Chapter 17
"He won't harm you." Loki clarified that she was dumb for being afraid.
Oakleigh shook her head, why would he bring Larson here? Flashbacks from her time in the cottage took over her mind, Oakleigh had tried so hard to repress her time there, hell so of those memories she still could not bring forward. But she remembered Larson's face after he killed Kenny, leaving his body to rot.
"Take me back." She was not going to do this.
With a snap of his fingers, Loki placed Larson into a frozen suspension so he could talk with Oakleigh freely.
"I saw the Avengers were looking for him, he's had ties to Owen Ozwald. From your reaction, my suspicions are correct. He's hurt you."
Oakleigh clenched her teeth together, no head hadn't, but he'd killed Kenny.
"I could just give him to the Avengers, but I thought you might want to deal with him instead."
"You want me to kill him?"
Loki tilted his head, "I want you to do whatever you would like with him. Kill him, torture him, tell him jokes. Whatever will take that haunted look out of your gorgeous eyes."
"I was born in the 1920s, a captive of Hydra, you think he's the reason I'm haunted."
"I think he's the only one I could get my hands on in such short notice. Though I could go back to the 40s bring every scientist that's ever breathed the same air as you to for judgment."
"I don't want that."
Loki moved back to Larson, setting him back in motion. "Apologise to the girl."
His tone was natural and polite. The juxtaposition was off-putting because the threat was so thick and heavy between the three of them.
Larson scoffed, licking his teeth, he looked at Oakleigh like he didn't even recognize her. Which was worse than if he looked at her with the inside knowledge of knowing her.
Oakleigh's fists clenched up and she pulled back letting her fist fly into his dumb worthless face. Loki held him steady as she stepped back just to kick him in the ribs. Loki let him fall this time, Oakleigh climbed on top of him as Natasha had to her a few days back.
Kenny's face appeared below her and she paused. The heat of Larson's body confused her vision of Kenny's pale cold face. Oakleigh fell off him into the sand, the heat of the grains pulled her back into herself.
Oakleigh felt a tingle in her head, almost like she was light-headed from lack of food. Before she could think too much of it the feeling was gone and the satisfied look on Loki's face was replaced with one of disgust.
"Did you just, were you in my head?" Oakleigh got to her feet, and once again her fists clenched.
Loki paid her no mind as his cold eyes started down Larson. At first, Oakleigh thought he was just glaring until she saw blood start to leak from Larson's eyes.
"What are you doing to him? Loki!" Blood started to leak from his ears. "Loki."
When it was clear that Larson was dead, Loki snapped his fingers and his body was gone. The sand where his body had been was saturated with blood.
"I melted his brain, your father was not however rewarded with a swift ending. Would you like to see?"
"No. I don't take pleasure in other people's suffering, that's sick. Take me back!" She was done, her mind was breaking and she was about ready to snap.
"They delved out pain like it was nothing, some of that pain yours and those of your friends and Husband."
"It doesn't make giving him an aneurysm right. You killed a man."
"I've killed hundreds, his wayward soul does not weigh heavily on mine. Nor should it yours."
"Take me back."
Loki sighed looking at her. "Your mother was a glorious woman, you have turned into everything she would have wanted you to be."
"I understand you have dealt with a lot these last few weeks. I will return you to the Falcon. I understand you do not know me as I have known you. I will be here when you need me, awaiting your call. Your husband is a brave man and has endured many struggles in his life. He will look after you properly, that I am sure of."
Without a second to say a word Oakleigh blinked and she was sitting in the Avenger's common space beside Natasha with Sam pacing in front of her.
"Oh thank god," He dropped beside Oakleigh, pulling her into a sideways hug. "I really did not want to explain to your husband that I lost you to a god."
"I don't think he's going to be bothering us anymore."
"What does that mean?" Natasha asked.
"Loki found Larson and then he killed him."
Sam watched her carefully, "In front of you." She nodded. "Damn. That must have been hard for you to watch."
"At least you guys can stop looking for him now."
"Where's the body?" Oakleigh shrugged, How the hell should she know? "Ok, it's alright. Nat and I will update the others when they get back, why don't you go shower."
"Don't tell Bucky. I want to tell him, he shouldn't have to hear it secondhand."
Natasha placed a comforting hand on her knee, "Sure thing. You may have to give a statement, just repeating what you told us, but that can wait."
"No. Give me the paperwork now and I'll fill it all out, and get it back to you in the morning."
"If you're sure, you don't need to put a rush on it." Sam nodded in agreement.
"Yea, Larson was the last piece of this and I just want it to be done with."
"Fair enough, you go get started on that shower and I'll drop the papers at your door."
Oakleigh nodded, leaving the two in silence. No doubt to talk about her like she was a child about to break down and throw a fit.
.
The paperwork was all written out and set on the kitchen counter when Bucky came into the apartment.
"Hey." He asked her, taking her in.
He had been so excited to make it home to her, and he still was, but when Sam met him in the hangar telling him to skip the briefing he felt the all too familiar dread come over him.
"Hi, how was the mission?"
Bucky's eyes raked over what he could see of her from where she sat behind the counter. She was fresh from the shower, a little pale, and looked about ready to drop/
"Fine. I'm more interested in knowing what has Sam sending me up here instead of the briefing with everyone else."
Oakleigh sighed, pointing for him to come join her on the stool beside her. Bucky dropped his bag and pulled his stool closer to Oakliegh's placing his hands on her thighs. Giving
her his full attention.
Oakleigh explained her afternoon, feeling the flex of his fingers on her thighs.
"I'm sorry baby." Oakleigh shook her head.
"I don't want to think about this anymore. Larson was the last part of this right unless things have to go to trial. This statement is the last part I have to play in all this." She placed her palm flat on the papers. "I'll give them to Stark in the morning, then we don't have to think about it ever again."
Bucky took in a deep breath, blowing it out through his nose. "You can't keep stuffing this stuff down, O."
"I can, because if I don't you're going to have to put me in a padded room, so for now this is what I'm going to do." Bucky frowned. "Keep it off my mind until it's further away, I need that distance."
"I can understand that." It's not like the rest of them didn't do the exact same thing.
Oakleigh took his hands in hers, threading their fingers together, "Loki's going to stay out of the way too, at least that's what he said."
"His word isn't worth anything to me, no after what he just put you through. I'm going to talk with Thor before he leaves for the night, I want him to set up something to keep his brother out."
"Buck-"
Bucky pulled her lips to his, "I'll be back in less than an hour."
"James Barnes!" He startled giving her a strange look. "You know you are going to be gone for longer than an hour. After the day I had I don't want you taking care of things and going off all on a mission in my honour. I just want to cuddle up with you and not think about it. Can we please just do that?"
Bucky felt his heartache at her pleading words. He scooped her up in a hug, nudging her legs up around his waist he hugged her to his chest. He kissed her forehead walking them toward the couch.
Oakleigh sniffled her nose pressing into his neck, she nuzzled in there getting comfortable. Bucky laid them out on the couch, and Oakleigh snuggled right in. Bucky ran his hands over her back. It took a while but when he finally felt her relax into his chest. He could tell she was still awake but was more than happy to lay with her in silence.
"When you were little, before the draft, what did you want to be when you grew up?" Oakleigh muttered into his neck.
"I don't think I thought much passed the present back then." Bucky looked up at the ceiling. "Figured I'd get a run-of-the-mill job, end up with a wife, kids. I think that's more just everyone's trajectory back then, not so much a personal goal."
Oakleigh raised her head, placing her chin on his chest so she could look at him. "Those weren't ever things you wanted?"
"What answer are you hoping to hear?" Oakleigh dropped her gaze.
"Kenny doesn't get to live out the rest of his life Bucky and we do. He must have had dreams and things he wanted to accomplish." She trailed off. "And now he doesn't get to explore any of it."
"That's not your fault, O." She shrugged and Bucky at them both up. "Look at me."
Oakleigh flicked her tongue off her upper lip. "
"Kenny helped Ozwald and led you into his trap, don't forget that. Kenny wasn't an innocent in all this, he was just a part of it as the rest of them."
Pushing her hands into his chest, Oakleigh sat up on Bucky's lap. "He wasn't the ring leader Buck, he didn't want to help them, he didn't."
"I love that you see the best in people but Oakleigh, Kenny knew what he was doing when he led Hydra to you." Bucky tucked a curl behind her ear, "He does not deserve your grace."
Oakleigh climbed off his lap. "He didn't deserve to be murdered."
Bucky sized her up, studying her movements. This was all about so much more than what was on the surface. More than Kenny and Ozwald, Larson and Loki.
"Why are you so upset?"
"I'm not." Oakleigh's face hardened. "I just done."
"Oakleigh."
She shook her head walking down the hall to their bedroom, she was just so done. Slipping into one of her long sleeves and a pair of shorts Oakleigh climbed into bed and pulled the covers over her head.
.
"Five days man."
"She's been through a hard couple of months Bucky, Spending a couple of days in bed isn't something to go nuclear over."
Bucky ignored Sam and waited for his friend's opinion. "Sam's right Buck. If Oakleig's not out of bed by the weekend then we'll start to worry. I isolated myself the first couple of
months after I woke up, and you went awall. This is her version of that."
"She isn't talking to me."
Steve grabbed onto his best friend's shoulders. "She will just give her time."
.
Bucky was on his knees in front of his wife a week later, his arms resting in front of him on the bed as he tried to catch her vacant eyes.
"Baby, Please? Talk to me." Same as the hour before he was met with no response. "I just want to help."
After sitting there for a few more minutes brushing the curls off the small part of her face he could actually see Bucky got up, kissed her head and headed out to meet Steve.
Hearing the door close Oakleigh whipped her cheeks that were stained with sticky tears. While her brain wasn't processing emotion her tear ducks sure seemed to be feeling something.
She had gotten up and showered a few days ago when Bucky had gone out, she figured she was probably due for another one. Not that she was doing anything other than lying in her bed. She smelled warm and her hair was flat and life sucked and she was going to get her ass up and shower before Bucky came back home. This place, Avengers training facility... It was their home, wasn't it?
Was this where she wanted her home to be, what she wanted for herself?
She had nothing but time to think about that question these last couple of days. What did she want? Bucky. She knew that, she married him and she loved him deeply and that hadn't changed. Something just was not right.
She was hurting him. She could see that. He spent hours lying with her, talking and trying to get her to share what was going on in her head only for her to ignore him. What kind of wife was she? Wives are supposed to support their husbands, make them feel good and get them off every once and a while, What was she doing? Hurting him. Always hurting him. Why does he even want her for?
She had seen the way some of the female trainees looked at him, maybe Bucky should be with one of them instead. It's not like he had much choice during the war, she was one of three people with tits and an ass to choose from in that camp. She had been a challenge and gave him something to chase after, a distraction from the war. And then
Hydra happened and she was the only ass and tits around again. If they were just existing out of the war, he wouldn't want this.
Why was she even still here? Maybe she should just bow out now, save him the inconvenience of breaking her heart once he's finally had enough of her moping. She needed to go away, stop hurting him. Bucky was so sweet and handsome and she was just her.
Deciding to skip on the shower Oakleigh grabbed a hoodie off the top of Bucky's laundry pile. Tears flooded her eyes as she inhaled his scent, mint, pine and soap. She grabbed a couple things, a few outfits, a hairbrush and a toothbrush and paste. A couple other essentials and made her way out of the apartment. She took the back stairs used for emergency exits in case of attack or fire.
She made her way into the backfield. Today was a Sunday so most of the trainees were inside working on strategy. She made her way to the edge of the property, now inside the tree line "Loki?"
The god appeared in front of her. "I've got to admit, you look terrible Darling."
"Take me away."
Loki frowned, looking at her unkempt appearance and red eyes. "Did the solder do something to you?"
"I don't belong here."
"I could not agree with you more. Shall we?" Loki held his hand out for her to take.
.
Bucky was in a fury. "You said to wait, that should would snap out of it. My fucking wife is missing!"
Steve tried to reason with him having shooed everyone out of Bucky's apartment to go start looking for Oakleigh. "She's not missing Buck. She left a note we know she left by choice."
"Yeah, my bedridden wife who hasn't said a word to me in over two weeks. Where would she go? I should have made her talk to me, I shouldn't have 'given her space' because this is that shit that always happens. We get through something and then more shit hits the fan, it's never even-keeled and I know that it's weighed on her and still, I let this happen."
"Calm down, freaking out isn't going to help you think rationally."
"My wife left me with nothing but "I don't fit. I'm sorry" on a sticky note and disappeared."
"She's been bracing and taking on new things since she's woken up. She hasn't had a moment to actually process anything. We all had to come to terms with our new reality. She loves you Buck, she'll come back."
"You haven't seen her! The blank way she's looked through me anytime I've tried to engage with her these last few weeks." Bucky grabbed his go bag. "She couldn't have more than a 2-hour head start on me, I'm finding her and I'm bringing her ass back here."
"We have a mission-"
"Screw the mission! Barton can go instead of me. I don't give a shit Steve. She thinks she doesn't fit with me, I failed her, but I'm going to fix it."
"She's depressed Bucky, I wouldn't take that note to heart." The blonde put his hand on his hips. "Give me some time to get things in order and I'll come with you."
"No. I'm doing this by myself." Bucky wasn't really pissed at Steve, but he was in the range of fire. "Call me if you hear from her."
"Keep in touch!" Steve yelled after him.
Bucky already had a list of places she could have gone. Back to her hometown, to her mom's grave, to the beach, to Germany where they spent most of their time together. The list went on, and he would check every last spot until he had Oakleigh back in his arms.
Because once he had her, she was never going to feel 'out of place' ever again, he was certain of that.
.
"Humans love the beach, right? Why waste the day away in bed." Loki questioned her from the foot of the bed Oakleigh crawled into four days prior. "If I knew you were going to stay inside I would have brought us to Alaska."
"Leave me alone, please." She muttered rolling out of bed.
"You called me, Darling." He went silent for a moment. "Your mother would be sad to see you like this. You're depressing me."
"Good thing she's dead."
Loki frowned, "What happened to you?"
"I joined the war efforts."
"Where you met the love of your life-"
"Where I feel in love with a man who now had options and was tortured and frozen only to be abandoned and woken up a century later to this. The same crap, what is the point of coming to the future that's still suffering."
"You are an attractive, valuable woman, why are you talking about yourself in such a dismissive manner? You said the soldier didn't harm you."
"He didn't do anything, he didn't have to. I know what people think of me, all I'm doing is disrupting what the Anevgers are trying to accomplish. Since I've been back, Steve and Bucky have put all their attention into me and finding the guys who hurt me when they should be going on missions and saving people."
"I think your sister and the captain would agree that you are equal if not more important. They are not the only agents in that facility, I am sure the missions have not stopped with your presence. I noticed you've taken your ring off."
"I don't deserve to wear it, I'm not a wife."
"You said 'I do' did you not? He said 'I do' and accepted making you a wife."
"It's more than just words, you have to act like a wife and all I'm able to do is lay around and make him miserable."
Loki followed Oakleigh around the room as she gathered things from her bag and headed into the bathroom for a shower.
"I think you must have a mental sickness because you are confusing reality with fiction."
"He'll be better now that I'm gone."
"He's been a mess acturally."
Oakleigh froze. "You went to see him, why?"
"He's been driving around on his bike since you left, looking for you."
Out of duty, because he promised to in his vows.
"He'll lose interest eventually once he realizes that I'm not good enough for him. Can you please leave so I can shower?"
Loki's eyebrows jumped but he granted her request, backing out of the doorway.
"Humans are pathetic." He said to himself.
"Soldier," Loki called out to the ex-assassin from the doorway of the motel room he had stopped at.
Bucky turned quickly raising his gun at the god. "What are you doing here?"
"I have come to give you this," Loki snapped his fingers and Oakleigh's ring floated across the space to him. "And to inform you that Oakleigh is with me."
Bucky's teeth protested as he clenched his jaw. "You have my Wife."
Oakleigh's ring felt unnatural in his hand, it should be on her finger not in his possession. It burned, the proof of how much he had failed her.
"She called to me from your home and asked to be taken away. She has been in a mood ever since, sleeping all day and wasting the sun and sand outside."
"Take me to her."
"I'm not going to do that, I just thought you should know that she was being looked after so you can stop this little road trip and return home to do something useful. You will not find her."
"If you touch her-"
"Let me stop you there, I have no sexual interest in the girl. I am merely doing for her what I couldn't do for her mother, protecting her from herself." Loki flicked his eyes toward the gun still pointed at him. "Are you going to shoot me?"
"Thinking about it," Bucky growled.
"I should advise that it will do nothing to me but will attract the attention of the couple on the picnic bench outside, who may just call the authorities."
"O ran away from me and called you." Bucky couldn't believe it.
"She is trying to outrun herself." Bucky frowned. "We can be our own worst enemy, and she is definitely fighting an internal war."
"She tell you to give this to me?" He held up her ring.
"No, she took it off last night. Said she didn't deserve to wear it."
Bucky's jaw clenched, well if that didn't shatter his heart into thousands of tiny pieces. What the hell was this? These last four days all Bucky had been able to do was comb through his mind to try and pull forward any way he could have made Oakleigh feel displaced and unloved by him.
When Steve had called him yesterday, he tried to remind Bucky that Oakleigh wasn't thinking with a rational mind. She was upset and down on herself and it was manifesting into other things. Which made Bucky more concerned, if Oakleigh wasn't thinking rationally, there was no telling what she could be doing.
Clearly, she was struggling, she called Loki for god sake.
"Where. is. she?
"Your devotion to her is more than her mother could have asked for. I will watch over Oakleigh until she is ready to come back, at which time I will return her to you if that is what she chooses."
Bucky wanted to see the bullet go right between Loki's eyes. Before he could beat Oakleigh's location out of him, or beg on his knees, which Bucky was not above, Loki vanished.
"Fuck!" Bucky picked up the closest thing to him, a pillow and launched it across the small room.
Taking his dog tags off, Bucky opened the links and slid Oakleigh's ring onto it. It would hang near his heart until he could slide it back onto her finger.
Tears of frustration and hurt blurred his vision. All Bucky wanted was to hold Oakleigh in his arms and tell her how much he loved and needed her. How he would help her get through this, and that they would be ok. That she would be ok. The ache in his chest was uncomfortable and instead of staying for the night, Bucky got on his bike and got the hell out of there.
Loki said they were near a beach, which narrowed down his search. Oakleigh could take as much time as she needed to be upset, but she was going to do it at home, with him.
.
"I'm only back for my part of the trials," Bucky told Steve as he met him outside the compound. "I'm leaving again in two days."
Oakleigh had been gone twenty days now, and still no sign of her or Loki.
"How are you holding up?"
Bucky shook his head, not fucking well is how he was holding up.
"Oakleigh is a key witness to the trial, how much trouble is she in if she isn't here to give her testimony."
Steve cleared his throat and pursed his lips, "She called, the day after the trial was announced. Recounted her part in everything, what she saw to Tony. He recorded the call and is going to insist this is all the judge will need from her. He's going to push the mental health angle if he has to. O's not going to get in any trouble."
"She called. Did she sound okay, did she say anything else?"
Steve felt so bad for his friends. Oakleigh was struggling with everything she had been through and Bucky was hurting without her.
"She asked after you. I guess Loki told her he visited you. She said to tell you she wasn't on earth, that you should be home with us, helping people."
Bucky's eyes shut, she wasn't even on the goddamn planet. God he wanted to fucking hit something.
"She say anything about how she was doing?"
"Tony said she was very matter of fact, that she was probably disassociating."
"The hell do I do here Steve?"
"You focus on work and catch up on some sleep, and when O comes back, Nat will take your spot on the next couple of missions. You be there for her and let her know how much we love her, how much you love her. Just listen and you two will figure this out. This is the 'marriage is work' part of marriage everyone used to talk about."
"I want that, to do the work. Not living apart, not whatever the hell this has been. I don't care if she wants to cuddle in bed the rest of our lives I just want her here man."
"I know you do Buck." Steve clutched his shoulder, giving a comforting squeeze, "Let's get inside, Pepper had a stew cooking all morning."
.
A month away on a planet that wasn't her own. Oakleigh switched from her bed to the window overlooking the beach. Then sitting in the snd starring at the ocean breathing in the cleaning breeze. Then swimming in the mornings at dawn and seeing a 'mind healer' in the evenings. She used her abilities on Oakleigh's mind to help her effectively relieve her trauma. Leaving her exhausted and numb, until it didn't.
Feeling rejuvenated and more intact than she had in weeks. Now the guilt was starting to set in. She had left while Bucky was out, slipping away with nothing but a note, not communication. When she looked down at her naked ring finger Oakligh couldn't help but thinking, Ungrateful, undeserving, harmful.
She didn't deserve to be Bucky's wife. He must hate her by now, maybe even started looking toward the female trainees on s sight. He deserved someone like that, strong, someone to fight alongside and save people together. Someone to love him without hangups getting their way.
Loki interrupted her thoughts. "You know you don't have to go Darling."
"I've tortured him enough, I need to get back."
"Where would you like me to deliver you to?"
"You can't get in the compound, you can drop me at the fence where you picked me up."
The sun warmed her face, the sounds of training dull in her ears. Opening her eyes she saw trainees across the field. Slipping back through the fence and toward the back door of the compound.
She heard Steves's voice before she saw him, blond hair a little grown out past his ears. He looked handsome with his grown-out facial hair. Then she froze and stopped walking altogether because on the mats several feet in front of Steve was Bucky. He held his hand down, a slim hand fit into his and he pulled her up. The woman's body rocked into his before dropped her hand and turned toward the group to give feedback.
The blonde stared him him, smiling softly, nodding as she listened to his voice. Bucky looked back into her eyes as he spoke, before looking to Steve.
Oakleigh took a stuttered breath, this had been what she wanted. Bucky to meet someone simple, beautiful, not helpless. She watched as he and the blonde faced off again, their hands handing on each other's bodies, it really was like a dance.
Looking away, Oakleigh rushed inside. She didn't want to risk them seeing her and interrupting their practice. They would know she was there soon enough.
Exactly 12 minutes to be exact. Bucky came around the corner first, and half a second later Steve and Sam did.
"About time you showered up, I was beginning to forget what that gorgeous face looked like." Sam smiled.
Bucky stalked toward her hands cradling either side of her head. Oakleigh hands automatically came up to his waist, closing her eyes at the feeling of his warmth. Bucky's wide blue eyes watched her, dropping his lips to her forehead he inhaled deeply.
"I missed you." She told him quietly.
Bucky nodded against her head, he had missed her more than anything, this last month had been hell. Now that she was back, they needed to have a talk but all he wanted to do right now was hold her tight and never let her slip through his fingers again.
Taking a deep breath of her own Oakleigh pulled back slightly. Bucky's hands dropped to her waist flexing against her hips.
"Steve." She smiled at her friend who always had the biggest and brightest smiles for her.
Bucky's hands slipped off her when she stepped forward to hug their friend.
"Hi." He muttered pulling her into him, "Are you back?"
She nodded against him, feeling Steve relax, giving her one more squeeze before stepping back. Oakleigh looked like being away did her some good. Her eyes were brighter, skin pinker. Steve could even see the changes in Bucky from just an hour ago. His eyes tracked Oakleigh and he reached out for her the second she was freed from their hug. He had missed her more than he could probably express.
"How'd you know where to find me? I've only been here for a couple minutes."
"Tony sent an alert out to our phones when FRIDAY saw you coming in," Steve told her.
Oakleigh nodded, "I'm just going to go talk to Peper, Friday said she was in her office. You guys should get back to training, looking like a big group out there."
Bucky frowned and reached out to touch her arm, "O,-"
"Sam and I will finish our training, you two should appreciate the alone time before Natasha finds out you are back."
"Thanks, Steve." Bucky nodded to his best friend.
"You should go with them. It looked like you were making good progress out there."
Bucky frowned, she had seen them outside and did not come up to them.
"You've been gone for a month O, They don't need me at training."
Oakleigh dropped her eyes, looking at his chin instead of those gorgeous eyes. She wanted to melt into him, but something was stopping her from doing it. This little voice in the back of her head telling her she was not good enough. That he deserved better.
"How's the training going?"
Bucky shook his head and started leading her toward the elevator.
"No, no. We are not going to pretend the last month and a half didn't happen, we can't. We tried that before and it led to you leaving the planet."
"I didn't know Loki took me off earth until last week," Oakleigh muttered in way of an apology or explanation.
Bucky opened the door to their apartment and brought her inside, closing and locking the door.
"I don't care- Well, I do care about that. But, no, O." Bucky stepped toward her, hands coming up to cup the backs of her biceps, "Oakleigh, I care that you were struggling and felt like you couldn't lean on me."
Oakleigh swallowed roughly, seeing the hurt in his blue eyes was so much worse than she anticipated. He was hurting because of her.
"I'm sorry."
Bucky frowned holding her tighter, but not hurting her, never hurting her.
"Doll, I don't want an apology. I want you to be ok, to talk to me, explain how we got to you leaving."
Oakleigh shrugged, She knew Bucky was trying to hold her gaze, but she only could make contact for a second before looking back down at his collarbones.
"I'm sorry I hurt you, I didn't want to- I. Loki, He knew my mom. I don't know why I called for him, I just did. I didn't know how to fix it?"
"Fix what?" He asked softly.
"Me."
She stepped away from him, Bucky was too shocked by her comment to follow, at first. He took her hand and brought her to the couch, pulling her down to sit with him.
"You do not need fixing. Sweetheart, I found you less than 8 months ago. And that whole time has been one bad situation after another. You haven't had time to really sit with it, and once you had the downtime it hit you, and threw you off balance. That does not mean you need to be fixed."
Bucky reached into his shirt to pull out her dog tags and her wedding ring. He unclasped it and pulled the delicate material off, he watched her forehead wrinkle up as he handed it to her. Saw the hesitation as she took a minute to accept it from him.
"Loki gave this to me. He also said you felt like you didn't deserve to wear it."
"Because I don't." She told him, putting it down on the coffee table.
Bucky's heart felt like it was shattering in his chest, "Why do you think that?"
Oakleigh leaned back, crossing her legs under her on the couch. Bucky watched her fidget with her fingers.
"Just because we are familiar, we don't have to be married to still be in each other's lives. Being friends isn't a bad thing. Maybe we worked in the 1930s because it was the 30's. It's not the 30's anymore, there are options and things are different. You should be happy, and you haven't been-"
"You want to be friends?" Bucky stood up from the couch, his heart slamming into his rib cage. He tried to push his heartache aside and stay logical.
"I just want you to think about things, your options," Oakleigh muttered, looking down into her lap.
"I think it's been less than eight months since you woke up and it would be crazy if you were not struggling, especially with all the crap we've been dealing with. I think you've put a lot of unnecessary pressure on yourself. I think that you make me happy and that a few bumps in the road didn't change that. I love you, I think you know that, and you love me too."
"I do." She didn't want him to think she did not.
"Good." Bucky huffed, bending down he picked up her ring and rejoined her on the couch. "I think it's time you put this back on."
Oakleigh watched Bucky raise his hand between them, waiting to feel the weight of hers on his. Much like he had done during their wedding. She gave her left hand to him, watching the ring slide back onto her finger. He raised their joined hands and kissed her knuckles.
"We need to keep talking, O. There is more that needs to be resolved, but I've waited weeks to have you back and all I want to do right now is spend time with you and hear what you've been doing this last month."
Oakleigh nodded, Bucky was a talker, she knew they would have to talk things over, but she was happy he seemed content with what they had covered these last couple minutes.
"Not much to tell, I'm sure a lot more happened with you guys here." Bucky kept hold of her hand and waited for her to continue. "I mainly sat on the beach the last two weeks. Loki invited a mind healer over once I'd ventured outside my room. She was nice, walked me through things in my mind. I know anytime someone messed with your brain it was traumatic, but she really eased me in and helped me work through things."
Bucky clenched his jaw but kept his face as blank as he could. He did not like the idea of someone Loki knows messing around in Oakleigh's brain. But if it helped her decide to come back home to him and helped her sort through a few things, he was not going to make a stink about it.
"She helped calm me during the hard stuff, let me see things factually because I was able to remove myself and think logically and not living in the emotions. I knew it was selfish to be away, especially leaving the way I did. I am sorry for just leaving, I didn't do it to hurt anybody. So once I was feeling better I had Loki bring me back. I am happy I missed the trial thought."
Bucky nodded, "There was a lot of media there, I'm happy you missed it too. I hate to think of you having to deal with that."
"What else happened here?"
"With the trial we have had to be available, meaning no long missions. Steve, Sam and I have been spending most of our time training the recruits."
Oakleigh felt her chest tighten, "Any potential?"
"Yea, A couple of really good candidates, some further ahead than the rest, but we'll get them into shape."
"I'm sure you will." Oakleigh didn't mean to sound as sad as she had, "Do we have anything here to make waffles?"
Bucky nodded, "I think there are even some frozen blueberries in the freezer."
Oakleigh got up off the couch, "Hey, Wait."
Bucky was standing a breath's distance from her when she turned around. Looking up into his eyes she waited patiently.
"Promise me you will talk to me, not take off if you're feeling off balance. I don't want to ever come back to find you gone or worry that if I leave for a mission you won't be here when I get back."
Oakleigh wanted to cry, she felt so guilty. "I won't."
Bucky pulled her into a hug, kissing her forehead. His lips lingered for a solid five seconds, wanting to soak in the warmth of her hug.
"Let's go make those waffles."
Their door opened and Natasha poked her head in, "She's all yours tonight Barnes, but O, I expect you see you down in the garage tomorrow morning at eight, we're going out for breakfast, no husbands allowed!"