Coai Week 2023 - Little by Little

By Crystal Snowflakes

I. gentle reminder || you need to remember

The darkness was suffocating. It felt like the air was pressing down on her from all sides, making it hard to breathe, and the only thing that was keeping her afloat was the soft, ragged breathing of the person next to her and the warm presence of his arm pressing up against hers.

And yet, she stayed.

The bitter taste of loss lingered on her tongue. Her heart ached, and worst of all, she felt helpless.

They had been through so much together—he had been through so much—and none of this was supposed to happen. The world was finally saved, and he was supposed to return back to his old self and have his happily ever after.

Except, that wasn't going to happen, not now, not after what she had done—or rather, what she couldn't do.

He should hate her. He should blame her. All she was good for was hurting people and putting those around her in danger.

Instead, he came running to her rescue whenever she needed it most. And even though she'd done nothing but hurt him, he was always so irritatingly understanding and forgiving towards her.

She should be rotting in a cell somewhere.

But here they were instead. Together.

It wasn't fair.

And she hated herself.

A sudden, rough sigh echoed in the quiet stillness of the room and drew her out of her thoughts. She chanced a glance his way and couldn't help but notice the lines of strain around his face despite how young he was. His eyes were open, staring ahead, blinking slowly with each breath, as though he hadn't slept for days or weeks.

He looked exhausted. With another sigh, he closed his eyes and leaned his head backwards; the back of his head hit the wall with a soft thud.

For as long as she'd known him, she had never seen him look this… lost. Even when it seemed like everything around him was crumbling down, he always had the same determined glint in his eyes, the same cocky confidence as though he knew he could overcome whatever was in his way.

Now, he looked lost and hopeless and empty.

There was no hint of the usual arrogance or bravado in his posture, and she wasn't sure how to comfort him.

Hand trembling, she reached out to him, her palm resting lightly over the back of his hand before closing over it gently. He froze, but he didn't pull away as his gaze slowly turned over to her. Eventually, he relaxed his muscles and turned his hand over, intertwining their fingers together.

It was an intimate gesture, and she tried hard not to think about how perfectly their hands fit together.

She could feel his thumb rubbing against her knuckles soothingly, almost as though he was reassuring himself that she was there—that someone was there for him.

In return, she squeezed her fingers tighter—trying to convey her feelings through the simple action—before giving him a small smile.

"No matter what," she whispered, barely able to get the words out past the lump in her throat, "You'll always be Kudo Shinichi to me."

There was still exhaustion and weariness and sadness in his gaze, but something shifted behind his dark eyes, and he gave her the smallest, crooked grin.

"I know."

Author's Notes: Just wanted to give everyone a heads-up that the rest of the chapters will not be posted on time. I've had to deal with some personal issues the last month and a bit and had to put writing on the back-burner, but I'll try to post them as soon as I finish writing them. Thank you for understanding.

Completed: August 9, 2023