Hermione snuck back up to the gryffindor common room without issue. The revelry had died down, Harry and Ron weren't in the common room anymore. Unfortunately, Fred and George still were.
She tried really hard to sneak past, she almost made it too.
"Hey! Where'd you sneak off to?" Fred asks, from his seat near the fire. The twins and Lee Jordan were counting out the bets they'd taken on the first task.
Hermione stops, facing away from him, cringing. She rearranges her face, stuffs the hoodie under her arm and turns back, a neutral smile plastered on her face now. At least she hoped it was neutral.
"Oh, just went for a walk. The party was a bit much." There were still quite a few people in the common room, but it was much quieter now. Fred stood from his seat, even though she begged him silently not to.
He walked over to her and reached out to touch her arm, she turned away from him. She couldnt let him touch her right now. Not after what she and Charlie just did. She couldn't even look at him right now, doesn't want to see his reaction.
"I'm going to bed, I'm really tired." She says quietly to his left shoulder.
He says nothing for just a moment, dropping his hand to his side, watching her closely. Then he says "alright... goodnight."
"Goodnight." She whispers back, turning and running up the stairs.
She goes straight to her bed, drawing the curtains and silencing the space. She sits cross legged on her bed, on top of the covers, holding the hoodie in her lap. She finally lets herself think and feel. She can't stop the tears that pour from her.
Maybe she could have stayed away from Charlie, if she had really tried. But she really hadn't wanted to. She wanted to see him, hold him, be with him. She felt elated and whole and at peace when she was with him. All for just a brief moment. Until he started to immediately feel horrible about it.
Now she felt alone, empty, hollow again. She couldn't regret it. She knew it was their only chance to be together. For years potentially. Fred never saw Charlie, not since he moved to Romania. He had only come home for Christmas once. She felt such despair at the thought of not seeing him again. But he had given her this piece of him, she lifted the fabric to her face, inhaling his scent and letting the peace of that memory wash over her. She hoped they would be together, someday the timing and the circumstances would align. What a dream that would be.
She cast a stasis charm on the hoodie, to preserve his smell, and slipped it over her head, hugging herself tightly. Would he write back, if she wrote to him? Her heart would break if she wrote to him and never received a response. He very well may not write. May want to keep as much distance between them as possible, including zero contact.
She slid under the covers. She didn't want to wash him off of her yet. She just wanted to sleep and pretend that she was a normal girl who just lost her virginity to a normal guy who was in love with her. She couldn't do that though. And she cried herself to sleep thinking about how it should have been Fred. She should have done all these things with Fred. Fred loved her, Fred wanted her. Without anything compelling him to do so.
She shouldn't have gone to the World Cup. She shouldn't have ever met Charlie. She could have been so happy with Fred. She cried thinking about what Fred would think of her if he knew all of the things she was keeping from him. She would lose him. And that thought hurt just as much as the thought of Charlie not wanting her. God, this was such a mess.
She avoided Fred for days afterward. She couldn't look him in the eye without feeling horrible. And she didn't want to feel horrible. Because if she focused on feeling bad about she had done with Charlie, then she would become extremely depressed. And that would be very hard to hide from her friends and professors.
So she threw herself into her studies. Every spare moment was spent in the library. She had no shortage of things to research. Classes were her first priority. Helping Harry figure out the second task was her second priority. And figuring out what sort of connection she had to Charlie was her third. She didn't realize Fred was no longer on her list until he cornered her on her way back to the dorms just before curfew.
"Hey." He said, falling into step beside her as she left the library. She was the last to leave today. She was usually the last to leave.
"Oh, Fred, hi." She was completely caught off guard. She twisted her hair nervously and picked up her pace.
"What's new? I feel like we haven't talked in forever." He kept pace beside her
"Haven't we? I've been so immersed in studies. There are a lot of new and complicated topics we're covering in, pshh, gosh, almost every class." She laughs nervously.
He takes her hand and pulls her to a stop. There's nobody around them in the corridor. The curfew bell chimes. She looks up into his eyes for the first time in days.
"What's going on? Please talk to me." He quietly begs her. She didn't play any of it well enough because it seems he has silently watched and waited for her to come to him, like she always did in the past. Except this time she didn't.
Tears immediately well up in her eyes. She tries to pull her hand away from him but he doesn't let her. She shakes her head. "It's nothing. I'm just stressed and overwhelmed with this tournament and with school." She blinks the tears away, hoping he didn't notice. "Really, Fred. I'm fine." She tries so hard to sound it.
"Hermione, I know you're lying." He says it gently. "I don't know what changed for you, but I'm still here. Nothing changed for me." That breaks her heart. He was expecting them to be together. Just as she had been. Before.
She can't stop the tears this time. She shakes her head and turns away. He lets her go this time. "Fred, I can't. We can't."
She tries walking again, blinking and wiping her eyes. He steps in front of her, not touching her this time.
"Why not? What's wrong? Please talk to me." He pleads with her.
He won't let it go, not until she gives him a reason. She has to change tactics, and it's going to crush her to do so. She sniffs and takes a breath. "Stop it Fred." She tries hard to say it sternly, but the look on his face rips her to pieces and her voice breaks. Tears fall freely now. He reaches out to her, to hold her in his arms, comfort her. He'd always been the one she could talk to about anything. He'd always been her best friend. "No don't." She cries, stepping back quickly and holding her hands up to stop him. She couldn't seek comfort with him. It would be so wrong.
He looked like she had just slapped him. She died a little, inside, at that look on his face. She couldn't stand there for one more second. She ran past him, all the way to her bed, curling up around Charlie's sweatshirt and bawling uncontrollably. She hated this thing, whatever it was, that had ruined her life. She hated that she wanted Charlie here with her. She hated that she hurt Fred. She hated that she had dreams every night of fucking his brother. She hated her life right now. Every part of it.
Since Harry didn't seem inclined to put any effort into figuring out that egg, Hermione wouldn't worry about it either. She moved priority three up in rank, and poured over every book in the library, searching for answers. She wanted whatever it was to be gone. Maybe she couldn't salvage whatever she had with Fred, not after what she did with Charlie. But at least she could be rid of it. Absolutely nothing was written in any of the library books about soulmates, or binding magic, aside from a normal wizard marriage ceremony.
She swallowed her pride and went to professor Mcgonagall's office hours.
"Hello, Miss Granger. What can I help you with today?" The stern Scottish woman said from her desk, peering over her spectacles.
"Professor, I had a question that I can't seem to find an answer to anywhere in the library. I wondered if you had an answer or could at least help point me in the right direction."
"I can certainly try. What is it?"
"Have you ever heard of soul mate magic? Or any sort of binding spell aside from the marriage one?"
Mcgonagall peered closely at her. "I don't think that I have. There are many binding spells, such as the unbreakable vow, or the dark mark that he-who-must-not-be-named used on his followers to force them into loyalty. But the marriage spell is the only one to bind two people in a soulmate like way."
"What about, a potion or runic magic? Anything that could explain two people being drawn to one another?" Hermione doesn't want to give away too much. She doesn't want to get Charlie in trouble. She is a minor and she put him in a terrible position.
"Aside from amortentia or other love potions, no. Not that I am aware of." She pauses and looks closely at her. "Is this about yourself?"
"No, it's just, it was in a novel I read, over the summer. I was just wondering if it was all fiction, or if there existed some magical explanation." Hermione hoped she was convincing.
"It does sound like a fictional fantasy to me. I've never heard anything close to it in real life." Mcgonagall mused. "Was there anything else you needed?"
"Just... if you'd had a chance to check my essay." Hermione decides to return to character. It seemed she wasn't going to find any answers here at hogwarts.
She had found information about love potions, which could possibly be it. But she wasn't convinced. And Voldemorts dark mark spell wasn't in any book here. Might not be in any book at all. And there were no markings on her body.
She would brew a love potion antidote. It was the only thing she had to go on.
The antidote changed absolutely nothing. So it wasn't a potion, just as she suspected. She was back to square one. Every night she dreamed of Charlie. When she wasn't busy beyond belief, she daydreamed of Charlie, yearned for him. The hoodie with his smell was around her pillow for a while. But she finally stuffed it in her trunk, thinking it would help keep his memory farther away. She thought she was clear of it then, until she woke up the next morning holding it. She must have gotten up in the night and taken it back out.
She wondered how he was faring. Maybe he needed something of hers.
She wrote countless letters to him in her head. She wanted to contact him. But she was worried he wouldn't answer. She felt a constant void without him. And a constant lonely ache without Fred.
Fred watched her sadly from afar. He didn't try to approach her again. Anytime she looked at Fred or thought of him, it would drive Charlie to the back of her mind. But it hurt too much. She never wanted him to find out. But she forced herself to feel his would-be betrayal, what he would undoubtedly feel if he did know, to keep herself from turning to him.
One day, at the end of November, Fred did approach her again. He forewent any preamble. "Will you go to the ball with me?" He asked her, as she sat at her usual table in the library. Mcgonagall had just announced the ball and the dance lessons they were all to attend that week.
She was completely caught off guard. The ball would mean dancing, holding hands, holding him. For hours. She longed to. She wished she could. "I don't think that's such a good idea." She said, instead of what she wanted to say.
He sat in the seat across from her, arm reaching across the table but not quite touching her. "Why not? Please, be my date. I don't want to go with anyone else." She felt his heartbreak with his words. She saw it in his eyes. If she said yes, he would have hope. And she knew that would crush him harder, later.
She looked down at the table, to strengthen her resolve. "No Fred." She whispered. "I think it's best you find someone else."
"Why?" He breathed, desperately. When she didn't answer or look back up at him, he clenched his hand that was reaching toward her into a fist, pulling it back to himself. He sat back in the chair. "I won't ask again." He said quietly. It wasn't mean, it was heart broken.
Hermione looked into his eyes then, he was pleading for her to come back to him. To not throw this away. To give him an explanation, a chance. But she just said "I know." And went back to her books.
Fred stayed there a moment longer. She wouldn't look at him, barely holding the tears at bay. He stood and walked away without another word. When he was gone, she let the tears fall for just a moment. But he saw her, from across the library. He saw her tilt her head up, eyes closed, face contorted in agony, tears streaming down her face. He saw her wipe the tears off quickly and shake her head. As if she could shake off whatever it was that was hurting her, keeping her from him. He walked away then, to find George and get their brooms and blow off some steam in the air. Without quidditch and her, he was very quickly losing it.
A few days later, Hermione gathered her things and went out to the courtyard to study. Krum and his fan club were disrupting the peace and quiet in the library and it was frustrating. She was sitting cross legged on the ground, her cloak spread under her like a blanket, her books and parchments strewn about in front of her. It was chilly but there was no snow and she had her jar of flames and a warming charm to keep her from freezing.
George stormed up to her and plopped down on the ground in front of her. She looked up once at him and then back down at her book.
"What's wrong with you?" He asked abruptly.
"nothing." She didn't look up again.
"You're killing him." He was angry at her.
"Go away. What makes you think you could change my mind if he couldn't?" She snapped.
"Because he's afraid of pushing you and losing you and I'm not." George challenged. "At least give him an explanation, a reason. It's maddening that you won't."
"A reason would be worse than not knowing." She murmured at her book. "Leave me alone, George."
"Then I'm going to encourage him to ask someone else, someone he can have a relationship with." He warned. One last attempt to get her to budge.
"Please do." She said, ignoring her heart tearing apart at the thought of Fred with someone else.
"Come on, I know you don't mean that. Hermione?" He pleads now.
She doesn't react or look back at him. Waits for him to go away.
He growls and stands. "You're an idiot.
She doesn't react. She knows he's still trying to bait her. He storms away.
When Krum approached her late the next evening, she was surprised, but she agreed to be his date. Knowing it would infuriate pretty much everyone. She was angry at life, and she felt like making a scene.
She had her mother order her a gown from a muggle shop because she wasn't a fan of any of the witch clothiers' robes. She wanted to look sophisticated and elegant on the arm of a triwizard champion and international quidditch star. She wanted to break the hearts of the all the witches who wished they were his date. As well as the heart of someone who may get The Prophet all the way out in Romania. And she wanted Fred to be able to see her there with Krum and use that as motivation to really move on from her.
She had spent so much time feeling sad and broken this year, she wanted one night to feel strong and confident again. She cared nothing for Krum, but he was a great date to have. The best option out there. So she took it.
She told no one who her date was. She let them whisper about how they assumed no one would ask her. They would all see very soon and eat their words.
She heard Fred and George had asked Katie and Angelina to be their dates. She tried not to be jealous. She knew the girls both had crushes on their teammates. She knew they would have a nice time together.
The day of the ball, Hermione spent most of the afternoon getting ready. She ignored the taunts of the other girls. The offers to help her look "pretty" for once.
She tamed her curls and braided her hair in a coronet, allowing a few strategic curls to fall out around her face. She lined her eyes with a black pencil and swiped mascara on her already thick lashes, adding silver sparkles to her lids.
She waited for all the other girls to leave before she got dressed. She was going to make an entrance, she wanted it to be a scene.
She unzipped the garment bag, admiring the dress again. She hadn't even tried it on yet. But she was sure it would fit. She'd sent her mother her exact measurements. It was perfect. Midnight blue and shimmering. She removed it from the hanger and unzipped the back, stepping into it. She used her wand to zip it up behind her.
It fit like a glove. Sweetheart neckline, thin delicate straps, and a wide skirt flaring out. The hem stopped just above her ankles and she slipped on her strappy heels. She twirled once in front of the mirror and smirked. She looked and felt like a queen.
In a thin box, her mother had also sent her one of her own pieces of jewelry, a diamond choker. It perfectly complimented the dress. Her mothers note begged her to send pictures. She was certain the Prophet would be there to document all the champions and their dates. She slid her wand into a hidden skirt pocket and left the dorm.
She channeled as much queenly elegance as she could as she descended all the numerous staircases down to the entrance hall. She encountered very few other students on their way down to the ball. She timed it so she would be there right in time for the champions entrance. She really didn't want to spend any extra time mingling with anyone. Especially Krum.
She peeked around the corner, making sure he was there. Mcgonagall was lining up the champions and their dates for the grand entrance. Rita Skeeter was directing her photographers all over the place. Krum looked up the steps for her and she stepped into view.
She grinned in satisfaction as she watched his eyes widen and his jaw drop. She ignored the rest of the people gawking at her. Even Harry. Krum met her halfway up the steps with his arm extended, to escort her the rest of the way.
"You look stunning." He whispered in her ear. She tried not to cringe away from him. From now on, anything could be caught on Skeeter's cameras.
They joined the other champions and Mcgonagall gave them the signal, leading them into the great hall.
It was exquisite. Beautifully transformed into a sparkling wonderland. Mcgonagall led them toward the champions table and Krum pulled her chair out for her. She smiled serenely at him in thanks. She caught a glimpse of two red heads in the crowd and glanced away quickly, not wanting to see his reaction. This was the mildest betrayal yet. It would be worse, if he really knew.
Ron was incredulous, with a hint of anger. He kept shaking his head at her from across the room. She raised a brow back at him to convey her indifference to his opinion.
They dined for the next half hour or so. Until most everyone was finished and Dumbledore signaled the beginning of the dancing. The champions swept the floor with their dates, Skeeter and her lackeys following their every move.
Krum was a decent dancer. She expected him to be stiff and jerky, but he was smooth and sure, leading her through the steps. She let herself enjoy the dancing and the experience of her very first ball. She ignored the occasional sighting of Fred and Katie, dancing and laughing across the room. Fred kept them far away. She was grateful.
A while later, Krum went to get them drinks and Ron yelled at her for "fraternizing with the enemy." She smiled meanly at him, but didn't let his words ruffle her. She turned away from the sulking boys and their miserable dates. Taking a seat and rotating her ankles, easing some pressure off her aching feet.
She spotted a twin across the room. Both Katie and Angelina were dancing around him. She squinted and watched closely until he spun around and she could see that it was George. She wondered where Fred was. Probably getting a drink too.
Krum returned to her with a drink in hand. She thanked him sweetly. They danced for another couple of songs before she told him she was tired. She thanked him for a lovely evening and started up the stairs alone.
After the second staircase she stopped and pulled off her heels. Moaning in relief when she set her bare feet flat on the cold stone. She continued on, barefoot. Before she reached gryffindor tower, Fred stepped off of the wall he was leaning on. He was waiting for her. She froze in place, all trace of queenly arrogance gone. She was too tired to try and keep it up now.
He was incredibly handsome in his dress robes. His hair parted and slicked back. His expression open, hopeful.
"Will you come with me? Please? For just a moment." He asked her.
"Fred..." she started.
"I just wanted to show you something. Just for a moment. I promise."
She chewed her lip. She wanted to. She wanted to escape, just for one night. It was Christmas after all.
"Ok." She whispered.
She followed him down the corridor and up the spiral steps to the astronomy tower. He didn't try to take her hand. He just led her up the steps.
At the top, the crystal clear sky glittered. And the music from the great hall floated straight up to the tower. A blanket was spread out with a bottle of champagne and two glasses. It was gorgeous and romantic. She stared at the sky in awe.
"God. Fred. This is..." she had no words. This was an incredible gesture. It had her heart soaring. Her hopeless romantic heart swooning. She set her shoes down on the side of the blanket and knelt. Fred poured the champagne for them both and she tapped her glass to his lightly before taking a sip.
He said nothing. She shivered under his gaze and she took a deeper drink and stood, walking barefoot over to the telescopes. She moved one around with one hand while she held her drink in the other. Pretended to look for something. She shivered again. It was very cold up here.
Fred stepped up behind her and draped his coat over her shoulders. She turned her head and thanked him, holding the jacket close. She was enveloped by his smell, his warmth. She drank all of her champagne as she looked out at the stars. A small bright streak crossed in front of them. A shooting star.
"Will you dance with me?" He asked. He wasn't looking at the sky, like she was. He was looking at her. The same awe written in his eyes.
She chewed her lip and furrowed her brow. She should say no. She shouldn't have even come up here with him.
But she found herself nodding and sliding her hand into his. He set her glass on the edge of the wall and pulled her into him, wrapping his other hand under his jacket and around her waist. He swayed them softly to the faint distant music that drifted up from the open entrance hall door. Her heart roared in her chest and she laid her head on his shoulder. She wanted to pretend, just for a moment that everything in her life was perfect. The way it should have been.
She hadn't wanted to go to the ball on the arm of a champion. She wanted to go with Fred. She wanted to dance in his arms like this all night long. She wanted to have kissed him under the stars just like this.
The song ended and he stopped swaying them. He just held her. She let go of his hand and started to step away but he held her waist in place. She looked up at him. She knew what would happen. But the night, and her exhaustion got the better of her.
He looked at her with true love and want in his eyes, his eyes didn't leave hers. He just waited, for her to come to him.
She leaned in ever so slightly, her gaze dropping to his mouth. She let herself give in. She had no thoughts of anyone else right now. She only wanted Fred.
When his lips touched hers, she melted. She slid her hands along his robes and clutched his lapels. His hands cupped her cheeks, holding her there and he kissed her so tenderly her heart ached. She kissed him for as long she could keep the tears at bay, finally breaking away with a gasp and stepping back, hugging her middle.
She gave him a look of utter despair that she knew he didn't understand. She covered her mouth with a shaking hand.
He shook his head, his heart breaking. "Don't." He begged. Reaching for her. She dropped the coat on the floor, picked up her shoes and fled.
He didn't follow her.
She stayed in her dorm for days afterward. Without classes to occupy her time, she fell into a deep depression. She wrote to Charlie finally. She couldn't bear it anymore. She told him she had researched for months and found nothing that could explain it and told him she was in agony without him. She hoped he would at least acknowledge that he was going through the same.
When classes started again, she found a potion that she could easily and secretly brew to alleviate her depressive symptoms. When she took it, she felt relief. She was completely numb. Felt no emotion at all. And it was a relief.
She helped Harry try to figure something out about the second task, couldn't even muster up the stress that she normally would be feeling, when she and Ron were called away.
They were informed that they were to be subjects for the champions to rescue. She was surprised to learn that Krum thought of her as his most important person. She hadn't spoken to him since the ball. He would smile and nod at her every time she saw him in the halls. But that's all.
She drank the potion, quite willing to spend a few hours in a deep sleep. Dumbledore assured them they would be fine and wake up as soon as the champions rescued them or the task was over.
When she broke the surface with Krum and woke up, the first thing she saw was Fred in the stands, hands on his head blowing out a sigh of relief. She brushed the water out of her face and let Krum pull her along to climb up the steps.
Mcgonagall helped her up at the top, throwing thick blankets around her shoulders. Hermione gave Krum a small smile, for the camera at Skeeters side. But she felt nothing at all inside.
She didn't even feel sad that Charlie never wrote back.
Everyone was too busy with the excitement of the tournament to notice or worry about her. And the twins kept their distance. She ignored the articles Skeeter concocted about her playing around with champions hearts. She cut out the pictures of her at the ball and sent them to her mother. And threw the rest away without reading it.
She watched Harry reappear outside the maze with the Cup and instantly knew something was wrong. She watched Moody drag him away in the chaos and shoved her way to tell Dumbledore about it. After he went after Harry, she stood staring at Cedric's lifeless body, trying to imagine what she should be feeling. But she was so deep in her anti-depression potion she couldn't muster anything.
Someone took her hand and she looked up, let Fred pull her away back toward the castle. Leaving Amos Diggory's haunting screams of agony behind.
He led her all the way up to gryffindor tower, holding her hand. They didn't speak. She let go of him in the common room and walked silently up to her dorm without a word or a look at him.
She sat with Harry and Ron on the Hogwarts Express, zoned out, staring out the window. She tried to piece together all the information Harry shared with them. About Barty Crouch Jr, Pettigrew, and Voldemort's resurrection.
She took her parents straight to Diagon to get as many books on magical defense and dueling and protection. She wrote to Dumbledore for permission first and then spent a few weeks casting protective enchantments around her home and her parents' dental practice.
She got a letter from Harry, inviting her to Sirius's place for the remainder of the summer. He told her there was much he couldn't put into the letter but he hoped she would come. She was relieved to go because she couldn't keep up the ruse of acting like her normal chipper self around her parents. She tried to get off the potion and it was agony. She pretended she had her period to keep them from asking too many questions. And brewed the potion again.
She didn't know the entire Weasley family would be there. Well, everyone except the three oldest sons. Thank god.
She stood in the doorway of the musty dark room that she was to share with Ginny for the next two weeks.
"Believe it or not, mum and I really cleaned it up. It's a far sight better than it was." Ginny gestured toward the bed that was to be hers. Hermione dragged her trunk over to the end of it.
"Have you been here all summer?" Hermione asked.
"Pretty much. We've mostly been cleaning the place up. It's infested with horrible magical pests. And centuries worth of dust and mold." Ginny cringed. "Come on, I'll let Harry explain everything." She motioned for Hermione to follow her.
They walked down the hallway and up two floors to Harry and Ron's room. Ginny knocked on the door, calling out that Hermione was there with her. Ron opened the door and let them inside. The twins apparated right outside just as Ron closed the door, right on George's foot.
"Just walk down the fucking stairs, you wankers." Ron complained.
"Hey Hermione." George nodded at her. Fred gave her a small smile.
"Hi you two. Passed your apparition exam then?" She asked with a small smile that she kept plastered on her face at all times now. She couldn't muster an ounce of true enthusiasm or happiness.
"With flying colors." Fred grinned. Aside from George that one time last year, nobody else had addressed the fact that she wasn't as friendly with Fred as before. She assumed Ron and Harry didn't notice. Maybe Ginny thought she liked Krum or something.
Harry and the Weasley's told her all about the Order of the Phoenix and the house and their summer. About Dumbledore keeping Harry at a distance and them not being allowed in the meetings. She listened with a keen ear and inexpressive face. She filed everything away to be examined later. More pieces to a puzzle. Preparation for the war to come. She knew there would be one.
She pretended to celebrate when she and Ron got their prefects badges. She would have been excited about this normally. But she couldn't brew the potion there without getting caught and questioned and during the final week she felt the agony creep back in. Only six more days. She tried to assure herself.
Late one night, Ginny asked her quietly in the dark, "what happened with you and Fred?"
Hermione bit her cheek hard to keep from crying. "We just, weren't meant to be." Was all Hermione could come up with. Ginny didn't bring it up again. Hermione cast a silencing charm around her blankets and burrowed inside, bawling. She cried herself to sleep every night after the potion ran out.
She forced herself to get out of bed every morning when she heard Ginny wake. Forced herself to shower and dress. She took the most time consuming chores, the ones nobody else wanted and it kept her away from the others for the most part. She napped a lot. Fred only saw her at meals, he kept his concerns to himself.
When there were only two more days until school, Charlie came for an Order meeting.
She was in her room, told Ginny and the others she wanted a nap before dinner. She felt him arrive and she sprung to her feet, gasping and clutching at her chest. She rushed to the door before stopping herself. It was utter agony to stop. It HAD to be a spell. This was not normal.
She slipped out of the room on shaky legs, shutting the door behind her silently and listening at the stairs. She heard him greet and probably hug his mother, and shake hands with Sirius. She couldn't breathe. He sounded completely normal and at ease. Could he even sense her?
"I'll be right there, just going to use the loo." Charlie said. She slipped into the bathroom across the hall as silently as she could. She could feel his anxiety now. He knew where she was. Without the potion she was already crying, she felt too much.
He stepped inside, shutting and locking the door and silencing the room. She ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck and sobbing. His own legs seemed to give out and he dropped them to the ground, leaning his back against the wall and holding her in his lap. He stroked her hair with shaking hands, trying to catch his breath. She buried her face in his shoulder, nearly hyperventilating.
"Shh, it's ok. I know." He tried to sooth her. But he was just as affected. He dropped his head back against the wall, closing his eyes, complete relief on his face.
She lifted her head to look at him once she calmed down. They only had moments. People were waiting for him.
"Meet me down the street at the park on the corner. After dinner. We can take more time then." He whispered to her. She nodded in understanding and kissed him. The bliss at being with him was near devastating. He held the back of her head as he kissed her back, pulling away too soon. "Just a little longer." He promised. He stood them up and pushed her back because she kept clinging to him. She nodded, hugging herself tightly. And he unlocked the door and slipped out. Closing it behind him.
After a few moments, listening intently, she opened the door, checking that the coast was clear. She ran back to her room, forcing herself to sit. She hugged her pillow to keep her arms occupied. She needed him. She felt calmer, now that he was here. But she needed to be in his arms. She needed to feel his skin. Breathe his scent. She focused on coming up with an excuse to sneak out of the house. She wondered how long he would wait. If people were lingering by the door after dinner, maybe she could cause a disturbance with Sirius's mothers portrait and sneak out in the chaos.
The meeting lasted two whole hours. She peeked out the door often to see if they were done yet. She saw the string of the twins' extendable ears hanging down the stairs from above. She thought of Fred for the first time since Charlie entered the house and shut the door again, forcing herself not to cry. She begged the universe that Fred wouldn't see her sneaking away, or notice anything between them at dinner.
When Molly called up to them that dinner was ready, she forced herself to walk at a normal pace. Charlie was at one end of the table, talking and laughing with Sirius and Tonks. He noted her entrance with a look. He also noted how she didn't sit next to Fred, instead taking a seat next to Ginny, on the other end of the table from Charlie and across from Fred, where she could still see Charlie out of the corner of her eye.
She tried hard not to glance down at the other end of the table. She tapped her foot impatiently. She felt calm flood her and looked at Charlie then. He gave her a very quick subtle look, telling her to relax, pushing the feeling through whatever bond they shared. She gratefully obeyed.
When she looked back, Fred was staring at her. She looked down at her plate, shame coursing through her now. She knew Charlie felt it. She did not look at him again. She played with her hair, trying to act bored or tired.
She pushed her food around, taking tiny bites and giving the rest to Ron.
When Tonks finally announced she needed to leave, Charlie stood and said "me too." Molly had a very excited look about her. Hermione narrowed her eyes. Did Molly want Tonks and Charlie to be together? Hermione sat with her arms crossed in her seat, not participating in any conversation. George was bouncing ideas of prank toys off Ginny. And Harry was focused on Sirius. Fred was just as silent as she was. She didn't look at him to see if he was watching her. She chewed her lip, staring at the table, waiting.
"You lot off to bed now. We're getting up early to do your school shopping tomorrow. And I'm not waiting for you to sleep in." Molly gave Ron a pointed look. He just rolled his eyes at her.
Tonks and Charlie left them, and Hermione followed the group upstairs for bed.
She dressed in her sweats, pulling Charlie's hoodie over her head and got in bed, waiting for Ginny to fall asleep. Within minutes her breathing evened out. Hermione was grateful for all the chores Mrs Weasley kept them occupied with. It made Ginny fall asleep super quickly every night.
She waited a minute more before charming her bed to look occupied and sliding open the window, looking back and forth down the street. She looked down, assessing how far of a drop it would be. Then she went back inside, and opened the door. She could hear Molly and Sirius arguing in the den. She couldn't sneak past them now. Mr Weasley was probably also with them and with the amount of sound she could hear, the door was wide open.
She went back in her room, shutting the door and looking at Ginny again. Fast asleep. She decided the window was her best option. She slipped on her shoes and felt his presence. She looked to the window and saw his disillusioned outline just outside. She ran to the window. He cast the charm over her too and she climbed out onto the back of his broomstick and shut the window. She clung to him tightly and he flew them fast and far.
He touched down in the middle of an empty field. "I'm going to disapparate us." He said back to her. She held onto his middle and said ok.
She felt the pull and squeeze of apparition and they reappeared inside what looked like a motel room. She let go and stepped back. He cancelled the disillusionment on both of them and set the broom against the door. He flipped the light switch.
"I'm not expecting anything from you by bringing you here. I just wanted a private place to talk." He turned to her. But she felt and mirrored the urgency he felt, the desire to hold her. Naked.
She ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck and letting him lift her, wrapping her legs around his waist. She kissed him desperately, whimpering into his mouth. She reveled in the relief he felt, at holding her and tasting her. He held her lower back and her head, devouring her, walking them to the bed and laying her down.
He paused for just a moment, hesitating. "We really don't have to. I can just talk." He said, breathing heavily and looking down at her. She sat up and grabbed his belt, yanking on it. She needed him now. They could talk after.
He braced his arms on the bed above her shoulders and kissed her. She felt the familiar frenzied rush. The pure need coursing through both of them. She pulled up the hem of his shirt and he stood, ripping it off and tossing it aside. He dropped back to her mouth without missing a beat.
Every part of her was focused on him. His hands were shaking, she felt him holding back for her. He didn't want to push her toward anything, he was waiting for her to set the pace. She pushed him off and he immediately stood, stepping back. She sat up and pulled the hoodie he gave her over her head, tossing it behind her and slipped off her shoes. He stood, frozen in place, watching her.
She pushed down her pajama pants and underwear together and then sat back on the bed, completely nude, and motioned with her finger for him to come back to her. He stepped closer, slowly. He didn't take off his pants.
"We can just lie next to each other, we don't have to..." he was still trying to stop himself. But she wouldn't be able to think until he came inside her. She pulled his pants down, watching him spring free. He stepped out of his pants and she stared at his erection. He was so beautiful, she felt a strong desire to taste him. She reached out for it but he stopped her.
"No." he grabbed her hands and pushed her backwards until she was laid out fully on the bed. "No. I get to taste you first." He had felt her need for him. He kissed her mouth deeply before slowly descending, kissing every part of her body. Her desire trickled out of her the closer he got.
He kissed and sucked on her thighs, rubbing his calloused hands along her hips and backside. Finally he tasted her. His tongue felt divine, lapping up all of her arousal, her knees trembled at the sensation. He inserted a finger into the aching chasm she so desperately wished he would fill. She moaned and writhed as he sucked on her clit.
"Oh god, Charlie." She clutched his hair and held him to her as she rutted into him uncontrollably until she came on his tongue. He massaged her legs as her body relaxed. Then crawled back up her to kiss her. She tasted herself on him and felt the shift again inside her. She wanted him now.
She spread her legs wide and he settled himself between them, kissing her slowly and softly, he groaned with need. She reached between them and took him in hand, positioning herself in the right place and his arms trembled as she slid his tip along her dripping cunt. She pushed the foreskin back, coating him with her own juices and he whispered "fuck" dropping his forehead to hers. He held her head between both of his hands, stroking her hair.
"I love you." He groaned into her mouth, and she shifted her hips up and slid him inside her. He hovered above her, frozen in place as she adjusted to fit his entire length inside her. She moaned loudly in pleasure, at the feeling of completeness that she finally had. This is where he was supposed to be. With her. In her. He nodded his head as if he knew her thoughts and echoed them.
She shifted beneath him, allowing him to move in and out slowly. He gripped the sheets beside her and gasped at the feel of her. "More please." She begged, digging her nails into his sides. He was so much bigger than her, his wide muscled body fit perfectly over her and she held onto him tightly, relishing in the feel of his weight on her.
She shifted her hips again, searching for the right spot, the right angle and he pushed even deeper inside. He pushed her knee up to her shoulder and slowly slid in and out. "More." She whimpered. "Faster. Please Charlie, I want you to fuck me hard." She was near sobbing as she begged him.
He obliged without hesitation, slamming their hips together and she cried out as her release exploded again and she begged him to finish with her. He came deep inside her as the last pulses of her own orgasm ebbed. He kissed her sweetly as he softened inside her before he pulled out slowly and laid next to her, pulling her into his chest and held her.
"I'm sorry." He said catching his breath. "I wish I could control myself around you. I shouldn't have done this." She felt the sadness creep into him again. But he held her close still.
"Please don't. I honestly don't think it's something we can control. Not until we figure out what it is. Don't blame yourself and please don't feel bad. I wanted it all." She placed her hand on his cheek, stroking it.
"You're still underage. It would be different if you weren't. I'll always feel like trash for taking you like this. Every time." He shook his head and closed his eyes. She pulled his head down to meet hers and they just breathed together, holding one another.
"I miss you every second of the day. No matter how busy I make myself." He said, his eyes still closed. His hands stroked her back and side. She slid her top leg over his and pulled him even closer.
"Me too." Was all she said. She didn't tell him about her addiction to the anti-depression potion. She knew he would scold her and feel bad about it, blame himself. "What are we going to do? I can't bear the thought of another year apart." She whispered, tears welling up in her eyes.
"I'm Dumbledore's errand boy on the continent. For the Order. I can't come back here yet." He said apologetically. "We can write this time though. Maybe that will help. I only didn't last time because I thought it was better for you, if I stayed away, no contact. It killed me though. I wrote you countless letters that I ended up burning."
She kissed him again and rolled him back, climbing on top of him. "One more time, please. Before I have to go back." She begged. She folded over him, kissing him and rocking into him. He hardened again and she slid onto him, groaning at the feel of him stretching her further. She leaned forward and kissed him, his hands sliding up her back and tangling in her hair. She sat up again and began bouncing on top of him, her lust and desire fueling her movements. He reached up to cup her jiggling breasts and squeezed, rubbing her nipples with his thumbs. She moved faster, sliding as far off of him as she could without pulling him out. His eyes rolled back, she went faster and faster, chasing her own pleasure. She was so close, desperate for release, aching for it. The scream built up inside her. She fell forward onto him and ground hard against him, releasing a cry into his mouth as she came and he emptied himself again inside her.
She pressed her forehead to his, gasping for air. He rubbed her back and held her close. Their bodies slick with sweat and more. "God I needed that. I need this everyday." She whispered. She felt the unwelcome tears forming again. "I love you too." She cried softly. He flipped her on her back and held her and kissed her.
"I'm so sorry." He whispered. A chant along her lips, her face, her neck. "I wish I had answers for us." He pulled back and sat up, reaching for his wand and casting the contraceptive charm. He pulled her up and to the shower, where he rinsed her off. He kissed her neck as he squeezed the water through her hair. She turned to him and said "I didn't get to taste you yet." She dropped to her knees in the shower and he braced an arm on the wall.
He was half hard as she sucked him in. She moaned at the tasted of their joining mixed together on him. She sucked him off, the warm shower water trickling down her face as she held his hips and bobbed her head. He gasped as she swirled her tongue around the tip, tasting the fresh precum oozing out. She slid her hands up and down his thighs before cupping his balls and massaging them. She knew exactly what he wanted, how much pressure, where to focus. He dropped his head back to lean on the shower wall, his knees shaking. She sucked hard and he pushed her back. "Wait wait wait. I'm going finish if you keep that up." He panted.
"I want you to. Please, I want to taste it." She begged from her knees. She ran her hand along her body, squeezing her breast before trailing down to her throbbing cunt. Sucking him off was making her ready again. She slipped her fingers inside her and brought them to his slit, mixing their juices again and licking them off. "Please" she begged.
She sucked him all the way to the back of her throat, knowing how he wanted it. She flattened her tongue and bobbed, pulling him deeper, tapping her throat with each thrust. She moaned and gagged sensually, holding his backside and pushing him deeper, not letting him pull out.
He dropped a hand to the back of her head and slammed into her three more times before releasing his seed deep in her throat. She drank from him, swallowing it all and feeling her own pussy gush from the feel and taste of it.
He pulled her up with shaking hands, catching his breath. He kissed her. "Gods you take me so well." He whispered to her mouth. She groaned in pleasure at his praise and took his hand, guiding it to her center. He slid his middle finger inside her and she begged for more. He pulled out and slid two fingers back in, thumb rubbing on her clit. She found her own completion soon after, fucking his hand as he suckled her breast in the warm shower water.
He toweled her off afterward and helped her dress. "I'm keeping these." He said, stuffing her knickers in his pocket.
Before he picked up the broom he pulled her close again and kissed her, one last time. "We'll figure it out. Don't worry." He stroked her hair and held her to him. He disillusioned both of them and climbed on the broom, helping her mount it behind him. He apparated them back to the same spot they left and flew silently back to Grimmauld Place.
She pushed open the window and climbed inside, making sure Ginny was still asleep before she leaned back out for one more kiss. "Be safe." She whispered.
"You too." He said, and then shot off into the night.
She slid the window shut and climbed into bed, removing the disillusionment charm. She felt the ache begin to grow at his absence and she burrowed into the pillow and blanket, falling asleep quickly.
"Hey, Hermione. Wake up." Ginny was gently shaking her shoulder.
Hermione blinked slowly awake. "What time is it?" She felt like she was being dragged from the deepest sleep. She hadn't slept this soundly since she ran out of potion.
"It's 8:40. Mum says we're leaving at 9:00." Ginny sat on her own bed and pulled her shoes on. "Are you feeling alright? You don't usually sleep this late."
"Mm fine." Hermione said, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. "Just tired. I stayed up reading." Always her easiest excuse.
"Ok, well I'm going to grab some toast. Want me to get you anything?" Ginny stood and walked to the door.
"No thanks. I'll be down in a mo'."
She quickly dressed in a plain tshirt and jeans and tamed her hair with her wand, pulling it half up with a clip. She grabbed her bag with her Hogwarts letter and Gringotts key. She had set up an account with her parents last year with enough to cover the rest of her school career, so they didn't have to go through the hassle of changing money each time. With a last sniff of Charlie's hoodie she left the room, closing the door and descending the steps.
At the bottom of the stairs just before the kitchen, the twins apparated right into her. She stumbled backward and Fred caught her around the waist, hoisting her back up on her feet.
"I told you two to stop that!" Mrs Weasley yelled at them.
"Sorry." Fred said to Hermione, cringing. "Are you alright?"
"yes, fine. No problem." She brushed at her clothes and walked into the kitchen. She made the mistake of looking at him once during the exchange and after her night with Charlie she felt horrible about even talking to Fred.
One more day, get school supplies and sleep. Then tomorrow they would be off to school. Thank god.
She grabbed a bite of toast and a cup of tea, downing both quickly. Mr Weasley came into the kitchen then.
"Right, you lot, we'll be taking public transportation to get to Diagon. So Harry, Hermione, I'm relying upon both of your help." He said. Hermione nodded and tried to look happy again. She felt Charlie's absence keenly now. And she saw the traits he'd inherited from his father as Mr Weasley spoke. It pained her to notice.
They walked to the nearest underground station and took that to the Leaky Cauldron. It was a relatively quick trip and she managed to avoid Fred the whole time. She didn't miss George's side eye during the ride. She pointedly ignored him.
In Diagon they split up, Hermione went off on her own after she and Harry left Gringotts and collected all of the supplies she would need. Spending extra money on stationary and potions ingredients. She fit everything into a bag and cast a featherlight charm on it. She was working on perfecting the undetectable extension charm. She was sick of hauling around her giant trunk and her bulky school bag. She was close, but there was still something missing to it.
She walked back to the meeting spot and saw Fred and George and Angelina and Katie talking outside Fortescue's. Something twinged in her heart at the sight. Would this be their future? Would she end up with Charlie and have to watch Fred bring Katie to family events? Would it be less painful someday?
She very gratefully ran into Harry and Ron on her way towards the twins, now she wouldn't be alone standing there listening to them flirt. She couldn't stop the rush of anger. If she could have chosen her own life, she would be with Fred right now. She was bitter about it.
"I forgot something at the bookshop actually. I'll be right back." She couldn't stand to be there a second longer.
Inside the shop she browsed around, keeping an eye open for something that might explain soul bonds. But mostly just killing time. When George came up next to her, alone. She looked at him once and walked away.
He followed. "I'm going to encourage Fred to ask Katie out this year." He said like he was remarking on the weather or something else mundane. She said nothing in return. "If you're still being a bitch..." he added when she didn't react.
She turned to him then, anger flashing in her eyes. He was watching her carefully. She bit her cheek. "Fine." Is all she said. She pretended to examine a novel closely. He stood there a minute more before scoffing and walking away. As soon as he did, she broke, her chest squeezed painfully and she tried massaging the knot away. She held onto a shelf of books and focused on taking deep breaths. She needed that potion. Badly.
When she had collected herself, she walked back out to the group. Ignoring George's attention. "All set everyone?" Arthur asked. She nodded along with the group and they set off back to headquarters.
She excused herself after lunch to pack and nap. She pretended she was asleep when Ginny came to ask her if she wanted to play exploding snap with her and the twins. She packed quickly and spent the rest of the day hugging Charlie's hoodie and crying into her pillow.
She emerged from the bathroom, having splashed cold water on her face to ease the redness around her eyes, and joined the group for dinner. She smiled sweetly and thanked Molly and Sirius for taking care of them all and letting them stay there. She avoided making eye contact with anyone for too long and rushed back to bed as soon as she could.
On the train the next morning, she donned her robes early on and walked with Ron to meet with the other prefects for instruction. She ignored the knife that twisted itself in her heart as she passed the twins and Angelina and Katie in a compartment together.
As soon as she was alone in her hogwarts dorm bathroom, she pulled out her potions ingredients and brewed the anti-depressant, sighing in relief as the numbness washed over her.
She bottled the rest of it and cleaned up quickly, leaving no trace behind her. In her four poster she pulled out her new stationary.
Dear C,
I'm at Hogwarts now. I miss you. I'm desperate to be near you. I don't know what else to say, I just wanted to hear from you. I hope you are safe and well.
Love, H
She cringed as she read it. Shaking her head and throwing it into the fire. She climbed under the covers and fell asleep quickly, grateful to finally escape from the day.