Disclaimer: I do not own the Simpsons or it's characters.
Chapter 3,
Ned tried to convince Moe to go to the hospital to get stitches, but Moe didn't want to go to no hospital. In fact, in that moment, the only thing Moe wanted, was for Todd to vacate the premises so he'd stop screaming at him. So Ned let Moe into his home to have access to the first aid kit and drove his son to Grandma Flanders place. On the way back Ned tried to figure out what he was gonna say to Moe when he got back. He already apologized, but it didn't seem like enough. Moe didn't seem like the type of guy who enjoyed getting flowers and chocolate. Though surely he liked something.
"Moe! I'm back!" Ned called out to the man in his home. He looked around for a moment but he didn't see Moe anywhere.
"Yeah, yeah, I'll be out in a minute." Moe said and Ned turned towards the sound. It seemed like Moe was in the bathroom. Was he still cleaning the glass out of his wound? Ned went over to the door, and he was about to knock but froze with a thought that occurred to him.
"Hang on a gash darn minute. If he's delicately pulling glass out of his arm and I knock, I could accidentally hurt him. I better use the other method." Ned whispered to himself. He went around the corner and removed his sailboat painting off the wall. Behind it, there was a giant hole in the wall; Ned put his face in the hole, and stared through the secret peephole to the bathroom. Ned quietly gasped when he saw Moe. He was sewing his own stitches into his arm; and the stitching was immaculate.
"You know, yous don't seem like the type of guy to be a peeping Tom." Moe said, not even looking up from his arm.
Ned blushed and hesitated. What was he suppose to say? Was there any chance that this was simply good timing to hear random things Moe said?
"You're smart, church boy, but I'm the biggest creep in town and I noticed that spy-hole right away." Moe said, and this time Moe looked Ned in the eye as he talked.
"Sorry Moe-arino." Ned apologized, and Moe grimaced at this nickname.
"What are you doin'?" Moe asked.
"Well sir, I thought you might be cleaning glass out of your arm still. I wanted to offer you help, but I didn't want you to cut yourself either." Ned replied and Moe nodded.
"Makes sense. Ignoring the fact that you have a peephole to begin with, it makes sense. But like I said, I'm almost done." Moe said.
"Doesn't that hurt?" Ned asked and Moe shrugged a little.
"Eh, yeah. But not as much as years of suicidal behavior and crippling depression and soul-sucking loneliness." Moe said nonchalantly and Ned was taken back by this response.
"Well sir, whenever you feel the grip of the devil, you can always stop by the Flanders homestead and I'll offer up a hug and a cup of Jesus loves you." Ned said and Moe felt a little weirded out by this loving attitude.
"Uh... let me sleep on it, will ya." Moe said as he tied off the stitched.
"Although we could use that name." Moe said and Ned hesitated.
"Oh! You want to call a drink 'Jesus loves you'?" Ned asked for clarification and Moe nodded.
"Yeah, I mean isn't that the whole point." Moe asked, but it sounded so matter-of-fact.
"Will do, bartender-ino. Maybe we can call that poorly named 'sex on the beach' the 'Jesus loves you'. I'd be glad to replace the name of that drink." Ned said and Moe laughed.
"I swear that gives a whole new meaning to the virgin Mary. More like not-so-virgin-Mary." Moe joked and Ned gasped.
"Oh Lord forgive him." Ned said quickly, but then he thought about it.
"Hm. It would be fairly easy to call the 'bloody mary' a 'virgin mary'." Ned said and Moe nodded.
"In that case, we gotta use that dame, uh... Mary...? Mary Magdalene, was it? That biblical Jezebel. We could make a dirty drink and name it after her." Moe said and Ned pulled his face out of the wall.
"Now, now, any sort of ill-gotten life she lived was before she new Jesus, was forgiven when she washed our Lord's feet with her most valuable perfume, and the long hair only her husband is suppose to see." Ned said, walking back around to the bathroom door, and Moe walked out.
"Ew, sounds like a dirty dame. But it was kinda slow at the bar, and I looked up a bunch of different cocktails and shots to make for this thing. There are some tasty sounding booze with some not so tasty names." Moe said with a smile.
"Well, I think I should have everything down in the rumpus room. Why don't we mix up a couple of these soon-to-be forgiven drink-arinos." Ned said, and Moe offered an uncertain chuckle.
"When you get drunk do you do more or less of the diddly-diction?" Moe asked and Ned chuckled.
"More, I think. I rare diddly notice." Ned said and Moe groaned.
"I'm gonna need a few drinks." Moe said and Ned chuckled again.
"After a few drinks, are you gonna tell me where you got the stuff to stitch your arm back together?" Ned asked.
"The only thing you need to know is that it's done." Moe said.
"Okily dokily." Ned said and Moe rubbed his aching head.