Happy 50th chapter everyone. If you're still with me, thanks for sticking it out this long. I know I lost some of you along the way, it just makes the ones that are still here all the more appreciated. I'm also working with a brand new computer, and what better way to christen it than with a special chapter? Start the fic.
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Role Intro
The original Gravity Falls theme starts as an RV speeds down the road.
Dipper and Pacifica share a smile as the vehicle passes by a sign which reads "Now leaving Gravity Falls".
The RV eventually gets parked as the laptop flashed red and Dipper and Pacifica race out of the living quarters entrance to the RV and down a street.
The scene changes to an underground passage where Dipper is following a set of footprints with a magnifying glass.
Now the scene has them back in the RV as it races down a street passing several mailboxes, separately reading "Who", "What", "Where", "When", "Why", and "How".
The scene changes once again and both Dipper and Pacifica are underground again. Pacifica shines her flashlight on the same horned skeleton from the original intro. Pacifica jumps at the sight but Dipper merely rolls his eyes at it, well before the skeleton started moving and tried to chase them anyways.
Dipper was hanging from the manotaur's ceiling with his whip, holding Pacifica by her waist.
Dipper
Pacifica toe jumped in to the air to grab Dipper's hat before spinning on a river stone with her other foot then jumped back over to Dipper.
Pacifica
Dipper and Pacifica investigate some footprints leading down an alley. Dipper shines his light at the dead end of the alley and a shadow of an invisible man is revealed.
Pacifica was rummaging through the fridge when a giant floating eye ball appeared behind her. She froze still when she felt it's presence.
The scene changes again to Dipper arresting a gnome while Pacifica writes up a report about it.
Now Dipper and Pacifica were merely sitting on a couch watching tv together as a thunderstorm raged outside. A sudden flash and boom caused them to cling to each other. Awkward and embarrassed the two fail completely to notice the pair of giant yellow eyes watching them from outside the RV window.
Finally, Dipper and Pacifica buckled up once again in the front seat and drove down a hill.
Dipper Pines, Paranormal Detective
End Intro
Northwest Industries, New York...
Johnathon Northwest walked into the lab; his top scientist took off his welding mask to greet him.
"How's the suit?"
"Fully operational sir! That electron carpet your spies found has made for surprisingly useful lining! We just need the power source from Gravity Falls!"
"Great. Dismantle it and we'll ship it out for the first flight to Oregon."
"Dismantle? Uh... That might be a slight problem."
Johnathon raised an eyebrow at him.
"In what way?"
"Well, we used so much of the science we learned from Gravity Falls that the suit sort of... no longer has individual parts anymore."
"What?"
"The suit is SO advanced that the parts have sort of melded together, it is essentially just one giant piece now."
"So, are you trying to tell me, that this one-story suit which you insisted needed to be this tall... CAN NO LONGER FIT OUT THE DOOR?!"
"We could uh... always take the walls out?"
"Except that this is supposed to be a SECRET lab, you Stupid Genius! We take out the walls to move this thing and everyone will know something is up!"
"Okay. Okay! This problem is simpler than we're making it! We can just go to Gravity Falls, get the power source, and come back here."
Johnathon narrowed his eyes at the scientist. "I don't like to wait... And our spies still haven't found it yet."
The scientist shrunk his head into his shoulders sheepishly.
"Give them time?"
"...You're lucky. I can afford time."
Gravity Falls Barrel Factory...
Preston Northwest filled out another piece of paper on his clipboard. Despite the act he had tried to trick his daughter with, he and his wife had landed on their feet reasonably well.
And he hated it.
He had literally grown up in the lap of luxury, and now he was forced to live a middle-class business life. Instead of caviar he was reduced to eating toffee nuts, an insult to his mouth, but it was what he could afford. In all honesty, even eating a butler sounded more appetizing but cannibalism is apparently "frowned" upon in middle class society. Who knew?
He didn't have a mansion anymore (again), he didn't even have a house. He and his wife SHARED an apartment, splitting rent. They had always shared a bed, but the sheets were no longer made of silk, and it gave him a rash sometimes.
His 'nephew' Johnathon could have saved them from this, but his price was too high. His wife's plan to trick his daughter into spilling information did technically work but Preston could follow through on it. A fine possibility his wife had pointed out to him, so now they were trying to settle in their new positions in life and make peace with their misery.
A quiet alarm alerted everyone that a truck had arrived. Soon after, he was joined by his wife. His wife had saved them a few bucks by making some deliveries herself. Before she had married Preston, she had actually been a trucker, so she already had some experience in the field. In all honesty she was happy to help out.
She approached him now with her new trucker outfit. She had on a red flannel top, no sleeves, and was tied in the middle. Her bottom half was dressed in daisy dukes which one could believe she cut herself. Her hat was, of all things, a large white cowboy hat. This went along great with her white worker boots.
"The marshmallow is docked and ready to be loaded Sweetums!"
Preston quietly winced.
"Your new trucker speak is, quite unfortunately, charmingly enticing."
"More than you care to admit?"
"Very much so."
"Any word from that horrid nephew of ours?"
"Still the cold shoulder I'm afraid. All because we wouldn't rat out our daughter."
Priscilla frowned but only slightly.
"Our little princess certainly has become something of a trailer park diva, her cousin is so much worse."
"Indeed. The little upstart! Who does he think he is?! He thinks that just because he has more money than us and lives in a bigger house with servants to attend to his every beck and call that somehow makes him better than us?!"
"The very audacity!"
"Why I was rolling it when he still in diapers! Oh I hope something terrible happens to that little brat!"
"Something like government officials investigating his sudden financial gains?"
Preston grabbed his wife and kissed her on the lips.
"This is why I married you! That big brain of yours!"
"I thought you married me because I won the Miss Trucker USA pageant."
"No. That was how you caught my eye. That brilliant thinking of yours was why I needed to make you my wife. Now…I think it's time little Johnny learns what it's like when things catch up to a Northwest."
Preston rubbed his hands almost evilly.
Stan O' War...
Dipper looked down at the floorboards of the ship with a frown. He wasn't sure but he thought he heard water sloshing around below... inside the ship. The boat was seaworthy but only just barely. Dipper most likely could only get one round trip out of this ship and then it would never sail again. In fact, Dipper was wondering if it would even be safe to dock. If they had no exit, if things got bad, then they were in big trouble.
Dipper looked to Octavia. "Watch the steering for me for a moment."
"Moo!"
"Thanks! I appreciate it!"
Dipper headed down below deck and started to check for any supplies that could help.
*SPLISH! **SPLASH! **SLPISH! **SPLASH! *
His feet trudged through the water. There was a leak somewhere; there wasn't too much water, just enough to make noise, where the leak was it was a small one.
After some more exploring Dipper found a cabinet with an emergency kit inside. He had to blow some dust off of some of it but it did look like there was some useful things in it. Nothing to patch the boat though.
"What else does this cabinet have? Hey! What's this? Hmm... orange. Is this..."
"MOOOO!"
"Okay! I'm coming."
Dipper went back above deck and saw they were approaching the prison fast.
"Thanks Octavia. I'll take it from here."
"Moo."
Octavia walked off and Dipper was just barely able to dock the ship safely.
The dock itself was rickety, creaky, and Dipper didn't want to trust it anymore than he was forced to. The wood wasn't quite rotten but it gave a great impression of it, and if he didn't know any better he would have sworn there was some kind of odor coming from it.
At the end of the dock was Alice, along with a good number of ghosts.
"Detective Pines, my name is Alice. I'm here to act as your attendant. The Jersey Devil has asked that you wait for him in the courtyard."
"Uh-huh. Whatever speeds this up, Wednesday."
Meanwhile... at a much different prison...
Bart the unicorn sat down at the end of the table across from one of the government agents who ran the place.
"So… Bart. I would like to thank you for meeting with me here today."
"Oh yeah! Because I have such a BUSY schedule!"
"After analyzing some notes from Detective Pines, it has dawned on us that your follicles have certain useful properties that may prove beneficial to us inside and outside the prison."
"Huh?"
"Your hair is magical."
"Oh yeah. I hardly ever think about my hair so sometimes I forget about that."
"Well then you wouldn't mind shaving it for a lighter sentence?"
"Oh gee, I don't know! How would YOU feel about shaving your head for less time in the joint?!"
"I'm sure we can come to a deal of some kind."
"…What're you offering?"
"What do you want?"
"…Ruth."
"…Oh right! Your fairy-pixie… whatever she is."
"Ruth! She is a Ruth! Short for Ruthless!"
"Right. I want a lighter sentence but not just for me, for her too!"
"So you can be released together?"
"Yes!"
"I think we can swing that."
A noisy commotion brought both out of the office and into the courtyard. There they saw a couple of guards struggling with a new inmate.
Dressed in prison orange, he was surprisingly human.
"Let me go! I'm human, ya hear?! I don't belong in a place like this! Not with a bunch of freaks!"
Julian struggled as the guards brought him into the prison.
"Deal with it punk! You tried to do a dirty crime with a magic bug, so you don't GET to go to normal prison!"
The guards tossed Julian to the ground where he tumbled for a small distance. He picked himself up and found himself in front of an odd bench.
It was odd because the bench was actually three benches stacked on top of itself.
"What the heck even is this?"
Bart's government agent lowered his eyelids for a moment.
"You'll start getting a lighter sentence right now if you can get that guy to calm down and not screw with anything."
"Consider it done. Hey! You! The new Mook! Yeah, I'm talkin' to you!"
Bart walked over to Julian who was eyeing him like something out of a bad joke.
"A unicorn? I wasn't aware this prison existed inside the imagination of a little girl."
"Yuck it up, Smart Guy. You're still in the same joint as me. And even though this place is still under construction, I wouldn't get too cocky."
"Really? Why not? They're still building the place! I'll be out of here in a month!"
"Not likely, Tough Guy. The guards are still all over the place and even if you get past them the only way out is upstairs. You know? The literal Fort Knox; also known as the most heavily guarded place in all of the United States."
"Ah who asked you anyways? Why don't you run along, I think I hear Rarity calling for you!"
"Suit yourself, ya Mook!"
Bart stormed off but Julian arched his back and stood proud. "I won't quit! I refuse to believe this is my end! I'll get what I want regardless of who I have to crush! It'll be worth it! I know it!"
"Hello Handsome!"
Julian looked up and saw Edna, she was of course still in her monster form but she was laying on the top of the triple decker bench. She was resting her head on top of her claw giving him the I-Want-You eyes.
"What the f***?!"
Pacifica's Cell...
"So yeah, twelve brothers and sisters. I killed and ate two of them."
"Why?" Pacifica asked.
"To show the others who's boss of course. Can't have them trying something stupid like trying to kill me?"
"Are they like you?"
"Yes and no." answered the Jersey Devil. "They're nowhere near as powerful, and I'm reasonably sure some have even died off due to unrelated circumstances. My point is… If I'm willing to do that to family, then just imagine what I'm prepared to do to you precious Dipper."
"Doesn't matter what you say to me! I believe in him and I believe he'll kick your ass!"
"Please! Even I can tell he's terrified of me! And both us know that if he actually tries anything he'll freeze up leaving himself wide open for me to kill him. What could he possibly do?"
*KABOOM! *
The Jersey Devil snapped towards the prison window. From there he could see one of his watch towers collapsing to their own weight in an avalanche of burning rubble.
Courtyard...
Dipper grinned maliciously as he planted another C4 bomb on a tower. Of course a certain ghost girl wouldn't leave him alone while he did it.
"Sir!" pleaded Alice. "Please! I've already told you, the Jersey Devil has asked that you wait for him in the courtyard!"
Dipper nodded without looking at her, his focus clearly on his next detonation. "Mmhmm! Yeah! I bet he did!"
With the bomb armed he set off for the next tower.
Alice stepped in front of him her arms spread out to block his path. Dipper walked right through her mumbling something that sounded like "Level one ghost moron".
"The thing both you AND him need to understand is, I'M NOT HERE TO NEGOTIATE!"
*THOOM! *
The Jersey Devil's pet Pterodactyl goat landed in front of Dipper and let out a roar so loud it almost blew his hat off.
*SKREEEAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCKKKKKK! *
Dipper pointed dramatically at the beast.
"I see your Pterodactyl goat and RAISE YOU a spider cow!"
"MOOOOOOOOOO!"
*PAT-CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *
Green twin laser beams struck the Pterodactyl goat in the neck shoving it away from Dipper.
When the laser fire finally ceased Octavia charged towards its beastly opponent.
"Now let's see, what else can I destroy around here? I'm gonna go full Wreck It Ralph!"
Looking around Dipper found a steel door in the ground at the center of the courtyard.
"Hmm… That looks important."
Dipper turned to look at Octavia. "Hey! I got to investigate this! Are you going to be okay without me?"
The Pterodactyl goat tried to fly away but Octavia had stretched her tongue to wrap around it's ankle. Instead of dragging it down though, the Pterodactyl goat started to lift her off the ground.
*PAT-CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *
Laser beams fired out of Octavia's eyes once again. This time they hit the Pterodactyl goat's wing forcing it to crash.
"Yeah, you got this."
Dipper reached the door and started to slowly open it. One quick look down confirmed his suspicions.
"Zombies. Just as I thought. That's so like him; well let's screw over whatever plan he was going to use them for."
He closed the door and pulled out his special gun.
*PLOOT! * *PLOOT! * *PLOOT!* *PLOOT! * *PLOOT! * *PLOOT! * *PLOOT! *
Now with green goop covering the linings of the door, Dipper felt like he had successfully gunked up the door to the point of it being basically unusable.
"There! Now even if I die here, he'll still have trouble after I'm gone. Where is that sack of filth anyways? Time to get this over with!"
Pacifica's Cell...
The Jersey Devil stood frozen in place, like a deet caught in the headlights. Shock and disbelief had successfully paralyzed him where he stood. Fire from the explosions illuminated the cell, his shadow flickering against the floor.
Then he heard it.
It was short, and quiet too. The sound was unforgettable though. Pacifica Elise Northwest, HIS captive, had let out a small chuckle. Now for someone else this wouldn't mean anything, but with Pacifica's upbringing some things would always remain the same no matter how much she had changed. In short, she was laughing AT him. At his expense, at his misfortune, at the cruel amount of trouble he was going through. She was looking down at him and it infuriated him.
He slowly turned to her with his jaw clenched.
"What are you to him?"
Pacifica smirked. "Excuse me?" The smugness she felt was intoxicating.
"WHAT ARE YOU TO HIM?! If I had kidnapped Mabel, he would have agreed to a peace talk; but THAT out there?! THAT is WAR! And that is NO preemptive strike, THAT is RETALIATION! What ARE you to him?!"
Pacifica couldn't help but laugh. An act the Jersey Devil took like a slap to the face.
"Haven't you heard?"
The steel door to the hallway blew open off its hinges to the other side of the room. Through the fire emerged Dipper, fury written across his face.
"I'm his Sweetheart."
That's it for now. NEXT CHAPTER: DETECTIVE DIPPER PINES VS THE JERSEY DEVIL! Place your bets. I know you might be a *little* disappointed the fight didn't happen THIS chapter but I really wanted to end this chapter on Pacifica's line. Did you think it was cool? Half the reason for her nickname, just saying. Let me know what you thought in a review. I'd love to hear from you.