Across My Family Line
Summary: Tsushima Kiye, the matriarch of one of the most successful and influential families in Japan, comes to ADA with the wish to reunite with her grandson. The ADA was NOT expecting the true meaning of her words.
Part 3 of Dazai's Strangest Guests
You'd think super advanced robots and cloned/artificial humans would be the weirdest thing you encounter in a year, but the Armed Detective Agency always strives to exceed all expectations and all motions of common sense. Unfortunately for their sanity, Ranpo had been right.
Dazai still knew far too many weird people and they were all apparently set on visiting the Agency's office in hopes of catching him instead of him slipping away if he does not wish to confront them.
Still, they would have never connected their newest client with him.
The Agency gets high profile clients quite often, considering they were a rather small business, all things considered. It's to be expected, when they have a master detective and a former crime god on their payroll, though Dazai's status as Yokohama's underworld's boogeyman had been a well kept secret until recently. Still, his understanding and experience of and with criminal dealings, combined with his and Ranpo's fairly terrifying intelligence, well, let's just say that the Agency was the only place for rich folk to turn to when someone is blackmailing them with their own dirty laundry that they can't afford to take to the police or make public. In fact, the Agency has had direct dealings with a lot of powerful and influential people in the years it has existed.
So seeing someone as famous as Tsushima Kiye, the matriarch of one of the most influential, if not the most influential and rich family in Yokohama and in the top ten in Japan and CEO of one of the major companies, well, it's not an uncommon sight, even if Atsushi, Kenji and Kyouka weren't as used to it as the rest, more senior members were. The woman wore her age as well as she wore her bespoke business suit, her almost completely gray hair done up in a tight, high bun, light make up applied on her skin not to hide wrinkles, but to tastefully make her natural beauty stand out. Especially her big, dark brown eyes that studied them each with sharp intelligence shining through, just helping to remind everyone why this woman was a cutthroat business queen.
"So let me see if I got this right," Kunikida began, notebook in hand, serious demeanor all around him, wrapping him up like a tailored suit. "Your grandson, Tsushima Shuuji, vanished ... eight years and some months ago, but you know he is alive. And you have come to us today because you wish to be reunited with him?"
"That is correct, yes," the lady replied, taking an expensive, porcelain tea cup that her assistant(?) gave her, sipping the no doubt even more expensive tea.
"May I know why you're so sure he's alive?" The blond detective asked tentatively. "I don't mean to be rude, it's just that ... Unfortunately, statistically speaking, in cases as you described it, the people in question are ... No longer of this world."
Lady Tsushima snorted for an unknown reason, as far as the detectives were concerned. "For normal people, sure, but not my grandson. He's too clever, too cunning, too sly. He was not taken, if that's what worries you, he left of his own accord, probably because he was bored and my husband was being an uncaught pig towards him all the time."
"That doesn't-"
"He's stayed in contact with you," Ranpo called from his desk, lollipop in his mouth, but the case has caught his attention enough that he's actually listening to a client. A very rare instance indeed. "Not regularly, but he has. That's why you're so sure he's alive. Or that we can help track him down. Becau-"
"Help track him down?" Lady Tsushima repeated incredulously. "I don't need help with that?"
"But you said-"
"That I wish to be reunited with my grandson, yes, and that by coming here, I can do that, but that is not something I'd need assistance with. Especially not since just the other week, my boy gave me this address," the business woman cut off Atsushi's confused protest. She huffed, sipping on some more tea. "Though, since I'm already here, there is someone else you could find for me."
"Wait, wait, wait. Wait just a minute here!" An exasperated Kunikida exclaimed. "Why should we help you after the stunt you just pulled? You're leading us on with false-"
"Not false," Tsushima and Ranpo both corrected.
"Fine, then. Incomplete information. If you'd gone to the police with something like that, you'd be persecuted for-"
Lady Tsushima just waved him off. "I would be persecuted for nothing. It was you lot who jumped to conclusions."
"Then what do you mean-"
"Oba-san! You came~!" Chirped Dazai as he came back with President Fukuzawa from a meeting with the Special Abilities Department about a colab regarding a dangerous Ability user on the loose.
Kiye immediately brightened up at the sight of the lanky brunet, practically jumping to her feet and teleporting to his side so she could hold his face and turn it this way and that to ensure his health, completely ignoring the other detectives gawking at them. Dazai just let her, smiling at the elderly woman as she cooed and fussed over him. "Oh look how much you've grown! You look just like your parents~ Though you are a bit too skinny ... Hmm."
With a snap of her fingers, her assistant(?) - butler(?) - took out some finger sandwiches seemingly out of nowhere. Dazai himself sighed at the fussing and took a few before waving the man away, while the others gawked. When the man moved on to offer the others, Ranpo looked ready to cry of happiness. Atsushi, Kyouka and Kenji were already crying silent tears of pleasure as they munched on their own pieces.
"You need to stop hiring attractive young men, Oba-san. It has iffy implications and you know how people are. What happened to ... Claude, was it?"
Tsushima waved her hand at him. "Bah, the same thing that happened to Grell and Agni and Will before him."
Dazai grimaced. "What was it this time? Guns or knives?"
"A sword, actually."
Dazai shot her an incredulous look. "Well, in that case, he was useless, anyway. Who doesn't see a sword coming!?"
"Hold on, what-" The assistant(?) stuffed a sandwich into Kunikida's mouth before he could finish his sentence, smiling at him with a menacing charm. He made no move to help the now choking blond.
"I don't even know!" Exclaimed the elderly lady in agreement. "But good riddance! Sebastian over there has proven to be a lot more resilient and he doesn't creep out little children when they see him." The servant(?) - Sebastian, apparently - gave a small bow in appreciation. "But enough about all that! Tell me how your life is now? I'm really curious! You still wear all those bandages ... I can't tell whether you're hurt or not. Are these detectives treating you right? Is your safety adequately taken into consideration? It's not, is it! I heard you got stabbed and then shot in the recent months! Oh, I should get you a bodyguard! Wolfram should be available-"
"Oba-san, I'm perfectly fine~" Whined the brunet haired genius.
"Does this Wolfram cook as well as Sebastian does?" Ranpo called from where he was fairly stuffing himself with the cakes Sebastian was serving now. "Cuz if so, then yes, Dazai is in so much danger. He can't walk out of the Agency without-"
"I'm perfectly safe," Dazai scoffed at his fellow genius. "I don't need any bodyguards. My partner is perfectly capable of keeping me safe!"
"Well, except when he's the one strangling you, Dazai-san," their resident weretiger commented, practically bribed into it by the sweets Sebastian was offering. Kunikida looked like he was sweating bullets when the grandmother and her companion? Companion it is! When they glared suspiciously at him.
"Oh, chibi only resorts to strangulation when he's really angry. Otherwise, he prefers creative insults, shaking by the lapels, a few whacks and screeching in my ear. Other than that, he really makes it his priority to keep me safe~" Chirped the suicidal maniac, confusing the detectives bar Ranpo regarding what - or rather who - he was even talking about. Ranpo, on the other hand, just snorted, as things slowly started making sense again.
"Figures Dazai would be from a rich family," he mused to himself, making his colleagues, Lady Tsushima and her butler(?) all turn towards him. Dazai just laughed. "Oh, come on! It can't be that I was the only one who noticed the posh way Dazai talks! I mean, come on! Have any of you ever heard him curse?"
"Tane never did allow foul language around you," Tsushima said with a small, sad smile, fondness and grief in her eyes as she reached over to caress Dazai's cheek, the man closing his own eyes and letting it happen. It occurred to the Agency that this was the first act of gentleness they've ever seen bestowed on their bandaged friend. "Your mother would be so proud of you. Gen'emon, too. They've always wanted you to have a life away from my idiot husband's business."
"Wait, so your name is actually Tsushima Shuuji, Dazai-san?" Atsushi asked, to which his mentor shook his head.
"Not anymore. I changed it when I escaped my grandfather's clutches. It did come in handy when I met Mori-san that he didn't know he had such a bargaining chip to hold over his head~!"
"What's the Port Mafia Boss have to do with your grandfather?" Kunikida asked, now that he'd finally fully recovered from Sebastian's 'attack' and wasn't seconds away from being glared out of existence from an overprotective, influential overprotective grandmother.
"Oh, my idiot husband used to be the Boss, until eight years ago," Tsushima says casually as can be, as though she hadn't just told them she used to be married to the most bloodthirsty Mafia Boss in Yokohama's history.
"I'm sorry, but WHAT!?" Intoned the entire office, even the clerks close enough to overhear it. Sebastian tsked at them and their poor manners, but said nothing as he returned to his employer's side, like a shadow, which matched his suit and black hair quite well. He refreshed the grandmother's and grandson's tea, completely ignoring the collective meltdown Dazai's coworkers were having at the moment.
"Dazai, what the FUCK!?" Kunikida managed to strangle out, sounding like a wheezing piglet in the process.
"You're Mafia royalty?" Kyouka asked calmly, as though to make sure. When Dazai nodded, she also gave a single nod in response before focusing on the really important things. "I want ten crepes a day."
Dazai snorted, charmed by her you-can't-get-me-I-don't-give-a-fuck-except-for-tofu-and-crepes attitude. He found it adorable. "Sure. You know, you could have asked earlier. I kept all the money I made as an Executive."
"Fuck being an Executive!" Yosano screeched. "For fuck's sake, Dazai, you're old blood! How the hell did you make it into the Agency!?"
"Oh, that's easy~" He started counting off on his fingers. "Chuuya, Hirotsu-san, Odasaku~, that traitor, Sensei and Taneda-san! They all had a hand in keeping me alive and teaching me to value the light in this dark, cruel world for the past seven years, more or less~ I'll probably never be a genuinely good person, but I am doing my best to be a person who does good genuinely~ But if you're looking for moral and ethic support, it's from them~ And, well, I guess my parents, too, even if they've been out of my life far longer than in it."
"Were they Mafia, too, Dazai-san?" Kenji asked with a raised hand, like a schoolboy.
"Gen'emon, my son in law, was," Dazai's grandmother answered instead. "That's how they met, since he used to be an Executive, too and was invited to our home often enough. He left when he proposed to Tane, since she was sick of my husband's BS," she said with a sigh. "Ah, I have always wanted to leave Tsushima Corp to my only daughter and the man who was like a son I never had! And they had such a smart, adorable son, too. My precious only grandson~ Too bad fate took them away while I was still willing to work and that now, when of age, my only grandson does not wish to involve himself in the idiocies of the business world after having seen the true depths of its corruption right from the source."
Naomi leaned into her brother, whispering into his ear. "Doesn't Tsushima-sama have, like, nine children and at least nine more grandchildren?"
"That's correct, Tanizaki Naomi-san," confirmed Sebastian, having somehow overheard them. The Agency, save Ranpo, Dazai and Kenji, all jumped, startled, at finally hearing the man's voice, smooth as silk and dark as the smoke over a burning church. "However, Tsushima-sama prefers not to acknowledge her other children or grandchildren."
Tsushima humphed. "They are all incompetent ninnies who just want the company my father and I built from the ground up without putting any actual work into it. And when I wouldn't throw them a bone, they tried with my husband, but thankfully, he was of a similar mindset. Neither of us wanted our organizations, be they legal or involved in crime, to crumble because of nepotism," she spat the word like poison.
"But you want Dazai and you both wanted his parents," Ranpo pointed out but Kiye just waved him off.
"Yes, well, they were competent. They worked hard and earned everything by their own power. It's why I'd rather leave Tsushima Corp to Gen'emon, a 'street rat' my husband picked up and trained than Bunji, my eldest and laziest."
"There's someone lazier than Dazai!?"
"Shush, Kunikida."
"So you're really just here to catch up with Dazai-san?" Atsushi asked uncertainly and Tsushima just nodded, reaching over to pinch Dazai's cheek fondly.
"Is no one else freaking out that the biggest company in Japan has illegal roots?"
"Bite your tongue, young man," barked Tsushima, making Tanizaki squeak and hide behind Yosano. And Naomi, who stood protectively in front of him. "Tsushima Corp's only touching points with the Port Mafia or the criminal underworld in general was the fact that I was married to my useless husband! And I nearly divorced him when he not only took my grandson to turn him into a proper successor, but he also managed to lose him!"
Ranpo whistled. "Damn, Dazai. You literally were born to be Boss, no matter what, huh?"
The man in question just shrugged. "I'd prefer it if that never happened, but who knows what the future may bring. Speaking of~" He clapped his hands and turned serious eyes towards his grandmother. "Did you manage to do it?"
"Of course I did," Kiye said with a huff, extending a hand towards Sebastian, who produced a ... Stack of papers? They looked like a contract and were perfectly neatly stapled together. The servant handed them over politely and Kiye passed them on to Dazai. "Tracking her down was not easy and she does drive a hard bargain, but as you can see, I've more than managed. This is the contract; you have her contact information on the last page. She agreed to do it, of course, for a hefty price, but the company won't even feel it."
"I can chip in, or pay in full-"
"Don't be ridiculous," she interrupted, carding her fingers through soft, curly brunet locks. "Just visit me sometime and that's all the 'pay back' I need. I'm not as young as I used to be, Shu- No, Osamu-chan. It's why I need young, capable men like Sebastian here by my side. My age is catching up to me and I'm mostly surrounded by our insufferable relatives, so ease my boredom and come to me. Then you can tell me all about the things you've done these past eight years and about that boy who I owe for you still being alive today."
"Is that who you wanted us to help you track down?" The world's greatest detective asked. "Mr Fancy Hat?"
"Wait, what's he got to do with anything?" Their doctor demanded but Ranpo just shrugged with a grin.
"Based on these three visits so far, apparently everything."
"Well, if nothing else, I'm thankful to Nakahara-san if he is indeed the reason I got to meet Dazai-san at all," Atsushi said with a flush to his cheeks, earning coos from Yosano and Ranpo, nods from Kyouka and Kenji, an agreeing smile from Kiye and a stunned, absolutely beautifully genuine smile of fondness from his mentor while Kunikida grumbled fondly in the background about sappy weretigers.
"I just want to meet this wonderful partner of yours, but you always deny me, sweetie. It's really not fair," the woman did a very convincing sniff and suddenly they all realized where Dazai got his dramatics from. "Can't a grandmother meet her grandson-in-law? Is that too much to ask?"
Dazai, who had been sipping on his tea, and Ranpo, who had been devouring a cake Sebastian had provided seemingly from thin air, both choked. Kunikida outright fainted, Atsushi's and Junichoro's jaws dropped.
"I'm telling Kouyou Ane-san."
"WHAT!?" Naomi and Yosano screeched before they tackled the still choking brunet to the couch, demanding answers.
"Eh? Why weren't we invited to the wedding, Dazai-san?" Their resident freckled country bumpkin asked, oblivious to the chaos going on around him.
Kiye just watched on in amusement, sipping her tea and listening to Sebastian sassily provide commentary. She had done what her grandson had asked, so now she was having her fun and revenge at once. How dare that boy disappear on her for four year? There is no mercy in Tsushima genes regarding vengeance. He should have expected ruthless retaliation for making her worry so much.
"Is it a family thing to enjoy initiating chaos in my Agency?" Fukuzawa asked, having come out of his office to check the sudden increase in noise, more so than usual. He did not seem phased by the scene in front of him, Lady Tsushima and her assistant(?) included. He didn't even react to Dazai being from a filthy rich family that, technically, had ties to the Port Mafia, nor that the eccentric genius was the rightful heir to both. It seems he has become completely immune to all this bullshit and just did his best to retain his zen.
"My grandson refuses to leave your Agency for my business empire," the business woman countered easily. "A little chaos is a small price to pay." She took another sip of her tea and gestured for Fukuzawa to join her as Sebastian served another round. "Besides, I was honest in my intentions for coming here. I got to reunite with my grandson and I got to at least learn a little more about the boy who saved him. Perhaps I'll even get to meet him one day soon! That's all a grandmother could ask for."
And as chaos continued raging around them, Dazai now actively running around the office and practically bouncing off the walls like a cartoon character, Fukuzawa silently agreed, watching it all unfold.
The tea was too good for him to be bothered.
Sebastian just smiled.
OWARI
A/N: Yes, the assistant/servant/butler is THE one and only Sebastian. In honor of Black Butler coming back! And yes, if anyone's wondering, Sebastian DOES have an Ability. Because I'm unoriginal 'XD it's called Black Butler :P Basically, it allows Sebastian to do the things his canon self can do as long as he receives a direct order (like how Ciel does) and he can keep it active practically all the time as long as he says "I'm simply one hell of a butler" every 24h XD