CHAPTER 26
Frankenstein – Rina Sawayama
"Your taste is juvenile."
"You should be carbon-dated!"
"You think too much about random, useless things."
"Maybe you should think about things more!"
A few yards away from Demetri and Leah, Seth was flinching.
"Are they still fighting?" Jacob asked, pointing his chin towards Leah and Demetri.
"They haven't stopped. They started with a Jane Austen book, followed by a debate on car ownership and the environment, followed by The Cranberries. Demetri called Leah naïve. Leah called him an Old. It's a never-ending cycle. I'm so tired."
"Maybe we should separate them. It'll be bad to start a war because Leah won't shut up about dumb stuff," Jacob said.
"I don't know… I'm kind of scared to get in the middle."
But the two in question finally separated. Leah taking a sip of water, trying to catch her breath, and Demetri walking slowly over to Felix, his face looking animated. Everyone let out a breath of relief, even the vampires who didn't breathe.
The next few moments were spent in blessed silence.
"What a lonely existence," Felix murmured after a time, watching Leah gaze at the Capitoline wolf. It was the replica statue depicting the she-wolf of lore that nurtured the twin founders of Rome, Romulus and Remus.
"Miss Clearwater is not alone. She chooses to be alone. She has a tribe and a pack of wolves like her," Demetri replied.
But they both know that isn't true. Leah was the sole she-wolf in the Quileute pack and likely in the entire world. Whatever the flaws of their kind, they knew they weren't alone. There will be someone who understands, who can help them understand, a sympathizer. They don't need to grapple in the dark trying to understand themselves the way Leah has to.
And they both know the compromises that it often requires to not be alone. Being in the Volturi, they've had to swallow their pride and alter their sense of righteousness in varied ways. Companionship came with sacrifices that Leah Clearwater was unwilling to make. She chose to be alone, so she would not have to suppress herself the way her tribe and pack do within the Cullen alliance and imprinting.
It was indeed a very lonely existence. And one that both Demetri and Felix avoided. At a cost to them.
Was this a stubbornness to be derided, a fate to be pitied, or a resolve to be admired?
Felix made his approach. He heard Demetri's audible groan, half-disappointed, half-amused. Felix can practically hear the multitude of courtship advice the younger vampire would like to offer. But if he was going to crash and burn, he will do it his way.
"Is there anything I can get you, Leah? A gelato, perhaps? Anything you want at all, I am at your disposal," Felix said with a seductive drawl.
"Alone. I would like to be left alone," Leah replied, bluntly.
"You don't have to be lonely at all. I would be more than happy to keep you company," he said, lowering his voice and moving closer.
"Thanks. I'll keep that in mind if I ever feel like shoving a popsicle up my pussy."
Demetri's screaming laughter was loud over the collective gasps.
"Leah!," Edward hissed, as Esme tried to move Renesmee away.
But Renesmee was laughing too, hiding a shocked but delighted expression behind her hands. Felix simply sighed, entirely ready to give up this failed mission he had been set on.
Renesmee would later move closer and closer to Leah. The she-wolf didn't know what to make of the girl, but she was practicing patience.
Passing by a stall selling cheap imitation jewelry, Renesmee stopped to look at a bracelet. The eager salesman kept talking, enticing them with his goods. Demetri stepped beside Leah and told the man off. He was immediately obeyed.
"Buy it. Not like you don't have the cash," Leah said.
"Well… Aunt Alice doesn't like fake jewelry. She likes us to only wear quality. I don't want her to say it's gauche."
"Hmm… taste is subjective. One person's gold is another person's gauche. It all depends on their background. It's good to be educated on style and things, that way you learn what you like or don't like. But taste, that's all your own. And it's a matter of self-confidence, too. When you no longer feel like you have to explain or defend why you like things, that's when you know you got it made."
Renesmee slipped the man an orange bill. Fifty euros was definitely overpaying, but Leah was not going to haggle on what was the girl's first purchase for herself. Demetri didn't look like he cared. Money probably didn't mean much to someone who's had a thousand years to accumulate it.
Lunch, served under a canopy of bougainvillea, was when Leah's scolding would come. She ate peacefully while Edward, Bella and Jacob took turns berating her for her language from earlier. She turned her pasta alla norma pensively over her fork, not paying the least bit attention and looking very bored. Demetri wondered if she fell asleep with her eyes open, and contemplated starting a debate.
Then the conversation took an interesting turn.
"You insult us for coming to Italy, but you and your arrogance, your crudeness, is what will land us all in a war!" This was Edwards scolding.
"There's really no need to come to my defense, young Edward. I find Leah's jibes to be more amusing than incendiary," Felix protested, sounding amused. Demetri's friend was trying to break the tension, he knew.
And defend Leah.
Felix added, "Actually, we have this thing where we place our bets on the vampire covens of the world. Which member will be the first to break one of the high laws. Our bet for the Cullens was Rosalie Hale."
"Me?!" Rosalie, who had been uncharacteristically quiet the entire time, burst out. She was outraged that anyone would think she would put her family at risk.
Demetri shrugged. "It is true. The dissatisfaction with vampire life is what typically leads our kind to do unthinkable things. Take for example, the Denali mother, Alexandra. Her desire for motherhood led her to save a boy from a plague. A village was slaughtered by that little monster before we could step in."
"And you think I would turn a child, condemn them to this fate and put them through a painful transformation!" Rosalie was shaking now. Emmett was holding her back. He was also getting angry.
Leah was on alert. Were the two Guards baiting them purposely? Did she have to be ready for a fight? That uncomfortable feeling of hurt at the idea of fighting Demetri, that he might be a threat to her, was back and stronger. She hated it. Didn't understand it. Didn't want it. And was mad at herself for not being ready for a fight like she had trained herself to always be for the past decade. It's what she had to do to survive.
Demetri's eyes dart to her. They were shadowed, and Leah wondered if he understood. Did he hesitate, too? No. A thousand years of being a warrior, somehow she didn't think he would.
But his eyes shift to Rosalie, as if they never looked at Leah at all, and he went back into the conversation.
"Hypothetically, if you were hunting and you came upon a car accident. The parents are dead, and in the backseat there is a toddler on death's door. Rescue will take too long. Not to mention, too suspicious. How did a young woman come upon this site in the middle of nowhere without a car of her own? What do you do, then? Do you ease the child's passing? Do you turn away and leave it to breathe its last few breaths alone? Do you save it the only way you can, by turning it?"
Rosalie was still furious. But there was doubt now.
"You don't think I have played similar scenarios in my mind over and over?" she asked, quietly now.
"And? What was your answer then?" Demetri pressed. "What would you do?"
"Why me? Why not Carlisle? He's the one with the Savior Complex," Rosalie deflected, but there was a tone of bitterness there, too. Leah heard it.
"Eh," Felix made a dismissive gesture, waving his palm face down. "He works in hospitals. He sees dead and dying people, including kids, all the time. Madame Esme, on the other hand…"
"Esme would never hurt a fly!" Bella exclaimed. They were all very protective of their 'mother'.
"She also died grieving her dead infant. She would have been my bet, to be honest," Felix said.
Esme was shaking her head, looking very deeply disturbed.
"Esme is the soul of kindness…" Carlisle started to defend his mate.
"It's precisely because she's kind," Demetri interjected. "Do you think that the vampires who create immortal children are always wicked and evil? Often, kindness leads to acts of unimaginable cruelties."
His voice echoed in Leah's head.
Often, kindness leads to acts of unimaginable cruelties.
Like how the Cullens have treated her tribe over these years.
She shot up from the chair, and went hurriedly out. She needed to get it under control, this drowning, black feeling suffocating her. She's familiar with it now, after all these years.
"Where are you going, Miss Clearwater?" Demetri asked.
"The little girls' room, Mr. Nosy!" she yelled over her shoulder, before turning back around.
"Except one thing. I would have never left that toddler to 'breathe its last few breaths alone', like you put it," she said firmly. "I run faster than an ambulance anyway. I'll take it to the nearest hospital, and if it's suspicious, I'll deal with that later.
I would never, ever fold a fight without even fighting!"
Demetri's eyebrows shot up at her awkward parting words.
In the restroom, Leah splashed water on her face, careful with her makeup. She smelled her before she heard her.
"If you hate yourself so much, why not change back, instead of wallowing on how much you hate us? You have a gift others could only wish for," Rosalie spoke, the bitterness still in her voice.
Leah smirked, not kindly. "My personal best is 4 years."
Rosalie didn't understand.
"I didn't phase for four years straight. Nothing changed for me," Leah explained.
The surprise on Rosalie's face changed to horror as she finally got what Leah was saying.
"When a kid on the rez phases, do you comfort yourself by saying, 'No biggie. They could always change back to human. We didn't completely destroy their life'?"
Rosalie had no response to this. Because yes, that is how she rationalized it. Somewhere, there was jealousy at the wolves' ability to choose. And she took that jealousy out on them by denying them empathy whenever another child turned.
"Let me take that comfort away from you." Leah let her words sink in before continuing.
"My turn. If you hate that Vamp Doc turned you, why'd you stay with them up till now? When you were a newborn, I get it. But it's been decades. You still hate yourself. You're still with them."
Rosalie allowed herself to be vulnerable. Not really sure why.
"Maybe Stockholm Syndrome," she joked, and Leah did chuckle. Then, she continued, "Because it was better than being alone. At least I have a family."
For the second time, somebody's words echoed in Leah's mind, sending her anxiety spiraling.
Because it was better than being alone.
Leah turned away from Rosalie, and started walking away. Her anxiety was starting to get to her now.
There's never more than one reason. Leah always wondered why she struggled to turn herself human.
And the truth is – and there is more than one truth, always –
The truth is, without the voice in her head, she will be completely alone.