Be Honest
It had been 2 weeks since they left Instrumentality. As expected, most of humankind had returned, though many had yet to join. Along the seashores stood Shinji and Asuka, constantly going back to where they had woken up, waiting for any familiar face to join.
Since their awakening, there hadn't been much talk between each other. Whether it be due to what happened back then or a fear of communication, it was unknown between them. It was frustrating and eating them inside, they had seen everything about each other. The good, the bad, and their twisted fantasies.
Even now, some things haven't changed. Asuka was still in her plug suit, and Shinji still kept wearing his school uniform despite the place being under construction for a year or two. In their minds, one word was said.
'Nothing has changed…'
"Do you still want to stay here? This is the third week we've been here." Asuka said, finally breaking the long silence between the two of them.
"Yeah, they'll join us eventually. You took a long time to join here as well." Shinji told her, not once moving his gaze away from the sea.
"Hmph, about time I heard that stupid voice of yours." she smiled and moved closer to the sea shore, it was hot today, and she wanted to at least freshen up her feet. To finally hear the sea. It was ironic when they had finally let go of each other back then, they had realized they were at the beach in Okinawa. The same place they couldn't go to back then. 'It had to be her.' Asuka thought to herself.
Shinji sighed, "Everything that happened. And you can't stop calling me stupid."
"And you still refuse to open up to me," she responded, a feeling of deja vu came over here. It had been just like there. But this time, Shinji wasn't sitting in a chair and Rei wasn't behind her, showing her the lies behind her own words.
'No one will love you if you don't open up!' She had told him. With Rei appearing behind her.
'Just like you.' Rei had simply told her. She hated her for that, for spitting in her face with the truth.
Shinji looked on his right, a frown on his face as he responded back to Asuka, "Not like you make it any easier Asuka. And what more is there for me to say?" he looked away from her and continued, "You've seen everything."
'From back then.' he finished in his mind.
Now it was Asuka's turn to sigh, "Is this how us two will always be?" she stepped away from the sea and walked in front of Shinji, now they were face to face with each other, eye-to-eye. "Aren't you tired of it? Us bickering, pushing each other away, again and again." raising her left arm, she caressed his cheek once more, just like then. The simple touch of affection from her calmed him down, he didn't want to admit it to her or himself, but this simple touch meant too much for him. A form of affection that no one had given him in so long.
"I am…but you can't expect me to stop this bickering alone, Asuka. I need you as well." He told her and then gently held her hand. "You know as well as I that we can't push this bickering away by simply ignoring each other or not agreeing."
"You've been doing the same thing as well." She simply said, frowning at his words."
"I haven't-"
"Run away?" Asuka cut him off, then lowered her hand. "No Shinji, you have been running away again."
"So have you."
"At least I admit it!" Asuka shouted, surprising both of them for a moment.
"Ugh! Here we are again, always in a disagreement." She scoffed and kicked at the sand. "I'm not running from this, not running from that, not being honest for this and that. This is what's wrong with us Shinji, don't you see it?!"
"Yes, I do see it Asuka. I'm not blind but-"
"But what?"
"But are you saying this to me only, or yourself as well," he said in a gentle voice, shocking her in the process.
She lowered her head and looked at her feet, the irony didn't lose her. Right now she looked and behaved exactly as he would, and he is acting like she would. But she wasn't stupid, she knew that this was the time for one of them to be honest, in this case, for her to be honest.
"You're right." She said, with Shinji looked at her in shock. "You're right Shinji, I said that to myself as well. Because for once, I am afraid of losing someone who I'm close with."
"Asuka…"
Taking a deep breath, Asuka decided to do something she should have done during the time they fought against the angels, something that could have saved so much pain between her and Shinji…maybe Rei as well.
"I admit it, I admit I'm running away from pain again." She started and then hugged herself while slowly walking forward, gesturing at Shinji to follow her. "Back when I first met you, to me you looked like a loser, some lucky boy whose Eva malfunctioned and saved him."
"But as time went by, as I spent more time alongside you and the first, I saw the potential you had as an Eva pilot. And at the same time, I saw so many similarities between each other, similarities with for most you had found a way to overcome, while I still struggled with those."
Shinji now caught up with her, so that he could be side by side with Asuka during their walk. "And what was it that I had overcome?" he asked her.
"The fear of showing kindness to others." She finally admitted to him, feeling so much lighter with those words, she continued explaining. This time with a smile.
"You had this power to always talk with others and still befriend them or make them like you in some way, it was like that for the stooges and Misato. Something I struggled with until Hikari showed up."
"I hated how you were surrounded by so many people who loved you, and yet you acted like they didn't love you. Misato, Rei, Toji, Kensuke, all of them showed you genuine love, but you felt like they were mocking you. Just like-"
"Just like you." He finished her words and Asuka nodded. "I was that way for the exact reason as you Asuka, I felt like their love was fake like they'd throw me away the moment I stopped being the timid boy."
Now it was his time, to be honest, he didn't want to ruin this opportunity. "I was so focused on wanting to hear some words from my father, that I decided to push the others away or hate them. Like I hated seeing father being close with Rei." At that moment he remembered when he was inside Unit-01 back at NERV, from the camera he would see Rei and his father smiling at each other, having a conversation like a father and a child. Something Gendo had never done to him.
"I know that feeling," She said, " I was like that as well with others. When Mama died, the only person I had left was my dad. And yet, he paid more attention to my adopted sister. Something my stepmother criticized him for."
'You need to stop ignoring Asuka.' She remembered hearing her say to her father. 'She's your daughter you know.'
'I know that, but I can't. Sh-she scares me, have you seen how she talks? How she acts?' Those were the words of what had hurt her so much as a child. The very same event that had her repeating in her mind to never cry.
"Huh, we are so messed up aren't we Asuka." he smiled at her, then felt her hand holding his.
"We are, maybe that's why only we can understand each other the best." The two of them stopped and looked at each other, then they looked at the sea. The sun was slowly descending, as it shined a bright red color.
"This is the first time I enjoyed this view," Asuka admitted to him.
"And there is no Eva coming at us this time." Shinji joked but couldn't help but smile.
Once more, nobody they knew had come from the sea. But unlike other times, this one had been special for each other.
"We should do this more often, Shinji. It feels nice." Asuka said and started to push him away from the beach.
"Yeah, and maybe we can start a new life now," Shinji said to her and saw Asuka climbing over some rocks.
"Then let's do it now. Hi, my name is Asuka." she fixed her hair and smiled brightly, this time without a mask hiding her pain. "Asuka Langley Soryu."
"My name is Shinji." he told her and couldn't help but blush, "Shinji Ikari."
"Well Shinji, It's an honor to have this date with you." Those lines made them both blush but their smiles never left their face.
A new bond was now reforming between the two, as they walked away from the beach hand to hand. An AT-Field had finally been torn from each other and this time it wasn't due to instrumentality, this time it was from understanding. And maybe, as time goes on, there will no longer be a wall between them.
Then they can finally, learn to love.
The end.