Bart the Groom Bart mucks about with price guns at Cosingtons buying gifts for a fake wedding but stupidly uses his real name and the actual unfortunate name of a real girl who actually believes he has married her and won't take no for an answer.
Plot
At the Cosingtons store there is a sign reading "A Last Gasp of Class." But a drunk Hobo drinking stumbles and knocks off some letters o it reads "A Last Gas of Ass." Bart laughs hysterically when he reads the unfortunate sign.
"Quiet boy..." Homer tells him to shut up basically.
Oscar chuckled at the sign.
"Sir, where May I find clothes for the larger gentleman?" said Homer in a posh tone to a store attendant.
"In the basement sir." said the attendant.
"Thank you kind sir." said Homer. He went on the escalator.
"Homer Wait! Before you go on that escalator do up your shoe laces! They're untied!" said Marge.
Homer's shoe laces got caught in the escalator and he tripped and fell flat on his face at the bottom of the escalator. "Ow! So many high heeled shoes! Ow!" Homer whined. Then the escalator ripped off his blue pants. "Oooooooh!" Homer groaned.
Oscar laughed.
"He's lucky he didn't end up like Scratchy in that one episode where an escalator shredded him." said Bart.
"That episode is not funny anymore after that Asian Mom got killed by an escalator!" Oscar whined.
Bart sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Where's the women's clothes section? Do I look like I need a psychological evaluation?!" Gary Busey yelled.
The mall assistant was unnerved by Gary Busey dressed as Commander Krill.
Lisa and Oscar were discussing her vegetarianism.
"Lis, unlike your monkey brained brother and your dad, I supported and respected your vegetarianism."
"I know, I know." Lisa said softly.
"But our ancestors were all carnivores. They ate meat, like um... chicken wings..." said Oscar.
Hugo winced baffled at him.
"Our ancestors didn't eat chicken wings, they lived at one with nature and their eco-system. Existing on a diet of nuts, berries and leafy vegetables." Lisa explained frowning at him.
"Yeah, and they threw stones at their own shadow and died of old age and fear at twenty-four!" Bart yelled. "Wait why am I involving myself in your geeky, dorky conversation!"
Lisa sighed and frowned at him.
...
Lisa came to an inappropriate girl's clothes store called little hookers. "Uh this is just wrong! You're encouraging little girls to dress in low cut clothes?!" Lisa gasped.
"All the popular girls are dressing like sluts." said the shop owner.
"But I'm only eight years old!" said Lisa.
"So's your look." said the store owner.
"Well if you say all the popular girls are doing it..." said Lisa.
"Hmmmmph! Certainly not! Sweetie stay away from that store!" said Marge taking Lisa. "And shame on you, you disgusting people! Sexualising young girls!" Marge scolded the store lady.
"Ugh... parents..." the lady sighed.
Oscar saw the store and rang 911 on his mobile. "FBI? Yeah we've got another store sexualising young girls..." said Oscar down his phone. Suddenly FBI SWAT team soldiers descended on the store and smashed it all up and burnt the clothes while arresting the staff.
"You monsters are going away for a long time..." said Lou arresting one of the shopkeepers.
Gary Busey rah off.
"Mr Busey... don't run off..." Hugo sighed.
"You'll never find me! I have the power of invisibility!" Gary Busey yelled.
Hugo winced exasperated.
Oscar laughed.
"Give me a doughnut! I'm hungry!" Homer yelled at the staff in the Big and Tall men's clothing store.
Future really fat and tall Stewie Griffin punched his arm.
"Ow!" Homer whined.
"Hurts, Donut? (Don't it?)" Stewie smirked.
Gary Busey ran past the store yelling, " Nany nany booboo, stick your head in doo-doo!" in an infantile manner.
Homer winced exasperated.
Hugo and Oscar were chasing Gary Busey.
"Mr Busey!" Hugo yelled.
(Mudboy's laughter but harsher and devious.)
Oscar groaned.
"What?" Hugo asked. Behind them was Dark Clowncy.
"Hehehehe! Surpriiiiiisssse!"
...
Marge took Lisa with her to the hair and beauty area. Lindsey Naegle asked if she wanted a free sample of perfume but didn't even wait for a response before spraying her in the eyes with perfume
"Care to try the latest of my line of perfume?" Lindsey asked.
"Uh..." Lisa got sprayed in her eyes..
"Aaaaaagh! My eyes! My eyes!" Lisa screamed in pain.
Then Lindsey tried to spray Bender but he sprayed oil all over her. She coughed and spluttered.
Oscar laughed at her.
Then her assistant was explaining with a machine that zoomed in on Marge's skin to show her she had skin mites and ugly craters in her skin from them. A green Space Mutant mite was eating her skin voraciously.
"Its eating my beauty!" Marge gasped.
"Skin mites love beauty..." said the assistant, "try some of this lotion. It has sixty five ingredients!" She puts some lotion on Marge.
"Oooooh!" Marge was fascinated by the lotion. She then looked at the magnification of her skin again. The poor little alien skin mites were dissolved by the lotion like it was a corrosive acid. Eek!
"Oh no! I hope he didn't have any children! Skin mites have children don't they?" Marge asked.
"Yes! Millions!" said the assistant.
"Oh dear..." Marge sighed.
"You killed them!" Oscar gasped.
Bender was then in the sweater store with Oscar.
Oscar hummed joyfully while looking at the sweaters.
Bender bought a green one and wore it. He then left to pilfer from the liquor store...
Hugo caught up with Gary Busey. He was acting nuts again!
"That man is possessed by the devil! And I have seen it before! Somebody call an exorcist!" Gary screamed when he saw a mime performing the invisible box trick.
Hugo sighed frustrated and cupped his face into his hands exasperated.
Dark Clowncy laughed maniacally.
"Oz there's way to many characters... get rid of some." Hugo sighed.
"Uh all the silly ones he added." Bart groaned exasperated.
"Prepare to meet your fiery doom!" Oscar became Dark Oscar and yelled menacingly.
Bart winced worried.
"Whoops! Lost control of myself again!" said Oscar.
...
Meanwhile Yeeeeees! Guy had to ask someone in the changing rooms to hurry up and finish. "Please sir! Other people need to use those changing rooms!" said Yeeeeees! Guy.
"Changing room? Uh oh..." said Homer sitting with his trousers and pants down. Eeeeeew!
Bart went past the men's changing rooms bored as he tried to find something to do. Nina from school leaves a changing booth looking shifty as she steals socks again. She passes Nelson and calls him "Goober lips!"
"Puke a Lina!" He retorts.
"Booger breath!" She retorts.
"Butt-brain!" Nelson retorts.
Bart rolls his eyes and leaves for the wedding gift area.
Skinner and Mrs Krabappel are in there buying crockery and cutlery for their wedding. Skinner thinks it's too expensive for his allowance.
"Seymour we scan what gifts we'd like and our guests will buy them for us..." said Edna.
"And the dishwasher soap and tablets too?" Skinner asked.
Edna has no answer and stormed off.
"Silent anger. The cornerstone of a successful marriage." said Skinner leaving before Bart arrived.
Once Bart arrived in the wedding gift area he saw price scanner guns. "Cooool! Laser guns!" said Bart taking one. "Eat laser imperial scum! Bzzzap!" Bart role played that the price scanner gun was as a phaser and he was in a sci fi movie shooting lasers at stuff.
"Coooool!" said Oscar.
"Uh no son, these are not toys. They are bar code readers for scanning things, like this food processor. See?" a shop clerk took his gun and scanned a food processor with it.
"Ball Honky!" said Bart. Oscar slugged him. "Ow! Why?" Oscar glared at him.
"Because it's racist!" said Oscar.
"No son not Ball honky." said the shopkeeper.
"Stop saying that word!" Oscar yelled. "That's like calling a black person a N word!"
The shopkeeper explained about the price guns.
"Yeah but you can also flash them in Van Pelt's eyes..." said Oscar. We cut to the Jumanji cartoon where Oscar pulls out a barcode scanner and blinds Van Pelt with it by flashing it in his eyes.
"Aaaaaaagh! My eyes you accursed brat!" Van Pelt screamed. Oscar giggled and ran off with Peter, Judy and Alan.
"Nice going Oz!" said Peter.
...
Back in Springfield. Cosingtons.
Bart had a naughty idea once the store clerk left. He registered a fake wedding with himself as the groom and a girl called Lotta Cooties as his bride. Obviously a fake name...
"Oz, did I tell you about how I once dreamed of marrying a zombie..." said Bart.
"No. And that is awesome!" said Oscar. He imagines Bart marrying a zombie lady and her ripping open his head and eating his brain while growling. "Cooooool!" Oscar cooed as his day dream ended.
Bart smirked and went about shooting lasers at various gifts to buy for his wedding. Obviously it was not a real wedding and he didn't have to buy them, some poor sap thinking the wedding is real would buy them for him.
Bart scanned stuff like a waffle iron and a cocktail maker. Then he laughed deviously and dropped the guns and went home.
Oscar shrugged and went to find Hugo and Gary Busey.
Gary Busey was "Swimming" on the floor...
"Sir, I can't tell you to stop, but what you're doing is not normal." A Mall assistant winced.
"What ARE you doing?!" Hugo yelled exasperated.
Bender went back to the episode where Fry found out he was now a billionaire.
Oscar winced as he stared at Gary Busey who was swimming on the floor.
"I'm singing! I'm in the store and I'm singiiiiiing!" Will Ferrell as Buddy the elf was singing loudly.
Hugo winced.
"Oh and Bart's gone home I think." said Oscar.
Hugo frowned wondering what his twin was up to.
"We need to cleanse your aura my friend, shriek with me!" said Gary Busey.
"What?!" Hugo winced.
Gary Busey screamed. Hugo covered his own ears to block out the screaming.
While Gary Busey screamed to cleanse Hugo's aura, Teddy, Oscar's living teddy bear creature shrank Oscar.
Oscar gulped as he was picked up.
"You are all so small! Don't worry, I will make sure to take care of you." Teddy chuckled.
"Keep me away from your nose..." Oscar pleaded.
...
Oscar after hanging about with Hugo and Teddy went to the candy store. He was eating candy when Mr Costington was talking over the Tannoy.
"Attention all employees." He called out.
"The day after Christmas has become a major shopping day, right up there with Black Friday, Bloodbath Monday and Dystopic Nightmare Wednesday." He continued.
"Coooooool! Bloodbath Monday..." Oscar chuckled.
Hugo waddling about on his hands and feet like a dog and sniffing things, winced exasperated at Oscar.
Gary Busey, who was still shopping with the Simpsons at Cosingtons was startled because there was a werewolf in the Cosingtons for some reason...
"Holy jumped-up baldheaded Jesus palomino!" He yelled.
Hugo winced.
The werewolf was Ned Flanders opening his Leftorium. Um He has multiple branches now...
"Grrrrrrr! Diddly..." said Werewolf Ned Flanders.
"Someone didn't take their wofsbane potion..." Remus Lupin sighed. He's a werewolf too.
Oscar went to the hunting supplies department. He was buying ammo for his guns...
However he was baffled to find the hunting equipment store was selling cranberry sauce...
"What the deuce?!"
Elsewhere the men in white coats, ie mental hospital wardens came for Gary Busey.
"It's a fucking alien!" He was dressed as his character from Predator 2 in high tech suit that hides his heat signature.
"Sir..." said the men in white coats.
"If you put that straight jacket on me, I am going to pull your endocrine system out of your body." Gary warned them.
Hugo winced exasperated.
"Uh... okay..." said Homer.
"My dark side, my shadow, my lower companion is now in the back room blowing up balloons for kids' parties." said Gary Busey.
Everyone looked very concerned and worried.
"My dark side, my shadow, my lower companion is plotting to kill all of you right now." said Oscar. "Sorry but that's just the way Dark Oscar is."
Plot 2
At home in his room, Bart was planning his fake wedding prank with Milhouse.
"A fake wedding? Wow I can't wait for your real wedding..." said Milhouse.
Just try not to hit on Lisa during your best man speech or get drunk..." said Bart.
"I am so gonna prank you at your stag night..." said Oscar.
"No you are not..." Bart warned him not to engage in any drunk pranks on his stag do.
Bart sent out invites to everyone. Including Mr Burns.
"Oh an employee wedding..." Mr Burns sighed.
"Uh no sir this is Bart Simpson. Local Neanderthal of sector 7G's son. He's only ten years old. I smell a rat..." said Smithers.
"Well if he's half the donut munching oaf his father is he will not be getting any gifts from me!" Mr Burns yelled.
At the Simpsons house Homer was raking the leaves when a creepy black van with no windows pulled up.
"Get in." said a suspicious voice.
"Okay." said Homer and he got in the vehicle.
Hugo winced exasperated.
Adult's Drama class at the Springfield theatre. Oscar had a problem with how Llewelyn Sinclair put so much emphasis on the H in words associated with Judaism.
"It's another production of Hats for Hhhhhhannukka! It stars a Hhhhhhasidic jew." said Llewelyn Sinclair.
"Why are you putting so much emphasis on the H in words associated with Judaism..." Oscar asked with a glare.
"Do not interrupt me while i am speaking!" Sinclair yelled.
Oscar seethed.
"Go to your happy place Oz..." said Jurkle, his Jewish friend.
Oscar chuckled as he thought about frogs wearing funny hats, bells and screaming leprechauns.
Meanwhile at Coming Attractions, New York.
"Jay. I am taking three months notice to start a career as a tough, no nonsense warden at a juvenile correction facility..." said Duke Phillips. A jail for kids basically.
"Why..." Jay Sherman asked.
"Because my deep, husky, baritone voice is scary. Well it's rather sexy too..." Duke Phillips blushed.
...
Bart then found a tent in the park and replaced its sign with Simpson & Cootie Wedding and laughed as he hid somewhere. Oscar shrugged and followed him.
Local townsfolk he pranked out of their hard earned money for free gifts arrived. Some gifts he'd send back for store credit in a further scam.
"What's the traditional peasant gift in these parts? A milking cow?" Guy Incognito asked holding his monocle.
"Actually, silverware is all that's left on the registry." said Carl. "I'll see if Lenny wants to go in on a spoon."
"Feh! Peseants!" said Guy Incognito disgusted.
Carl shrugged.
"Remember, if anyone asks, you're my niece from out of town." said Mayor Quimby to his blonde girlfriend.
"I am your niece, Uncle Joe." said the blonde screechy catwalk model.
"Good Lord, I'm an abomination!" Quimby screamed. Eeeeew!
Oscar vomited.
(LAUGHING MISCHIEVOUSLY) This prank is my Sgt. Pepper's." said Bart deviously as he chuckled.
Oscar using a magic sheet made the Beatles dressed as Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club appear.
Bart sweat dropped.
The locals he pranked put presents on a table and went in the tent. He then zipped up the tent trapping them and ran away laughing.
Sideshow Mel was the first to notice something wasn't right. "I see no blushing bride or dashing groom!"
"We're trapped!" said Moe. "And we're all gonna die! No one breath my air!" He stole the air.
"Why you selfish! Come ere!" Willie deeply french kissed him. "I'll suck the air outta your lungs!"
"Get off me!" Moe yelled.
"Coooool! Nightmare on Elm Street 4 death!" said Oscar. Willie morphed with hell fire into Freddy Krueger Willie and sucked the air out of Moe, killing him. (Until the next episode where he'll be alive again.)
Bart winced.
Everyone panicked and breathed heavily as the tent imploded and they all collapsed from asphyxiation.
Bart laughed evilly and left with his gifts.
...
However when got home he arrived to an angry Chief Wiggum, Sideshow Mel and the other wedding guests being given oxygen to revive them, Mr Cosington, Yeeeees Guy and his very cross Mom and Dad.
"Eep!" Bart gulped.
"A fake wedding?! How can you be so stupid you'd think you'd get away with that!" Homer yelled.
"Well this is out of your hands Mr Simpson. This sort of crime, Fraud to be exact is for the courts to decide...
"Ooooooh!" Homer groaned disappointed in Bart.
"Nooooo! Please chief! How about this toaster that toasts bagels? Or a blender?" Bart bribes him.
"I'm bent enough to accept bribes but..." said Wiggum.
Matt coughed and shook his head.
"Mart wants you to suffer this episode." said Wiggum.
"What is wrong with you?!" Oscar snapped at Matt.
Bart was taken to court. To his horror the judge was, Judge Constance Harm! Dun dun dun!
"We meet again, Bartholomew Simpson!" said Judge Constance Harm.
Bart gulped.
"This time I don't believe your parents are to blame for this." said Judge Constance Harm.
"Phew!" Homer sighed.
"But..." said Judge Constance. Homer whimpered. "I will admonish and give you a dressing down so humiliating it would burn hotter than a dwarf star! Behold! Bart's criminal record!" She held up a folder.
"It doesn't seem that big." said Marge.
"This is just the contents page! Bart's total criminal record takes up five office draw lockers!" yelled Judge Constance Harm.
"Six by eight?" Homer asked.
"Six by fourteen!" said Judge Constance Harm. Everyone gasped. Bart was mortified.
"I oughta have you sent straight to juvenile hall!" Judge Constance Harm snapped.
"No please! I'll do anything! I'll even snitch on my dad!" Bart cried.
"Like hell you will!" Homer growled.
"Silence in court!" Judge Harm snapped hammering her gavel. "Bartholomew I already have an inside agent working on your father."
"Is it Lenny?" Bart asked.
"Damn it! I mean no, of course not!" said Judge Constance Harm.
...
"As for you Bartholomew! Unfortunately for your little scam, your bride is here! And I'm a licensed Chaplin too!" said Judge Constance Harm.
"What?!" Bart gasped. Wedding music played as the court doors opened and a small bride about Bart's height walked in. Under the bride's head gown thing was, a young girl about his age.
"Hellooooo Darling!" said Alotta Cooties.
"Wait hold it!" Bart stopped the music. 'Your honour I can't get married! I'm only ten years old!"
"Please I've dealt with all sorts of unusual customs and laws. Somewhere this is legal!" said Judge Harm.
"But not here in Springfield! And as Bart is a minor and I'm his mother I forbid this wedding!" Marge yelled.
"Oh no you don't freaky blue haired lady! I love my new husband! He's dreamy!" Lotta Cooties was very um clingy... She hugged Bart.
Marge frowned at Lotta.
"Judge annul the wedding! Annul!" Bart yelled.
"I don't think so Bart! I love watching you squirm!" said Judge Constance Harm almost smirking deviously.
At the wedding.
"Hmmmmm... how bad could this be..." Homer imagined Bart marrying an alien.
"You shall marry my daughter, Moonhilda." said the father of the bride.
"I can't wait to lay my eggs in his brain." said Moonhilda, some sort of freaky alien life form.
Homer's dream ended. "No son of mine will be marched down the aisle at the barrel of a ray gun!" he yelled.
"Silence in the aisles!" Chaplin Constance Harm yelled.
Oscar kept going on about Alotta Cooties laying eggs in Bart's brain...
Bart winced. "Look I made you the ring bearer and not Milhouse because you said you'd be quiet and not yak nonsense!" Bart sighed.
"You should totally have married that zombie bitch..." said Oscar.
Bart rolled his eyes.
Wedding bells played as Bart was forced to marry Lotta. There were funny wedding pictures such as Lotta forcing some cake into Bart's mouth, Oscar making a drunk speech at guests insulting them and Bart looking mortified in the after wedding photos on the court steps.
"Todd was our best man..." said Bart. Todd Flanders was Best Man. XD
Gary Busey was baffled and silently was about to say something but decided not to. Also what said was from one of his movies...
...
At home Lotta would not leave Bart alone and kept kissing him.
"Moooom! Make her stop!" Bart whined.
"I'm sorry dear but she's your wife now... apparently..." said Marge. "Mr and Mrs Cooties, surely you must be able to do something?" She asked Lotta's parents.
"Marge we're doing all we can just as you are." said Mr Cooties. "But Lotta seems really smitten with Bart, it's like love at first sight..."
Alotta Cooties was kissing Bart.
"I don't have a problem with them be boyfriend and girlfriend as long as it's cute and innocent! But our kids are too young to marry!" said Marge.
"This what happens when Judge Constance Harm is around... she makes everything difficult... Like my Dad trying to annul his Vegas wedding..." said Lisa.
"Or my fake wedding that was never supposed to happen!" Bart whined.
"That's it! Why don't you just tell Lotta you don't love her?" Oscar asked.
"I don't know how she might react! What I'd she's a bunny boiler?!" Bart asked.
"I would never boil bunny wunnies!" said Lotta.
Bart groaned at her girliness.
"Haaauuuuuw! Bunnies!" Oscar squealed.
Bart sighed.
"Oz... I've got some cool to show you in the attic..." said Hugo.
"Oh is it a Lady covered in ants wearing a loaf of bread as a hat? Cos I wanna see that..." said Oscar.
"Uh no..." Hugo winced.
At Juvenile Hall.
"Your eyes need diapers..." said Ralph to a crying inmate. Why he is in Juvie I don't know...
"Shut your pie hole maggot!" Duke Phillips as the Warden yelled. I'm serious, Duke Phillips is the Juvie warden in canon...
Then a pigeon tried to fly into his mouth.
Duke coughed out feathers. "Oh yeah, even pigeons love the sound of my voice... Gack! haaaack! Get outta there you winged vermin!"
Gina Vendetti winced. The black haired girl with pink highlights was there for some sort of crime, possibly GBH.
...
Lotta some how made Bart get away from everyone else for some alone time with her.
"Lotta how do you think this is gonna work? We're just kids! We can't even consummate the marriage yet!" said Bart.
"Oh I know we won't be able to do any of that until we've older but that just means we will have years to get to know each other..." said Lotta. By the way she sounds like Tootie from Fairly Odd Parents.
"What do you suppose we will do then in the mean time?!" Bart got annoyed.
"Play with my dollies?" Lotta asked.
"No, we're not doing that..." Bart groaned. "Look help me sort out this mess! We are too young to marry Lotta!"
"Only if you'll dance with me!" said Lotta fluttering her eyelashes.
Oscar and GIR chuckled.
"No! Never! Ever!" said Bart.
"You two'll dance and you'll like it!" said Duke Phillips as the prison warden.
Bart and Lotta dance.
"Kiss her..." Oscar heckled.
Bart rolled his eyes.
Juvenile hall.
"Alright lights out!" Duke Phillips yelled. The kids turned out their lights for the night.
"Can I have a lollipop?" Oscar in a cell asked.
"Hell no! Now get to sleep! I have to get back to mocking Jay Sherman for being so fat!" said the warden who happens to sound like Duke Phillips and also looks like him too...
Canon Bart made eyebrow gestures at Gina.
"Keep looking at me like that and I'll gouge out your eyes..." Gina yelled.
"You're pretty..." Bart said in a silly manner as he was in love..."
Gina face palmed.
Wardens office.
"We're the country bears that sing this song! Doo dah! Doo dah! Drinking moonshine till we puke! Doo dah Doo dah daaaaayyy!" Animatronics of yokel bears in straw hats with banjos sang.
The Charles Napier Warden chuckled.
Plot 3
Skinner and Edna were arguing over more wedding gifts.
"Edna, we don't need wedding china. The dishes mother won on Let's Make a Deal are holding up nicely." said Seymour.
"Seymour, if we register for these dishes, our wedding guests will buy them for us." Edna sighed.
"And I suppose those wedding guests will also pay for dishwashing liquid, heated water and two-sided sponges?" said Seymour.
"Feed me! Feed me Seymour!" Edna snapped.
Audrey II was speechless.
"Fine we'll have wedding gifts... but no cake..." said Skinner.
"Seymour we're having a cake..." said Edna.
"Fine.. but now wedding dress..." said Seymour.
"Seymour I'm having a wedding dress..." said Edna.
"Fine but no bouquet..."
"Seymour I'm having a bouquet..."
"Um... I have to get back to the employee's lounge and finish my shasta..." said the store clerk.
The Juvie.
"Okay boys hit the showers... And no shenanigans..." said Duke Phillips.
"Sir this is a jail for kids... They don't have drop the soap shenanigans..." said a guard.
"Look I'm just here to hide from Rambo!" said Duke Phillips as the Warden.
"I'm coming to get you Murdoch..." said Rambo...
The assistant guard grimaced.
"Also I was the pirate Captain Squint from Jumanji..." said Duke Phillips.
Oscar chuckled.
"I barely even recognised Napier's voice... At least I somewhat sound like Gretchen..." said Peter Shepherd.
"Oz stop fudging up the story!" Bart yelled from the showers.
"Shut up! Also the next episode will be called God, The Devil and Bob..." said Oscar.
Bart rolled his eyes as he washed his hair.
...
In another universe Bart did go to juvie and his girlfriend this episode is Gina Vendetti.
And Marge's eyes need diapers according to Ralph...
"One slingshot, (Betsy the slingshot blinked her big cartoon eyes as the warden confiscated her) one pack of cards, a baseball, one doodle. (READING) One harmonica. Perfect mood setter for the end of your freedom." said the warden
(PLAYS HARMONICA) Bart played the hatmonica. "Lessons by mail, worthwhile."
"Gahahahaha! I told you you'd end up in Juvie! Capiche?" Don Brodak the security guard of Try N Save laughed maniacally.
"I am so glad you're dead in my canon!" Oscar snapped.
At home Marge sobbed. "My baby boy is in jail. I'm the worst mom in the world!"
"Yes you are!" Hugo snapped.
"Why you horrible mutant little!" Homer growled and strangled Hugo.
"It's not all your fault." Homer reassures Marge. "All these years, I watched you turn our son into a time bomb, and yet I did nothing. So in a way, I too am a victim...Of you."
Marge grumbled.
You're a great mom." said Lisa.
"No she's not!" Hugo argued.
"Hugo! Zip it!" Lisa snapped. "You were always there for Bart with love and support. His acting out was probably caused by negative reinforcement."
"Oh, I get it. Blame the strangler..." Homer groaned.
The Tattletale Strangler frowned at Homer.
"Or... That Bart is just plain wicked!" Lisa added.
"Well the twist was that I'm really the good twin..." said Hugo.
In Juvie Canon Bart fancied a tough looking girl with pink and black hair.
"Stop giving me bedroom eyes or I will gouge those out of your sockets! Dweeb!" Gina snapped.
"I like girls who play hard to get..." Bart sighed with imaginary hearts and cupids.
"Kid I'm serious. I'm an incarcerated convict! I will hurt you!" Gina explained.
Bart was smitten.
Gina sighed.
...
Fanon Bart sighed, he was stuck with a girl that did love him but he didn't love her.
Alotta was hugging him.
"You think you have it rough..." said an alternate Bart married to Moonhilda an alien girl with tentacles who lays eggs in her husband's brain.
"At least you have braaaaaaiiiiins..." said Zombie Bart married to a zombie.
Bart winced.
The fickle finger of fate decided we follow zombie Bart's timeline.
Bart decided in this universe for some god forsaken reason to marry a flesh eating zombie.
"Raaaaaaaagh!" His zombie bride screamed.
"Yes darling." said Bart walking her down the aisle.
Michael Jackson was invited to the wedding for some reason...
"Oz seriously..." Hugo sighed.
In Juvie, visiting times.
"You have five minutes with Bart. And I'm counting every second..." said the Duke Phillips Warden. "One... Two..."
Pigeon-Rat cooed and fluttered trying to escape from Hugo.
"Calm down! No Pidgey rat thing!" Hugo gasped.
Pigeon-Rat tried to fly into Duke's mouth because of his seductive voice.
The Simpsons winced.
"Darn it! I've lost count of how many times that's happened! Pigeons seem to love the sound of my- Gack! Haaaaack! gah!" He swallowed a pigeon.
Oscar laughed.
At Wee World. A store Oscar finds hysterically funny.
Martin bought another Flipsy. A back flipping and barking toy dog.
"I love Flipsy!" Dark Laser from Fairly Odd Parents cheered.
Martin gawked at him.
Back at Juvie.
"This place is a nightmare! Kids beat me up! Even the girls!" Bart whined.
"Well you shouldn't have broke the law..." said Lisa coldly.
...
Bart marries Alotta Cooties Fanon.
Soon he was back in court.
"For the charge of trans dimensional Bigamy?!" Judge Constance Harm yelled.
"Really shouldn't have made me marry Alotta Cooties Ma'am.
"Shut your cake hole! Simpson! Unfortunately for you this is legal under the church of Mormonism!" said Judge Constance Harm.
"Lady, I'm not a Mormon... I'm Lutheranism..." Bart explained.
"No you're a Scientologist..." Oscar blurted out.
"Oz that wasn't even funny five seasons ago!" Bart snapped.
"Silence in court!" Judge Harm barked.
"Wait there's a universe where Bart doesn't marry me?!" Alotta asked.
"Yeah, it's called canon." said Oscar.
In another universe Bart was dating a girl he wanted to be with. Or he's got that creepy fascination with his babysitter again.
He was in his room humming a romantic song. "Or else, you're alone!" While applying his Krusty non toxic Kologne to his face. Then he screamed like Kevin from Home Alone.
Back in court.
"Your honour this is ridiculous... two ten year olds can't get married... Howabout I just ground Bart for two months?" Marge sighed.
"Three months and he has to scrub your toilets..." said Judge Harm.
"Oh she's good..." said Homer.
Marge frowned thinking the judge was harsh.
Bart yawned.
"You listen mister. Your irresponsible behavior has finally caught up to you and you are going to suffer the consequences." Judge Harm snarled.
"Whatever... Moooom! The Judge lady's being mean!" Bart whined to Marge.
"Leave my baby alone!" Marge snapped being way too overprotective of Bart.
"You have no power here!" Judge Harm yelled.
Oscar winced.
...
In main canon.
Bart groaned as Alotta Cooties hugged him.
Also did I mention she talks exactly like Tootie from Fairly Odd Parents? Oh I did? Well yeah um...
Jimbo was picking on Bart when she turned up to stand up for him.
"You leave Bart Simpson, my one true love, alone, you big, gray bully!" said Alotta fiercely.
Bart groaned mortified.
In Matt's canon where Bart goes to Juvie.
"Oh Gina!" Bart gave Gina flowers.
"Go away..." Gina shoved him.
"Ow! Why?!" Bart cried.
"I don't date Mommas boys." said Gina who has pink and black hair.
"Frigid Whore..." Bart retorted.
"Family Guy." said Gina. Yes she calls him that!
"Lucky there's a family guy!
Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do
All the things that make us...
Laugh and cry!" The Griffins sang.
Bart and Gina rolled their eyes.
"Psychopath..." said Bart.
And we swiftly move on before Gina invokes any more TV Programmes.
In Zombie bride canon.
Zombie Bart groaned.
Mrs Simpson the zombie bride, Bart's zombie bride to be precise was eating Oscar's brains.
"Author enough please..." Lisa sighed.
Oscar laughed.
"How comes she gets to eat before we do?" Homer cried.
Hehehehe! Zombie bride...
...
At Home Bart watched cartoons.
"Cartoons... America's only native art form. I don't count jazz 'cause it sucks." said Bart.
Lisa lunged at him and strangled him.
In jail the Warden is Duke Phillips from the Critic.
"Watch it boys. I'll tear through you all like a Jewish mother through self-esteem." said the Warden.
"Dude, not funny!" Jurkle yelled.
Canon Bart was moved a cell. His new cell mat was a creepy kid who was either stabby or gay.
"And then they try to gouge out your eyes while your sleeping..." said the inmate.
Bart winced. He was scared.
After lights out he found his cell mate was in bed with him...
The Inmate started trying to seducing him.
Later the next day in the Juvie yard.
"I don't care for jews, queers or damn Eskimos!" said Duke Phillips.
Journalists suddenly appeared and he was front page news...
Mayor's office. "Warden, this is too far! I have no choice uh um... errrr to fire you!" said Mayor Quimby.
Duke Phillips went back to New York.
"Very well, But I kept this place in order..." said Duke.
In Juvie.
"Why do you keep avoiding me?" Bart asked Gina still in love with her.
She put him in a headlock and worked his gut with her fists a couple of moments.
"Ow! Krav Maga! My one weakness!" Bart groaned.
She left him alone.
"I still love you!" Bart cried.
Gina sighed.
Plot 4