11
"This is bullshit."
Everyone laughed. Everyone, except Bella, because she, too, thought it was bullshit, but she also knew this wasn't a battle she nor Jasper were going to win.
"It's tradition, Jasper," Emmett scoffed, folding his arms in front of him and staring the man down. "Just your ass on the boat so we can get the party started."
"But I want to be with her!" he whined and Bella smiled, which didn't help his cause because Rosalie, Angela, and Kate were standing between her and Jasper, keeping them apart.
"You had your turn with her all night long, Jasper. It's our turn," Angela snickered, looking over her shoulder at Bella and winking, which of course didn't help, either.
All of them loved flirting with her in front of him because he got insanely jealous, even though he knew there was never a chance that she would love anyone other than him. He had always been the love of her life, and he always would be the love of her life, that much she was sure of.
"Fine, whatever. I told you they were going to do this, Cricket, but did you listen to me? Nope, and now, you're going to be stuck with them, while we are partying it up over on the guys boat."
"Pretty sure we're going to have more fun over here." Esme wrapped her arm around Bella, pulling her backward toward the 'girls' boat. "If you catch my drift."
With the exception of Edward and Garrett, both of whom made the same gagging face, the rest of the guys looked at them with expectation. Which, again, didn't help convince Jasper that he and Bella should not be on the same boat. She wasn't an idiot, of course. She knew they wanted to get her alone, try to talk some sense into her. Alice had given her the look, the same look they would give each other when they were fifteen and their parents were teaming up against them, trying to talk them out of cutting their hair, or dying it pink, or trying out for cheerleader. They tried, and of course failed, and over the course of six months, they both cut several inches off of their hair off, died it pink and blue respectively, and tried out for cheerleading — all of which were epic failures.
"Jay, we're not going to win, so just go enjoy your boy time and let me enjoy some girl time. I promise to tell you everything we do."
"Cricket, that's not helping!"
"I know."
Bella laughed and turned climbed into the boat behind her, grabbing one of the life vests and putting it on. One by one, the rest of the girls joined her. Esme and Rosalie first, then Angela, Kate, and Alice. As Bella settled on one of the benches, with her knees pulled up to her chest, she looked over at the other boat, watching as Jasper joined Ben, Carlisle, Emmett, Edward, and Garrett. Their eyes locked and he winked, sending a shiver down her spine.
"Let's go before I change my mind," she said, shaking her head and tearing her eyes away from Jasper's.
Esme laughed and sat next to her while Rosalie started the boat and headed in the opposite direction as the boys. It was a tradition when they came to Baker Lake that the boys spent the afternoon on the lake together, and so did the girls. It started a chance to blow off steam, vent about their lovers, and school and families. They were supposed to go out on the lake the day Bella got the call about the accident, when her world was torn apart. Instead, they gathered her in their arms and made the seven hour drive back to Forks. They held her when she cried, when she screamed, when she beg God to keep them safe, to give her the chance to at least say goodbye.
When they got to the hospital, when she found out that her father had died at the scene, when she was told her mother had suffered a traumatic brain injury and they weren't sure she would ever wake up, they held her while she cried, when she screamed, while she cursed God for taking her parents away from her.
And they were there when Renee did wake up, when she became angry and mean and violent. They were there when Bella laid her father to rest, when she made the decision to postpone school, but eventually, they had to leave, they had to move on with their lives, and she — she had spent the last three years, two months, and seventeen days stuck in a life she never wanted.
"Earth to Swan!" Kate snapped her fingers in her face, startling her. "Sorry, but I asked if you wanted a beer, or a wine cooler."
"No, no, I'm okay." She tried to smile. "Not much of a drinker anymore. Last time I drank, my father died. Kind of lost the taste for it."
Kate frowned, but nodded and passed wine coolers out to everyone but her and Rosalie, both of whom opted for beers. As she settled in the next to Angela, who slipped her hand in with hers, Kate sighed and looked at Bella. "You look like shit, Swan."
"Kate!" Alice yelled, while Rosalie choked on her beer and Esme's mouth fell open.
"What? She does!" Kate shrugged her shoulders.
"You don't have to say it, babe," Angela scoffed, her eyes shifting to Bella. "But she's right. You look exhausted and worn down and, damn, Bells, you need some ice cream or cake or something."
Bella pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. "Well, let's see: I'm lucky if I get four, maybe five hours of sleep a night. That's on a good night, of course. Most nights, its three hours before I hear her moving around. And she can't be trusted on her own for long. She might burn the house to the ground with me in it, so I have to be up with her. I . . . I can barely afford to pay rent and utilities and her health care nurse, so food is kind of one of things that I have to be careful with. Even though I work fifty hours a week, I cut coupons, and buy meat that's about to expire because it's cheap, and I don't get to buy ice cream or cake because it's expensive."
"I'm sorry, I didn't. . ." Kate shook her head. "I didn't mean to pry, Bella."
"No, I know," she whimpered, her eyes filling with tears. "I just . . . I hate my life, I do. I hate being stuck with her, being forced to take care of her. She's mean and violent and cruel, but she's my mom." She reached up and wiped a tear off her face. "Sorry. You don't want to hear about her."
"Of course we do," Esme said, and Bella lobbed her head in her direction, finding all five of them watching her. "I remember the first time I met your mother. It was a month after we started school, and you and I had gone to that thrift store over on Plains and forty-fifth, remember?"
Bella nodded. "I locked my keys in my car, and I called her crying because I didn't know what to do, and I was scared and she told me that she would be there as soon as she could. And she was. An hour and forty-five minutes later, she parked next to my car and had my spare key. She unlocked my car and insisted on taking us for dinner over at the Chinese place on Coulter and then we stopped for coffee and cupcakes."
"She insisted on paying, even though I told I had the money to pay for my own food, but she just waved me off and said it's her right a mom to pay for her girls' food. She had just met me and called me her daughter." Esme smiled. "She was always there when you needed her, Bella, but she would never want you to stop living your live because of her. She knew how important becoming a doctor was to you."
"So what am I supposed to do, Esme? Lock her away in a nursing home? Abandon her when she needs me the most? She never gave up on me, so how can I just lock her away and throw away the key?"
Alice walked over and sat in front of her, shifting so that her body was facing her. "Nobody said anything about a nursing home, Bella."
She sighed. "Heidi thinks I should put her in a home, Al. She snuck a bunch of brochures into my suitcase, probably when she snuck into my phone and got your number. I just . . . I don't know what to do. She's my mom, Al. She's my mom!"
"Oh, sweetie." Alice reached for her hand. "Why didn't you say something?"
"Because I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't . . . I can't keep living like this. I get that, I do, but she's my mom. How do I just . . . how do I just give up on her?"
"Would she want you to give up everything for her?" Rosalie asked, and before Bella could reply, she said, "The answer is no, Swan."
"I know, but . . ." Bella shifted so that she was facing the middle of the boat. "Even if I put her one of those places, then what? Not like I can afford to go back to school. I literally have seventy-five dollars in my bank account and a few hundred in savings. Medical school is too expensive."
"Why not? There are so many scholarships and grants out there. We can help you apply," Angela said. "It's okay to be a little selfish."
"It's not being just a little selfish, Ang; it's being a lot selfish."
"No, it's not." Angela wrapped her arm around Kate, leaning her head against her girlfriend's shoulder. "And neither is letting yourself love him again."
Bella shook her head. "Again would imply that I stopped." She paused. "I didn't think he'd fall apart like that."
"Well, think fall apart is a nice way of putting what Jasper went through." Esme sighed. "We wanted to tell you, we did, but you didn't exactly answer the phone when we called."
"Or texted," Alice murmured. "I didn't even know you sold their house until Mom saw the movers clearing the place out."
Bella brought her hand up to her throat. "I didn't want to sell it, but I couldn't afford to keep it, either."
"Why didn't you reply to any of our texts, Bella?" Rosalie asked, shifting in the front seat so that she was facing them. "We must have sent you hundred, and all of them just said read, so we know you saw them."
She shook her head, leaning backward and pulling her knees up in front of her. "Because I was envious that you were together at school. We had all these plans. We were going to stick together through it all: internships, residency, fellowships, and helping each other pick our specialties. Well, except for Jay. He knew exactly what he was going to do."
"Cardio," they all said together with a laugh.
"He would have made an amazing cardiothoracic surgeon," Bella murmured, mostly to herself.
"So would you," Alice said, reaching out and grabbing her hand.
"I wouldn't have done cardio. Not my thing," Bella laughed. "I wanted go into neuro, or trauma. Not that I'll ever know."
"Look, let's make a deal," Rosalie said, stretching her hand out toward Bella, who took it. "We'll drop the topic, for now, and we'll just spend the rest of the afternoon having fun, more fun than the boys, and you think about letting us help with your mom. We aren't giving up on you, Swan, no matter how hard you push us away. We lost you once, we aren't losing you again."
Bella laughed. "You've got a deal, Rose."
"Good. Now give the girl a drink and someone break out the skis."
Kate hurried and got Bella a Blue Hawaiian win cooler while Angela got the water skis out and jumped into the water. As Bella took a sip of the drink, she wondered what her life would have been like if her dreams hadn't been crushed that night.
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