Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. Who would have guessed?
Hello! Here I am right on time for my weekly update. It took me the whole last week to reread this chapter and redo a few things. I'm nervous about this one! Even though it was one of my favorites to write. But we're reaching the main point of this story. By far not the end but things will change in this chapter. I've mentioned it in back in Chapter 2 and I think most of you will already know what I'm talking about. I dropped a few hints along the way and in my opinion they were quite obvious. But I'm still curious how many of you will keep reading after this chapter as I know this kind of plot isn't for everyone. Unfortunately, my story stats haven't been working for a few days. Maybe someone has the same problem or an idea of what's going on?
I hope you'll enjoy this chapter. And even more that at least some of you stay around to see what's to come.
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After the rest of the weekend had passed in a wonderful blur of time spent together, Kate sat in the waiting room of her doctor's office paging through an outdated magazine about interior design. Not like she had any interest in curtain patterns or furniture design. But when she had looked at the range of magazines she figured this one would be the best choice for her. Everything else was about babies or menopause and she couldn't identify with either of those topics. But what would you expect in the waiting room of an ob-gyn?
It was Monday afternoon. She had managed to finish her paperwork a little quicker than usual and luckily no current case needed her attention. So she had made it to her appointment in time and was looking forward to getting over with it. Castle had gone home to the loft. Maybe she would go there too as soon as she was finished here. She wasn't sure if she would be feeling so well so she had told Castle she would call him in the evening.
After a quick research on possible options to end their need for condoms, she had decided to ask her doctor for an IUD. She knew Lanie had one too and didn't have any problems with it apart from a little pain when it was first placed. But it was a quick and safe option and they wouldn't have to think about this subject anymore for a few years. And after being shot and having surgery a little procedure like this wouldn't be a big deal to her.
As the minutes went by and she reached the last page of her magazine she looked around the room. Four other women were waiting alongside her. One elderly woman who apparently didn't have a use for baby or menopause magazines either was knitting what would probably become a pullover at some point. A young woman about Alexis's age was looking at her phone and the thought of whether Castle had ever visited an ob-gyn with Alexis crossed her mind. Or was that a job for Martha since Alexis's mother wasn't around? She remember how embarrassed she had been the first time she had to go with her mother. To think she should have gone with her dad… No, she would rather not think about it and instead let her eyes wander to the other side of the room.
The last two women were approximately her age. One was heavily pregnant and busy reading in one of the baby magazines. And the last one was also pregnant but not as far along as the other woman. And she had her daughter with her. Kate guessed the little, curly-haired girl was about two and a half years old. She was playing in a corner where a basket full of toys had been placed. Probably exactly for situations like this when a pregnant mother needed to bring the older child along. At the moment the girl was playing with two small cups and pretended to serve tea for her mother. Just as Kate watched her and thought what a cute little thing she was the girl looked up and met Kate's gaze. That must have been enough for her to decide that Kate should be a part of her tea party.
With little steps and a shy smile, she came over to her and handed her one of the small red cups. Without hesitation, Kate smiled back at the girl and carefully took the cup from her tiny hands. She pretended to take a sip from it and handed it back to the little girl. "That was very good, thank you." Kate said and a beaming smile appeared on the girl's face. As she walked back to the toys Kate saw the mother of the girl looking at her. "You have little ones yourself?" The woman asked kindly. Kate shook her head. "Oh, it seemed so." The other woman said with a smile.
Kate didn't know what to reply to that and was happy she was saved from having to answer when the door opened and a small, brown-haired woman she recognized as her doctor peeked her head into the room. "Ms. Beckett?" She asked with a polite smile. "Yes." Kate said and stood up, one last time smiling at the little girl. "Please follow me." Dr. Voaden said as she walked down the hallway into one of the offices. Even though the doctor was two heads smaller than her she walked with such energetic steps that Kate had to hurry a little to keep up. She had never seen her doctor in a bad mood and that made it at least a little more comfortable for her to come here.
The smaller woman closed her office door behind them and pointed to one of two chairs in front of her desk while she took a seat behind it. "So, Ms. Beckett, what can I do for you? Any problems?" Kate took a seat and placed her bag on her lap. "No, everything's fine." she answered. Getting a little nervous she wondered why she still felt that way as a grown-up woman. "I'm just here because I would like to get an IUD." The doctor smiled and nodded while checking the calendar on her desk. "Okay. That should be no problem. You simply want the hormonal standard version for five years?" The doctor asked calmly. Kate nodded without actually having a clue what the standard version was. But she wasn't really eager to ask and five years sounded fine.
"Good. We can do that right now. We just need to do a little routine check-up before." Dr. Voaden pulled open a drawer under her desk and handed Kate a little plastic cup. "If you don't mind please hand in a urine sample and then you can just go into room number two. I'll be there in a few minutes." Kate nodded again and then both women got up and out of the office. Kate walked down a few steps down the hallway to the bathroom. She closed the door behind her, did what the doctor had told her, and afterwards walked into the room with a big orange two on its door.
In this room, there was also a desk with a computer, a chair for the doctor, and two for the patient and probably a possible partner. She sat down on one of them and took in her surroundings. The room was filled with an examination table, a huge ultrasound device, and the chair she feared she would have to get on soon. She hated that thing. She waited for the doctor and looked at her watch when a few minutes had passed. It was now 4:30 pm. If this didn't take too long and she was feeling fine afterwards maybe she could pick up something to eat and then meet Castle at the loft. Alexis was still on her college trip and Castle had mentioned Martha would be going out so they could spend a relaxed evening. She made a note in her head to call him and ask what he'd like to eat.
After another couple minutes, she looked down at her watch again. And then after even a few more another time. Now it was 4:45 pm and she wondered what was taking so long. She knew those routine check-ups, they usually didn't take longer than 10 minutes and now she was already waiting here for nearly twenty minutes. Just as she was about to get up and ask if she had maybe been forgotten the door opened and Dr. Voaden walked in with the usual smile on her face.
"Sorry it took me so long!" She said and sat down at the opposite side of the desk. The brown-haired woman loosely folded her hands on the table and smiled at Kate. "So, Ms. Beckett, we have run a few tests and there are some ambiguities. May I ask when you've had your last period?" Kate was confused and frowned at the doctor's words. What was she talking about? Everything was fine. "Um, I can't really say. I got shot last year and had a lot of stress, it wasn't regular since then." She answered truthfully. But she had never thought that was an issue. Every woman knew that stress could cause irregular periods. And stressed was a very light phrase for what she had been feeling like in the last year.
"Okay, I understand." The doctor said, still smiling. As long as she's smiling it can't be that bad, Kate thought to herself. "Would you mind if I did a quick ultrasound to clarify what's going on? You would have to get undressed waist down and get on the chair." Kate nodded and went behind a curtain in the corner of the room to take off her clothes. Now she would have to spend even more time on that horrid thing. She stepped back into the room and sat on the chair like the doctor had asked her to. All through the examination and ultrasound, she kept her eyes pinned to the ceiling, hoping it would be over as soon as possible.
"Okay, you can get dressed again." The doctor said in a friendly voice. Kate did what she was told to but her confusion even grew. Wasn't she supposed to get an IUD? How should that work when she had her pants on? When she pushed the curtain aside Dr. Voaden gestured towards the chair she had sat on while waiting. "Take a seat, please." Kate sat down and it slowly dawned on her that something wasn't right even though there was still a soft smile on the face of the woman sitting in front of her.
"Ms. Beckett, I fear I won't be able to place an IUD today." Kate felt a tightness growing in her chest. Now she was sure something wasn't right. "Um, why? Is there something wrong?" The doctor shook her head, her smile not fading one bit. "No, there's nothing wrong, you're perfectly healthy." Now Kate was at an absolute loss for what was happening. "Okay… So then what's the problem?"
"The problem is, I can't place an IUD since you are already pregnant." Kate heard the words but didn't understand one of them. "I'm sorry?" She asked. The doctor just kept on sympathetically smiling at her and turned the screen of her computer so Kate could see it. On the screen, a picture with nothing but different variations of grey was shown. The doctor took a pen and pointed to a black dot with the size of a pea in the middle of the picture. "This is your ultrasound from a few minutes ago. And this…" she tapped the pen on the dot "… is a very early staged pregnancy."
Kate stared blankly at the screen her fingers clenching her bag. "And since you came here for a contraceptive I figure this comes very unexpected to you?" The doctor asked but Kate couldn't bring up a word or move her eyes away from the screen. Somehow she seemed to manage to slightly nod her head but she didn't really notice. "Okay, so from what I can measure you are four weeks and two or three days along. That would mean this pregnancy was conceived about two to three weeks ago. Maybe this can help you understand when it happened?" The wheels inside Kate's head slowly started turning. Two and a half weeks ago… That had been… No. That couldn't be true. "Did you have unprotected intercourse around that time?" Dr. Voaden added, her voice still soft.
Again Kate wasn't able to speak but she automatically nodded her head. But that couldn't be true. That had been their first night. The night after the rooftop. The night that had changed everything for the better. "Then we have our explanation." The doctor said, the compassionate smile not fading on bit. "But it was just one time." Kate blurted out, feeling like an ignorant teenager. The doctor nodded understandingly. "Well, with pregnancy, it's like when lightning strikes. One time's enough." Kate swallowed down the bile that was rising in her throat as panic started to spread through her body.
The doctor must have read on her face what was going on in her head and quickly kept on talking. "Okay, I see this pregnancy wasn't planned. So it's important for you to know you have a couple of options now." She turned around to a shelf behind her and pulled various cards and leaflets from it, collecting them on the table. Then she started to explain them but Kate's mind couldn't process the information. She picked up a couple of words but mostly she only heard some sort of white noise roaring in her ears. Her heart was racing inside her chest and she was feeling dizzy. This couldn't be true. This couldn't be happening.
She didn't notice the doctor had stopped talking until the woman reached out the pile of papers to her. Without thinking about it she took them from her. "Ms. Beckett, I know an unplanned pregnancy can come as a huge shock. Take some time to process the news and then make your decision on how you would like to go on in this situation. If possible talk to the father or someone you trust. And if you have any questions you can reach out to me anytime." Dr. Voaden got up and Kate copied her movement. She saw the woman hesitating for a few seconds. Then she pressed a button on the keyboard of her computer and a soft humming could be heard from under the desk
The doctor reached down and pulled a little black-and-white picture out of the printer. "I don't know if you want to have this. If not you can just leave it here. But I have experienced a lot of women over the years who found it helpful to have something to look at, no matter what their decision was." Kate took the picture and looked at it. There it was again, the pea-sized black dot. She nodded one more time and struggled to whisper a "Thanks" to the doctor who led her out of the room.
Her legs felt unsteady as she walked out of the building and towards her car. Her bag clenched in one hand, the small pile of papers in the other, the little black and white picture on top. As she reached her car she felt like she was going to be sick. She leaned against the door and inhaled deeply. She knew this was a shock reaction, she had experienced it multiple times since she had started working as a cop. With shaky hands, she managed to open the door of the car and let herself fall into the seat. As she shut the door the noise from the street disappeared and she just sat there silently and motionless like she had left every strength in the doctor's office.
She had faced countless murderers, serial killers, and a lot of situations where she had feared for her life. She had even been shot and her heart had stopped beating on that operation table. And still, she felt like this was the most frightening situation she had ever been in.
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Well, who would have thought? Probably everyone except for Kate.
There are two more things I would like to say: I have no idea how these appointments go down in the US or other parts of the world. I know there are a few differences but this is how it's done in Germany. At least at my doctor's office (Kate's doctor is basically my doctor, even her name is similar). So I'm sorry if some things in this chapter (or the upcoming ones) seem strange to you.
And did you notice that the title of this story was dropped in this chapter? Even though the context was different I also heard this quote on my first ultrasound with my boys, when we found out we were having twins. I love this quote and I really wanted to use it and share this little side note with you.
But now that's it. See you next week!