Freddie stood when his name was called, taking one last swig of liquid courage from his glass before he climbed the stage. Carly was giving him a strange look. While he always tagged along on their karaoke nights in the past, he never joined in. Well, almost never, on the rare occasion he had too much to drink he and Spencer might rock out to some silly 80's hair band, with more shouting than actual singing and Freddie jamming away on his invisible air guitar. But Freddie never sang, generally opting to just cheer on his "more talented friends" as he would put it.
Once when Millicent was 9, Carly walked in on Freddie singing a lullaby to his then ill daughter, but even then, it was more of a whisper. Her heart clenched at the memory; his sweet paternal side always made her ache for things she shouldn't want.
Freddie cleared his throat, waiting for his cue to begin. There was no intro music to give it away before he began, so he knew it would take Carly by surprise, if him even coming up here wasn't surprise enough.
He'd debated it many times and finally caved, enlisting help to make sure he didn't completely embarrass himself. After meeting Tori and her friends when they confronted that snake Steven all those years ago, Freddie had kept in touch with some of them. Andre had been happy to help coach Freddie with at first a few vocal exercises to help strengthen his voice and then twice a week lessons to help him perfect this song. No, he was no Zac Efron, but at least he wouldn't make a total fool of himself.
"You know I want you
It's not a secret I try to hide
I know you want me
So don't keep saying our hands are tied
You claim it's not in the cards
That fate is pulling you miles away
And out of reach from me
But you're here in my heart
So who can stop me if I decide
That you're my destiny?"
As he began, he watched Carly's eyes widen in recognition. She loved this song, well, she loved the whole movie, but this song in particular… While she was a fan of musicals in general, Freddie secretly knew one of the reasons she'd wanted to see this one so bad was because of Hugh Jackman and Zac Efron. While she tried to hide it, he knew the crush she had on them both. She didn't like most action movies, but they'd watched Wolverine and the original X-Men movies so many times he recognized the way her eyes lit up when Hugh and his muscles appeared on the screen. Much the same with that corny Baywatch remake and a shirtless Efron. At least that confirmed he was her type, physically at least.
As to the other ways? There was no denying their chemistry. They'd been in this will they/won't they tug of war for years, getting close multiple times, but never truly taking that leap.
He knew she wanted him; she didn't have to say it. He'd seen the looks over the years. Not just catching her watching him when she thought no one was looking and occasionally spacing out staring at his arms. He'd seen how jealous she would get when other women showed interest in him, how she would try to stake her claim on him to run them off. But mostly, he'd seen the pain and hurt she'd tried to hide when he got married. She'd been his Best Grooms-maid both times and she'd faked a smile throughout the ceremonies and pictures, but he could see through it. He knew her too well.
If it hurt her that much, why didn't she ever say anything? After his first divorce he wanted to ask her, but she was in a relationship at the time and he didn't want to ruin it for her. Before he proposed to Gwen, he tried to talk to Carly about it, but she quickly made some excuse and ran out of the room. So, he gave up…
"What if we rewrite the stars?
Say you were made to be mine
Nothing could keep us apart
You'd be the one I was meant to find
It's up to you, and it's up to me
No one can say what we get to be
So why don't we rewrite the stars?
Maybe the world could be ours
Tonight"
…Until recently. They'd both been single for a while now and spent practically every moment together. Whether it be working in their studio or hanging out at either her or Spencer's apartment, they were always together. Most nights they were curled up together in front of the tv watching movies or old crime drama reruns.
He knew she was still attracted to him. He'd caught her checking him out on multiple occasions, even licking her lips when he was installing some new lights in the studio a several weeks prior. He'd removed his button up to reveal the tank top beneath before climbing the ladder and she was practically drooling.
So, he'd brought it up again. He didn't want to corner her, but he had to do it when she couldn't run away from him. So, he'd asked her while driving back to Seattle after visiting her grandfather in Yakima for a few days. She'd tried to change the subject at first, refusing to acknowledge their obvious feelings for each other. But he'd gently pushed, needing to know where they stood, whether she truly wanted him for real or if he was just a convenient distraction. He'd told her that she couldn't have it both ways… She'd need to make up her mind once and for all. If she didn't want him, she'd have to let him go because he hoped the next time he got married, it would stick.
What he hadn't expected were the tears. She'd told him that she cared about him, but that it wasn't enough. That no matter how badly she wanted it, they couldn't be together… That the world would never let them be together. But what really frustrated him was that she wouldn't even attempt to explain any further or give any real reason why. She just kept saying that "they couldn't" through her tears.
So, here he was, on stage at their favorite bar singing his heart out to her. He'd seen the shock on her face as he sang, not quite sure if was just due to him singing in general or if she understood what he was trying to ask her. She knew the song, so she knew there was a female part coming up. Would she be expecting it when he would invite her on stage to join him?
Her eyes were still large and he saw the tell-tale signs of a few tears as he leaned down and handed her the second mic. She almost didn't take it, but Harper pushed her forward, forcing her out of her chair and onto the stage with him.
"You think it's easy
You think I don't wanna run to you
But there are mountains
And there are doors that we can't walk through
I know you're wondering why because we're able to be
Just you and me within these walls
But when we go outside, you're gonna wake up and see
That it was hopeless after all"
She just barely made her cue; she was still in shock. Thankfully, she knew the song well, so she didn't need to look at the words on the screen as her eyes remained locked on Freddie. He now stood to the side, breathing heavily. She wasn't sure if was because of the force with which he'd been singing to her or for fear of her reaction.
She knew what he was doing… He was trying to convince her to give them a chance. That if the couple in the movie could overcome the odds, then so could they. But he didn't understand like she did. While yes, Phillip and Anne had faced racism in a world where their love was flat out illegal in most places and that was definitely more dangerous than what they faced, she still couldn't risk it.
If it was just the two of them, life could be perfect. But it wasn't.
She'd been content to be as close as they could be without crossing that line. Of course, she loved him; she'd been crazy about him for years. She also knew that he had to know. She was terrible at keeping secrets in general, but she could never hide the truth from him… He could always read her so well. Well, except when he didn't believe that her feelings were real after he saved her. Then again, she'd always figured that his insecurities caused by years of her telling him it could never happen and that she didn't feel the same were behind that.
But now, everyone could see how they felt about each other. It was obvious. But, still, they'd forced themselves to deny the truth… Or rather she had.
In the beginning, when they were kids, she was scared by how intense he was about it. He was so sure in his love for her. She didn't know what she felt. She cared about him… a lot. But was it love? Was it just a crush? The fear of hurting him if she was wrong stopped her from ever giving in to him.
Later, when he saved her, the absolute fear she felt over nearly losing him forever finally opened her eyes. She knew her feelings were real and garnered the courage to finally go for it. They'd been happy for the better part of a week before he dropped the bomb on her. After all the years he pursued her, he broke up with her. Logically, she understood it from his point of view. Her finally wanting him was such a shock that he needed to make sure it was real. But deep down, she'd been hurt. Especially after he stopped mentioning his feelings for her.
She'd feared the reality of being with her hadn't measured up to the dream of being with her he'd long imagined. She knew it was silly, but the fear of it left her too embarrassed to ever bring it up again. Even months later when she was unable to deny her love for him, she desperately tried to keep it to herself. Even forcing herself to date other guys as a distraction. When he and Sam dated for those brief weeks, she'd held her tongue but she'd died a little inside.
She planned to tell him before she left for Italy; if he still felt the same, she would've stayed. She'd chickened out on saying anything, but she'd been brave enough to kiss him though. But he hadn't reacted. Whether he was trying to play it cool or not wanting to hurt her feelings by turning her down, either way it didn't matter if he didn't tell her how he felt. To her it was all the same, and she left for Italy secretly heartbroken with nothing but her memories to keep her company.
"No one can rewrite the stars
How can you say you'll be mine?
Everything keeps us apart
And I'm not the one you were meant to find
It's not up to you, it's not up to me
When everyone tells us what we can be
How can we rewrite the stars?
Say that the world can be ours
Tonight…"
Over the years she eventually realized it was for the best. She'd seen how her "job", if you could even call it that most days, affected her relationships. In Italy, and even after she'd returned back to the States, her relationships typically went one of two ways – either it was with a fellow "influencer" who ended up rather vain and self-centered and cared very little about her career or it was a nice, normal guy who thought her job was a joke and didn't like or understand it. Those were the ones who got constantly annoyed when she needed to film. Either way, she'd end up having to defend herself and she hated it.
She knew it would never be like that with Freddie, he'd always been so supportive of her. Honestly, he would be the best Instagram boyfriend as he was always the one offering to take pics or to film her, she never had to ask. And with his tech and film interests, he was always trying to get the best shots and the best angles. He was always so creative that way. He would even research and recommend the best cameras and editing software, even going as far as offering to do it for her. Then, he'd been the one to suggest rebooting iCarly if it was what would make her truly happy. She'd had exes who thought her dream of resurrecting it was completely ridiculous. No one understood her like Freddie did.
But then there was the dark side of her job… The inevitable trolls. Many guys couldn't handle the criticism they faced from being with her – some heard jokes from friends and family, but for most it was opening themselves up to it online. They felt like they were losing their private lives and opening themselves up for the world to see. Every piece of them would be dissected and picked apart by the anonymous, face-less masses. Some could take it for a while, those guys were almost over-confident with really good self-esteem. But in the end, none of them felt she was worth the abuse, so they left her.
She could never put Freddie through that. She knew he could take it, but she didn't want him to. She cared too much to let those people rip him to shreds. It'd been bad enough when they were teenagers. The Creddie and Seddie shippers had scared her. They were so invested in these relationships that didn't even exist that they wouldn't even be a part of. She saw what happened to Adam – the Creddie shippers tore him apart, literally. She knew those shippers still existed. She never asked Freddie if he or his exes had ever had any run-ins, but would the Seddies come after her one day if she gave them a chance?
She'd also had crazed fans over the years, men who somehow created these crazy relationships with her in their minds and had sent her some pretty disturbing stuff. There'd been threats to some of her past boyfriends and once she and her then love interest had been chased through the streets of Florence, finally ducking into some boutique and losing him. The police had been of little assistance and Freddie and Spencer had threatened to come over there and bring her home if she wasn't more careful.
So, no, they could never be. The world would never let them be… The world would never let her be truly happy. She was fine with that; it was a consequence of the life she chose. But she refused to expose Freddie, or by extension Millicent, to that insanity. As long as she and Freddie were just friends, they should be left alone. She would do everything she could to keep them safe.
"All I want is to fly with you
All I want is to fall with you
So just give me all of you
It feels impossible
It's not impossible
Is it impossible?
Say that it's possible"
When Freddie joined back in, she could see all the love he had for her, all the hope that he was finally getting through to her. She couldn't help it; she melted a little bit.
She still couldn't believe they were doing this, that he was doing this. He was surprisingly good and their voices sounded great together. She dared to peek at the crowd and found Spencer filming them. Harper was almost bouncing in her seat and her hands were clasped tightly in front of her. But she couldn't think about them right now, she returned her focus to the man beside her trying to convince her that they were worth the risk… That he was worth the risk.
"How do we rewrite the stars?
Say you were made to be mine?
Nothing can keep us apart
'Cause you are the one I was meant to find
It's up to you, and it's up to me
No one can say what we get to be
So why don't we rewrite the stars?
Changing the world to be ours"
He was worth the risk to herself, of that there was no doubt. She would do anything for him without the slightest hesitation. But could she risk him? She'd almost lost him before, could she really chance that again? She could she risk his heart?
It should be his choice to take that risk, deep down she knew that. But it was hard to give him that option when the result could be him getting hurt because of her. It was his choice, but wasn't it also her choice whether to allow herself to be the cause of his pain? The past had told her that she wasn't worth it… She wasn't worth the risk... That he would later regret it. What if he eventually realized that the others were right? That she wasn't worth the stress of it like everyone else had told her?
She couldn't deny that it was tempting to give in… especially when he was looking at her the way he was right now. The words may have been written for some other couple facing their own struggles and obstacles, but she knew he meant every word he sang… She could see the hope that she did as well.
Maybe it was possible after all. If there was anyone she felt she could face this world with, it was Freddie. In all the years she'd known him, he'd been her one constant. He'd been the one person she could always depend on. She loved her brother, and while he had been there when she needed him the most, she couldn't really call him reliable. But Freddie always had been. He'd been her rock through her leaving for Italy, through every break up and then again when Sam left to almost never be heard from again.
Now that she thought about it, what would really change… initially, at least? They would kiss… Well, they've done that before. She could handle that. Her voice almost caught as she imagined making love to him. She'd tried to avoid those thoughts for most of her life, but she'd had a few weak moments over the years. She'd lie awake late into the night imagining his hands on her, his mouth against her skin, the feeling of him inside her.
She involuntarily shivered and shook those thoughts away, needing to focus on the song. He obviously practiced really hard on it. She knew he was never as comfortable in front of the camera as he was behind it. And especially not singing.
They were approaching the end of the song, she needed to make up her mind. She knew how she ended it would determine how they moved forward from here. It was all up to her. Was she brave enough to risk it all? With him by her side, she thought she might be.
The music was trailing off. It was now or never, the moment of truth…
"You know I want you
It's not a secret I try to hide"
As she began the last verse, the truth hit her hard. The last two lines of the song remained unsung as she pulled Freddie to her, claiming his lips and catching him by surprise with the sheer intensity of her kiss. Her hands were cradling his head, but it took him a moment before the shock wore off and his arms wrapped around her, holding her tightly to him. She loved this man, there was never any doubt about that. She'd nearly lost him multiple times over the years, first to that stupid truck and then to his two marriages. She wasn't going to let him go ever again without a fight.
They were lost in their own world, nothing existed beyond the two of them. Freddie deepened the kiss, tipping her back slightly before they were interrupted by the crowd and brought back to reality. Their lips separated, but they remained wrapped around each other. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment, making sure it was really happening, before finally turning their attention to the room around them. They were caught off guard by the cheering, whistles and hoots and hollers from around them. Carly looked down and her brother and roommate were both loudly cheering as well.
She blushed, covering her face in embarrassment for a moment, as they finally separated. They pecked each other's lips one last time before they descended the stage, Freddie leaving his mic next to hers on the stool she dropped it on before she kissed him.
They were greeted by hugs and congratulations from Harper and Spencer once they reached their table. After they sat down and the next act took the stage, Carly pulled Freddie to her. "I'm sorry I was so stupid… I love you, Freddie." He gave her that lopsided smile she loved so much. "I love you too…" Before she knew it, their lips were reunited again, the current performer long forgotten.
FYI - For those who are unfamiliar, the full last lines of the song are:
You know I want you
It's not a secret I try to hide
But I can't have you
We're bound to break and my hands are tied