Chapter Three: Taiga Stars

"Make a wish, it's up to you.

Find the strength inside, then watch your dreams come true.

You don't need a shooting star, the magic's right there in your heart.

Close your eyes, believe, and make a wish…"

- Make A Wish, Cindy Mizelle

Alana the bubblegum Meowstic let out an awed gasp. We'd just reached the top of Coniferous Ridge, the taiga Region stretched out before us. The Forest Fires had travelled all over Itori in the months since they'd been initiated into the Academy. They'd started by covering the southern regions (I can imagine due to its distance from Ruby Forest), but so far they hadn't seen this eastern stretch of the country. I watched them soak in their surroundings, heads craned high turning left and right, the bright eyes of younger Pokémon. It's mindset, as they say. A new experience is a new experience no matter what age you find it. (Or it finds you.) I carried Alex in a nondescript sack attached to my back. I let Roy carry the items bag. He insisted on taking Alex, but I insisted harder. This was my student, and he weighed sixty-three pounds.

Everglade Pass was untouched for miles, by Dungeon or by civilisation, vast stretches of natural green, brown, and blue. Spear-like trees pierced the sky as we walked through thick, pine-scented woods. Roy the black-and-violet Luxray let his paws sink in so he could feel the needles brush his fur. Eliza paused to sip the leaking sap from a trunk, not out of hunger, just curiosity. Striker the grey-red Staraptor stopped now and again to pick out the exact ingredients we wanted for dinner. We'd never had that luxury in Ruby Forest.

We followed a clear, twisting river thriving with life. Bucky the amber Stantler ducked his head down to take a sup. A Bruxish leapt out and caught herself in his antlers, making wet slapping sounds and she flailed and wriggled. Bucky shook his head and the fish Pokémon landed back in the water. He straightened his neck and gave another shake to get the dampness off.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Alana said wistfully to Eliza.

The eggplant Heracross stammered, searching frantically for something intelligent to say.

"I like… the mountains," she said, jabbing her finger at the stony hills shielding us from the outside world, rising and falling like an ebbing and flowing tide. I wondered briefly about asking if she wanted to see what a real mountain looks like. No. Hopefully it won't come to that.

The wild Pokémon gave us a wide berth. Predators eyed us cooly, knowing they wouldn't find their next meal with us. Prey Pokémon scurried away like they'd received an electric shock. If one of us had our eye on a berry bush or an apple tree, the Pokémon already picking from them would back away and wait for us to pass by. The same with the river. One unlucky Bruxish had been caught unawares, and now the moment we ducked down to drink from the stream or refill our skins, the Pokémon inside swam around us as if moving around a forcefield. We walked a straight line over the circle of life.

"I'll never get over how peaceful wild areas are on the outside," Alana said, looking around her once again, as a Greavard and a Smoliv sprinted in opposite directions away from us. I don't know if she saw them. "I mean obviously Emerald Town is a whole other world, but… to be so far from anyone you know, just you and a pawful of friends, and still feel so safe. I can't put it into words."

There was a reddish flush to her face. The cold, the excitement, the joy.

But we're safe here because we're us. The outside world isn't like this for most Pokémon. It wasn't like this for me when I left Ruby Forest. The Forest Fires were born and raised in there. It was a brutal battleground from the moment they hatched. We were beaten in the ground until the earth below gave way. We had to become stronger to survive. Smarter. Every minor threat could have been life-or-death.

As we headed further north-east a cool, refreshing breeze hit out faces. We saw white clouds against white mountain tops. The most direct path forward was up the ridge of a tall hill (or "mountain", as my Ruby friends delightfully called it). As we climbed, snow began to fall, a gentle flutter like a sugar storm. Eliza out stuck their tongues out to catch the snowflakes on her tongue. Roy rolled his eyes, then when he thought no one was looking, licked the powder off his nose.

Tobias walked stone-faced beside me. It'd been a day and a half since we'd set off, walking tirelessly until past nightfall. Only once had be ridden on Bucky's back, at the mine and the Stantler's insistence. He hadn't spoken a word since we'd woken up early the next morning, other than that most common of lies:

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" I asked again, as white powder speckled our skin. A flake got caught in his eye.

He wiped his face, not looking away from the path for a moment. "Positive."

Keep trying.

"What do you think of the view?" I asked.

"Alex would have liked it."

"He will," I said. "When Alex is free, you'll take him back here and you'll show it to him. You'll see all of Itori together. I promise."

Around a trodden-down path made by wild Pokémon trailing from one berry bush to the next. Our field of view stretched ever wider. Then, over the snow-coated pine trees, the red peaks of eastern Ruby Forest loomed. Fitzroya trees, if I remember correctly. We paused for a moment. A deep breath crept up on me.

"You really can see it from all over Itori," Bucky said.

"Smoke."

Eliza drew our attention to the black pillars zig-zagging across the country. Thankfully they were far away, the great expanse of Ruby Forest between us. Then, just beyond the faint rainbow glitter of the Barrier, a flash of red, followed by another pillar.

"I wonder if he would ever target the Forest itself…" I wondered aloud.

"Ruby Forest does not burn," said Roy, in a "stating the obvious" tone of voice.

"It hasn't been that long, Dracen," Striker said.

It's still jarring, being called by my own name. I wanted to ask him to stop. I wanted to say, "my name is Khan, I'm not Dracen, that Pokémon doesn't exist anymore, that's not me." But I didn't. We carried on along the path until we were over the flat peak and heading back down. I felt a sudden twinge in my back. I stopped, and Eliza's horn bumped into me.

"You okay?" Eliza asked.

I set Alex down, resisted the urge to place my claw on my back. It was nothing, right? I'd just been carrying him too long. There was nothing to worry about.

"All right, you've been carrying our friend here too long," Eliza said, reaching over to take Alex.

"No, really, you don't have to do that," I said, stepping in front of her.

"Come on, big guy, you need a break."

"I assure you, I don't."

"You're going to mess your back up, let me carry him. I won't drop him!"

"My back is fine."

She stepped around me. I stepped with her. "Eliza, no."

My voice echoed down the path, around the hill.

"Is this how it works now?" she said, a heaviness in her voice I rarely heard. "We're your students, so you tell us what to do?"

"Of course not. I just…" I racked my brain for an excuse.

Eliza stepped around me and lifted Alex onto her back. We walked in silence. I knew where we were going, so I had to walk ahead. I felt their eyes on my back. My aching back.

We marched up a steep mountain hill. The river rushed below us. We were buried in the trees.

There was a scuffling sound just to our left. A Drakloak from behind a soapberry bush. Scarlet-red horns, orange belly, unblinking red eyes fixed on us. A Ruby. We were far from either of the Barrier's exits.

"What on earth are you doing all the way out here?" Roy asked.

I suppose she could ask you the same thing. A regular-coloured Dreepy climbed up over his back, peered at us. Wide, curious, yellow eyes. Not at all like her counterpart's. I opened my mouth to speak but the Drakloak ducked back down.

"Probably a missionary from one of the civilisations up north," I said. "Let's not get in his way."

As we walked, Roy brought up the story of the Giant Dragapult we fought in the birch region.

Striker grinned. "You should have seen his face when he thought he'd swallowed up Eliza and Roy ended up in her place."

"I can't imagine 10,000 volts leaves a pleasant taste in the mouth," Roy said with a smirk.

"I can't imagine I would either," Eliza said.

"Mm, debatable," Alana said quietly.

They laughed. Even Roy allowed himself a chuckle. Then Bucky stopped to give me an apologetic look. But it wasn't Alana I was thinking about, it was that battle. Don't they remember what it had led to? I looked back over my shoulder. The Drakloak was there again, watching us— no, watching me— and I saw, unmistakably, fear in her ruby-coloured eyes. The Dreepy waddled out from under cover. The Drakloak grabbed her and slinked back into the bushes.

Nighttime under the taiga stars. We lay on our backs on the flat peak of a hill (I'm sorry I'm just not calling it a mountain, it's an insult), our shrouds spread out like blankets, arms or wings behind our heads. Tobias lay still in his shell. Alex, wrapped in cloth, lay on his back beside him. I didn't want him falling over and crushing anyone.

One night, a few months after he'd joined, I took Tobias to the balcony and showed him the stars. I do that with every student I feel needs a bit of personal time. I showed him every constellation we could see. He'd gazed up at them as if it was the most captivating thing he'd ever seen. Sometime after that, Creams from the library had told me he was overdue The Slowpoke's Guide to Astronomy by two weeks. I paid his fine for him and didn't say anything about it. The next day Matty came in to my office and told me Tobias had handed him the money for the fine, asked him to pass it on to me, then bolted like a wild Pokémon. He kept taking out the book again and again, but from then on always brought it back on time. He was paying no attention now.

I pointed them out to the others. They had only ever seen the constellations visible in Ruby Forest before.

"That one's Sunahebi, Silicobra," I said, "see how the tail…" I dipped my claw to demonstrate.

"Oh, yeah, I see it," said Alana.

"Over there, all those stars clothes together, that's Rikikirin, Farigiraf."

"Mhm," said Striker.

"And there's Bachinuni, Pincurchin, see that little cluster, the two close together?"

"Fascinating," Roy said.

"Oh, Bucky, there's your favourite one. Hagigishiri, Bruxish." I pointed further west. "And that one's Goriky, Machoke."

"Uh, that's Madatsubomi, Bellsprout," said Eliza.

"They must have different names," Alana said.

Now that I looked closer, Goriky did indeed look like a Bellsprout. I pointed out another another one; Elezard, Heliolisk.

"Are you listening?" I asked Tobias.

He was quiet for a moment. "Alex would like that."

"Guys," I whispered to the others, "could you give us some space?"

They backed away and I shuffled over to my student.

"I won't always have time to do things like this, Tobias," I said. "You'll have to learn this stuff for when Alex wakes up. I don't know if anyone's ever shown him the stars."

Slowly, he climbed out of his shell. I pointed to the far distance, towards the south.

"That one there is Kamex, Blastoise. I suppose you read about him already."

"Could be a "her.""

"Could be."

He pointed just past her. "What was that one again?"

"That one's Fushigibana, Venusaur."

"Next to Fushigibana."

"That's…" Oh. "That one's Lizardon. Charizard."

Smoke curled through the sky, just in our line of sight.

I clearly my throat. "The one a few paces to the right is Purin, Jigglypuff," I said, awkwardly.

Striker shuffled over and directed Tobias' attention west.

"See that one?" he said, as un-gruff as he could manage. "What do you call that one?"

"Gourton, Lechonk."

"Hah. I see that. It's Mokuroh in the Forest. I think that means Rowlet."

"Are they all grass-types?"

"It's a forest, sunshine."

The others joined in, crowding around them, pointing to every constellation they knew. A shooting star streaked across the sky, between the Jungle Region's Kairyu and Ruby Forest's Cherimu.

"Make a wish everyone!" Bucky said.

I wished we for us all to come here together again someday.

…

Tobias was asleep. The rest of us lay back, trying to follow him. It was probably my fault for snapping at Eliza. The tense air kept us all awake.

"Dracen," Roy said softly, "I must apologise for my behaviour early. I should not have brought up Belindo so flippantly. After what it… led to."

A precarious pause.

"Does Tobias know?" Alana asked.

"He doesn't," I said.

I told myself I was doing it to protect the Forest Fires' privacy, but the truth is I never told anyone out of cowardice. I suppressed it, just like I do everything that might weaken my standing with my students. But I didn't have to do that here, did I? It sounded like Tobias was sleeping soundly.

"Do you think that Drakloak recognised us?" Bucky asked.

"We are very recognisable," I said.

The heavy snow muted the pine trees swaying in the wind. It was a thick covering now, clear, a great vast whiteness, cut through only by the deep blue river.

"Hey," Alana said, turning to face us. "Do you remember that night at the Moonlake, where we looked up at the stars and made our own constellations? Of the six of us?"

I smiled. "Of course I do."

She looked west. "I think we can still see them from here."

"True," said Roy, "although half our number now occupy different forms."

I followed Alana's eye line and found them instantly. Stantler. Meowstic. Heracross. Staravia. Luxio. Gabite. All mish-mashed from different constellations and fused into one. I tried to imagine them in their evolved forms.

"They still fit…" Striker said.

"Some things never change, huh?" said Eliza.

"Certainly not in the Forest…" said Roy.

His words hung in the air. Neither Alana, Eliza, Roy, nor Striker had wanted to leave. They'd been forced out, because of me, because after nineteen years apart I'd come back and spent a few days there and rumbled them. Thirty years protecting the Forest. Ended the moment I came back. Bucky had been the only one glad to leave. I took a deep breath. Time to bit the Bullet Seed.

"A Ruby Pokémon walked through the Barrier the other day."

They were shocked, of course. Frightened, naturally. They looked to one another, opened their mouths to speak, coming up with nothing.

"What… kind?" was all Bucky could think to say.

"A Decidueye. His name was Rohan."

"Never heard of him," Striker said.

"Do we know what drove him away?" Alana asked.

"He wouldn't say," I told her. "He just said he was "running". He wouldn't say anymore. I doubt he left for the same reason I did…"

…

It was at the Pillar Oak. We'd tracked the Giant Dragapult back there, saw him travel inside the pulsing red tree, the way Achilleus and his cronies had walked out the day they ambushed us, looking for Alex. Gods, he must have had a field day when he found me as well.

We'd been tracking Belindo for more than a day. We were looking for a way to attack the Guardians directly. How painfully naïve. We hadn't seen any of it coming. They'd poured out in droves. I think my body was running before my brain even registered what was happening.

Bucky took a hit to the leg as we bolted. He was lagging behind. Two Guardians were on his flank, an Ursaring and a Furret. They landed on him. They were digging into him, there was blood, a lot of it. I knocked the smaller of them into a trees and dragged the bigger one away. He clawed, punched, scratched me across the eye, drew blood. I literally saw red. I beat him into the ground, over and over, with one arm, and… something just snapped. Then the next thing I knew I was looking at his body, just… lying there.

Bucky'd had to forcefully shove me to keep me moving; I remember a Spirit Shackle arrow whizzing past my head, missing by inches. I almost tripped when I looked down at myself. I still remember the blood dripping from my fin, the skin hanging from my claw, I don't even know how I'd torn it away.

I look down at myself now, in the present. I tell myself "this isn't the same fin that did that, you've evolved, you're a different Pokémon, you're not the same person, you're Khan". That's how I comfort myself. Do I even deserve that?

…

I listened to Tobias' breathing. Still asleep. Thanks the heavens.

"When he finds out what I did… I'll be no better than Taka. I'll be dirt."

"Does he… need to know?" Eliza said cautiously.

"He deserves to."

"Dracen," Bucky said gently, "you can't seriously be comparing yourself to Takahashi. You did what you did to save me. And if you hadn't, I would have died."

"And if Bucky had died, he wouldn't have saved my life at the rosebushes," Alana added.

"We'd all have been killed off," Striker said, "one-by-one."

"I… I honestly hadn't considered it that way. I never wanted to be a Pokémon who made excuses."

"It's not an excuse, Dracen," Eliza said, "it's the truth."

"Would guys mind calling me "Khan" from now on?" I asked.

They exchanged glances.

"If… If you really want us to, yeah," Bucky said.

"But I should remind you, Khan," Roy said, gently but firmly, "that we love Dracen too. And that you have no reason to be ashamed of him."

Another flash of red in the distance. Smoke curled across the stars.

"Have you told anyone about this outside the five of us?" asked Alana.

I hadn't.

"That's a hell of a weight to carry on your shoulders alone," Striker said.

"I've carried heavier."

"You think that makes you sound tough," Eliza said bluntly, "but as people who care about you, it frightens us."

"I think I deserve the weight."

"You don't—" Bucky began.

"Yes I do. I'm a hypocrite. I enforce rules I don't even follow, I lie to the people around me, or I omit things they deserve to know. I act like I'm some hero or great leader, when in reality I'm no better than someone I despise. I'm a fraud. I'm… I'm a monster."

A barren silence followed.

"I don't think you're a monster."

My heart almost leapt out of my chest. Tobias climbed out of his shell. I couldn't look at him.

"I would have done the same," he said, "if it meant keeping Alex safe. I think he would have done the same for me, too."

"Do you really mean that?"

"I would never lie to you."

He looked at Alex, shrouded in black.

"I'd do anything to keep the people I care about safe," he said. "What's the point of loving someone if you can't protect them?"