trying his hardest to not laugh. Easier said than done here.

"Eh. Ya boi has seen worse." Beelzemon announced as Ophani set Ophanimon down. Splitting her gaze between Ophanimon and Seraphimon, she was more focused on the latter than the former here.

"Oh. It's you." Ophani muttered and sighed. Good thing that Steve wasn't here. If he had been, there were likely to be words traded. "I can only hope you're happy with yourself."

Her words rolled out and Seraphimon raised his hand up. Ready to flip Ophani off, he didn't have the balls to actually go through with the gesture. No, he brought his hand down and looked away.

"What did ya do to Steve's girl?!" Beelzemon announced and Seraphimon looked away. The perfect opportunity for Ophani Opani to turn her companion around and head home. Definitely for the be-

"Yes, tell us what sin you might have commited." Ophanimon coed, Seraphimon now deciding that he very much had the willpower to flip his coworker off. Not the woman he could've saved from herself. Good to know where your allegiances are, hypocrite. Ironically, that was probably how he got to keep his position for as long as he did. No honor among thieves, that's for certain. Yes, I'm aware of the irony of that statement. Moving on.

"I owe you nothing!" Seraphimon announced and Ophanimon rolled her eyes. Why did her coworker have to be such a dick? A statement that's rich coming from her of all people, but just as hypocritical as Seraphimon here. If anything, Cherubimon is perhaps the best out of the three of you. Which is honestly a hilariously low bar that it's actually quite sad. "I don't bitch at you when you show up drunk and make decisions."

For that remark, Ophanimon stepped forward. Gritting her teeth, she pulled her free hand back and smashed it into Seraphimon's chest. Watching her coworker stumble back, she was met with a kick to her own armor. Creating nothing in the way of a wound, that was soon to be the least of their worries right now.

While that was happening, Weddinmon and Tyranomon of all digimon entered stage left. Moving a wedding cake, that was likely to be a massive hit with all the guests. Done up in the typical style for this kind of cake, three figures stood on the

"Wonderful. The three celestials are in the parking lot and are bickering like usual. I would ask for payment for the job I did for them when they were hired, but they aren't going to pay." Weddinmon announced, bringing all three celestial digimon's attention over to her and Tyranomon. Just their shitty luck. Of course they would get sucked into this by proxy. If they were lucky, that would be all that happened. But that was well out of the realm of possibilities.

"Didn't Elizabeth say something about the bar already being stocked… for some reason?" Tyranomon announced, bringing with it Ophanimon charging their way. Seraphimon and Cherubimon followed right behind, trying their best to catch up before their coworker attempted to do something incredibly stupid and reckless.

"By any chance could I trouble you for access to this fully stocked bar? Also, could you not let anyone else in?" Ophanimon shouted and Weddinmon looked away. The answer to this question felt obvious, but that didn't change the fact that saying no was bound to result in the wedding cake being destroyed.

"No, we do not have access to the bar. Are you nuts? Even if we did, we wouldn't give it to you." Tyrannomon countered and watched Ophanimon's gaze shift over to the cake. Stabbing her javelin into the treat, the cake collapsed in on itself. Shooting Ophanimon a look, Weddinmon was not that far behind. Pulling out a phone from a secret compartment, she stepped out of reach of everyone else. Just to be on the safe side, of course.

Unlocking her phone, Weddinmon tapped in the number. Raising the device up to an appropriate position, she kept an eye on Ophanimon and Seraphimon.

"Hey. Cake was destroyed." Weddinmon muttered, getting met with a sigh from the other end. Elizabeth was definitely not happy about this. Not that the wedding cake digimon expected her to be in the slightest. "Had a run-in with the three celestials. The digimon, not the actual biblical angels. Ophanimon asked for access to the bar and was told no. So she smashed the cake with her javelin. Bitch owes me money too."

Waiting a moment, the sound of confusion echoed through. An understandable sound to make when faced with such information.

"Tyrannomon and I are okay. Just a touch frazzled. Worst case scenario, we salvage what we can of the cake and give that to guests. I doubt I'll get my money, though." Weddinmon continued and looked back at Ophanimon. Currently holding up her middle finger for all to see, she looked as childish and immature as a brat who was told they couldn't get a new toy. "Understood. We'll head into the chapel."

Ending the call, Weddinmon's gaze shifted to her companion. Making her way over, care was taken to continue keeping an eye on Ophanimon. Especially with her wanting to get at that fully stocked bar.

"Come on." Weddinmon announced and motioned for Tyrannomon to follow. The dinosaur digimon made his best attempt, but was foiled by way of Ophanimon picking him up and getting ready to kick him. "Now, now, let's not get hasty."

Ophanimon rolled her eyes. What did this digimon think they were? Some kind of fighter? Get real. She was more than enough of a threat to deal with a silly wedding cake. Especially one that thought that they could somehow convince her of the problem.

"Why don't you go fuck yourself." Ophanimon announced and took a swing. But all that accomplished was Tyrannomon kicking his leg back and knocking himself out of her grip. Getting a tail swing in right after, that was the pair's cue to book it.

"Nice job. Not only have you robbed our caterer, you told her to fuck off." Seraphimon announced and shot Ophanimon a look. For that, she turned her anger over to him. Smashing her fist into his side, it did little in the way of damage. Not that this stopped Seraphimon from stepping back. Getting ready to respond, he was met with Cherubimon getting in the way. Sadly, this interference was not enough to convince their coworker to not punch them. So they bit them back. Breaking through the metal, Cherubimon held on tight. If they were to bring peace, this was the only answer here.

Okay, that's perhaps a touch more dramatic than it was intended to be. There were tons of options that could've been used here, but they decided on the nuclear option. Because of course they did. Somehow expecting them to remember their social skills like that of Delta is absurd. If anything, the odds of them killing each other are far too fucking high for my liking. Harlequin honestly feels bad for them. But not enough to intervene. That's against the rules. The one and only hope I have here is that these three partner's show up and scold them. Would it do anything to fix the damages done? Fuck no. But it would serve as a good start to fixing their behavior and maybe creating some good. Probably asking far too much from this situation.

"You stupid mutt." Ophanimon muttered and kicked Cherubimon's back. Cherubimon let out a yip of pain and attempted to strike back at Ophanimon. Managing to get a kick in, it wasn't enough to stop their opponent from kicking their crap. Heck, that was enough to get Seraphimon to jump in and do the same to the wannabe dog of a digimon. It's honestly pathetic and not particularly surprising. Yet, Cherubimon took it all on and that much more.

"Arf?" Cherubimon announced and looked around. At this point, they needed a miracle. And a miracle was exactly what they got. Taking the form of Lilithmon of all entities, her gaze was on the trio. Dressed in her business attire, she was likely just passing through and not here for the wedding. Would be odd if she was.

"Leave it to you three to cause trouble." Lilithmon announced as she approached. Bringing an end to the terror that was Seraphimon and Ophanimon's attempt to kill their coworker. Now, it was Lilithmon's turn to be attacked. Or at least, it would've been, if not for Lilithmon ending any attempts with a single attack. Knocking them both to the ground, it provided a nice view point of the demon lord of lust. Honestly, it was kind of fitting.

"Enough of this crap. If I catch either of you being complete morons, there will be no tomorrow for your futures." Lilithmon threatened, bringing a swift end to any further misconduct. Mostly on account of the trio making their approach. Holding each other's hands, they were all dressed in suit tops with long skirts. Heading over to their partners, they were in for one heck of a story. And not a happy one at that.

Harlequin's Notes:

Fuck all of them.