Warren's phone rang right when he was having a seat. Mayor Bailey! As if he didn't have enough pressure on his shoulders.
"I can't get a rest...It seems, I say, it seems I just can't get a little rest tonight!" He complained before picking up.
"I'm telling you! The frog! It sings! And dances!" Close to him, a man shouted, pointing at the amphibian in Officer Cassidy's hands. In spite of his pleas, the policemen remained firm and put him into the car, to keep him in a cell at the station for public disorder. Cassidy gazed at the frog in her hands. A green frog, nothing else. It didn't do anything special and its eyes were completely deprived from any kind of intelligence. She walked to the fountain of the park to free it in the water. Warren plugged his ear with a finger in order to hear better.
"Hm...Mhm...You sure?...Alrighty then, you're the boss here. Guess I can do that." He hanged up and looked at the officers around him, who listened with expectation. "Listen, I say, listen, boys! I got orders from the Mayor! Unless someone's in mortal danger, don't move a finger!"
"Huh?" The policemen and women exchanged a confused expression.
"He's telling us not to do anything?" Officer Fitzroy asked.
"That's right." Warren nodded.
"Only life or death situations?" Officer Clawson asked.
"Only life or death."
"So all these picnic basket thieves, and gangsters and harassers...?" Officer Woodward asked.
"Just let them do!"
"Woohoohoo!" Officer Emerson had barely heard these words when he took them as a permission to get loose too and, stripping in a record time, he started hopping around in his underwear, waving his arms up in the air.
"Well, Warner is falling into madness at the speed of-" Warren stopped and let out a chuckle. "Warner! Falls! Warner Falls! It's a joke! You missed it! It went over your heads!"
He kept on snickering for a long time at his own joke. Only one thought distracted him from the hilarity: the feeling that he used to get inspiration to crack puns like this and even better in better times...
Brian didn't know about the order, and so started to sweat when the road forced him to drive past the sheriff. He tried not to seem suspicious but his face was shouting that he had a shotgun in the trunk. Warren turned his eyes at him and he felt his bladder was going to release all of its content. He almost stopped to confess his fault dropped on his knees in front of the authority when Warren told him with a gesture of his hand to keep going and he sighed in relief. Truth be told, the possibility to get caught was kind of thrilling. In the end, it encouraged him to do what he intended to do.
He had spent his working hours gathering up arguments on the internet to justify his latest whim: shooting something that was alive. He searched in the Bible, in Darwin's work, Malthus', Adam Smith's, Aristotle's, even Oprah Winfrey, and came to one conclusion: there were predators and prey in nature, human being was on top of the food chain and that meant all the rest of the creatures had to surrender to its supremacy by becoming its food, clothing, decoration, mascot and amusement. He hadn't also found any conclusive reports on the supposed capacity of non-human creatures to feel pain.
He drove into the forest, feeling as renewed and happy like he was coming home after a long day at work. At the entrance, he found a precarious sign on a plaque.
RABBIT SEASON OPEN.
He smirked. Rabbit season it is.
"Let me go! Bad putty tat, bad!" Pip tossed and turned, tried to break free from Isadore's arms like pincers, but it was useless.
"You and I have a pending talk..." Isadore grunted, dragging him to a remote spot, next to a vacant lot, where no one could hear his screams.
"Are you going to eat me...?"
"Eat you? Blergh! No! You've got too much fat now. But I want to make one thing clear: you had your chance to have a mistress who treated you like a prince. You've always been protected by a loving Granny. It's my turn! I've had enough getting kicks and being hit with the broom! I want to be caressed and pampered too! I want someone who takes care of me! I want Granny for myself this time! I don't care if the spell is never broken! I don't want to be the clown who gets the blows, and the explosions, and the crashes and the kicks!"
A roar interrupted him, and then the lamppost almost fell on him, it missed just by a couple of feet. Billy had finally found someone smaller and less dangerous than Father Stewart he could easily eat. His wound was still bleeding, and it made him very, very angry. He opened his mouth and shouted something incomprehensible, making the drool inside of his mouth splatter.
Isadore hadn't seen him in this half human half animal state before like Pip did, but he too screamed when he made his appearance. Even if what Billy said had no sense, they had an idea of what he wanted.
What a sweet relief Ben felt when time to punch out came.
"Oh Beeeeeen..." A singing voice called him from behind.
See all of Ben's happiness vanish when Lenny showed up with his arms behind his back. After all these years, Ben had come to know Leonard Keller well enough to read his body language. He was about to put the icing on the cake.
"Rosie congratulated me for the report the other day. Very clean and good-looking, she said. You really have a good hand with office apps."
Ben didn't reply to that praise, not because he was being modest, but because claiming he did would have opened the door to...
"I bet you can do great presentations."
There it was.
"Uh...I just get by..." Ben shrugged.
"Well, that's more than I know. If I give you the script, could you make me a nice-looking one?"
"...Well, maybe tomorrow..."
"Tomorrow?"
"It's time to go home."
"I know, but the presentation if for tomorrow morning."
"...And you're telling me now?"
"With the planning of my holidays next week, I completely forgot."
"I can't. I'm getting out so much later than I expected and..."
"Oh, please, Benny, you can't do this to me. Just this once. I'll return the favor. Come on, how long can it possibly take? Ten minutes? It's very, very short. It's just a backing for the oral exposition I got to make. Ten minutes, that's all. And I'd be sooo grateful..."
"But Lenny..."
Since praising was getting nowhere, Lenny changed his strategy. His moronic smile shifted into a frown, and his prominent Adam's apple went up and down, up and down...
"I thought you were a good guy. When you were new here I lend you a hand. But now I see you only care about yourself and can't do a favor for someone in need..." Anyone who would have heard him would have thought Ben was a criminal of the worst kind.
Ben closed his eyes and sighed. "Just...this once." He surrendered.
Lenny got his smile back in a wink. "You got the paper by the keyboard. Welp, gotta go. I've got a reservation for Dante's Corner. Their rabbit stew is just...mmmhm! See ya!"
He left and Ben sat in front of Lenny's computer and started working. According to his notes, the presentation needed charts and calculations he had to do himself. It was impossible that he could possibly finish this in ten minutes.
He was a sucker. He had always been. He couldn't help it. And all because of his terror to displease others. Perhaps it was his father's fault, for yelling at him for not holding the torchlight right while he fixed something. He couldn't take anyone yelling at him, and so learned to do everything himself so they didn't stop yelling in frustration. Or was it one more of the awful experiences in middle school? Probably a mix. He was the only one taking notes in class and let his classmates copy them so they didn't think he was a stuck-up jerk and isolated him. He even faced punishment for allowing them to cheat on exams. What for? In the end, they never chose him for the sports teams, for group projects, or talked to him, or even looked at him. It all lead to him doing a favor to Lenny so Brian didn't kill his chances to promote for not being a team player.
He felt like a monster every time he said no. People smelt that and took advantage of it. He was fully aware. But what could he do about it? It was too late to change. Now he could only watch as the likes of Lenny patted him on the head and took credit for the things he did while he compromised his own productivity, and all these Sheldons out there, with no merit but a lot of self-confidence and the skills that make parasites prosper, smiled at him and said: 'Hello, neighbor' with a condescending smile on their way to the house of the girl he always liked and never, ever had the guts to speak to...
Something snapped inside Ben. He stopped typing for a second, lost in the image of Sheldon and Kath kissing on the sofa and laughing at the guy who was too much of a coward to step forward and tell her what she meant to him. Then he typed faster, possessed by a sudden inspiration. He put a lot of hard work into the presentation and, two hours later, when the cleaners had left him alone with just a little light on, the project was finished, ready to be shown to the bosses from the central unit. He grabbed his backpack and left the office with a fine smile on his lips.
Too bad he was the lowest of the low in the organizational chart of the company and he was not to attend these meetings. He would have loved to see their faces when they clicked on the link to the corporation's new database. The website it directed to was so hardcore he felt he would have to wash his eyes with bleach.
Heh! Wasn't he a stinker?
Explosions. Women screaming as some man ran after them, men running away from women who wanted to kiss them. Cakes flying into people's faces. Bulls chasing everything and everyone wearing red. Car chases. Folks who couldn't repress their need to break into song for no reason. Luc found dozens, maybe hundreds of infractions on the way. But he never once though of calling an halt to any of them or using his authority. His mind only had room for one single thing.
Julie was quite more intimidated by the turn Warner Falls was taking. It was like some door had been open and all the madness had poured out, contaminating everyone. She was almost ran over and some guy shamelessly whistled at her like a wolf. She didn't feel safe and walked quickly, her heart pounding inside of her chest in alarm.
And then...
Him.
Her.
"Mademoiselle Julie!"
There he was. Julie's fear vanished. She ran to his encounter. As she approached, her nose perceived the nasty odor on him better. It was utterly disgusting. Anyone would have retched. She almost did. But she bit the bullet and continued approaching. Luc embraced her and she didn't complain.
"Are you alright, mademoiselle?"
"Yes."
"Are you?"
"Yes, I am."
Luc wanted to tell her what just happened to him, but he didn't know himself. Did it matter, anyway? No, all that mattered was that she was right there, in front of him, and none of those loons and sandy impostors would get their hands on her. He placed a hand on her cheek. Very briefly, this fear of rejection shook him. It made him quickly put it away. The relief was great when she took that hand and put it back on her cheek, closing her eyes to feel its soft touch.
They had been thinking of what they would tell the other when they met. Now that they were together, it seemed words didn't come out. It was alright. There are moments when words are not necessary.
They broke the little distance between their bodies. God, was the stench awful. But Julie placed both hands on Luc's chest. He used the hand on her cheek to attract her lips towards him, and when they were about to touch...
"...NOW WAIT A MINUTE!"
Luc had a tamer reaction but Julie jumped with a gasp when she saw Warren coming straight to them.
"W-Warren!" She exclaimed.
"I told you, Luc; I told you to be careful, not to go around breaking people's hearts, and you said you wouldn't listen to me, my words flew over your head, and still you...!"
"Wait, i-it's not what you think, Uncle Warren!" Julie babbled.
"And what is it? Huh? You think I'm stupid? Or blind? You must think I'm blind like a bat with cataracts! What a shame! I remind you, missy, that you got a boyfriend and that this gentleman here—I see, I say, I see he's no gentleman at all—is married with kids! How didn't I see it before?" Warren exclaimed, rubbing his face with one hand. "Of course, you were bored of your wife and you had this pretty, naive chick on hand and you...!"
"Warren, stop saying nonsense! I would never..." Luc defended himself.
"Wyatt and I are not together anymore, Warren!"
"And Sylvia and the children...You won't believe me, but...!"
"I don't want to hear whatever excuse you came up with! I have eyes! I saw what you were doing! You were about to kiss each other under the stars and the moonlight, that is, if we could see them! Here, in the middle of the street, with so many people around! I know it's a French thing and stuff, but I won't tolerate that kind of behavior in my town! I don't want your wife or Julie to suffer because you can't control your impulses!" Warren protested, pushing Luc with each word he uttered.
Luc closed his fist and it almost seemed as if he was about to punch him in the face, but he huffed and then tensed his body.
"...You are right! I love her! I love her so much! You don't understand. She makes me feel things I have never felt before, not even with my wife." Julie smiled lovingly at Luc's words. "But please, don't speak so loud, everyone's going to hear you!"
"This is my voice, boy, I can't do nothing about it! And if you wanted to keep it a secret, you shouldn't have been these things in the middle of...!"
"Come here, muley-headed mavericks, and fight like men!"
Well, someone was being loud and this time it was not Warren. A group of people was running away from something. That something was a miniature of a man. He came from McKimson Lane and was now walking down Lovy Street, looking in every direction, even under the cars, kicking all trash cans he saw. He would have been a common intoxicated man if it wasn't for a detail Warren and Luc noticed when he approached: he was armed. And they knew he would use them.
"Sir! You, sir! Stop!"
Father Stewart stopped and Warren and Luc approached him. "Put your guns up, I say, drop the guns!"
The red-haired man snickered. He extended his arms at his sides and it almost looked as if he was about to obey. But he spun the pistols and before Warren could react there were two simultaneous shots, one single bang. Julie screamed.
"You missed!" Warren smirked.
Stewart fired again, seeing the sheriff pounce on him. He missed by a few inches, the bullets broke the window of a car.
"Ye red-haired big-!"
"AAAAAAAH, SHADDAAP!" Warren didn't let him finish the sentence and gave him such a big slap that the priest fell half unconscious to the ground. He didn't care about the rights of the prisoners, ethical codes or anything a good, sane sheriff was supposed to do. There was only one thing that needed to be done with vermin like this. It was pure, irrational, automatic revenge. And how good did it feel! Once the shooter was neutralized, he turned around.
That is how he saw Stewart had only missed one of his shots.
"Luc!" He shouted, running towards his fallen friend, who had a hand on his side, stained with blood.
"How could I be so blind?" Kath lamented herself as they ran back to their neighborhood. "He was right in front of me all of this time!"
"All of us have ch-ch-ch-changed a lot." Joey tried to comfort her.
"No, no! The outside changed, but the feelings were still there! Classmates! That thing I always felt for him! Nothing really changed! Only the surface! But I was too busy with my tiny world I never noticed we were still destined to be close to each other!"
Kath's reply made Treg stop. He let others run ahead and thought.
He didn't give a beep about the curse. He could let them handle this. He had to find his friend. Like in Pip and Isadore's case, no one noticed he was gone. Or perhaps they had started to remember he used to zoom away every time he pleased and didn't mind he left without an explanation. The urgency to find Ben and the thunders booming every instant were distracting enough.
José was also fast enough to get ahead. Since he didn't know where they needed to go, he had to wait for the others to lead the way, which bored him to the point of taking out his phone to entertain himself in the meantime.
"Well, look at this..." José said. "The phones stopped working. There's no signal, no Internet."
Sheldon checked his own phone from different spots. No, he had no coverage, and the screen was flickering.
"What can this mean?" José asked.
"I don't know...Perhaps...We are going in the right direction..." Buddy muttered. "At least, I hope so..."
Kath didn't mind about it. She darted towards the door as soon as she saw they had arrived and started slamming it with her fists.
"Ben! Ben, open up! It's me, Kath! Open up, please, I need to talk to you!"
No one answered. Joey peeped through the windows.
"I thi-think he's not at home." He said.
"He goes work from home, home from work, he hardly ever does something in between, why starting now?" Kath desperately exclaimed.
"So? What now?" José placed his hands on his hips.
"Wha-Wha-What would Speedy Gonzales d-d-d-d-do?" The question Joey posed surprised José.
The resourceful, quick, always ready to save the day Speedy Gonzales...
José closed his eyes and forgot he was standing in a street paved with concrete. And he pictured himself back at home. Not the Mexico his false memories had made him believe he was from, a grey place he was glad to escape from because of the misery and the threat of the cartels—no, the Mexico he once knew and loved, full of color, of good people, music and glee, full of danger too, but danger he could overcome, because he was small but he was...he was...
José opened his eyes and finally replied to Joey: "He would search this pinche town all times needed until he would find Bugs and our amigos!"
"Good idea, but we're ru-running out of time." Joey said.
"It's okay. You're talking to the fastest mouse in all Mexico—and the whole world, I am sure!" A smile grew on José's face. A smile Joey had seen before. He hadn't lost it with the curse. It was an almost suicidal smile, of someone who knew he was about to do a very dangerous thing, odds were against him, but did it anyway, because it was the right thing to do and it was fun. It was a contagious smile which made everyone feel so much better and confident.
"I'm with him! Let's split! Each of us take a...!" Kath was starting to say, but she was suddenly interrupted.
A big cage with iron bars fell from the sky, trapping them all—all but Sheldon, who was left out by a split hair.
A cage Beans had thrown them.
"You are going nowhere!" He shouted.
"Oh no!" Buddy exclaimed.
"Da-Da-Da-Daffy, run!" Joey yelled.
"Go find Bugs, please!" Kath shouted.
"¡Ándele, pronto!" José shook the bars.
Sheldon needed no one to encourage him to run. Beans throwing projectiles at him was incentive enough. Although his mind was screwy, his body was still too weighty and tired to perform his old cabrioles, he could barely dodge them.
Beans grunted and turned around to face the group he had caught.
"I'll get him later. First, I'll make sure you don't bother me any longer."
His eyes fixed on Joey and he felt a cold shiver, which shook him to the core when he said: "Hello, Porky, ol' pal..."
Where was Martin? He seemed to have disappeared off the face of earth. He had followed the group hoping to find him in the meantime but that didn't happen. He couldn't have left the town, right? Only one bus connected Warner Falls with the outside world, and it came every two hours. But knowing how stubborn he was, he could have walked out of town...Or maybe he was still there?
He was still in there. He knew. His sixth sense told him.
Without realizing, he stepped on an X drawn on the pavement with white paint.
The tip of his shoes had barely touched it when a voice in his head, his instinct told him to halt and draw back.
He did so just in time to avoid a fridge crashing him.
Treg gazed at the broken appliance, then raised his head to see where it came from.
And there he found him, Martin, watching from a roof.
«He looked up, over his shoulder, and saw an apparition—a very allegory of Hunger! It was a man six feet high, gaunt, unshaven, hung with rags; with a haggard face and sunken cheeks, and eyes that pleaded piteously.»
Words written by Mark Twain, which decades later Chuck Jones would use to design his latest creation.
Treg and Martin gazed at each other. Although in Treg's face didn't seem to be any hint of fear, something inside of him shook when he saw Martin had more of animal than man.
Sheldon ran as fast as he could to escape Beans. When he saw he wasn't chasing him after a while, he relaxed a little and went a little slower. And slower. And slower. He ended up walking like he had nothing better to do.
In fact, he had no hurry at all.
Finding Ben, making him remember who he was...What for? Steal his fame again? Humiliate him?
He had forgotten about it but now he remembered and he almost wished to be back to the blissful days when he didn't know about Bugs Bunny...
Being a human forever seemed like a good price to pay for seeing Bugs being a nobody...
A few drops stained his shoes. He looked down to see they were orange. Frowning, he raised his head to see if some wise guy was painting his house and didn't mind watching what he did. But there were no houses around. Those paint drops had fallen from...the sky?