What the Fuck am I watching?

THE GAME OF DIVINITY

CHAPTER 9: PART 2

(Interlude Ares - God of WAR, BLOODLUST, HONOR and MANLINESS)

The moment the 'challenger' stepped through the astral gate I thought I was hallucinating. It wasn't possible, it surely wasn't. I wasn't seeing my youngest step in a fucking deathtrap without a care in the world (she doesn't even have a fucking proper weapon yet, just some bronze crap short sword and a pistol that fires mortal bullets). What the fucking Tartarus is the little shit thinks she is doing?

For a whole minute the fires of my eyes had dimmed so completely that my violet eyes that marks me as a son of Hera (and were also inherited by the troublesome brat) were shown into the world for the first time since I gained my domains. Dite, felt my surprise (surprise not fear, never fear) through her empathetic ability and had to actually squeeze my knee to snap me out of my stupor. The only reason that no one noticed my little loss of control was that everyone was too busy gaping at the barely-not-toddler stepping into one of Loki's Houses of Horror (there is a reason why everyone winces every time they hear his name).

But I couldn't show my anger (definitely not concern) for endangering her life like that. Showing weakness in front of Gods like that is just asking to get shafted, not recommended.

When I saw her make the torch I was surprised. It seems there is actually something between the brat's ears after all, even if her self preservation skills seem to be missing. Seeing her dispatching the trio of goblins she encountered first without even flinching actually gave me some hope that she may actually survive this. After all goblins are painfully weak and her steel bullets are no longer a disadvantage.

All around the room there were raised eyebrows at the efficiency of my brat and I think Artemis may have created a new constellation with her eyes alone.

The slaughter that followed made some of the more motherly goddesses actually gasp in horror and normally I would just scoff at them. I mean seriously, she is in a dungeon. What did they think she went there to do, sing? But this time I was too busy trying to collect my jaw from the floor when I saw the slip of a girl use the MOTHERFUCKING FLAMES OF WAR like it was nothing.

The Flames Of War are the most coveted ability of all War deities everywhere, but only a few can actually use them at their full potential. It is one of the most destructive and volatile fire magicks in the cosmos with only the cursed god slaying fires of Tartarus being a definite superior. Yes all War deities can spark their eyes with it or create a fireball in order to annihilate armies or something, but they are the nuclear option because most of them can't control them, the flames are bucking and fighting with every breath you take to be let go, to ruin, to destroy, to annihilate.

In all the Pantheons there are only 4 Gods that managed to achieve complete control of the near sentient flames. Tyr of the Aesir, after finding some enlightenment bullshit after he lost his hand like an idiot. Verethragna that genocidal monster by actually becoming so connected to the flames and enjoying the carnage so much that he became one of the strongest Gods of his time. Well until he enjoyed the carnage a little too much and Vishnu erased him from creation for interrupting his nap and also disrupting the balance of the world, but it was mostly for the nap. The third is Skanda who was born with the flames already in his control, but those Hindus are freaks of nature when it comes to power so it was no real shock to anyone. Last and certainly not least is me of course, achieving my control in only three centuries after obtaining my domains through excruciating training.

So to see a little demigoddess coating these bucking broncos of flames on her sword as if it was the most natural thing in the world was going way past mindboggling and reaching WTF-Am I seeing? levels of absurd.

And I am not the only one to see it that way either considering the widened eyes all around and the hushed whispering. Athena actually broke her goblet in her hand out of the shock (one upped by a mortal child hurts. Eh bitch?).

The little 'poem' had both Sunspot and Shorty in stitches and the creation of her little torch (I mean Ricky the 1st really?) had Eris cackling is glee and me in pride, after all lowering the morale of your enemies is an excellent strategy. The subsequent slaughter was good I suppose and watching Arty souring her face at the use of a gun was amusing (apparently bows are the only true ranged weapon that every maiden must know how to use *eyeroll*).

Hearing her talk smack with that pathetic goblin Boss was the funniest thing I had heard in a while and from the laughs and knowing looks in my direction it seems if before they had any doubts of her parentage, her little speech fixed that. The Master Antagonizer™ is strong in this one it seems, I thought with a wry grin on my face. Though my eyebrow started twitching a little when she used the torch as a bomb, it took me 25 years to figure out this trick without burning away my eyebrows and the brat did it on a LARK (stop giggling Dite I am NOT pouting).

When she was wounded and almost killed by that shit stain all my good mood evaporated and I gritted my teeth. Watching her tearing her way through the whole dungeon with an easy smile made me forget for a moment how painfully young she is and as a result inexperienced. Thankfully she got the fucker in the end and the Boss fight parameters kicked in and healed her or she would have some serious problems.

The first part of the second dungeon was fast forwarded for the sake of time. There wasn't anything interesting after all, just some goblins biting more than they could chew. Though from what I could discern her skills are increasing rapidly which is good, she is going to need them if she is to get out alive from this deathtrap.

The second floor's boss looked like a clown Cyclops and there was laughter around the hall at the queer sight. For a moment I thought that the snake actually grew a heart and was going easy on her because of her age. Athena's gasp and explanation gave a very gruesome death to those hopes.

But I need not have worried because it seems my competent brat (she got a promotion from simple brat) knew her history it seems and together with some 'environmental alteration' managed to breeze through this obstacle to the cheering of everyone. Poseidon's disgruntled expression brought no small amount of ribbing and snickering amongst the Gods (seems he is still a little sore about "The Incident"). Though Athena's smug comment about wisdom always trumping brute force soured my mood slightly and I made a mental note to snap an owl's neck in the earliest opportunity.

The third challenge wasn't as impressive to watch. After she figured at how to make mana blades with her sword it was a piece of cake. The Boss was nothing to write home about either. Yes he was 'strong' I suppose when on horse but even the greenest of soldiers know that unseating your enemy when you are on the ground is the easiest way to win against a rider and the competent brat proved that. The asskicking that followed was a little painful to watch and there were even looks of pity for the poor bastard (surprisingly spending your time terrorizing helpless mortals instead of training on your skills doesn't do you any favors against actual threats, who knew? I thought with an eyeroll) . Well, aside from Artemis that is, the look in her eyes at the 'foolish male getting what he deserves' was not something I am going to look further into to preserve what remains of my sanity.

The start of the fourth challenge was a complete let down. There was no actual action and the little test of composure at the very beginning was stupid as well. She is a demigod. Even if she is young a little sudden change in environment wasn't going to make her panic. Demigods are born hardwired to suppress their fear in hard situations to an extent and an unplanned swim wasn't going to change that.

When the Boss made her appearance I felt all the ichor drain from my face and the Drunkard's little comment about another one biting the dust didn't help either. I should have known things couldn't have been so simple. This is Loki we are talking about. The bastard always has to have the last laugh and at the expense of others most often than not.

It was at this moment that I made a promise to myself that if my competent brat dies in this shit fest I was going to make new snakeskin boots out of the fuckers hide and from the looks of some of the Goddesses eyes I wouldn't be alone either (motherly instincts are a scary thing).

I would have continued with my murderous thought a while longer if it wasn't for the most surprising sound freezing both me and practically everyone else on the spot. That fucker, Poseidon was laughing uproariously at her look of terror. My dau-competent brat was about to die against a motherfucking dragon of all things at the tender age of fucking seven and that seaweed smoking bastard was laughing about it. I was three seconds away from jumping him and shoving his trident somewhere really uncomfortable and by the look Hestia (blue flames in her eyes instead of the usual orange) was sending him he would be thanking me for punishing him instead of her (peaceful Goddess she might be, but THAT look can make even Hades run for his momma and rumor has it the only and last time her eyes turned into white flames the Titans surrendered on the spot, there is a reason after all that Zeus has never even attempted to hit on her even once), when he raised his hands in a peace gesture and explained who exactly this Dragon was and her general temperament, pacifying the no longer furious she-dragon in an 8 years old body that was ready to bite his head off and making me sigh in relief inwardly, though I made a second mental note to take Dite in an high-class seafood restaurant for some romantic relaxation at the first chance I get and shoot a dolphin dead as well just because I can.

So we waited for her to lose and the challenge to end (to Zeus gleeful face, the pervert couldn't wait to get laid), when the super- brat (today is promotion day apparently) started to sing the dragon to sleep of all things making the Goddesses coo at her voice and the apparently moving and romantic (read: cheesy as fuck) lyrics of the song and Apollo to start writing furiously in a note book and start mattering furiously about brilliant ideas,witches and a wolf or something stupid like that.

Finally we came to the last floor and if the previous challenge (minus the Dragon) was a letdown then this was a fucking snooze fest. Where the fuck was the Boss, I am practically feeling myself growing older here. At one point Athena ordered the cripple to fast forward it to the boss fight, unwilling to waste any more time.

And what a "BOSS" it was! The Goddesses and some more uptight Gods where practically frothing at the mouth at the unbecoming and inappropriate behavior that the vampire was showing in front of a child (and Aphrodite was laughing for reasons I decided I didn't want to know) but I couldn't help but scoff. Having the aforementioned child fight for her life in a deathtrap of a game and painting her hands red in the blood of her enemies is apparently good enough to watch no problem there but have them see a naked woman having her cunt licked and then moral police comes knocking, fucking hypocrites.

After the extremely funny situation with the "BOO-", I mean the "BOSS" (and i made an image of her face for future blackmail material 'just in case') she found the riddle room and after some fast thinking which really impressed Athena (you could tell from the impressed raised eyebrow #4 position she took) she walked through the EXIT gate and finally I could get some peace, no matter how ironic it is for me the God Of War to use this particular expression.

~ ChildeOfWar