Dimitri's POV

The question had taken everyone in the room by surprise, including Rose. But she was quick to answer. "No," she said firmly. "There's very few people in the world that can do that, and it is not worth the toll such an action takes on them."

The words pierced my heart in a way her stake so many years ago had not and I felt like I couldn't breathe. No, she can't mean that.

I agreed with her wholeheartedly that it couldn't happen again unless perhaps in very specific situations, and I especially agreed that Vasilisa could not do it again, but her words held an implication that was far more personal than that.

Not worth it. Not worth it. Not worth it.

I wasn't worth it.

Vaguely, I realised that Rose had started talking to the class again, but this time I didn't pay attention to her words. I was in a prison in my own mind, and there was no way to escape it.

Had she meant what she'd said? She had been the one to find a way to save me from the monster I had been, so it was hard to believe that she had changed her mind so thoroughly. She had been the one to convince me to live my life again. She had forgiven me before I had forgiven myself, and she had been by my side even when I hadn't wanted her to be. She couldn't mean this.

And yet, after the way she had looked at me this morning, I wasn't so sure anymore. I'd done worse things to her than anything I'd done since she'd come here – much worse things, in fact – but everyone had their breaking point. Perhaps this really had been hers. Perhaps she had reached a point where all she wanted was to hurt me, at any cost. Perhaps I deserved some retaliation, too, but not this.

She'd succeeded in getting a reaction out of me already, to an extent, but I wasn't going to allow her any more than this. I wanted to run out of this godforsaken room, but I was going to stay put and I was going to watch this class in the way I was supposed to, and nobody would notice anything amiss.

I was successful until the moment the bell rang. I should have stayed behind for another minute or so – until all the novices had left – but I was the first person out the door. I had an entire hour and a lunch break to myself now, and with my mind still in turmoil, I went to the only place I could think of.

The guardian gym was empty right now, but I knew it wouldn't be for long. In a few minutes, another class would take place here, so I headed into one of the private training rooms instead.

Letting out my frustrations on the punching bag helped at first but, unfortunately, not for long. My thoughts kept coming back to what Rose had said, and I couldn't wrap my head around why she would have done it. Simply to cause me pain? I attacked the punching bag again, more viciously this time. If she had done this in an act of retaliation, she truly was no longer the Rose that I'd once known. She was reckless, and occasionally quite inconsiderate, but she wasn't usually vindictive. Not like this.

I stopped my assault on the bag of sand in front of me at the realisation. No, she hadn't meant it – not really – but it hurt. It hurt when she'd said it, it hurt when I'd left the room, and it sill hurt now that I'd put some distance between us. With that knowledge – and I hoped it was that rather than a mere assumption – I moved on to some different exercises. Punching and kicking wasn't doing me any favours trying to calm down right now.

After some time – it could have been fifteen minutes or an hour, I had lost track – I realised that I had finally started to feel better. I was in no way ready to face Rose again, so I might have to skip out on lunch today, but it was time for me to finish up here. I had just closed the door behind me when I heard it.

A loud yelp came from the main area of the gym, and I would have recognised it anywhere. It didn't matter that she had just hurt me or how angry I had been at her moments ago. When I heard her scream, I ran.

I had completely forgotten that she had another combat class right now – Basic Close Combat Weapon Techniques with the Sophomore novices – and that was what I rushed into. Rose was sitting on the floor, rubbing her head with one hand, and several of the novices were standing in a circle around her. The one closest to her was apologising profusely while Rose tried to tell him she was fine. Relief washed over me when I realised she was probably right. She was all right, and there was no real threat here.

The boy continued giving his apologies and explanations. Something about how he hadn't meant to let go of the baton, but someone had knocked into him, and the picture of what must have happened became a lot clearer. If that was true, though – if Rose had taken a tactical baton to the head and currently felt safer on the floor rather than standing up – then she might have not been quite as fine as she was telling her students. Still, she was smart enough to get the injury checked out at the clinic after class, I was sure, so it was probably better if I left now.

Except I was noticed before I could. "Shit, that's Guardian Belikov."

As soon as one of the novices pointed out I was here, all of them turned to look at me. Of course, there was no use hoping Rose hadn't heard what her student had just said. She, too, was looking my way, though she immediately lowered her gaze when my eyes met hers.

I'd already made an assumption about what had happened here, but now that my presence was known, I might as well ask. "What is going on here?"

"We… um… I can explain," said the boy who had just been speaking to Rose.

He seemed familiar and I regarded him carefully. Ah, yes, just a few weeks ago, I had caught him outside after curfew with a girl. A bit of a troublemaker, and having found himself at the centre of yet another situation, it was no wonder he was scared of me. "I'm listening."

"It's fine, Dimitri. It was an accident," Rose cut in before the boy got a chance to explain. She sounded annoyed. No, that wasn't quite it. Embarrassed, perhaps? "You can leave."

I glanced at her, then at the clock on the wall. Less than fifteen minutes until lunch break. I turned my attention back to Rose. She looked fine, but she had yet to make any move to get up. Less than fifteen minutes, I reminded myself. If she went to the clinic right away, that time wouldn't make a difference. I should just leave.

In the end, though, my worry for her won out. "Hardly. You might have a concussion, and I'm sure your students won't mind an early lunch."

Their excited whispers told me as much.

Rose glared at me, then turned to the novices. "Fine. Class dismissed, just put your weapons back before you leave."

While the novices picked up their batons and filed into the storage room, I made my way over to Rose. She refused to look at me, even as she spoke, "What are you doing here?"

"Training," I responded.

She rolled her eyes. "Well, since you're clearly done with that, you should probably leave."

"Not before I make sure you're all right," I insisted.

She looked up at me now, and I didn't like the expression on her face. There was no warmth or gratitude or anything the like. "I'm gonna go over to the infirmary in a bit. You don't need to bother with pretending you care."

"Pretending I…? Rose!" How could she say that? I'd always cared. "Look, what I said earlier wasn't meant—"

She sighed, then covered her face with her hands. "It's not about what you said, Dimitri, it's about what I said! You've been an ass, yes, but… but you didn't… I didn't mean..."

"I know," I said. It didn't make it better, and it had still hurt, but even if she had intended to cause me pain, I knew she would have never stooped this low on purpose. "You were angry, and you may have had reason to be, but—"

She looked up at me again and shook her head. "I'm sorry. I was just… I didn't want to give them hope. I didn't… and then I was thinking about Lissa and… god damn it, I'm not meant to do this teaching crap."

"That's not true," I said instinctively. She had done well with the novices during her first combat class. Granted, the solo guarding class could have gone better, but she'd been underprepared and the students had thrown her a curveball. And, well, whatever had happened here… but that was another matter. "You're doing quite well. Present circumstances notwithstanding."

Rose let out a groan, then buried her head in her hands again. "I was almost knocked out by a fucking fifteen-year-old."

"Almost," I chimed in. It earned me a glare, but at least it was one I was familiar with. Almost comfortable. I extended my hand towards her. "Come on, I wasn't kidding when I said I wouldn't leave before I make sure you're okay."

It was almost a surprise when she actually took my hand and let me pull her up. She swayed a little, which didn't bode well for the case she had been trying to make about being fine. Her frown told me it was better if I didn't remark on it just yet, so I instead led her to one of the benches to our right.

The novices were all gone by now, no doubt eager to get to the cafeteria before 'the good stuff' was gone, which left Rose and me all by ourselves. I was keenly aware of that fact when I returned with a first aid kit and knelt down in front of her. Her pupils reacted normally when I checked them with a penlight, which was a relief.

"I don't think you have a concussion," I conceded.

She shrugged. "Told you. I'm perfectly fine. Can I go now?"

"Not quite," I told her. She may not have had a concussion, but there was a bruise forming on the left side of her forehead, and it was currently bleeding a little. I would have to take care of that before I let her leave. I grabbed a packet of wipes and sat down next to her to get to work.

She was silent for a moment, and I had the impression she was contemplating something. "Dimitri, about what I said—"

"It's fine," I assured her though it came out a lot harsher than I had intended. She undoubtedly realised that I did not think it was fine, but that was a problem for later.

I didn't notice that I had applied more pressure when wiping away the blood until she yelped, pulling away. "Ouch! You don't have to be so rough!"

Well, that's something she hasn't said to me before.

The thought had come unbidden, but the images it brought up were here to stay. Rose and I in bed together in my apartment at Court. Or on the sofa. Or the kitchen table. I shook my head in an attempt to get rid of those memories, but when I looked at Rose, the expression on her face confirmed that her mind had gone to the same places. I was glad she had pulled away before because touching her right now would not have helped matters.

"So… am I good to go? " she asked eventually.

Her breaths came unevenly, and it was then that the realisation hit. She had lied.

Of course, so had I, but I had done so to protect myself because I had believed her. But it had all been a lie. She did still care, and she was no less affected by me than I was by her. It almost brought a smile to my lips – almost. I steeled my face into that non-expression I was so used to from being a guardian, giving nothing away. No, I would sit on this particular piece of information a little while longer. For once, I knew something she didn't, and I was not going to give that away just yet.

Author's Note:

You guys have noooo idea how badly I wanted them to fight right now buuuut unfortunately Dimitri isn't exactly one to start fights and Rose is definitely in no position to do so right now, which is why we're not working through these issues right now. That means more time for it to fester and eventually explode tho ;)